Allow your almost 15 year old daughter to move away for skating with her partner?

[Anonymous]

I live near one of the top figure skating training facilities in the US and have met a few former skaters who have kids in school or activities with my kids. The ones who have daughters don’t have them in figure skating—they skate for fun, but none of the former skaters feel that it was a positive experience to have grown up in that environment. One was a pairs skater and while I don’t know her well enough for details, I’ve heard her state that the relationship she had with her partner was abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised no one is worried about the partner aspect of all this. Yes, living with a host family/splitting up the family is a huge decision but allowing your 15 year old daughter to move to a different state with a 16 year old boy in an incredibly high stress environment?? That sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Not to be stereotypical, but a lot of male figure skaters are not into girls.

OP, is her partner gay? That might be more of a big brother situation.

[Anonymous]

No, but if cost wasn't an issue I'd consider renting an apartment and living there with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who’s son is traveling the world with the u.s.national under 18 hockey team. Maybe it’s different because he is with an entire team but when they are at the training facility the kids all live with host families. He committed to a D1 school (as much as it is allowed) as a fresh and will be drafted in the 1st round of the NHL draft this year. So for him it’s a dream come true.

I would be less worried about my hockey player son being assaulted. I also think teens still need some parental guidance. In this case, the traveling makes the situation harder for a parent. As much as possible I would want to travel with him, and would certainly live near the training facility with him.

[Anonymous]

If my child were that talented and wanted to go, I would not hesitate to set her free. In my country, many talented youths were placed in academic and athletic boarding schools. It was the norm for these children.

[Anonymous]

In fact, many of my friends landed in the States as exchange students in the same age group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who’s son is traveling the world with the u.s.national under 18 hockey team. Maybe it’s different because he is with an entire team but when they are at the training facility the kids all live with host families. He committed to a D1 school (as much as it is allowed) as a fresh and will be drafted in the 1st round of the NHL draft this year. So for him it’s a dream come true.

I would be less worried about my hockey player son being assaulted. I also think teens still need some parental guidance. In this case, the traveling makes the situation harder for a parent. As much as possible I would want to travel with him, and would certainly live near the training facility with him.

See, it's not just potentially moving the whole family (or just mom) to a different state, it's traveling around the world for various competitions too. The junior competitions are *everywhere*, unlike seniors. It's a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised no one is worried about the partner aspect of all this. Yes, living with a host family/splitting up the family is a huge decision but allowing your 15 year old daughter to move to a different state with a 16 year old boy in an incredibly high stress environment?? That sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Not to be stereotypical, but a lot of male figure skaters are not into girls.

OP, is her partner gay? That might be more of a big brother situation.

Maybe for pairs, but not ice dance, really.

[Anonymous]

No way. I had several swimming teammates who relocated at that age to go train with an elite program. It went disastrously wrong for both of the girls...eating disorders, mental illness, and other things that went on way too long without a parent’s watchful eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who’s son is traveling the world with the u.s.national under 18 hockey team. Maybe it’s different because he is with an entire team but when they are at the training facility the kids all live with host families. He committed to a D1 school (as much as it is allowed) as a fresh and will be drafted in the 1st round of the NHL draft this year. So for him it’s a dream come true.

[/b]I would be less worried about my hockey player son being assaulted. [b]I also think teens still need some parental guidance. In this case, the traveling makes the situation harder for a parent. As much as possible I would want to travel with him, and would certainly live near the training facility with him.

You haven't done your research then.

[Anonymous]

At 15-I personally would let my DD lead the momentum of the decision. I do not feel markedly different in my core than I did at 15. Its not that I didn’t mature but I knew myself and looking back I’d feel secure that my 15yo self would make the right decision. As a parent of course I would be there as much as I could but at that level of skating her days will be pretty subscribed so if it were me/my kid I’d be there to relieve stresses and offer support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know it's impossible to give all the information/I want to keep some semblance of privacy on here but I will say a few things. 1. Both families are extremely lucky in the fact that cost isn't really a part of the equation here. It certainly factors, but would not make it or break it. 2. The Olympics are absolutely the end goal. These kids are both ridiculously driven, which is part of the reason I hesitate to say no, even though it really goes against my entire being. I really believe they have a chance.

You can’t say no then. If you really believe these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who’s son is traveling the world with the u.s.national under 18 hockey team. Maybe it’s different because he is with an entire team but when they are at the training facility the kids all live with host families. He committed to a D1 school (as much as it is allowed) as a fresh and will be drafted in the 1st round of the NHL draft this year. So for him it’s a dream come true.

[/b]I would be less worried about my hockey player son being assaulted. [b]I also think teens still need some parental guidance. In this case, the traveling makes the situation harder for a parent. As much as possible I would want to travel with him, and would certainly live near the training facility with him.

You haven't done your research then.

Where are you reading that male hockey players are sexually assaulted more than female athletes? I have seen the studies that speak to all male athletes saying they are sexually assaulted more than female athletes. But when you remove peer to peer sexual assault, then female athletes are more often sexually assualted by adults.

I’m curious what makes hockey player sexual assault more prevelant than female athletes across all sports.

[Anonymous]

If your child is Olympic caliber, I would let her at least try it.

Is it outside of Detroit?

[Anonymous]

Your kid will probably not be a gold medalist. Most kids aren't. Even the ones that do win gold get a couple of years worth of endorsements. At that point, they age out of their sport, and need to earn a living for the rest of their lives, but unless they medalled at 16 and went on to college, theu dont have the skills for other jobs.

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