Police came saying they have a CPS report on me

[Anonymous]

Op, you have some mental issues going on. You should see a therapist and show her these threads you’ve been posting, ask yourself, why do you need this validation from strangers? What about you loves to lie and get a reaction. In truth, you may live a boring, lonely life. Maybe try writing fiction? You seem to invent and inhabit quirky characters well.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're not getting much sympathy here and maybe you need it. I was hit as a kid, belts, slapped, teeth dug into skin, nails into skin, etc. I would have loved to have had a different childhood, but glad I didn't lose my mom. Growing up like this was damaging. We were terrified of her blowing up in front of friends, which she did, of hitting us all the time, which she did until I was 24. She sat on me and hit me one day because she didn't like what I said. We had a bad childhood, but my mom was abused and it's what she knew and it's what she taught us. In return, we all were verbally and emotionally abusive to her and to each other. We are all good people that grew up in extremely toxic relationships. We attract toxic people into our life. I married and divorced an abuser.

I have a kid now. I am tempted to respond to some of his actions by hitting, but I swore to myself I wouldn't because I was worried it'll start of with a NBD slap, then evolve. I couldn't open the gate because I was worried of the flood. DC is in elementary school now, I don't touch him. I've locked myself in the bathroom with headphones before to stop from reacting. It's hard to break out of what you're used to. I yell, I hate that I do it and I'm working on it, but I do. I at least don't call him the names I was called as a kid, but the yelling is something I don't like because when I had fevers as a kid, I'd dream of my mom yelling. It clearly traumatized me.

I'm the above poster about calling CPS on my ex and that going nowhere. I'm so sensitive to abuse. Get yourself help, work really hard on not responding physically to your kid. You're teaching him that people who love him can hurt him and that is setting him up for a lifetime of hurt. Remember, he's a kid, this is tough on him too.

I hope you get the grace and patience you need. And I hope you figure this out with your kid. REMEMBER, it might be just a slap or a spank for you, but it's humiliating and hurtful for your kid. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg no I did not post in health and medicine.
They interviewed me and child separately.
And they did get the wrong address at first.
Just to be clear: I was not mad about reporting! She did what she had to do.
I was mad about at least not providing the right address!!!!!

Now can we move on to the legal part please.
How do I know what happens with my case (I presume there is a cps case? Though I was not yet contacted by CPS).
And how do I change

OP,
If your son likes the counselor why don't you contact her. Tell her you were visited by the police because of her report and ask her for recommendations for local resources for support/parenting skills. You can tell her that the visit from the police was scary and uncomfortable but you understand why it was reported and that you've also tried to explain that to your son.
I don't know how you find out about your case. Call CPS yourself and ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't let him see the counselor anymore and get a family therapist. They have to report but usually a social worker not police investigate. This sounds a bit off.

Wouldn’t it look suspicious if I don’t let him go to counseling? Like I am hiding something?
The officers told me they were asked by the CPS to investigate.

I wouldn't care.

But how often does he see the school counselor? If you can, wait a few days and then email the school and tell them you've decided to go to individual therapy outside of the school. You don't owe them any further explanation.

I would look into parenting classes for you. Kids are challenging, but you need to find a way to deal with your son that doesn't include striking him.

Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be made up. The police don't go out for light slapping/no marks. CPS might investigate but not the police.

Yes, and all of this supposedly happened on the same day—he had a session, the incident was reported, the police went to the wrong house, the call from the wrong house came, then the police (not CPS) showed up. I don’t buy it.

As a mandated reporter I have made dozens of reports to CPS. You provide CPS with a description of the allegations, name of the alleged abuser, contact info, etc. If a school counselor made a report to CPS they would have provided your address that was on record at the school. The police would not be involved in an invesitgation and would not just "look up" your address. Additionally, CPS would have interviewed your child also. There is no way this all occurred in the same day for a slap.

After the fake thread was revealed in Health & Medicine yesterday, I wonder if this is the same poster.

Which thread was that?

Jeff said this other thread was started by someone who started a lot of different threads recently with conflicting info and rampant sockpuppeting. Just skeptical of a lot of these threads that seemed designed to make everyone concerned and get lots of responses.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/787407.page

The OP of this thread feels very similar to that thread with similar writing styles.

[Anonymous]

OP might be a troll, or she might be a fragment of all of those people she said she was and was changing up things to remain anon. I do that. I won't share the whole story or I'll change some details in different replies so I don't out myself to people who I know are friends IRL and also frequent DCUM. Not everyone on here with changing details is a troll. That being said, if you think OPs are trolls, just don't respond. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my son does counseling at school (which I basically requested). This morning his had a session. Then earlier tonight the police came to my door asking to talk to both of us separately and saying that they had a CPS report that I slapped him. I did give him a very light slap because he was aggravating me all morning, then his finger got pinched by his umbrella he was trying to take out of his backpack, he hurled it across the room and cursed like a sailor, so I lost it.
They told me it all looked fine to them and they see no reason for investigation. However I am shaken and had to tell my son it was not his fault, he thought they “stormed the house with their guns”. I said they take any talk about slapping seriously. He said he talked about it at the counselor. I told him not to talk about police visit at school and that whenever he mentions slapping they will have to investigate.
I understand the counselor had to report, but I think it made more harm than good and I don’t want him to go there anymore.
I admit to yelling and I slapped him a few times in his lifetime. But nothing like abuse.
I don’t want this to be blown out of proportion. But I am afraid if I pull him out the councelor will see it as me admitting guilt or trying to hide something. Yet I want to talk to her and tell her that we were both shaken.
Also, I got a call from a person with the same name as I and she told me they came to her and revealed it was a cps call about me (they confused us initially). I think this is a breach of privacy. I am just so mad.
What should I do?
Please don’t tell me to stop slapping, I know that, but yes I am human and sometimes I lose it. I will take a parenting class but what should I do re: counselor and breach of privacy?

