Police came saying they have a CPS report on me

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but I firmly believe that there is a big difference between a slap to discipline a child who is cursing and hitting your child to abuse them. Most statutes on this include language like "excessive" and "corporal". OP wasn't beating her child. She gave him a slap when he cursed. A parent has a right to discipline their children in the manner that they see fit as long as it is not abusive. I think a pattern of hitting is abusive. But from OP's description, it doesn't sound like this is a pattern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg no I did not post in health and medicine.
They interviewed me and child separately.
And they did get the wrong address at first.
Just to be clear: I was not mad about reporting! She did what she had to do.
I was mad about at least not providing the right address!!!!!

Now can we move on to the legal part please.
How do I know what happens with my case (I presume there is a cps case? Though I was not yet contacted by CPS).
And how do I change

You don't know if the counselor provided the right address or not. If your story is true, then all you know is that the police went to the wrong house.

It's possible she provided the right address and for some reason (lost paperwork, etc.) they went to the wrong one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my son does counseling at school (which I basically requested). This morning his had a session. Then earlier tonight the police came to my door asking to talk to both of us separately and saying that they had a CPS report that I slapped him. I did give him a very light slap because he was aggravating me all morning, then his finger got pinched by his umbrella he was trying to take out of his backpack, he hurled it across the room and cursed like a sailor, so I lost it.
They told me it all looked fine to them and they see no reason for investigation. However I am shaken and had to tell my son it was not his fault, he thought they “stormed the house with their guns”. I said they take any talk about slapping seriously. He said he talked about it at the counselor. I told him not to talk about police visit at school and that whenever he mentions slapping they will have to investigate.
I understand the counselor had to report, but I think it made more harm than good and I don’t want him to go there anymore.
I admit to yelling and I slapped him a few times in his lifetime. But nothing like abuse.
I don’t want this to be blown out of proportion. But I am afraid if I pull him out the councelor will see it as me admitting guilt or trying to hide something. Yet I want to talk to her and tell her that we were both shaken.
Also, I got a call from a person with the same name as I and she told me they came to her and revealed it was a cps call about me (they confused us initially). I think this is a breach of privacy. I am just so mad.
What should I do?
Please don’t tell me to stop slapping, I know that, but yes I am human and sometimes I lose it. I will take a parenting class but what should I do re: counselor and breach of privacy?

So, you've slapped your kid more than once but don't think it's abuse?

Why don't you try that with a co-worker, spouse, or another adult and let me know how that goes over.

They were right to report it. And you need to STOP IT. Get into therapy and work your shit out.

[Anonymous]

she is saying she slaps her kid sometimes....that is more than once... thats so sad

we dont even know how hard it is...

I feel bad for the child

OP - stop slapping, your son and stop abusing him mentally

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry hit submit too soon- how do I change counselor for him without it looking suspicious. So far I didn’t see any positive effect anyway.

You don't.

I wonder if you will ever say what really happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- it does sound like you smacked your kid, but didn't harm him.

I don't know what he sees the counselor for, but he sounds impulsive and angry-- mine reacts far out of proportion to minor events too and it can be really upsetting. This is especially true if you have your own life stress.

It's unfortunate that he told the counselor because it sounds like you were both highly impulsive but I wouldn't (personally) classify this as abuse, considering that you didn't hurt your DS and you had no intentions of hurting him...but maybe, it's a wakeup call that things need to change.

With my son, I've gotten a better handle over the years. Right now (he's in MS), I simply issue the consequences. I also make room for his slow processing speed by giving an instruction and learning to wait (this is hard for me) for him to respond vs. imagining that he's deliberately ignoring me.

When your DS lashes out in anger like that, you are going to have to step back...don't react at all until everything is calm, then issue the consequences. There is no reaction, except no reaction, that will work in those circumstances.

