Allow your almost 15 year old daughter to move away for skating with her partner?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who’s son is traveling the world with the u.s.national under 18 hockey team. Maybe it’s different because he is with an entire team but when they are at the training facility the kids all live with host families. He committed to a D1 school (as much as it is allowed) as a fresh and will be drafted in the 1st round of the NHL draft this year. So for him it’s a dream come true.

[/b]I would be less worried about my hockey player son being assaulted. I also think teens still need some parental guidance. In this case, the traveling makes the situation harder for a parent. As much as possible I would want to travel with him, and would certainly live near the training facility with him.

You haven't done your research then.

Where are you reading that male hockey players are sexually assaulted more than female athletes? I have seen the studies that speak to all male athletes saying they are sexually assaulted more than female athletes. But when you remove peer to peer sexual assault, then female athletes are more often sexually assualted by adults.

I’m curious what makes hockey player sexual assault more prevelant than female athletes across all sports.

No where did I say "all" female sports.

I was responding to the statement that you should be far less concerned about your teen boy hockey player being sexually abused than your teen gurl figure skater.

Youth elite and travel hockey has been rocked by multiple sex abuse scandals of players by coaches in the past few years. New Jersey, Massachusetts, Delaware, Pennsylvania and Vermont have all had institutionalized sexual abuse of players some to light recently, including one that was discovered when an NHL player who played at very high levels of youth hockey (probably similar to what that poster describes) went public with the abuse he and other players suffered.[b]

You are hiding your head in the sand to think that figure skating girls are more at risk than hockey playing boys. Is it because one wears rhinestones and the others carry sticks?

Frankly, I would worry more about my son than my daughter. There is far less support and way more stigma for a teen boy to speak up about abuse, particularly at the hands of other male teammates (like Damascus football) or by trusted coaches (like Sandusky and countless others).

Again. What studies support your claims that male hockey players are more abused?

Your hysteria must be coming from actual facts. Educate us.

DP. Don't be stupid. It's well known that sexual abuse of boys is thought to be significantly underreported. But if you don't care about your male children, finding the voluminous discussion about the underreporting of abuse of boys isn't going to help your poor kid.

I think its ironic that the parents arguing this are probably the ones who drop off their kids for sports practice starting at 6-7-8 and leave them for an hour or two and come back not at all concerned about kids in the locker rooms or bathrooms where incidents have and do happen. At least these kids are teens and you teach them to protect or tell a parent. I wouldn't agree to it but I'd also be willing to move if money was not an issue for a few years.

My kids don't do any sports where they are ever by themselves with adults or in any sort of locker rooms. And they've done a wide variety of sports.

Mine do. Yours probably are doing rec and not team sports.

Zing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who’s son is traveling the world with the u.s.national under 18 hockey team. Maybe it’s different because he is with an entire team but when they are at the training facility the kids all live with host families. He committed to a D1 school (as much as it is allowed) as a fresh and will be drafted in the 1st round of the NHL draft this year. So for him it’s a dream come true.

[/b]I would be less worried about my hockey player son being assaulted. I also think teens still need some parental guidance. In this case, the traveling makes the situation harder for a parent. As much as possible I would want to travel with him, and would certainly live near the training facility with him.

You haven't done your research then.

Where are you reading that male hockey players are sexually assaulted more than female athletes? I have seen the studies that speak to all male athletes saying they are sexually assaulted more than female athletes. But when you remove peer to peer sexual assault, then female athletes are more often sexually assualted by adults.

I’m curious what makes hockey player sexual assault more prevelant than female athletes across all sports.

No where did I say "all" female sports.

I was responding to the statement that you should be far less concerned about your teen boy hockey player being sexually abused than your teen gurl figure skater.

Youth elite and travel hockey has been rocked by multiple sex abuse scandals of players by coaches in the past few years. New Jersey, Massachusetts, Delaware, Pennsylvania and Vermont have all had institutionalized sexual abuse of players some to light recently, including one that was discovered when an NHL player who played at very high levels of youth hockey (probably similar to what that poster describes) went public with the abuse he and other players suffered.[b]

You are hiding your head in the sand to think that figure skating girls are more at risk than hockey playing boys. Is it because one wears rhinestones and the others carry sticks?

