People are really miffed that we're not finding out the sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: All of this is just small talk. Asking what the sex is is the same as people asking if the baby is kicking or if you have a name picked out. Then when you have the baby, you’ll be asked all starts of different small talk questions like is the baby sleeping or people remarking that the baby is so big or so small or so tall or looks like you.

I feel the same way as you. BUT considering the upstream replies calling people obnoxious and pretentious who make the same choice as OP...then I think she has a point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I find it really really annoying but I would never tell anyone this.

Why? I really don't get this. Some people I know found out, a few did not. It's nothing to me either way. Some people want to know, some want to be surprised. Why would this bother anyone? I've never heard anyone complain that a couple DID find out the sex; it's only ever people who don't find out who get labelled as annoying or pretentious or whatever. I honestly cannot understand why anyone cares. People could be obnoxious about it, I suppose, but people can be obnoxious about learning the gender, too. That's a totally separate issue.

Some people just feel this way. It's not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really hard to find gender neutral gifts and buying baby clothes is usually fun. Buying gender neutral baby clothes is not really fun. And, people who keep from learning the gender or keep their preferred names secret are usually pretty obnoxious. Sorry op

Hi, welcome to 2019. Have you met the Internet? It's pretty great. If you use this search engine called "Google" and type in gender-neutral baby clothes, a huge array of options at nearly all price points will be presented to you. Wowie, zowie! Did I just blow your mind?

I don’t find buying baby clothes on the internet fun. It’s the one thing that I still enjoy buying in the store. This is just my opinion, other people can think whatever. I’m just giving op another perspective. Maybe her MIL is not super savvy about shopping on the internet. Maybe someone has some special gendered baby item they want to give to her. Who knows?

In my experience, the people who don’t find out or keep baby names secret etc. tend to be people who want to draw attention to themselves and their “special” choices.

This. It's the "unconventional" parents looking for a reaction from others, another attention seeking method, and OP is successful in making a non-event ("we don't know") into an occasion ("we are so special we decided that we want a big surprise at birth"). I know the gender because of IVF, nobody gives a damn. It's just small talk, if you're not fixated on it, nobody will get fixated.

It's very common in my husband's culture. I think it's because they're thinking about the possibility that the baby may not live. I really don't know. They do not have obnoxious parties etc. I remember telling my friends from his country that I already have the name at around 6 months. They were surprised. It's was obviously a boy name so they knew the gender. I think it's a little weird how secretive they're about things but it's just a little thing. It doesn't bug me anymore. I kind of took it personal because I thought they were just leaving me out.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't do it bc I happen to like pink and blue and I am not fond of "gender neutral" colors like green and yellow.

[Anonymous]

I think it's different than keeping the name secret. I do find out the sex because it's part of the package of info the doctor's office has for me and I don't see a good reason to turn down any of it. I don't keep it secret from others, that seems like it would be manipulative if the only purpose is to get gender neutral gifts or something (no "gender reveal" parties, it's not "gender" anyway, it's just information we have that we will share if asked).

But keeping the name secret is the only sane thing to do! Otherwise half your friends and family will try to argue you out of it, and you'll always know who hated your kid's name. Once it's a done deal on the birth certificate, 99% of people will just say "oh what a nice name" or keep silent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL, my best friend, my cousin and even a few friends and coworkers are acting downright miffed that we are not finding out the sex of the baby before birth. I don't think of this as a big deal at all, but some are complaining that "we can't buy you anything," etc. First off, we'd love gender neutral clothes and nursery items, and our registry has lots of those types of items at every price point. Secondly, we don't expect any gifts, and if people want to wait after the birth to bring a gift, that would be totally fine.

I just find it odd that people are having such a strong reaction to something I don't think is that big of a deal, or all that uncommon. My cousin especially is, "Oh I could NEVER, I'm such a PLANNER, how can you leave it this late?" But there's nothing on our list that we can't or haven't done or planned. The nursery is set up, we've got clothing and blankets and books and toys ready to go...why do people seem to think you can't "plan" with yellow ducks vs. pink bears? I honestly don't get it.

And no, I'm not one of those smug "we're waiting to be surprisssssed and this is one of the last surpriiiiiseeesss in life and aren't we special" moms. I've seen those in action, I think they're obnoxious, and I'm not coming from that place.

Did anyone else face a strong reaction? How did you manage it? Just ignore?

