Dating Divorced Older Men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot decide if PP and the guy she (?) is responding to have mad sexual tension or if she just likes to lecture

I think it's sexual tension mostly on her part! It's obviously been awhile!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OK, so, you remember the 1980s when there was no internet dating, and you had to approach women in person and ask them out? Did you not date back then? It's no different now. Except hey, you are now far more mature and experienced, and have experienced in-person rejection many times, so it is no big deal if the woman says "sorry, not interested".

Approaching women in public without seeming "creepy" is a skill that can be learned, and I suggest you learn it. Not hard, I promise!

I did date back then. I am also dating now and I found that, wait for it, it is 2019!!! And in the brave new world of online dating, women can approach (e.g., message, etc.) men. On Match.com, women often let me know they are interested which is, and should be, empowering.

It is no big deal when a woman tells a man she is not interested. The same holds true when men do not ask a woman out, even when she believes she is attractive, is very fit, etc. If you are woman who is not getting the number of dates you want you should to do something different in your social life. However, offering men advice on how they should approach women is not that "something".

If you, as a man, sit around and wait for women to approach you online, you will wait a long time, and the quality of the women who approach you will not be as high as if you met them in person.

What you need to change, most of all, is your mental state. You think approaching women in the "wrong" place like Safeway will lead to trouble. This is the kind of mentality that actually will lead to trouble (or at the very least, lack of success) for you, because women can smell the stink of your "I know she's going to think I'm creepy and reject me" anxious mentality a mile away. You should get yourself into a mental state such that you believe that you are a great guy and it's perfectly OK for you to approach women anywhere. This will even help you in your interactions with women whom you have met online.

It should not be a surprise to you that women are attracted to confidence. Sadly, it's obvious that you don't have it.

I am the fit 50-year old woman who suggested that men should feel free to approach women they like, preferably after having talked to them a few times to establish some rapport or connection, and ask them out IRL. I am not, however, the woman who is going back and forth with the man in the above-quoted post about how men can acquire the skills to ask out a woman IRL (or, who as the immediately previous poster joked has "some mad sexual tension"). We are two different women who are making similar points in our own manner, but rather differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my 50’s and divorced and I never would go up to a random stranger in a store etc and ask her out. I assume she would think I’m a creep or worse. If I had seen the woman multiple times and we were in the smile and say hi phase then I would. I really prefer meeting someone at some social situation that results in a conversation and then I might ask her out. I’m not a big fan of on line dating as more often then not it’s a let down.

OK, so, you remember the 1980s when there was no internet dating, and you had to approach women in person and ask them out? Did you not date back then? It's no different now. Except hey, you are now far more mature and experienced, and have experienced in-person rejection many times, so it is no big deal if the woman says "sorry, not interested".

Approaching women in public without seeming "creepy" is a skill that can be learned, and I suggest you learn it. Not hard, I promise!

Sure follow women around the gym and see how that works for you. Check out the playground while you're at it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OK, so, you remember the 1980s when there was no internet dating, and you had to approach women in person and ask them out? Did you not date back then? It's no different now. Except hey, you are now far more mature and experienced, and have experienced in-person rejection many times, so it is no big deal if the woman says "sorry, not interested".

Approaching women in public without seeming "creepy" is a skill that can be learned, and I suggest you learn it. Not hard, I promise!

I did date back then. I am also dating now and I found that, wait for it, it is 2019!!! And in the brave new world of online dating, women can approach (e.g., message, etc.) men. On Match.com, women often let me know they are interested which is, and should be, empowering.

It is no big deal when a woman tells a man she is not interested. The same holds true when men do not ask a woman out, even when she believes she is attractive, is very fit, etc. If you are woman who is not getting the number of dates you want you should to do something different in your social life. However, offering men advice on how they should approach women is not that "something".

Bingo, alter your own actions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OK, so, you remember the 1980s when there was no internet dating, and you had to approach women in person and ask them out? Did you not date back then? It's no different now. Except hey, you are now far more mature and experienced, and have experienced in-person rejection many times, so it is no big deal if the woman says "sorry, not interested".

Approaching women in public without seeming "creepy" is a skill that can be learned, and I suggest you learn it. Not hard, I promise!

I did date back then. I am also dating now and I found that, wait for it, it is 2019!!! And in the brave new world of online dating, women can approach (e.g., message, etc.) men. On Match.com, women often let me know they are interested which is, and should be, empowering.

It is no big deal when a woman tells a man she is not interested. The same holds true when men do not ask a woman out, even when she believes she is attractive, is very fit, etc. If you are woman who is not getting the number of dates you want you should to do something different in your social life. However, offering men advice on how they should approach women is not that "something".