Also, OP, I had a friend who worked as a child abuse social worker-- there is horrific abuse out there. I think lumping this in with *that* is not constructive- you're not a monster. You slapped your kid on the head without hurting him or intending to hurt him...but it's not "nothing" either. Your child will remember being slapped and while he may not have been physically hurt, it can affect him emotionally-- both his relationship with you and with the family he will one day have.

All of this true with yelling- I had to work on raising my voice at my DS and keeping feedback constructive, not overly critical. There are probably plenty of people who are appalled at a slap, who wouldn't hesitate to yell at or berate their child. Those people are hypocrites.

You want to repair your relationship with your DS by really talking with him, and explain that you also, don't handle your anger very well and that you will *not* slap him again and will do better and be a better role model. I think if you apologize, stick to a new plan of more positive (or at least neutral) discipline- your son will look past this to see that you are a good mom--maybe he will take cues from your self control and try for better self control himself.

[Anonymous]

Op here with an update.
So I spoke with a friend of a friend who is a social worker and handles cases like that, she said there is nothing to worry about and they will close the case fairly soon (she is in a different county but knows the system).
It won’t go on record.
And he can continue counseling or quit, it’s not a red flag for them, they are looking for other signs.
The worst they can do is make me take anger management classes which is fine by me, it’s free I hope!
I am writing this in case others who are scared like me are looking for advice.
The kid is very quiet and compliant but I know it’s not for long!
And if anyone is worried about him they are welcome to come babysit, I am a single mom who is worn out by having him around all the time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I firmly believe that there is a big difference between a slap to discipline a child who is cursing and hitting your child to abuse them. Most statutes on this include language like "excessive" and "corporal". OP wasn't beating her child. She gave him a slap when he cursed. A parent has a right to discipline their children in the manner that they see fit as long as it is not abusive. I think a pattern of hitting is abusive. But from OP's description, it doesn't sound like this is a pattern.

Slapping a child is abusive.

Get a Scooby.

[Anonymous]

Oh and from now on I am going to sing when he screams! He hates that! And give consequences like someone advised!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here with an update.
So I spoke with a friend of a friend who is a social worker and handles cases like that, she said there is nothing to worry about and they will close the case fairly soon (she is in a different county but knows the system).
It won’t go on record.
And he can continue counseling or quit, it’s not a red flag for them, they are looking for other signs.
The worst they can do is make me take anger management classes which is fine by me, it’s free I hope!
I am writing this in case others who are scared like me are looking for advice.
The kid is very quiet and compliant but I know it’s not for long!
And if anyone is worried about him they are welcome to come babysit, I am a single mom who is worn out by having him around all the time!

You are making all this up. It stays on the record unless you get it expunged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here with an update.
So I spoke with a friend of a friend who is a social worker and handles cases like that, she said there is nothing to worry about and they will close the case fairly soon (she is in a different county but knows the system).
It won’t go on record.
And he can continue counseling or quit, it’s not a red flag for them, they are looking for other signs.
The worst they can do is make me take anger management classes which is fine by me, it’s free I hope!
I am writing this in case others who are scared like me are looking for advice.
The kid is very quiet and compliant but I know it’s not for long!
And if anyone is worried about him they are welcome to come babysit, I am a single mom who is worn out by having him around all the time!

You are making all this up. It stays on the record unless you get it expunged.

It’s almost impossible to expunge but it is an internal record with CPS that cannot be reached unless there is a court order.
Or unless I work with kids and need a clearance.

[Anonymous]

And she told me that yes, in our state they send the police over first. Then they may or may not pay a visit if they deem the case unworthy of attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh and from now on I am going to sing when he screams! He hates that! And give consequences like someone advised!

OP, are you in counseling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and from now on I am going to sing when he screams! He hates that! And give consequences like someone advised!

OP, are you in counseling?

Yes from this moment on!

[Anonymous]

Ok leaving the topic now.
Thanks again, I promise I am not a troll! Need to catch up on sleep.