How to equate not wanting to know because you do want it to be a surprise to being smug? We didn't want to find out and we just told people we didn't know. It wasn't because of me thinking I was special it was truly I wanted to be surprised at delivery? I don't know why that would make me obnoxious? I personally believe the big reveals are more obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL, my best friend, my cousin and even a few friends and coworkers are acting downright miffed that we are not finding out the sex of the baby before birth. I don't think of this as a big deal at all, but some are complaining that "we can't buy you anything," etc. First off, we'd love gender neutral clothes and nursery items, and our registry has lots of those types of items at every price point. Secondly, we don't expect any gifts, and if people want to wait after the birth to bring a gift, that would be totally fine.

I just find it odd that people are having such a strong reaction to something I don't think is that big of a deal, or all that uncommon. My cousin especially is, "Oh I could NEVER, I'm such a PLANNER, how can you leave it this late?" But there's nothing on our list that we can't or haven't done or planned. The nursery is set up, we've got clothing and blankets and books and toys ready to go...why do people seem to think you can't "plan" with yellow ducks vs. pink bears? I honestly don't get it.

And no, I'm not one of those smug "we're waiting to be surprisssssed and this is one of the last surpriiiiiseeesss in life and aren't we special" moms. I've seen those in action, I think they're obnoxious, and I'm not coming from that place.

Did anyone else face a strong reaction? How did you manage it? Just ignore?

How to equate not wanting to know because you do want it to be a surprise to being smug? We didn't want to find out and we just told people we didn't know. It wasn't because of me thinking I was special it was truly I wanted to be surprised at delivery? I don't know why that would make me obnoxious? I personally believe the big reveals are more obnoxious.

I didn't find out, but I know there are smug-not-finder-outers out there, and they are annoying. It's the difference between this:

"I don't know; we're not finding out. Did you guys find out with Kevin?"

and

"Oh, we don't know, we're not finding out, it's a suprprise. We just feel like there aren't enough mysteries and true surprises left in the world. It's important to us to have this experience be as organic as possible, and we just think that God meant for it to be one of the biggest and best surprises in life."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you want to know? Stupid.

Why would you want to know? Its going to be a boy or girl. Why not wait?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL, my best friend, my cousin and even a few friends and coworkers are acting downright miffed that we are not finding out the sex of the baby before birth. I don't think of this as a big deal at all, but some are complaining that "we can't buy you anything," etc. First off, we'd love gender neutral clothes and nursery items, and our registry has lots of those types of items at every price point. Secondly, we don't expect any gifts, and if people want to wait after the birth to bring a gift, that would be totally fine.

I just find it odd that people are having such a strong reaction to something I don't think is that big of a deal, or all that uncommon. My cousin especially is, "Oh I could NEVER, I'm such a PLANNER, how can you leave it this late?" But there's nothing on our list that we can't or haven't done or planned. The nursery is set up, we've got clothing and blankets and books and toys ready to go...why do people seem to think you can't "plan" with yellow ducks vs. pink bears? I honestly don't get it.

And no, I'm not one of those smug "we're waiting to be surprisssssed and this is one of the last surpriiiiiseeesss in life and aren't we special" moms. I've seen those in action, I think they're obnoxious, and I'm not coming from that place.

Did anyone else face a strong reaction? How did you manage it? Just ignore?

How to equate not wanting to know because you do want it to be a surprise to being smug? We didn't want to find out and we just told people we didn't know. It wasn't because of me thinking I was special it was truly I wanted to be surprised at delivery? I don't know why that would make me obnoxious? I personally believe the big reveals are more obnoxious.

I didn't find out, but I know there are smug-not-finder-outers out there, and they are annoying. It's the difference between this:

"I don't know; we're not finding out. Did you guys find out with Kevin?"

and

"Oh, we don't know, we're not finding out, it's a suprprise. We just feel like there aren't enough mysteries and true surprises left in the world. It's important to us to have this experience be as organic as possible, and we just think that God meant for it to be one of the biggest and best surprises in life."

Personally, i think you and the op are too judgmental. I found that when people asked me and I gave the first example they wanted to know WHY. So, while we didn't mention God ( not that there is anything wrong)people kept asking so we came up with it being like Christmas morning and one of the last surprises you get as an adult. We didn't volunteer it unless they pushed.

Either way, I didn't think I was special or obnoxious and frankly I don't see much of a difference in the two responses except your reaction and judgement on what people should say when making very small talk.

To the bolded: who says that? Sounds totally made up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL, my best friend, my cousin and even a few friends and coworkers are acting downright miffed that we are not finding out the sex of the baby before birth. I don't think of this as a big deal at all, but some are complaining that "we can't buy you anything," etc. First off, we'd love gender neutral clothes and nursery items, and our registry has lots of those types of items at every price point. Secondly, we don't expect any gifts, and if people want to wait after the birth to bring a gift, that would be totally fine.