Frankly, I would worry more about my son than my daughter. There is far less support and way more stigma for a teen boy to speak up about abuse, particularly at the hands of other male teammates (like Damascus football) or by trusted coaches (like Sandusky and countless others).

Again. What studies support your claims that male hockey players are more abused?

Your hysteria must be coming from actual facts. Educate us.

DP. Don't be stupid. It's well known that sexual abuse of boys is thought to be significantly underreported. But if you don't care about your male children, finding the voluminous discussion about the underreporting of abuse of boys isn't going to help your poor kid.

I think its ironic that the parents arguing this are probably the ones who drop off their kids for sports practice starting at 6-7-8 and leave them for an hour or two and come back not at all concerned about kids in the locker rooms or bathrooms where incidents have and do happen. At least these kids are teens and you teach them to protect or tell a parent. I wouldn't agree to it but I'd also be willing to move if money was not an issue for a few years.

My kids don't do any sports where they are ever by themselves with adults or in any sort of locker rooms. And they've done a wide variety of sports.

Mine do. Yours probably are doing rec and not team sports.

Nope. Highly competitive team sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who’s son is traveling the world with the u.s.national under 18 hockey team. Maybe it’s different because he is with an entire team but when they are at the training facility the kids all live with host families. He committed to a D1 school (as much as it is allowed) as a fresh and will be drafted in the 1st round of the NHL draft this year. So for him it’s a dream come true.

[/b]I would be less worried about my hockey player son being assaulted. I also think teens still need some parental guidance. In this case, the traveling makes the situation harder for a parent. As much as possible I would want to travel with him, and would certainly live near the training facility with him.

You haven't done your research then.

Where are you reading that male hockey players are sexually assaulted more than female athletes? I have seen the studies that speak to all male athletes saying they are sexually assaulted more than female athletes. But when you remove peer to peer sexual assault, then female athletes are more often sexually assualted by adults.

I’m curious what makes hockey player sexual assault more prevelant than female athletes across all sports.

No where did I say "all" female sports.

I was responding to the statement that you should be far less concerned about your teen boy hockey player being sexually abused than your teen gurl figure skater.

Youth elite and travel hockey has been rocked by multiple sex abuse scandals of players by coaches in the past few years. New Jersey, Massachusetts, Delaware, Pennsylvania and Vermont have all had institutionalized sexual abuse of players some to light recently, including one that was discovered when an NHL player who played at very high levels of youth hockey (probably similar to what that poster describes) went public with the abuse he and other players suffered.[b]

You are hiding your head in the sand to think that figure skating girls are more at risk than hockey playing boys. Is it because one wears rhinestones and the others carry sticks?

Frankly, I would worry more about my son than my daughter. There is far less support and way more stigma for a teen boy to speak up about abuse, particularly at the hands of other male teammates (like Damascus football) or by trusted coaches (like Sandusky and countless others).

Again. What studies support your claims that male hockey players are more abused?

Your hysteria must be coming from actual facts. Educate us.

DP. Don't be stupid. It's well known that sexual abuse of boys is thought to be significantly underreported. But if you don't care about your male children, finding the voluminous discussion about the underreporting of abuse of boys isn't going to help your poor kid.

I think its ironic that the parents arguing this are probably the ones who drop off their kids for sports practice starting at 6-7-8 and leave them for an hour or two and come back not at all concerned about kids in the locker rooms or bathrooms where incidents have and do happen. At least these kids are teens and you teach them to protect or tell a parent. I wouldn't agree to it but I'd also be willing to move if money was not an issue for a few years.

My kids don't do any sports where they are ever by themselves with adults or in any sort of locker rooms. And they've done a wide variety of sports.

Mine do. Yours probably are doing rec and not team sports.

Nope. Highly competitive team sports.

PP here. Specifically: travel soccer including DA, dance team, basketball, gymnastics, lacrosse, and track. Kids are not alone with coaches and not in locker rooms. The closest thing to a locker room would be a crowded bathroom at gymnastics meets.

