Allow your almost 15 year old daughter to move away for skating with her partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea, I don't know about this. I would look to successful female skaters and see what they have to say about moving away and training so competitively at such a young age. Mirai Nagasu, Ashley Wagner, Gracie Gold, Tessa Virtue... they've all said they thought it was worth it but probably wouldn't let their own daughters do it. They've all dealt with issues such as eating disorders, sexual abuse, anxiety, body image issues, etc. Do you want that for your daughter?

There was rampant sexual abuse of gymnasts at Michigan right in front of the parents. This isn’t a ‘going away to train’ issue. It’s an every day issue.

She’s talented and wants to go - let her go. Keep communicating with her and visit regularly.

[Anonymous]

All of the people on here don’t have elite athletes for kids and they appear to be very risk averse and controlling. They don’t know your daughter or her world. Why crowd source this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what I would do. But a cautionary tale for you: My cousin had a friend in high school who was an excellent hockey player. He was offered the same thing, and at age 15, moved a two-hour flight away to live with a host family to play hockey.

Years later it came out that the host dad was an abusive alcoholic but a connected figure in youth hockey so everyone gave him a pass. In the meantime the kid grew up and did play D1 hockey. But he was never quite good enough to make the NHL. Eventually after years of hoping he'd get called up and failing, he went to play in a second-tier foreign league. Finally he moved back, over 30 years old, with no marketable job skills and a useless degree from a D1 school. He now makes his living coaching youth hockey and I think doing some side work for his dad.

Meanwhile the strain of having their kid so far away while having other
kids to raise as well broke the marriage of the parents, and the divorce was contentious, so the financial hit was significant. There's a lot of resentment involving the other siblings too.

Apparently this sort of experience isn't uncommon. Abuse is rampant. Kids usually don't make the Olympics/pros. Families break from the strain.

Obviously sometimes it works really well, but I think those are the stories you hear about, not the cautionary tales.

Lots of marriages break up for a lot of reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SafeSport has just published a statement accusing US Figure Skating of promoting a culture of "grooming and abuse." It sounds like they are headed for a Karolyi ranch/Larry Nassar-esque nightmare like USA Gymnastics is currently dealing with.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2019/03/04/figure-skating-culture-grooming-abuse-probe-safesport/3053528002/

The article specifically mentions pairs skating. I don't find this hard to believe--the gold medalists in Pyeongchang were highly unusual in that Aljona Savchenko was 5 years older than Bruno Massot. Usually it's an older guy and a younger girl, and there's a shortage of male pairs skaters so they can get away with more bad behavior. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

So talk to yoyr kid. Get counseling regularly. Be aware. But should everyone quit and hide in their homes? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live near one of the top figure skating training facilities in the US and have met a few former skaters who have kids in school or activities with my kids. The ones who have daughters don’t have them in figure skating—they skate for fun, but none of the former skaters feel that it was a positive experience to have grown up in that environment. One was a pairs skater and while I don’t know her well enough for details, I’ve heard her state that the relationship she had with her partner was abusive.

I too know many of the past Olympic skating medalists and the truth of the matter is that the reason "most" of them don't have kids in competitive skating is that Olympic caliber-talent and motivation simply doesn't reoccur consistently through generations. A child who has the drive and talent to skate competitively will rocket through recreational skating. A child that doesn't will be content to skate for fun. Olympic medalist parents know that very well so when they see their children don't have what it takes, they don't push them to where they have no business being.

Someone upthread mentioned Katia Gordeeva, the finest pair skater that ever lived, some say, twice Olympic champion, four times World champion. She has two daughters with not one but two different Olympic champion skaters - one with her late husband Sergei Grinkov, the other with singles men champion Ilya Kulik. If you could breed children for competitive skating, you couldn't ask for a better set of genes - both parents are Olympic champions!

