Tween not invited by friends to trick or treat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she only have one group of friends? She should have school friends, neighborhood friends, camp friends, friends from different after-school activities, etc.

And why can't she just say "Hey can I come?" to her school friends? Teach her not to stand on ceremony, and to expect the best. Maybe they just figured she'd want to do stuff in her own neighborhood.

Uh no, it's actually poor social skills to invite yourself along. Sometimes friends need breaks from eachother or they just prefer to keep things simple and go with neighbors.

Exactly. It is terrible advice to ask your kid to insert herself where she wasn't invited and to "expect the best." Tweens aren't excluding someone because they have the foresight to think she is doing something in her own neighborhood. We are hosting a halloween get together for our kids and certain friends but because all my kids got to invite friends, we can't invite everyone, so they picked kids to invite. From here, they will trick or treat. Them's the breaks. One kid asked my kid if she could come but she could not (my kid did not want her there) and it was very awkward for her. She tried to be polite and explained it away as a non hurtful excuse but the kid didn't get it and kept saying she didn't mind, etc. This isn't like a birthday party at home where I can say the more the merrier. We have finite space and are doing a quick dinner here before the kids go out.

So sad. My DD and her friends are all very inclusive. They CAN invite themselves along and it’s no big deal

+1 my ds is 11 and it is the same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she only have one group of friends? She should have school friends, neighborhood friends, camp friends, friends from different after-school activities, etc.

And why can't she just say "Hey can I come?" to her school friends? Teach her not to stand on ceremony, and to expect the best. Maybe they just figured she'd want to do stuff in her own neighborhood.

Uh no, it's actually poor social skills to invite yourself along. Sometimes friends need breaks from eachother or they just prefer to keep things simple and go with neighbors.

Exactly. It is terrible advice to ask your kid to insert herself where she wasn't invited and to "expect the best." Tweens aren't excluding someone because they have the foresight to think she is doing something in her own neighborhood. We are hosting a halloween get together for our kids and certain friends but because all my kids got to invite friends, we can't invite everyone, so they picked kids to invite. From here, they will trick or treat. Them's the breaks. One kid asked my kid if she could come but she could not (my kid did not want her there) and it was very awkward for her. She tried to be polite and explained it away as a non hurtful excuse but the kid didn't get it and kept saying she didn't mind, etc. This isn't like a birthday party at home where I can say the more the merrier. We have finite space and are doing a quick dinner here before the kids go out.

So sad. My DD and her friends are all very inclusive. They CAN invite themselves along and it’s no big deal

That’s life, though. A hard lesson but that’s the way it is. Not sad really, just disappointing. And your daughter is probably included and doesn’t have this issue. We are talking about something your kid was not included to. In the above, how many extra kids should be included? Do you invite everyone every time? I’ve learned to trust my kids if they don’t want someone there. In our cases, it’s been because the uninvited kid is bullying someone in the group, isn’t that nice (one used derogatory language about others), one lies, etc. I don’t push friendships even when they were there before. In any event, your kid leaning disappointment is part of life.

[Anonymous]

OP the weather is probably going to be bad anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP the weather is probably going to be bad anyway.

But most of those kids will still get together but stay in somewhere. It’s okay if they learn disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Op it stinks. From what you’re describing it sounds like there’s a pattern of exclusion and you should really encourage your daughter to branch out and make more friends. It doesn’t mean she can’t be friends with these girls it just means she needs more friends in different groups. My advice to you is as a parent you need to help her come up with a plan B very quickly and do something with her even if you have to take her out alone yourself but feel free to reach out to others I’m sure there are still kids that don’t have plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she only have one group of friends? She should have school friends, neighborhood friends, camp friends, friends from different after-school activities, etc.

And why can't she just say "Hey can I come?" to her school friends? Teach her not to stand on ceremony, and to expect the best. Maybe they just figured she'd want to do stuff in her own neighborhood.