I don't know what sketchy sports you are talking about, but most good coaches these days don't want to have unsupervised time with kids and are careful to keep appropriate boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does something like this get a kid into college? No. So my answer would be no. I value education more than sports glory.

Being an elite athlete absolutely helps with getting into college, especially elite schools. This is true even if the school doesn't have that sport and even if the kid never quite makes it to the Olympics or the equitfor the sport.

I wouldn't do it for this hook and you need to have competitive grades, but elite athletic experience can be a great way to stand out for college.

[Anonymous]

No way.

[Anonymous]

I would send her. Lots of visits of course. I would hate to have to wonder “what if” my whole life (you or your daughter.).

[Anonymous]

I feel like if you've already let your daughter go this far into the sport and invest so much of her life into it you can't just pull the rug out now and not give her the chance to live things out to her fullest potential. Yeah it may not work, yeah she may have issues that develop, but those things can happen living at home too.

I did ballet for hours every night all through high school. I missed all the Friday night football games. Every summer while my peers partied I went away to summer ballet programs. Senior prom was the same night as an important rehearsal and I went to the rehearsal. I imagine your daughter's life is similar. If she has already dedicated (or in other words, "lost") her childhood to this sport, you owe it to her to let her keep going.

I would definitely suggest you go with her though. Or the grandparent idea was a great one too.

[Anonymous]

I would want to talk to other teams that have trained with this coach and get the 'real' scoop on what life is like.

I would also want to 'vet' the host family and be in close contact.

Pretty much all athletes who get to the Olympics have taken non traditional routes through adolescence. If no one did what you are proposing OP, then there wouldn't be an ice skating team. I think you have to go into it eyes open - being cautious and inquisitive about all aspects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my child were that talented and wanted to go, I would not hesitate to set her free. In my country, many talented youths were placed in academic and athletic boarding schools. It was the norm for these children.

Communist Bloc? There is a whole lot going on with these athletes that is abnormal.

[Anonymous]

.

Nope. Highly competitive team sports.

PP here. Specifically: travel soccer including DA, dance team, basketball, gymnastics, lacrosse, and track. Kids are not alone with coaches and not in locker rooms. The closest thing to a locker room would be a crowded bathroom at gymnastics meets.

I don't know what sketchy sports you are talking about, but most good coaches these days don't want to have unsupervised time with kids and are careful to keep appropriate boundaries.

You do realize there are more sports than that that practice 4-7+ days a week except some kids shower afterward and parents do drop off. No coaches in the locker rooms which concerns me when you are at public facilities where anyone can walk in.

[Anonymous]

I’m canadian and to us this is normal. All my brothers left home to live with billet families for hockey. Most of my high school friends that were any good at hockey left home too. My brothers played in the NHL and can’t imagine how it would have. Been if my parents had taken that away from them. One of my brothers has won the cup twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who’s son is traveling the world with the u.s.national under 18 hockey team. Maybe it’s different because he is with an entire team but when they are at the training facility the kids all live with host families. He committed to a D1 school (as much as it is allowed) as a fresh and will be drafted in the 1st round of the NHL draft this year. So for him it’s a dream come true.

[/b]I would be less worried about my hockey player son being assaulted. I also think teens still need some parental guidance. In this case, the traveling makes the situation harder for a parent. As much as possible I would want to travel with him, and would certainly live near the training facility with him.

You haven't done your research then.

Where are you reading that male hockey players are sexually assaulted more than female athletes? I have seen the studies that speak to all male athletes saying they are sexually assaulted more than female athletes. But when you remove peer to peer sexual assault, then female athletes are more often sexually assualted by adults.

I’m curious what makes hockey player sexual assault more prevelant than female athletes across all sports.

No where did I say "all" female sports.

I was responding to the statement that you should be far less concerned about your teen boy hockey player being sexually abused than your teen gurl figure skater.

Youth elite and travel hockey has been rocked by multiple sex abuse scandals of players by coaches in the past few years. New Jersey, Massachusetts, Delaware, Pennsylvania and Vermont have all had institutionalized sexual abuse of players some to light recently, including one that was discovered when an NHL player who played at very high levels of youth hockey (probably similar to what that poster describes) went public with the abuse he and other players suffered.[b]

You are hiding your head in the sand to think that figure skating girls are more at risk than hockey playing boys. Is it because one wears rhinestones and the others carry sticks?

