Wife will not plan....and does not want to deal with the consiquences

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW likes to live life where you do not plan for next month until you have planned next weekend. For little things, I kind of get it, but for big things, life does not work this way. We have had huge blowups over vacation planning (DW is a SAHM, so has flexibility; I am more limited). She does not want to talk about vacation planning when it needs to happen for big trips (e.g., popular destinations sell out).

The latest involves something with our kid....a school event about 8 hours from here. I already had a business trip to that area, and I wanted to talk to DW about booking her trip ASAP. As we approached the date, I kept talking to her, but she would no do it. Now, the airfares are 4x what they were several weeks ago, and at a point where she can not afford it. Now, she wants me not to go (I will be in the same city). This is a once in a lifetime event for the the kids in the organization, but we will not see our kid during the thrip. I have suggested she should try to carpool with someone, but she has made no effort.

Well, if she stays home, at least the dog will have company.

"She" cannot afford it? Red flag. She is a SAHM, how can she afford anything? What is going on in your finances exactly? Maybe she doesn't want to spend the money to go at all.

I typed it wrong. We have merged finances for 20 years. WE can not afford it.

The purpose of going is not to attend to DD, but rather to watch the competition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW likes to live life where you do not plan for next month until you have planned next weekend. For little things, I kind of get it, but for big things, life does not work this way. We have had huge blowups over vacation planning (DW is a SAHM, so has flexibility; I am more limited). She does not want to talk about vacation planning when it needs to happen for big trips (e.g., popular destinations sell out).

The latest involves something with our kid....a school event about 8 hours from here. I already had a business trip to that area, and I wanted to talk to DW about booking her trip ASAP. As we approached the date, I kept talking to her, but she would no do it. Now, the airfares are 4x what they were several weeks ago, and at a point where she can not afford it. Now, she wants me not to go (I will be in the same city). This is a once in a lifetime event for the the kids in the organization, but we will not see our kid during the thrip. I have suggested she should try to carpool with someone, but she has made no effort.

Well, if she stays home, at least the dog will have company.

"She" cannot afford it? Red flag. She is a SAHM, how can she afford anything? What is going on in your finances exactly? Maybe she doesn't want to spend the money to go at all.

I typed it wrong. We have merged finances for 20 years. WE can not afford it.


The purpose of going is not to attend to DD, but rather to watch the competition.

Okay, OP. We know that your wife doesn’t plan. She avoids it. And she doesn’t work outside the home, and there are no small children to care for. She gets upset when you say you’re going to your school-age child’s tournament.
So what’s your question? I’ve re-read your post and can’t seem to find one.

[Anonymous]

In the odd occasion I travel with my husband for business, he books the tickets. He has his itinerary and a better idea of when an ideal time for me to be there is. I get a cab or Uber to wherever he is or he arranges for transport if it’s a place that’s not easily managed. We both work but he travels so often it’s more his area if knowledge than my own. It’s no biggie. And for more local stuff I make the arrangements

This sounds less about travel and more about relationship dynamics. Have you heard of the price of admission theory? There are things each of you do that might not be faves of the other. If (most) everything else works, you roll with it and realize it’s a quirk that you can live with as it’s something that is inherent to someone you love. They are worth more to you than an inability to plan. Yeah, that’s an annoying thing, but easily solved if you know ahead it’s not happening and just take it on. Maybe you load the toilet roll backwards and are imperfect some way as well? I’ve explained this poorly but hopefully the idea conveys.

Also if she is resistant to your going ahead and booking there’s a bigger conversation to be had. Depression, anxiety, something is causing weird stress for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t understand why the plans are made separately for each parent/spouse. Is this a work trip for OP that happens to coincide with DC’s activity in that city and he was suggesting DW plan to come along? Or did he make his own plans and not buy fur her too? My DH and I discuss trips and vacations but he usually buys the tickets for the whole family...

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t understand why the plans are made separately for each parent/spouse. Is this a work trip for OP that happens to coincide with DC’s activity in that city and he was suggesting DW plan to come along? Or did he make his own plans and not buy fur her too? My DH and I discuss trips and vacations but he usually buys the tickets for the whole family...

+1.

work trip is before the event -- DW needs to be home while I am out of town.

[Anonymous]

It sound like OP has a business trip to the same area so his travel would most likely be organised through work which meant he asked his wife to organise her travel which she didn't do.

Op I would go, have a great time, tell wife how great it was and how much you loved it. Perhaps next time she will organise it better. It's wrong of her to ask you not to go because she left it till last minute. If she misses out it's on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t understand why the plans are made separately for each parent/spouse. Is this a work trip for OP that happens to coincide with DC’s activity in that city and he was suggesting DW plan to come along? Or did he make his own plans and not buy fur her too? My DH and I discuss trips and vacations but he usually buys the tickets for the whole family...

+1.

work trip is before the event -- DW needs to be home while I am out of town.

You could still have booked at same time. This is silly.

[Anonymous]

OP—WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION? WHAT IS YOUR POONT IN POSTING?