Uh no, it's actually poor social skills to invite yourself along. Sometimes friends need breaks from eachother or they just prefer to keep things simple and go with neighbors.

Exactly. It is terrible advice to ask your kid to insert herself where she wasn't invited and to "expect the best." Tweens aren't excluding someone because they have the foresight to think she is doing something in her own neighborhood. We are hosting a halloween get together for our kids and certain friends but because all my kids got to invite friends, we can't invite everyone, so they picked kids to invite. From here, they will trick or treat. Them's the breaks. One kid asked my kid if she could come but she could not (my kid did not want her there) and it was very awkward for her. She tried to be polite and explained it away as a non hurtful excuse but the kid didn't get it and kept saying she didn't mind, etc. This isn't like a birthday party at home where I can say the more the merrier. We have finite space and are doing a quick dinner here before the kids go out.

So sad. My DD and her friends are all very inclusive. They CAN invite themselves along and it’s no big deal

That’s life, though. A hard lesson but that’s the way it is. Not sad really, just disappointing. And your daughter is probably included and doesn’t have this issue. We are talking about something your kid was not included to. In the above, how many extra kids should be included? Do you invite everyone every time? I’ve learned to trust my kids if they don’t want someone there. In our cases, it’s been because the uninvited kid is bullying someone in the group, isn’t that nice (one used derogatory language about others), one lies, etc. I don’t push friendships even when they were there before. In any event, your kid leaning disappointment is part of life.

Doesn't have to be a hard lesson if you have nice people around you. Its trick or treating, not a formal event. Luckily my kids' friends appear to be a bit more kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she only have one group of friends? She should have school friends, neighborhood friends, camp friends, friends from different after-school activities, etc.

And why can't she just say "Hey can I come?" to her school friends? Teach her not to stand on ceremony, and to expect the best. Maybe they just figured she'd want to do stuff in her own neighborhood.

Uh no, it's actually poor social skills to invite yourself along. Sometimes friends need breaks from eachother or they just prefer to keep things simple and go with neighbors.

Exactly. It is terrible advice to ask your kid to insert herself where she wasn't invited and to "expect the best." Tweens aren't excluding someone because they have the foresight to think she is doing something in her own neighborhood. We are hosting a halloween get together for our kids and certain friends but because all my kids got to invite friends, we can't invite everyone, so they picked kids to invite. From here, they will trick or treat. Them's the breaks. One kid asked my kid if she could come but she could not (my kid did not want her there) and it was very awkward for her. She tried to be polite and explained it away as a non hurtful excuse but the kid didn't get it and kept saying she didn't mind, etc. This isn't like a birthday party at home where I can say the more the merrier. We have finite space and are doing a quick dinner here before the kids go out.

So sad. My DD and her friends are all very inclusive. They CAN invite themselves along and it’s no big deal

That’s life, though. A hard lesson but that’s the way it is. Not sad really, just disappointing. And your daughter is probably included and doesn’t have this issue. We are talking about something your kid was not included to. In the above, how many extra kids should be included? Do you invite everyone every time? I’ve learned to trust my kids if they don’t want someone there. In our cases, it’s been because the uninvited kid is bullying someone in the group, isn’t that nice (one used derogatory language about others), one lies, etc. I don’t push friendships even when they were there before. In any event, your kid leaning disappointment is part of life.

Doesn't have to be a hard lesson if you have nice people around you. Its trick or treating, not a formal event. Luckily my kids' friends appear to be a bit more kind.

Your kid is invited to every other kid’s bday party, pool outing, movie, etc? You make it sound like it is cruel to exclude anyone. It’s life. This is just a blip. I know, I know, thank God your kid has “nice” friends. Should we include kids my kids have an issue with? Example- a kid my kid has been friendly with started changing in 7th grade. My kid is uncomfortable around her. She’s friendly still but doesn’t want her over. Should we include her?