Both girls grew up on the ice as can be expected, skating in shows and being adorable. The older one was not interested in skating competitively so left it alone. The younger one is slowly advancing through the ranks but is hardly a prodigy. I suspect she will maybe make it US Nationals but no more. The combination of major talent and drive to succeed is just too rare, and results don't happen without both of these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live near one of the top figure skating training facilities in the US and have met a few former skaters who have kids in school or activities with my kids. The ones who have daughters don’t have them in figure skating—they skate for fun, but none of the former skaters feel that it was a positive experience to have grown up in that environment. One was a pairs skater and while I don’t know her well enough for details, I’ve heard her state that the relationship she had with her partner was abusive.

I too know many of the past Olympic skating medalists and the truth of the matter is that the reason "most" of them don't have kids in competitive skating is that Olympic caliber-talent and motivation simply doesn't reoccur consistently through generations. A child who has the drive and talent to skate competitively will rocket through recreational skating. A child that doesn't will be content to skate for fun. Olympic medalist parents know that very well so when they see their children don't have what it takes, they don't push them to where they have no business being.

Someone upthread mentioned Katia Gordeeva, the finest pair skater that ever lived, some say, twice Olympic champion, four times World champion. She has two daughters with not one but two different Olympic champion skaters - one with her late husband Sergei Grinkov, the other with singles men champion Ilya Kulik. If you could breed children for competitive skating, you couldn't ask for a better set of genes - both parents are Olympic champions!

Both girls grew up on the ice as can be expected, skating in shows and being adorable. The older one was not interested in skating competitively so left it alone. The younger one is slowly advancing through the ranks but is hardly a prodigy. I suspect she will maybe make it US Nationals but no more. The combination of major talent and drive to succeed is just too rare, and results don't happen without both of these things.

I hope that she is doing well - I hate how her first husband died so young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live near one of the top figure skating training facilities in the US and have met a few former skaters who have kids in school or activities with my kids. The ones who have daughters don’t have them in figure skating—they skate for fun, but none of the former skaters feel that it was a positive experience to have grown up in that environment. One was a pairs skater and while I don’t know her well enough for details, I’ve heard her state that the relationship she had with her partner was abusive.

I too know many of the past Olympic skating medalists and the truth of the matter is that the reason "most" of them don't have kids in competitive skating is that Olympic caliber-talent and motivation simply doesn't reoccur consistently through generations. A child who has the drive and talent to skate competitively will rocket through recreational skating. A child that doesn't will be content to skate for fun. Olympic medalist parents know that very well so when they see their children don't have what it takes, they don't push them to where they have no business being.

Someone upthread mentioned Katia Gordeeva, the finest pair skater that ever lived, some say, twice Olympic champion, four times World champion. She has two daughters with not one but two different Olympic champion skaters - one with her late husband Sergei Grinkov, the other with singles men champion Ilya Kulik. If you could breed children for competitive skating, you couldn't ask for a better set of genes - both parents are Olympic champions!

Both girls grew up on the ice as can be expected, skating in shows and being adorable. The older one was not interested in skating competitively so left it alone. The younger one is slowly advancing through the ranks but is hardly a prodigy. I suspect she will maybe make it US Nationals but no more. The combination of major talent and drive to succeed is just too rare, and results don't happen without both of these things.

I hope that she is doing well - I hate how her first husband died so young.

She seems to be! She joined the skating shows when professional skating was still popular. She's done some commenting, some coaching, and is generally still a revered and beloved figure in the sport. And yes, married to Ilya Kulik, a superstar in his own right. It was horrible, an awful tragedy when Sergei died so young.

What's interesting is that one of the people training with him at the time, Albertville silver medalist Paul Wylie, went through his own heart scare a few years later--collapsed while training for a run and very nearly died. But he has gotten back to good health, thankfully. It's just crazy that these lifelong athletes who eat so well and get so much great exercise are just as vulnerable as the rest of us in many ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea, I don't know about this. I would look to successful female skaters and see what they have to say about moving away and training so competitively at such a young age. Mirai Nagasu, Ashley Wagner, Gracie Gold, Tessa Virtue... they've all said they thought it was worth it but probably wouldn't let their own daughters do it. They've all dealt with issues such as eating disorders, sexual abuse, anxiety, body image issues, etc. Do you want that for your daughter?