Frankly, I would worry more about my son than my daughter. There is far less support and way more stigma for a teen boy to speak up about abuse, particularly at the hands of other male teammates (like Damascus football) or by trusted coaches (like Sandusky and countless others).

Again. What studies support your claims that male hockey players are more abused?

Your hysteria must be coming from actual facts. Educate us.

DP. Don't be stupid. It's well known that sexual abuse of boys is thought to be significantly underreported. But if you don't care about your male children, finding the voluminous discussion about the underreporting of abuse of boys isn't going to help your poor kid.

I think its ironic that the parents arguing this are probably the ones who drop off their kids for sports practice starting at 6-7-8 and leave them for an hour or two and come back not at all concerned about kids in the locker rooms or bathrooms where incidents have and do happen. At least these kids are teens and you teach them to protect or tell a parent. I wouldn't agree to it but I'd also be willing to move if money was not an issue for a few years.

My kids don't do any sports where they are ever by themselves with adults or in any sort of locker rooms. And they've done a wide variety of sports.

Mine do. Yours probably are doing rec and not team sports.

Nope. Highly competitive team sports.

PP here. Specifically: travel soccer including DA, dance team, basketball, gymnastics, lacrosse, and track. Kids are not alone with coaches and not in locker rooms. The closest thing to a locker room would be a crowded bathroom at gymnastics meets.

I don't know what sketchy sports you are talking about, but most good coaches these days don't want to have unsupervised time with kids and are careful to keep appropriate boundaries.

Your kids are never in locker rooms? No school sports then? I appreciate that you are keeping an eye on your kids but I find this claim a bit dubious if they are older.

[Anonymous]

OP, I spent a lot of time on the road with my trainers from the age of 15 on. Different sport. I would support her if you can. I didn’t make it to the Olympics but still participate in my sport and it is still very, very important to me.

She does need to be smart and you need to talk with her about avoiding scandals. I knew very well about adult predators in my sport (rife with them) so I knew not to take their overtures seriously.

[Anonymous]

SafeSport has just published a statement accusing US Figure Skating of promoting a culture of "grooming and abuse." It sounds like they are headed for a Karolyi ranch/Larry Nassar-esque nightmare like USA Gymnastics is currently dealing with.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2019/03/04/figure-skating-culture-grooming-abuse-probe-safesport/3053528002/

The article specifically mentions pairs skating. I don't find this hard to believe--the gold medalists in Pyeongchang were highly unusual in that Aljona Savchenko was 5 years older than Bruno Massot. Usually it's an older guy and a younger girl, and there's a shortage of male pairs skaters so they can get away with more bad behavior. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SafeSport has just published a statement accusing US Figure Skating of promoting a culture of "grooming and abuse." It sounds like they are headed for a Karolyi ranch/Larry Nassar-esque nightmare like USA Gymnastics is currently dealing with.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2019/03/04/figure-skating-culture-grooming-abuse-probe-safesport/3053528002/

The article specifically mentions pairs skating. I don't find this hard to believe--the gold medalists in Pyeongchang were highly unusual in that Aljona Savchenko was 5 years older than Bruno Massot. Usually it's an older guy and a younger girl, and there's a shortage of male pairs skaters so they can get away with more bad behavior. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

Katya Gordeeva by her own admission had sex with Sergei in the Olympic Village when she was 16 and he was in his 20s.

Oksana Baiul started drinking when she was a teen on the circuit with Stars on Ice and the other performers were adults or nearly drinking age.

Gracie Gold nearly lost her life; she was suicidal and has fought an eating disorder for years. Jenny Kirk has been open about how eating disorders are rampant in the sport.

All that being said, there's a lot of beauty, strength and prestige in the sport as well.

But let's be real. Unless your daughter is or will be capable of landing a throw *quad* jump, she doesn't have much of a chance of realizing her Olympic/World dreams. Do you get that that's where the levels are heading, that throw 3As and quads are now the standard?

American pairs were the first to land throw 3As and that quad Salchow, and don't have even World medals to show for it! It's insane.