If you, as a man, sit around and wait for women to approach you online, you will wait a long time, and the quality of the women who approach you will not be as high as if you met them in person.

What you need to change, most of all, is your mental state. You think approaching women in the "wrong" place like Safeway will lead to trouble. This is the kind of mentality that actually will lead to trouble (or at the very least, lack of success) for you, because women can smell the stink of your "I know she's going to think I'm creepy and reject me" anxious mentality a mile away. You should get yourself into a mental state such that you believe that you are a great guy and it's perfectly OK for you to approach women anywhere. This will even help you in your interactions with women whom you have met online.

It should not be a surprise to you that women are attracted to confidence. Sadly, it's obvious that you don't have it.

I am the fit 50-year old woman who suggested that men should feel free to approach women they like, preferably after having talked to them a few times to establish some rapport or connection, and ask them out IRL. I am not, however, the woman who is going back and forth with the man in the above-quoted post about how men can acquire the skills to ask out a woman IRL (or, who as the immediately previous poster joked has "some mad sexual tension"). We are two different women who are making similar points in our own manner, but rather differently.

You sound cray cray lady. How many times can you say you're 50 year old hot sh*t? No one is building a rapport in Safeway with you over days, weeks or months. Who shops there anyway? Ew, gross. Sounds like you should work on your own skills instead of trying to teach men how to approach you, at least pick a better grocery store.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OK, so, you remember the 1980s when there was no internet dating, and you had to approach women in person and ask them out? Did you not date back then? It's no different now. Except hey, you are now far more mature and experienced, and have experienced in-person rejection many times, so it is no big deal if the woman says "sorry, not interested".

Approaching women in public without seeming "creepy" is a skill that can be learned, and I suggest you learn it. Not hard, I promise!

I did date back then. I am also dating now and I found that, wait for it, it is 2019!!! And in the brave new world of online dating, women can approach (e.g., message, etc.) men. On Match.com, women often let me know they are interested which is, and should be, empowering.

It is no big deal when a woman tells a man she is not interested. The same holds true when men do not ask a woman out, even when she believes she is attractive, is very fit, etc. If you are woman who is not getting the number of dates you want you should to do something different in your social life. However, offering men advice on how they should approach women is not that "something".

If you, as a man, sit around and wait for women to approach you online, you will wait a long time, and the quality of the women who approach you will not be as high as if you met them in person.

What you need to change, most of all, is your mental state. You think approaching women in the "wrong" place like Safeway will lead to trouble. This is the kind of mentality that actually will lead to trouble (or at the very least, lack of success) for you, because women can smell the stink of your "I know she's going to think I'm creepy and reject me" anxious mentality a mile away. You should get yourself into a mental state such that you believe that you are a great guy and it's perfectly OK for you to approach women anywhere. This will even help you in your interactions with women whom you have met online.

It should not be a surprise to you that women are attracted to confidence. Sadly, it's obvious that you don't have it.

I am the fit 50-year old woman who suggested that men should feel free to approach women they like, preferably after having talked to them a few times to establish some rapport or connection, and ask them out IRL. I am not, however, the woman who is going back and forth with the man in the above-quoted post about how men can acquire the skills to ask out a woman IRL (or, who as the immediately previous poster joked has "some mad sexual tension"). We are two different women who are making similar points in our own manner, but rather differently.

You sound cray cray lady. How many times can you say you're 50 year old hot sh*t? No one is building a rapport in Safeway with you over days, weeks or months. Who shops there anyway? Ew, gross. Sounds like you should work on your own skills instead of trying to teach men how to approach you, at least pick a better grocery store.

The woman who posted about the Safeway is another woman. I grocery shop at the Giant. I have pointed out already that there are several women posting concurrently about men asking women out IRL. I am one of them, but not the one debating some of those points back and forth with a male poster.

[Anonymous]

^^^ For clarification, I am the woman who is asked on the regular if I take yoga (yes, I do), but I do not shop at Safeway, nor have I engaged in debating these points with the men on this thread. Those are other women posters, and by the way, I have enjoyed reading these posts and agree with many of the points on both sides.

[Anonymous]

If you, as a man, sit around and wait for women to approach you online, you will wait a long time, and the quality of the women who approach you will not be as high as if you met them in person.

In the previous post, I just told you that women approach me on Match.com quite often (weekly). Therefore, I am not waiting for anyone. You have no idea about the quality of women you approach me or anyone else online. However, from what you have posted, it is likely any one of them is of a much higher quality than you.