[Anonymous]

Ask her why she didn't book it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW likes to live life where you do not plan for next month until you have planned next weekend. For little things, I kind of get it, but for big things, life does not work this way. We have had huge blowups over vacation planning (DW is a SAHM, so has flexibility; I am more limited). She does not want to talk about vacation planning when it needs to happen for big trips (e.g., popular destinations sell out).

The latest involves something with our kid....a school event about 8 hours from here. I already had a business trip to that area, and I wanted to talk to DW about booking her trip ASAP. As we approached the date, I kept talking to her, but she would no do it. Now, the airfares are 4x what they were several weeks ago, and at a point where she can not afford it. Now, she wants me not to go (I will be in the same city). This is a once in a lifetime event for the the kids in the organization, but we will not see our kid during the thrip. I have suggested she should try to carpool with someone, but she has made no effort.

Well, if she stays home, at least the dog will have company.

"She" cannot afford it? Red flag. She is a SAHM, how can she afford anything? What is going on in your finances exactly? Maybe she doesn't want to spend the money to go at all.

I typed it wrong. We have merged finances for 20 years. WE can not afford it.


The purpose of going is not to attend to DD, but rather to watch the competition.

Okay, OP. We know that your wife doesn’t plan. She avoids it. And she doesn’t work outside the home, and there are no small children to care for. She gets upset when you say you’re going to your school-age child’s tournament.
So what’s your question? I’ve re-read your post and can’t seem to find one.

OP is a frequent poster here, and this is his MO. Post some story of how victimized he is as a spouse that could be plausible except he take some it to some ridiculous extreme (here, that his wife doesn’t want him going to the kid’s event even though he’ll already be in the city). Not actually ask a question, refuse to respond to questions from others unless the reinforce his victimhood, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t understand why the plans are made separately for each parent/spouse. Is this a work trip for OP that happens to coincide with DC’s activity in that city and he was suggesting DW plan to come along? Or did he make his own plans and not buy fur her too? My DH and I discuss trips and vacations but he usually buys the tickets for the whole family...

+1.

work trip is before the event -- DW needs to be home while I am out of town.

I guess she doesn’t have so much flexibility after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t understand why the plans are made separately for each parent/spouse. Is this a work trip for OP that happens to coincide with DC’s activity in that city and he was suggesting DW plan to come along? Or did he make his own plans and not buy fur her too? My DH and I discuss trips and vacations but he usually buys the tickets for the whole family...

+1.

work trip is before the event -- DW needs to be home while I am out of town.

You could still have booked at same time. This is silly.

I agree.

If you go to the event, OP, what are you going to tell the other parents about why your wife isn’t there? I wonder if she is worried about people gossiping about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sound like OP has a business trip to the same area so his travel would most likely be organised through work which meant he asked his wife to organise her travel which she didn't do.

Op I would go, have a great time, tell wife how great it was and how much you loved it. Perhaps next time she will organise it better. It's wrong of her to ask you not to go because she left it till last minute. If she misses out it's on her.

It’s obnoxious of wife to tell you not to go if she can’t, but if you knew she’d want to go you should have just booked it for her. I don’t know why she didn’t do it, but this is a consistent pattern you’ve seen over time, you might as well just compensate for it and buy her ticket. Spouses do this for each other. It’s not that big of a deal. If it’s part of a larger pattern then yeah, look into depression or other MH explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I should have added, we have only the one child

Answer why your wife said you couldn’t go to event in the other city.

Sounds like she thinks she can hide this messed up situation from their child and friends if neither of them go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW likes to live life where you do not plan for next month until you have planned next weekend. For little things, I kind of get it, but for big things, life does not work this way. We have had huge blowups over vacation planning (DW is a SAHM, so has flexibility; I am more limited). She does not want to talk about vacation planning when it needs to happen for big trips (e.g., popular destinations sell out).

The latest involves something with our kid....a school event about 8 hours from here. I already had a business trip to that area, and I wanted to talk to DW about booking her trip ASAP. As we approached the date, I kept talking to her, but she would no do it. Now, the airfares are 4x what they were several weeks ago, and at a point where she can not afford it. Now, she wants me not to go (I will be in the same city). This is a once in a lifetime event for the the kids in the organization, but we will not see our kid during the thrip. I have suggested she should try to carpool with someone, but she has made no effort.

Well, if she stays home, at least the dog will have company.

"She" cannot afford it? Red flag. She is a SAHM, how can she afford anything? What is going on in your finances exactly? Maybe she doesn't want to spend the money to go at all.

I typed it wrong. We have merged finances for 20 years. WE can not afford it.


The purpose of going is not to attend to DD, but rather to watch the competition.

Okay, OP. We know that your wife doesn’t plan. She avoids it. And she doesn’t work outside the home, and there are no small children to care for. She gets upset when you say you’re going to your school-age child’s tournament.
So what’s your question? I’ve re-read your post and can’t seem to find one.

OP is a frequent poster here, and this is his MO. Post some story of how victimized he is as a spouse that could be plausible except he take some it to some ridiculous extreme (here, that his wife doesn’t want him going to the kid’s event even though he’ll already be in the city). Not actually ask a question, refuse to respond to questions from others unless the reinforce his victimhood, etc.

Got it. Thanks PP.