People are really miffed that we're not finding out the sex
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My MIL, my best friend, my cousin and even a few friends and coworkers are acting downright miffed that we are not finding out the sex of the baby before birth. I don't think of this as a big deal at all, but some are complaining that "we can't buy you anything," etc. First off, we'd love gender neutral clothes and nursery items, and our registry has lots of those types of items at every price point. Secondly, we don't expect any gifts, and if people want to wait after the birth to bring a gift, that would be totally fine.
I just find it odd that people are having such a strong reaction to something I don't think is that big of a deal, or all that uncommon. My cousin especially is, "Oh I could NEVER, I'm such a PLANNER, how can you leave it this late?" But there's nothing on our list that we can't or haven't done or planned. The nursery is set up, we've got clothing and blankets and books and toys ready to go...why do people seem to think you can't "plan" with yellow ducks vs. pink bears? I honestly don't get it. And no, I'm not one of those smug "we're waiting to be surprisssssed and this is one of the last surpriiiiiseeesss in life and aren't we special" moms. I've seen those in action, I think they're obnoxious, and I'm not coming from that place. Did anyone else face a strong reaction? How did you manage it? Just ignore? |
Anonymous
| Those reactions are about them and not you. It’s a subtle way or putting you down so that the other person can feel better about their own, different decision. |
Anonymous
|
Yeah, you need to start growing a spine. Once you will have a baby, and as it will grow EVERYBODY will have an opinion of what you should and what you should not do. You will quickly realize that you have two choices, either to try and please them or do what you really are meant to do - parent your own child the way you feel is the best because it is your child and you are forming a person with the best effort and best intentions in mind and the child's best interest. It is not in a child's best interest to be raised by everyone else and to be telling you all the time how to do it when you did not ask for advice. When and if you ask, that is different, but even then you will need to choose out of everything comes your way what you feel is the right thing.
Basically you need to realize now that it is time to do what YOU feel is right. So if you don't want to know the sex of your baby then you don't. Other people need to accept it. They can do anything they want with their babies sex info and you are not going to change their mind, trust me. So whatever you choose it is your decision not theirs. You need to feel the power. Just be firm and polite and kindly say that this is the choice you made with your husband and this is what you are going to do. As to explaining yourself, you really don't need to but if you insist on that, then just tell them you want to do it the traditional way and just be surprised because you are open and welcome to either sex. The only bummer is that if you are set on any color coded purchases for girl or boy then you would not be able to do it because you will need to go more neutral so if this is okay with you then that is all. Babies do nor really care if it is pink, blue or yellow or whatever in the first place. There is the trend now anyway, more and more people including movie stars etc. not wanting to know the sex of the baby. |
Anonymous
|
We didn't find out for either kid. The only person who cared was my mom the first time around. Then she was happy that everything she bought for #1 was gender neutral for #2.
But I was raised Catholic and eat Catholic guilt for breakfast. It rolls right off me. Nobody really cares. |
Anonymous
| Yep. Put your foot down because otherwise before you know it they will be butting into name choosing, nursery choosing, school choices and everything else. Teach them politely that this is not open for discussion. You are preggo and hormones are not exactly friends of polite. But if you are pressed always say that it is interesting to see how people react to this and it is fun but at the end of the day you are happy that everybody respect your right to choose. They will shut up. |
Anonymous
| It’s really hard to find gender neutral gifts and buying baby clothes is usually fun. Buying gender neutral baby clothes is not really fun. And, people who keep from learning the gender or keep their preferred names secret are usually pretty obnoxious. Sorry op |
Anonymous
False. People who have elaborate gender reveal parties are usually pretty obnoxious. If you're going to make a cake, I'll eat cake, but let's not pretend that I care about your unborn baby's genitalia. |
Anonymous
|
BTW, this phenomenon - people butting in your business and telling you what to do - not a new concept. In case you are not familiar, there is this famous Esop's tale that you might want to read and remember for future because this is a good source of wisdom on the matter.
The Man, The Boy, and the Donkey A man and his son were once going with their donkey to market. As they were walking along by his side a countryman passed them and said, “You fools, what is a donkey for but to ride upon?” So the man put the boy on the donkey, and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said, “See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides.” So the man ordered his boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn’t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other, “Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along.” Well, the man didn’t know what to do, but at last he took his boy up before him on the donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passersby began to jeer and point at them. The man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at. The men said, “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours — you and your hulking son?” The man and boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, until at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey’s feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them until they came to a bridge, when the donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the donkey fell over the bridge, and his forefeet being tied together, he was drowned. The moral of the story is: Try to please everyone, and you will please no one. (source: https://www.jumpstartyourdreamlife.com/lesson-on-critics/) |
Anonymous
| We did not find out for either kid and so many people told us it was so much more exciting when they were born. Often times you already know that Larla Lee is being induced on April 30th and all that is left is to wait for a picture. |
Anonymous
Honey, you are not considering millions of people who did it with ease. |
Anonymous
Hi, welcome to 2019. Have you met the Internet? It's pretty great. If you use this search engine called "Google" and type in gender-neutral baby clothes, a huge array of options at nearly all price points will be presented to you. Wowie, zowie! Did I just blow your mind? |
Anonymous
+1 and HAHAHAHA! |
Anonymous
I agree with this so much. I have a friend who found out the sex super early and updated ad nauseum with "Larla Rose is the size of an apple this week!" "Holy crapballs, Larla Rose is kicking today!" So by the time Larla Rose was born it was like...oh yeah, I guess that kid hadn't even been born yet, and I've already gotten ten zillion updates. |
Anonymous
| This is the first world problem. Many people won't follow the nature but they are manipulating it to their whim. The baby sex need to know is only one of the problem, much worse is when people schedule their otherwise not warrant in any way by any danger cesarean section birth ahead of time so it does not conflict with their next manicure appt. |
Anonymous
I don’t find buying baby clothes on the internet fun. It’s the one thing that I still enjoy buying in the store. This is just my opinion, other people can think whatever. I’m just giving op another perspective. Maybe her MIL is not super savvy about shopping on the internet. Maybe someone has some special gendered baby item they want to give to her. Who knows? In my experience, the people who don’t find out or keep baby names secret etc. tend to be people who want to draw attention to themselves and their “special” choices. |