What you need to change, most of all, is your mental state. You think approaching women in the "wrong" place like Safeway will lead to trouble.

A different poster discussed approaching women in the wrong place. You need to read each post to ensure you respond to the correct one.

This is the kind of mentality that actually will lead to trouble (or at the very least, lack of success) for you, because women can smell the stink of your "I know she's going to think I'm creepy and reject me" anxious mentality a mile away.

Again, wrong poster. However, I doubt you are an expert in what type of "mental state" would lead to trouble. If you are qualified to provide opinions on a person's mental state, please tell us what these qualifications are.

You should get yourself into a mental state such that you believe that you are a great guy and it's perfectly OK for you to approach women anywhere. This will even help you in your interactions with women whom you have met online.

Again, you do not appear qualified to offer anyone advice on their mental state.

It should not be a surprise to you that women are attracted to confidence. Sadly, it's obvious that you don't have it.

You do not have any idea of how much confidence I have.

You cannot even discern one poster from another. Work (hard) on improving your reading skills before you offer any advice on dating. The poor quality of your posts makes it difficult to support anything you put in them.

[Anonymous]

I'm the 50 year old who said I had a decent sex drive but this thread was depressing. Can you even appreciate how inane this all sounds. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't date old men because there are plenty of younger men who are better in bed and a lot less trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't date old men because there are plenty of younger men who are better in bed and a lot less trouble.

Yeah but would the younger men date you? I dont care if "you are told you look young" "your fit" "you are still ___" If your drivers lic says you are 44/45+, why would a man 40 or so or younger date you? If a guy close to 40 has taken care of himself, looks good, has a decent job, half decent clothes and grooming habits he can date hot women in their 20's or 30's. You used "date" and "better in bed" in the same sentence. This is a conflicting statement at best would a man bang a woman near that age? of course.. Date a woman that age? Only if he is between women aka desperate. Sure if you are a smoking hot 38 year old you don't have to belly up to the AARP buffet table yet but that day is near.

[Anonymous]

The bitterness here really is depressing.

I remember as a 26 year-old man my 40 year-old girlfriend. I was exhausted keeping up with her and I mean that in the best way.

Age is just a number.

[Anonymous]

Never married, fit, older woman who is fine with her marital status . . . the hardest thing to find is a divorced person to date who is not bitter.

I want much more than being FWB, it would even be nice to share the same space one day (NOT NOW) but I am not looking for you to take care of me financially, or be a father to my child.

I want to enjoy you, for you. I wish men could see this but it is hard breaking through old stereotypes.

And the funniest comments that I hear are about wanting a man's retirement. Really? Do you think I am going to bend over backward to get a half of the half of your retirement that you are getting after your divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never married, fit, older woman who is fine with her marital status . . . the hardest thing to find is a divorced person to date who is not bitter.

I want much more than being FWB, it would even be nice to share the same space one day (NOT NOW) but I am not looking for you to take care of me financially, or be a father to my child.

I want to enjoy you, for you. I wish men could see this but it is hard breaking through old stereotypes.

And the funniest comments that I hear are about wanting a man's retirement. Really? Do you think I am going to bend over backward to get a half of the half of your retirement that you are getting after your divorce?

Hey, I'm a divorced older man. Just like you,
- I am fine being single
- I have trouble finding a divorced person to date who isn't bitter and obsessed with their ex
- I want more than FWB but I don't want you to cook / clean / be a "caretaker" (whatever the hell that means) or a step-mom to my kids
- I want to enjoy you for you

"Really? Do you think I am going to bend over backward to get a half of the half of your retirement that you are getting after your divorce?"

She did not get half my retirement. That's why I have to be very careful not to wife up someone who - unlike myself or XW - does not have significant retirement assets. I wouldn't take it for granted that anyone does.

And oh by the way, if XW had gotten half, then the "half the remaining half" that would be at risk in a second marriage would still be a shitload of money (on the order of $400k). I would hate to give that up and I would not want to give any woman a legal claim to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And the funniest comments that I hear are about wanting a man's retirement. Really? Do you think I am going to bend over backward to get a half of the half of your retirement that you are getting after your divorce?

As a GS-15, even half my retirement has a net present value of $1.3 million. That includes half the social security benefit, half the FERs payment, and a five percent annual withdrawal of my TSP (the RMDs are likely higher), along with the value of federal healthcare for life. It's enough to bend over backward for unless you are also a fed.

Federal healthcare for like is what seems to really moisten the panties of the 55-60 year old women.