There was rampant sexual abuse of gymnasts at Michigan right in front of the parents. This isn’t a ‘going away to train’ issue. It’s an every day issue.

She’s talented and wants to go - let her go. Keep communicating with her and visit regularly.

It was Michigan State and US Gynastics. Many of the kids and parents actually did complain to USA Gymnastics, MSU Officials, and the Police. The Doctor was able to claim that the sexual assault was actually a medical technoque and the kids were all wrong. It was BS but the various officials all believed his explination.

Part of the reason the case is so awful for me is that a good number of people did report his behavior and they were ignored. It never should have gotten as big as it did. The first victim actually told her parents about what was happening and her parents believed him over her.

[Anonymous]

If they are that good, then yes. Do you really want to hear ten years from now how you ruined her life and her Olympic dream?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live near one of the top figure skating training facilities in the US and have met a few former skaters who have kids in school or activities with my kids. The ones who have daughters don’t have them in figure skating—they skate for fun, but none of the former skaters feel that it was a positive experience to have grown up in that environment. One was a pairs skater and while I don’t know her well enough for details, I’ve heard her state that the relationship she had with her partner was abusive.

I too know many of the past Olympic skating medalists and the truth of the matter is that the reason "most" of them don't have kids in competitive skating is that Olympic caliber-talent and motivation simply doesn't reoccur consistently through generations. A child who has the drive and talent to skate competitively will rocket through recreational skating. A child that doesn't will be content to skate for fun. Olympic medalist parents know that very well so when they see their children don't have what it takes, they don't push them to where they have no business being.

Someone upthread mentioned Katia Gordeeva, the finest pair skater that ever lived, some say, twice Olympic champion, four times World champion. She has two daughters with not one but two different Olympic champion skaters - one with her late husband Sergei Grinkov, the other with singles men champion Ilya Kulik. If you could breed children for competitive skating, you couldn't ask for a better set of genes - both parents are Olympic champions!

Both girls grew up on the ice as can be expected, skating in shows and being adorable. The older one was not interested in skating competitively so left it alone. The younger one is slowly advancing through the ranks but is hardly a prodigy. I suspect she will maybe make it US Nationals but no more. The combination of major talent and drive to succeed is just too rare, and results don't happen without both of these things.

I hope that she is doing well - I hate how her first husband died so young.

She seems to be! She joined the skating shows when professional skating was still popular. She's done some commenting, some coaching, and is generally still a revered and beloved figure in the sport. And yes, married to Ilya Kulik, a superstar in his own right. It was horrible, an awful tragedy when Sergei died so young.

What's interesting is that one of the people training with him at the time, Albertville silver medalist Paul Wylie, went through his own heart scare a few years later--collapsed while training for a run and very nearly died. But he has gotten back to good health, thankfully. It's just crazy that these lifelong athletes who eat so well and get so much great exercise are just as vulnerable as the rest of us in many ways.

It’s scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my child were that talented and wanted to go, I would not hesitate to set her free. In my country, many talented youths were placed in academic and athletic boarding schools. It was the norm for these children.

Communist Bloc? There is a whole lot going on with these athletes that is abnormal.

I went to one of those communist super athlete farms and I turned out just fine. We never had any abuse and both girls and boys dormitories were adequately monitored; in bed by 10pm (usually 9pm) at the latest and all homework needed to be done. I would say majority of the staff were there to keep us focused and they were all well-vetted. I was also never offered any "enhancing" drugs. Comparing farm boarding schools to other Soviet schools and nutrition in general, we had an excellent spread in our dining hall. Anything your heart desires and more. Our education was also highly scrutinized and we had the same curriculum, but much better teachers as your regular Soviet school kid. Anything your heart desires and more. We're talking the late 80s/early 90s when things were really tough over there.

