Wife will not plan....and does not want to deal with the consiquences

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't "have flexibility" any more than you do. SAHM is a full-time job; WOHD is a full-time job. You have home life responsibilities: BOTH of you.

If I considered it my husband's "job" to file the taxes for both of us, and that didn't get done, do you think I have no responsibility to file the damn taxes?

If she's not getting the vacation plans done, and clearly she's not, you take on the task. You don't get to delegate as if you have no responsibility here.

Sorry, but no, it's not.

--- A SAHM

I love how this thread is about OP's wife dropping the ball and he's the one being lectured. It's so biased it's just laughable.

[Anonymous]

OP—you could have booked this for YOUR family in the time it took you to write all this out/fret about it etc. Just take care of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a cultural difference by chance? An economic difference growing up - maybe everything was done for her growing up so she is clueless on logistics (and consequences) and decision making now that she is an adult.

This is definitely the case. She was really surprised when the 600 mile trip would cost 1K at the last minute...

Then say you’re sorry she was caught out on this one, but this is one of the reasons you tried to get her to do it 3 weeks ago. And then, like a teenager, let her suffer the logical consequences of her decision and priorities. Next time, I hope you’ll be willing to schedule it in advance. Even keel, as dispassionate as possible on your end. After the trip say things like “it was great to see DC perform, but I would have enjoyed it even more with you there.” You wanted her to come, she chose not to, you’re a grown up and can deal with that, but would have preferred to do it together.

No way you should stay home. That’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

My DH has many wonderful qualities but also absolutely sucks at advance travel planning. And then gets gouged the way your DW would have. After playing chicken a couple times about this and getting frustrated with the outcome, I just decided to do it myself. It’s a lot better that way. There are things I suck at, too. Dealing with anything school related for the kids, for example. So he handles that and it roughly evens out.

[Anonymous]

You snooze, you lose.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you make the reservations? Just let her know you are going to go ahead and book travel and if she has any objection to let you know by X otherwise it’s done. Why are you making her do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you make the reservations? Just let her know you are going to go ahead and book travel and if she has any objection to let you know by X otherwise it’s done. Why are you making her do it?

This is a good idea. Say, here are the flights/plans, I’m booking tomorrow let me know if you have any issues with it. Then if she complains you can say you have her plenty of time to object to the plan before you booked it. If the bigger issue is the complaining when/if you make the plans, that might be a common venting/complaining issue where she thinks she’s just letting off steam and you think she’s criticizing you (for making the plans). Maybe she can see that and stop. But if she’s not willing to be introspective about it and consider changing then you just have to decide what you can live with and what you can’t. It does take away from the closeness of the relationship not to be able to solve problems like this so that the relationship works relatively well for both of you. Some PPs have described ways that have worked in their relationship. But if she’s just unhappy either way/all the time, well, it’s probably not just about this one thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP—you could have booked this for YOUR family in the time it took you to write all this out/fret about it etc. Just take care of it.

Lol you guys are nuts!

In this thread we have a middle-aged woman who is so slovenly about getting to *her own child's event* that she can't book airfare until it's $2k instead of $500 and somehow OP is in the wrong.

"She's a SAHM so I bet she takes care of the appointments and events"....unless they're the ones she forgets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't "have flexibility" any more than you do. SAHM is a full-time job; WOHD is a full-time job. You have home life responsibilities: BOTH of you.

If I considered it my husband's "job" to file the taxes for both of us, and that didn't get done, do you think I have no responsibility to file the damn taxes?

If she's not getting the vacation plans done, and clearly she's not, you take on the task. You don't get to delegate as if you have no responsibility here.

Uh. Not true.

I'm a SAHM and I have ultimate flexibility. Much more more than my DH. You can't even compare the two of us. Today I already went to Costco, went grocery shopping, threw in laundry from the weekend (since neither of us "work" on the weekends), scheduled 2 drs appointments, and am about to work out. After that I will start prepping dinner at 330, so we will have an easy night.

It is my job to handle the home and his job to make the money. I've already booked our spring break trip, booked our Christmas trip months ago. All my DH has to do it coach our kids sports and come home and be mentally present with the family.

Not hard. Ops wife is just LAZY and doesn't treat her JOB as a SAHM as a JOB.

[Anonymous]

Responses here are pretty ridiculous. She needs to get her stuff together and either book or at least weigh in so OP can book. She is the one with more time. This seems so straightforward in the general sense.

My only caveat is that sometimes there is The One task that people just have a hard time doing (for me its oil changes in the car for whatever reason - I will just let it linger for way too long). In that case, DH takes it on. However a whole category of tasks shouldn't be that thing. Just do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you make the reservations? Just let her know you are going to go ahead and book travel and if she has any objection to let you know by X otherwise it’s done. Why are you making her do it?

Multiply this by 10x a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you make the reservations? Just let her know you are going to go ahead and book travel and if she has any objection to let you know by X otherwise it’s done. Why are you making her do it?

Multiply this by 10x a day.

He already addressed this. If he books it, she’s equally unhappy. Read the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP—you could have booked this for YOUR family in the time it took you to write all this out/fret about it etc. Just take care of it.

Lol you guys are nuts!

In this thread we have a middle-aged woman who is so slovenly about getting to *her own child's event* that she can't book airfare until it's $2k instead of $500 and somehow OP is in the wrong.

"She's a SAHM so I bet she takes care of the appointments and events"....unless they're the ones she forgets

He’s not in the wrong but she’s not going to change so it’s time to face and accept reality. Even with all the time in the world, she won’t get it done. That’s just the way it goes. The solution is simple, particularly if your kids are involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't "have flexibility" any more than you do. SAHM is a full-time job; WOHD is a full-time job. You have home life responsibilities: BOTH of you.

If I considered it my husband's "job" to file the taxes for both of us, and that didn't get done, do you think I have no responsibility to file the damn taxes?

If she's not getting the vacation plans done, and clearly she's not, you take on the task. You don't get to delegate as if you have no responsibility here.

No her "job" is not the same as his. And the main task in her job is to manage logistics for things like what the OP is complaining about. If this was a real job, and she just "forgot" to book an important work trip she would be fired. SAHMs want whine about how this is a real job but don't want to take on the pressure of actually doing what is required in this job.
OP she may have ADD. Has she ever been tested? I dated a guy just like this and we talked about getting married but I really needed to be with a grown up. Now happily married to one and its a world of difference.