You hit your child.
He was hurt by the umbrella and you hit your kid.
Seeing your lack of self control, I'm guessing he learned the cursing and throwing things from you.
Seek help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry hit submit too soon- how do I change counselor for him without it looking suspicious. So far I didn’t see any positive effect anyway.

And it takes alot for a kid to be seeing a school counselor anyway.
Big backstory missing here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is all they told me- slapping- and this is all there was! Well maybe yelling is more dangerous!

As for the name confusion, I am mad because they basically told her what the issue was (CPS) and my son’s name. Wtf?!! She was able to identify me thru a mutual acquaintance so now they all know SOMETHING.

I would be upset and angry about the mix up too. HOWEVER, I really feel you are being too casual about the fact that you slapped your kid. It IS abuse. Just because it didn’t leave a mark doesn’t mean it isn’t hurting him. He brought it up in counseling because it hurt him (if only psychologically). It will look bad if you pull your kid from the counselor. Also, I don’t think it is good for your child to do that. The counselor is a mandatory reporter - they must report these incidents. That is how the system works and yet still in the news we read about the system failing and kids suffering horrific abuse. Please do some soul searching. You cannot lay hands your child and screaming isn’t good either. Please let them continue to work with the counselor - but yes, go talk to the counselor and give them your side of the story. Truly wishing you well!

[Anonymous]

Your story makes zero sense. First of all, police aren't going across town to your name twinsie, when they have your home address from the school. Find a new hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is all they told me- slapping- and this is all there was! Well maybe yelling is more dangerous!

As for the name confusion, I am mad because they basically told her what the issue was (CPS) and my son’s name. Wtf?!! She was able to identify me thru a mutual acquaintance so now they all know SOMETHING.

Good. Now there will be more adults looking out for the welfare of your son. Get your sh!t together and don’t ever lay a hand on your child again.

[Anonymous]

OP, a few thoughts.

First, the only one you have to blame is yourself. You need to stop trying to find fault with what others have done. You cannot change others, but you can change yourself.

The issue of why police came instead of CPS may be that the counselor, who is a mandatory reporter, may have reported to the police instead of to CPS. You don't know or control what process is in place for mandatory reporters and she may have been following her instructions. If you want to follow-up on appropriate or inappropriate procedure for mandatory reporters, you can ask for a meeting with the principal to ask whether proper procedures were followed and why police were summoned instead of CPS, but that's separate from everything else. While it may have been an invasion of your privacy, the fact that the police contacted the wrong individual regarding your issue, is not an actionable offense. You have no recourse. You can lodge a complaint about the police error, but otherwise, there is nothing you can do about that, and there is no one that is going to give you any redress for that human error. It's unfortunate that it caused you embarrassment, but that was caused by your poor judgement in escalating your anger to a physical outburst. Last, why any visit was necessary? When a mandatory reporter reports an incident, they often determine the severity of the offense (in this case low severity) and the history. Is this the first time that you've had a physical incident with your child since he started seeing this counselor? If it was not, then it may be that the history of incidents was sufficient for the counselor or police to determine that a visit was called for. A series of small incidents are often considered sufficient for a home visit. Additionally, your child's own response to being hurt, a physical outburst of throwing his backpack is a red flag. Physical outbursts are often learned behaviors. Children learn how to deal with their anger by watching the key adults in their lives, most especially their parents. Do any adult figures in your son's life routinely express your anger physically (throwing things, hitting things or people, other physical expressions)? If so, your son's anger expression may be an echo of that. The counselor may have put several things together such as your son's physical outbursts along with your physical outburst and determined that your son was learning from potentially abusive actions on the part of parental figures and reported that.

So, moving forward, you need to address your own personal issues. You acknowledge that you need different techniques for dealing with your anger. That's a good start. Self-awareness is the first step in rectifying a problem. However, as mentioned, the issue is further how you express your anger. Your son may be learning physical outbursts are a way of expressing his anger. If that's the case, then you need to curb more than just your reactions to him. If you get angry and throw things or hit objects, that also needs to be curbed or it will continue to echo into your son. That may be what the counselor is responding to, your son's violent behavior and the possibility that it is learned behavior from observing his parental figures.

You should not be changing counselors unless it is specifically in the best interests of your child. While you want to switch because of the impact on you, you are correct that it suggests that there is a problem that you are trying to cover up if you do this precipitously. Unless you've flagged the issues with the current counselor, it will suggest very strongly that this incident was the impetus for the change and that will look bad in the future if there are additional issues with the new counselor. If the current counseling is not working, then you need to set up a meeting with the counselor to discuss the issues. You can request that any management figures (perhaps the principal) attend if you are trying to work with them to make adjustments to the help that he is getting. But you need to document that there is an issue with the current counseling and make attempts to correct issues before you make a change of counselors if you want to avoid any suggestion that you are changing counselors to cover your own tracks. Then if you've made attempts to identify and correct problems with the current counseling, and you are still having problems or issues or even lack of progress, then you can change practices.

[Anonymous]

Op here and I just wanted to let you know I am reading and I am grateful to those with constructive advice.

[Anonymous]

You really really really really need to never lay a hand on your child again. Of course the counselor called CPS. They are mandatory reporters. Please do not hit your child. Ever.

[Anonymous]

It is normal for a parent to loose it. It's normal to be pushed to the breaking point. It's normal to do/say something in anger that is regrettable...

It is NOT normal to slap your child on the head. Even a light slap. And think that was not a big deal.