I think things started to get crazy lately, because of the $$$ involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my child were that talented and wanted to go, I would not hesitate to set her free. In my country, many talented youths were placed in academic and athletic boarding schools. It was the norm for these children.

Communist Bloc? There is a whole lot going on with these athletes that is abnormal.

I went to one of those communist super athlete farms and I turned out just fine. We never had any abuse and both girls and boys dormitories were adequately monitored; in bed by 10pm (usually 9pm) at the latest and all homework needed to be done. I would say majority of the staff were there to keep us focused and they were all well-vetted. I was also never offered any "enhancing" drugs. Comparing farm boarding schools to other Soviet schools and nutrition in general, we had an excellent spread in our dining hall. Anything your heart desires and more. Our education was also highly scrutinized and we had the same curriculum, but much better teachers as your regular Soviet school kid. Anything your heart desires and more. We're talking the late 80s/early 90s when things were really tough over there.

I think things started to get crazy lately, because of the $$$ involved.

Which sport if you don’t mind me asking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live near one of the top figure skating training facilities in the US and have met a few former skaters who have kids in school or activities with my kids. The ones who have daughters don’t have them in figure skating—they skate for fun, but none of the former skaters feel that it was a positive experience to have grown up in that environment. One was a pairs skater and while I don’t know her well enough for details, I’ve heard her state that the relationship she had with her partner was abusive.

I too know many of the past Olympic skating medalists and the truth of the matter is that the reason "most" of them don't have kids in competitive skating is that Olympic caliber-talent and motivation simply doesn't reoccur consistently through generations. A child who has the drive and talent to skate competitively will rocket through recreational skating. A child that doesn't will be content to skate for fun. Olympic medalist parents know that very well so when they see their children don't have what it takes, they don't push them to where they have no business being.

Someone upthread mentioned Katia Gordeeva, the finest pair skater that ever lived, some say, twice Olympic champion, four times World champion. She has two daughters with not one but two different Olympic champion skaters - one with her late husband Sergei Grinkov, the other with singles men champion Ilya Kulik. If you could breed children for competitive skating, you couldn't ask for a better set of genes - both parents are Olympic champions!

Both girls grew up on the ice as can be expected, skating in shows and being adorable. The older one was not interested in skating competitively so left it alone. The younger one is slowly advancing through the ranks but is hardly a prodigy. I suspect she will maybe make it US Nationals but no more. The combination of major talent and drive to succeed is just too rare, and results don't happen without both of these things.

I hope that she is doing well - I hate how her first husband died so young.

She seems to be! She joined the skating shows when professional skating was still popular. She's done some commenting, some coaching, and is generally still a revered and beloved figure in the sport. And yes, married to Ilya Kulik, a superstar in his own right. It was horrible, an awful tragedy when Sergei died so young.

What's interesting is that one of the people training with him at the time, Albertville silver medalist Paul Wylie, went through his own heart scare a few years later--collapsed while training for a run and very nearly died. But he has gotten back to good health, thankfully. It's just crazy that these lifelong athletes who eat so well and get so much great exercise are just as vulnerable as the rest of us in many ways.

It’s scary.

He died of an enlarged heart. No amount of diet or exercise can fix that. The only solution is a heart transplant.

I loved watching them skate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live near one of the top figure skating training facilities in the US and have met a few former skaters who have kids in school or activities with my kids. The ones who have daughters don’t have them in figure skating—they skate for fun, but none of the former skaters feel that it was a positive experience to have grown up in that environment. One was a pairs skater and while I don’t know her well enough for details, I’ve heard her state that the relationship she had with her partner was abusive.

I too know many of the past Olympic skating medalists and the truth of the matter is that the reason "most" of them don't have kids in competitive skating is that Olympic caliber-talent and motivation simply doesn't reoccur consistently through generations. A child who has the drive and talent to skate competitively will rocket through recreational skating. A child that doesn't will be content to skate for fun. Olympic medalist parents know that very well so when they see their children don't have what it takes, they don't push them to where they have no business being.