[Anonymous]

My guess is that they probably just didn't think about inviting her. Think no further.

We were in that position when my DDs were young. I live in a very friendly trick or treat neighborhood. My friend did not. My family always did trick or treating with the kids on our street. It didn't Dawn on me to invite my out of neighborhood friend. I feel awful. I just didn't think.

[Anonymous]

When my kids would trick or treat in the neighborhood, they often picked up kids they kind of knew who were staying home with no plans. Often their group of 5 turned into a group of 12 by the end of the night!! It was awesome! I'm glad for a night my kid could include those who were only acquaintances.

I taught my kids to tell those add-on kids that they were glad they came along. Good feelings all around!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she only have one group of friends? She should have school friends, neighborhood friends, camp friends, friends from different after-school activities, etc.

And why can't she just say "Hey can I come?" to her school friends? Teach her not to stand on ceremony, and to expect the best. Maybe they just figured she'd want to do stuff in her own neighborhood.

Uh no, it's actually poor social skills to invite yourself along. Sometimes friends need breaks from eachother or they just prefer to keep things simple and go with neighbors.

Exactly. It is terrible advice to ask your kid to insert herself where she wasn't invited and to "expect the best." Tweens aren't excluding someone because they have the foresight to think she is doing something in her own neighborhood. We are hosting a halloween get together for our kids and certain friends but because all my kids got to invite friends, we can't invite everyone, so they picked kids to invite. From here, they will trick or treat. Them's the breaks. One kid asked my kid if she could come but she could not (my kid did not want her there) and it was very awkward for her. She tried to be polite and explained it away as a non hurtful excuse but the kid didn't get it and kept saying she didn't mind, etc. This isn't like a birthday party at home where I can say the more the merrier. We have finite space and are doing a quick dinner here before the kids go out.

So sad. My DD and her friends are all very inclusive. They CAN invite themselves along and it’s no big deal

That’s life, though. A hard lesson but that’s the way it is. Not sad really, just disappointing. And your daughter is probably included and doesn’t have this issue. We are talking about something your kid was not included to. In the above, how many extra kids should be included? Do you invite everyone every time? I’ve learned to trust my kids if they don’t want someone there. In our cases, it’s been because the uninvited kid is bullying someone in the group, isn’t that nice (one used derogatory language about others), one lies, etc. I don’t push friendships even when they were there before. In any event, your kid leaning disappointment is part of life.

Doesn't have to be a hard lesson if you have nice people around you. Its trick or treating, not a formal event. Luckily my kids' friends appear to be a bit more kind.

Your kid is invited to every other kid’s bday party, pool outing, movie, etc? You make it sound like it is cruel to exclude anyone. It’s life. This is just a blip. I know, I know, thank God your kid has “nice” friends. Should we include kids my kids have an issue with? Example- a kid my kid has been friendly with started changing in 7th grade. My kid is uncomfortable around her. She’s friendly still but doesn’t want her over. Should we include her?

Of course not, but "parties" and other formal events are not the same as trick or treating. But, you know that. I'm not sure why you need to formalize Halloween by engraving invitations to trick or treat. It should be open and always has been since I was a kid.

As for your example, it absolutely depends. Is your kid "uncomfortable" for a legit reason or is she just being sensitive (my kid can def be guilty of the latter)? If there is a harm there, of course not. If not, she has to learn how to be around people that she might otherwise not prefer. THAT is life. And if you're excluding someone bc your kid is sensitive, then, yes, that is not nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she only have one group of friends? She should have school friends, neighborhood friends, camp friends, friends from different after-school activities, etc.

And why can't she just say "Hey can I come?" to her school friends? Teach her not to stand on ceremony, and to expect the best. Maybe they just figured she'd want to do stuff in her own neighborhood.

Uh no, it's actually poor social skills to invite yourself along. Sometimes friends need breaks from eachother or they just prefer to keep things simple and go with neighbors.