I just find it odd that people are having such a strong reaction to something I don't think is that big of a deal, or all that uncommon. My cousin especially is, "Oh I could NEVER, I'm such a PLANNER, how can you leave it this late?" But there's nothing on our list that we can't or haven't done or planned. The nursery is set up, we've got clothing and blankets and books and toys ready to go...why do people seem to think you can't "plan" with yellow ducks vs. pink bears? I honestly don't get it.

And no, I'm not one of those smug "we're waiting to be surprisssssed and this is one of the last surpriiiiiseeesss in life and aren't we special" moms. I've seen those in action, I think they're obnoxious, and I'm not coming from that place.

Did anyone else face a strong reaction? How did you manage it? Just ignore?

How to equate not wanting to know because you do want it to be a surprise to being smug? We didn't want to find out and we just told people we didn't know. It wasn't because of me thinking I was special it was truly I wanted to be surprised at delivery? I don't know why that would make me obnoxious? I personally believe the big reveals are more obnoxious.

I didn't find out, but I know there are smug-not-finder-outers out there, and they are annoying. It's the difference between this:

"I don't know; we're not finding out. Did you guys find out with Kevin?"

and

"Oh, we don't know, we're not finding out, it's a suprprise. We just feel like there aren't enough mysteries and true surprises left in the world. It's important to us to have this experience be as organic as possible, and we just think that God meant for it to be one of the biggest and best surprises in life."

Personally, i think you and the op are too judgmental. I found that when people asked me and I gave the first example they wanted to know WHY. So, while we didn't mention God ( not that there is anything wrong)people kept asking so we came up with it being like Christmas morning and one of the last surprises you get as an adult. We didn't volunteer it unless they pushed.

Either way, I didn't think I was special or obnoxious and frankly I don't see much of a difference in the two responses except your reaction and judgement on what people should say when making very small talk.

To the bolded: who says that? Sounds totally made up!

If they ***ask*** WHY, then sure, you can give your answer.

But if they simply ask, "Is it a boy or a girl" and you go much deeper than "We're not finding out," and drone on and on about surprisssses and how some thing in life should be a myyyyyystery, then check yourself. It's not that deep. They're just making conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL, my best friend, my cousin and even a few friends and coworkers are acting downright miffed that we are not finding out the sex of the baby before birth. I don't think of this as a big deal at all, but some are complaining that "we can't buy you anything," etc. First off, we'd love gender neutral clothes and nursery items, and our registry has lots of those types of items at every price point. Secondly, we don't expect any gifts, and if people want to wait after the birth to bring a gift, that would be totally fine.

I just find it odd that people are having such a strong reaction to something I don't think is that big of a deal, or all that uncommon. My cousin especially is, "Oh I could NEVER, I'm such a PLANNER, how can you leave it this late?" But there's nothing on our list that we can't or haven't done or planned. The nursery is set up, we've got clothing and blankets and books and toys ready to go...why do people seem to think you can't "plan" with yellow ducks vs. pink bears? I honestly don't get it.

And no, I'm not one of those smug "we're waiting to be surprisssssed and this is one of the last surpriiiiiseeesss in life and aren't we special" moms. I've seen those in action, I think they're obnoxious, and I'm not coming from that place.

Did anyone else face a strong reaction? How did you manage it? Just ignore?

How to equate not wanting to know because you do want it to be a surprise to being smug? We didn't want to find out and we just told people we didn't know. It wasn't because of me thinking I was special it was truly I wanted to be surprised at delivery? I don't know why that would make me obnoxious? I personally believe the big reveals are more obnoxious.

I didn't find out, but I know there are smug-not-finder-outers out there, and they are annoying. It's the difference between this:

"I don't know; we're not finding out. Did you guys find out with Kevin?"

and

"Oh, we don't know, we're not finding out, it's a suprprise. We just feel like there aren't enough mysteries and true surprises left in the world. It's important to us to have this experience be as organic as possible, and we just think that God meant for it to be one of the biggest and best surprises in life."

Personally, i think you and the op are too judgmental. I found that when people asked me and I gave the first example they wanted to know WHY. So, while we didn't mention God ( not that there is anything wrong)people kept asking so we came up with it being like Christmas morning and one of the last surprises you get as an adult. We didn't volunteer it unless they pushed.

Either way, I didn't think I was special or obnoxious and frankly I don't see much of a difference in the two responses except your reaction and judgement on what people should say when making very small talk.

To the bolded: who says that? Sounds totally made up!

If they ***ask*** WHY, then sure, you can give your answer.

But if they simply ask, "Is it a boy or a girl" and you go much deeper than "We're not finding out," and drone on and on about surprisssses and how some thing in life should be a myyyyyystery, then check yourself. It's not that deep. They're just making conversation.