Someone upthread mentioned Katia Gordeeva, the finest pair skater that ever lived, some say, twice Olympic champion, four times World champion. She has two daughters with not one but two different Olympic champion skaters - one with her late husband Sergei Grinkov, the other with singles men champion Ilya Kulik. If you could breed children for competitive skating, you couldn't ask for a better set of genes - both parents are Olympic champions!

Both girls grew up on the ice as can be expected, skating in shows and being adorable. The older one was not interested in skating competitively so left it alone. The younger one is slowly advancing through the ranks but is hardly a prodigy. I suspect she will maybe make it US Nationals but no more. The combination of major talent and drive to succeed is just too rare, and results don't happen without both of these things.

I hope that she is doing well - I hate how her first husband died so young.

She seems to be! She joined the skating shows when professional skating was still popular. She's done some commenting, some coaching, and is generally still a revered and beloved figure in the sport. And yes, married to Ilya Kulik, a superstar in his own right. It was horrible, an awful tragedy when Sergei died so young.

What's interesting is that one of the people training with him at the time, Albertville silver medalist Paul Wylie, went through his own heart scare a few years later--collapsed while training for a run and very nearly died. But he has gotten back to good health, thankfully. It's just crazy that these lifelong athletes who eat so well and get so much great exercise are just as vulnerable as the rest of us in many ways.

It’s scary.

He died of an enlarged heart. No amount of diet or exercise can fix that. The only solution is a heart transplant.

I loved watching them skate.

A heart transplant? Sometimes an enlarged heart is a temporary effect from a virus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live near one of the top figure skating training facilities in the US and have met a few former skaters who have kids in school or activities with my kids. The ones who have daughters don’t have them in figure skating—they skate for fun, but none of the former skaters feel that it was a positive experience to have grown up in that environment. One was a pairs skater and while I don’t know her well enough for details, I’ve heard her state that the relationship she had with her partner was abusive.

I too know many of the past Olympic skating medalists and the truth of the matter is that the reason "most" of them don't have kids in competitive skating is that Olympic caliber-talent and motivation simply doesn't reoccur consistently through generations. A child who has the drive and talent to skate competitively will rocket through recreational skating. A child that doesn't will be content to skate for fun. Olympic medalist parents know that very well so when they see their children don't have what it takes, they don't push them to where they have no business being.

Someone upthread mentioned Katia Gordeeva, the finest pair skater that ever lived, some say, twice Olympic champion, four times World champion. She has two daughters with not one but two different Olympic champion skaters - one with her late husband Sergei Grinkov, the other with singles men champion Ilya Kulik. If you could breed children for competitive skating, you couldn't ask for a better set of genes - both parents are Olympic champions!

Both girls grew up on the ice as can be expected, skating in shows and being adorable. The older one was not interested in skating competitively so left it alone. The younger one is slowly advancing through the ranks but is hardly a prodigy. I suspect she will maybe make it US Nationals but no more. The combination of major talent and drive to succeed is just too rare, and results don't happen without both of these things.

I hope that she is doing well - I hate how her first husband died so young.

She seems to be! She joined the skating shows when professional skating was still popular. She's done some commenting, some coaching, and is generally still a revered and beloved figure in the sport. And yes, married to Ilya Kulik, a superstar in his own right. It was horrible, an awful tragedy when Sergei died so young.

What's interesting is that one of the people training with him at the time, Albertville silver medalist Paul Wylie, went through his own heart scare a few years later--collapsed while training for a run and very nearly died. But he has gotten back to good health, thankfully. It's just crazy that these lifelong athletes who eat so well and get so much great exercise are just as vulnerable as the rest of us in many ways.

It’s scary.

He died of an enlarged heart. No amount of diet or exercise can fix that. The only solution is a heart transplant.

I loved watching them skate.

A heart transplant? Sometimes an enlarged heart is a temporary effect from a virus.

https://www.healthxchange.sg/heart-lungs/heart-disease/viral-myocarditis-virus-heart