Exactly. It is terrible advice to ask your kid to insert herself where she wasn't invited and to "expect the best." Tweens aren't excluding someone because they have the foresight to think she is doing something in her own neighborhood. We are hosting a halloween get together for our kids and certain friends but because all my kids got to invite friends, we can't invite everyone, so they picked kids to invite. From here, they will trick or treat. Them's the breaks. One kid asked my kid if she could come but she could not (my kid did not want her there) and it was very awkward for her. She tried to be polite and explained it away as a non hurtful excuse but the kid didn't get it and kept saying she didn't mind, etc. This isn't like a birthday party at home where I can say the more the merrier. We have finite space and are doing a quick dinner here before the kids go out.

So sad. My DD and her friends are all very inclusive. They CAN invite themselves along and it’s no big deal

That’s life, though. A hard lesson but that’s the way it is. Not sad really, just disappointing. And your daughter is probably included and doesn’t have this issue. We are talking about something your kid was not included to. In the above, how many extra kids should be included? Do you invite everyone every time? I’ve learned to trust my kids if they don’t want someone there. In our cases, it’s been because the uninvited kid is bullying someone in the group, isn’t that nice (one used derogatory language about others), one lies, etc. I don’t push friendships even when they were there before. In any event, your kid leaning disappointment is part of life.

There was one year when DD somehow didn't have any Halloween plans. I was saying "Well, what's Lily doing? What's Kira doing?" and finally she reached out to one friend and said, "Hey, can I go trick or treating with you?" and the girl said of course and DD made two new friends. To this day we refer to it as "That time Yuki saved Halloween."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she only have one group of friends? She should have school friends, neighborhood friends, camp friends, friends from different after-school activities, etc.

And why can't she just say "Hey can I come?" to her school friends? Teach her not to stand on ceremony, and to expect the best. Maybe they just figured she'd want to do stuff in her own neighborhood.

Uh no, it's actually poor social skills to invite yourself along. Sometimes friends need breaks from eachother or they just prefer to keep things simple and go with neighbors.

Exactly. It is terrible advice to ask your kid to insert herself where she wasn't invited and to "expect the best." Tweens aren't excluding someone because they have the foresight to think she is doing something in her own neighborhood. We are hosting a halloween get together for our kids and certain friends but because all my kids got to invite friends, we can't invite everyone, so they picked kids to invite. From here, they will trick or treat. Them's the breaks. One kid asked my kid if she could come but she could not (my kid did not want her there) and it was very awkward for her. She tried to be polite and explained it away as a non hurtful excuse but the kid didn't get it and kept saying she didn't mind, etc. This isn't like a birthday party at home where I can say the more the merrier. We have finite space and are doing a quick dinner here before the kids go out.

So sad. My DD and her friends are all very inclusive. They CAN invite themselves along and it’s no big deal

That’s life, though. A hard lesson but that’s the way it is. Not sad really, just disappointing. And your daughter is probably included and doesn’t have this issue. We are talking about something your kid was not included to. In the above, how many extra kids should be included? Do you invite everyone every time? I’ve learned to trust my kids if they don’t want someone there. In our cases, it’s been because the uninvited kid is bullying someone in the group, isn’t that nice (one used derogatory language about others), one lies, etc. I don’t push friendships even when they were there before. In any event, your kid leaning disappointment is part of life.

Doesn't have to be a hard lesson if you have nice people around you. Its trick or treating, not a formal event. Luckily my kids' friends appear to be a bit more kind.

Your kid is invited to every other kid’s bday party, pool outing, movie, etc? You make it sound like it is cruel to exclude anyone. It’s life. This is just a blip. I know, I know, thank God your kid has “nice” friends. Should we include kids my kids have an issue with? Example- a kid my kid has been friendly with started changing in 7th grade. My kid is uncomfortable around her. She’s friendly still but doesn’t want her over. Should we include her?