Ask yourself this: why are they just making conversation and I'm not? ( assuming I violated your rule) If I wasn't interested in finding out the sex I would never ask. How about the people who volunteer the sex before you say congratulations? Is that too much too? Obnoxious because no one cares?

You have too many rules.

[Anonymous]

^^^Oh, and as to "who says that" about organic experiences? My SIL and her wife, that's who.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL, my best friend, my cousin and even a few friends and coworkers are acting downright miffed that we are not finding out the sex of the baby before birth. I don't think of this as a big deal at all, but some are complaining that "we can't buy you anything," etc. First off, we'd love gender neutral clothes and nursery items, and our registry has lots of those types of items at every price point. Secondly, we don't expect any gifts, and if people want to wait after the birth to bring a gift, that would be totally fine.

I just find it odd that people are having such a strong reaction to something I don't think is that big of a deal, or all that uncommon. My cousin especially is, "Oh I could NEVER, I'm such a PLANNER, how can you leave it this late?" But there's nothing on our list that we can't or haven't done or planned. The nursery is set up, we've got clothing and blankets and books and toys ready to go...why do people seem to think you can't "plan" with yellow ducks vs. pink bears? I honestly don't get it.

And no, I'm not one of those smug "we're waiting to be surprisssssed and this is one of the last surpriiiiiseeesss in life and aren't we special" moms. I've seen those in action, I think they're obnoxious, and I'm not coming from that place.

Did anyone else face a strong reaction? How did you manage it? Just ignore?

How to equate not wanting to know because you do want it to be a surprise to being smug? We didn't want to find out and we just told people we didn't know. It wasn't because of me thinking I was special it was truly I wanted to be surprised at delivery? I don't know why that would make me obnoxious? I personally believe the big reveals are more obnoxious.

I didn't find out, but I know there are smug-not-finder-outers out there, and they are annoying. It's the difference between this:

"I don't know; we're not finding out. Did you guys find out with Kevin?"

and

"Oh, we don't know, we're not finding out, it's a suprprise. We just feel like there aren't enough mysteries and true surprises left in the world. It's important to us to have this experience be as organic as possible, and we just think that God meant for it to be one of the biggest and best surprises in life."

Personally, i think you and the op are too judgmental. I found that when people asked me and I gave the first example they wanted to know WHY. So, while we didn't mention God ( not that there is anything wrong)people kept asking so we came up with it being like Christmas morning and one of the last surprises you get as an adult. We didn't volunteer it unless they pushed.

Either way, I didn't think I was special or obnoxious and frankly I don't see much of a difference in the two responses except your reaction and judgement on what people should say when making very small talk.

To the bolded: who says that? Sounds totally made up!

If they ***ask*** WHY, then sure, you can give your answer.

But if they simply ask, "Is it a boy or a girl" and you go much deeper than "We're not finding out," and drone on and on about surprisssses and how some thing in life should be a myyyyyystery, then check yourself. It's not that deep. They're just making conversation.

Ask yourself this: why are they just making conversation and I'm not? ( assuming I violated your rule) If I wasn't interested in finding out the sex I would never ask. How about the people who volunteer the sex before you say congratulations? Is that too much too? Obnoxious because no one cares?

You have too many rules.

If you're really asking, I'm happy to clue you in.

Because you saying that it's a myyyyystery and one of the last great surpriiiiises, you are basically passing judgment or calling into question the many, many people you are talking to who chose to find out, for a variety of really good reasons. You are taking away from THEIR moment of surprise--the moment they found out, with tears of joy, holding hands in the ultrasound room--by going into great detail about how a REAL surprise only happens on the day of the birth.

I get that you aren't trying to be a smug smuggy, but believe me, you are probably coming across that way to many. And again, I also waited to find out, so it's not like I'm defending an ultrasound moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't do it bc I happen to like pink and blue and I am not fond of "gender neutral" colors like green and yellow.

I never found out the sex either time. I also didn’t buy clothes before they were born. I had a few sweet white sleepers and sleep sacks. I loved shopping on my maternity leave. I hate green and yellow too.

I loved not finding out the sex. I rarely talked about it but others couldn’t stop discussing it. Friends thought we were lying. We didn’t have a reason to not find out the sex, we just didn’t want to. I did IVF, NIPT and the anatomy scan. You just turn away when they go over the genitals. I was very wrong both times with what sex I thought the baby was.

[Anonymous]

I personally think it’s weird when people know the sex and have the name picked out at 10 weeks. Sort of anti climatic. I’d never say that in real life though. There’s really not that much difference between a boy and a girl.