You sound like a total bitch and sounds like you lack compassion and are teaching your daughter that. Sad for her. Curious are you in public or private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she only have one group of friends? She should have school friends, neighborhood friends, camp friends, friends from different after-school activities, etc.

And why can't she just say "Hey can I come?" to her school friends? Teach her not to stand on ceremony, and to expect the best. Maybe they just figured she'd want to do stuff in her own neighborhood.

Uh no, it's actually poor social skills to invite yourself along. Sometimes friends need breaks from eachother or they just prefer to keep things simple and go with neighbors.

Exactly. It is terrible advice to ask your kid to insert herself where she wasn't invited and to "expect the best." Tweens aren't excluding someone because they have the foresight to think she is doing something in her own neighborhood. We are hosting a halloween get together for our kids and certain friends but because all my kids got to invite friends, we can't invite everyone, so they picked kids to invite. From here, they will trick or treat. Them's the breaks. One kid asked my kid if she could come but she could not (my kid did not want her there) and it was very awkward for her. She tried to be polite and explained it away as a non hurtful excuse but the kid didn't get it and kept saying she didn't mind, etc. This isn't like a birthday party at home where I can say the more the merrier. We have finite space and are doing a quick dinner here before the kids go out.

So sad. My DD and her friends are all very inclusive. They CAN invite themselves along and it’s no big deal

That’s life, though. A hard lesson but that’s the way it is. Not sad really, just disappointing. And your daughter is probably included and doesn’t have this issue. We are talking about something your kid was not included to. In the above, how many extra kids should be included? Do you invite everyone every time? I’ve learned to trust my kids if they don’t want someone there. In our cases, it’s been because the uninvited kid is bullying someone in the group, isn’t that nice (one used derogatory language about others), one lies, etc. I don’t push friendships even when they were there before. In any event, your kid leaning disappointment is part of life.

Doesn't have to be a hard lesson if you have nice people around you. Its trick or treating, not a formal event. Luckily my kids' friends appear to be a bit more kind.

Your kid is invited to every other kid’s bday party, pool outing, movie, etc? You make it sound like it is cruel to exclude anyone. It’s life. This is just a blip. I know, I know, thank God your kid has “nice” friends. Should we include kids my kids have an issue with? Example- a kid my kid has been friendly with started changing in 7th grade. My kid is uncomfortable around her. She’s friendly still but doesn’t want her over. Should we include her?

You sound like a total bitch and sounds like you lack compassion and are teaching your daughter that. Sad for her. Curious are you in public or private?

I’m not teaching my kid any such thing. The last kid she stepped away from was vaping. They’d been friends forever. I trust my kid.

[Anonymous]

Are we not able to teach our kids a little self reliance? Disappointment handling is a trait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she only have one group of friends? She should have school friends, neighborhood friends, camp friends, friends from different after-school activities, etc.

And why can't she just say "Hey can I come?" to her school friends? Teach her not to stand on ceremony, and to expect the best. Maybe they just figured she'd want to do stuff in her own neighborhood.

Uh no, it's actually poor social skills to invite yourself along. Sometimes friends need breaks from eachother or they just prefer to keep things simple and go with neighbors.

Exactly. It is terrible advice to ask your kid to insert herself where she wasn't invited and to "expect the best." Tweens aren't excluding someone because they have the foresight to think she is doing something in her own neighborhood. We are hosting a halloween get together for our kids and certain friends but because all my kids got to invite friends, we can't invite everyone, so they picked kids to invite. From here, they will trick or treat. Them's the breaks. One kid asked my kid if she could come but she could not (my kid did not want her there) and it was very awkward for her. She tried to be polite and explained it away as a non hurtful excuse but the kid didn't get it and kept saying she didn't mind, etc. This isn't like a birthday party at home where I can say the more the merrier. We have finite space and are doing a quick dinner here before the kids go out.

You sound like a nightmare.
You're most definitely the clique mom.