Allow your almost 15 year old daughter to move away for skating with her partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my child were that talented and wanted to go, I would not hesitate to set her free. In my country, many talented youths were placed in academic and athletic boarding schools. It was the norm for these children.

I think a boarding school filled with athletes is different than living with a host family.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what I would do. But a cautionary tale for you: My cousin had a friend in high school who was an excellent hockey player. He was offered the same thing, and at age 15, moved a two-hour flight away to live with a host family to play hockey.

Years later it came out that the host dad was an abusive alcoholic but a connected figure in youth hockey so everyone gave him a pass. In the meantime the kid grew up and did play D1 hockey. But he was never quite good enough to make the NHL. Eventually after years of hoping he'd get called up and failing, he went to play in a second-tier foreign league. Finally he moved back, over 30 years old, with no marketable job skills and a useless degree from a D1 school. He now makes his living coaching youth hockey and I think doing some side work for his dad.

Meanwhile the strain of having their kid so far away while having other
kids to raise as well broke the marriage of the parents, and the divorce was contentious, so the financial hit was significant. There's a lot of resentment involving the other siblings too.

Apparently this sort of experience isn't uncommon. Abuse is rampant. Kids usually don't make the Olympics/pros. Families break from the strain.

Obviously sometimes it works really well, but I think those are the stories you hear about, not the cautionary tales.

[Anonymous]

^ yikes, that is a scary example

[Anonymous]

“Kids don’t usually make the Olympics/pros”— oh yeah. That’s a fact. The odds are not good.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure you know you won't get an answer on this board. Most people wouldn't let their children do this, but, most people's children wouldn't want to do it anyway. You have a kid that does. Best of luck in making your decision. Nobody has a crystal ball, just have to go with your gut.

[Anonymous]

It seems that you’re stuck in a hard place: if you do let her go, there are many risks involved. The family is split. THere are financial burdens. And if you say no, your kid will resent you to no end. She’s probably already alienated herself from the typical high school life and normal friendships because of all the practice time she’s currently doing. It will be a rough transition.
I would not let her go. But then again, I wouldn’t have let it get to this point where it was even an option. Good luck to you. This is a really difficult decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure you know you won't get an answer on this board. Most people wouldn't let their children do this, but, most people's children wouldn't want to do it anyway. You have a kid that does. Best of luck in making your decision. Nobody has a crystal ball, just have to go with your gut.

Hih? OP IS getting answers. There just no the ones that support making such a huge sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

My takeaway from this thread is to not let my kids get the idea in their head of a sport/activity that would take them away from us like this

What a horrible decision to face!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who’s son is traveling the world with the u.s.national under 18 hockey team. Maybe it’s different because he is with an entire team but when they are at the training facility the kids all live with host families. He committed to a D1 school (as much as it is allowed) as a fresh and will be drafted in the 1st round of the NHL draft this year. So for him it’s a dream come true.

[/b]I would be less worried about my hockey player son being assaulted. [b]I also think teens still need some parental guidance. In this case, the traveling makes the situation harder for a parent. As much as possible I would want to travel with him, and would certainly live near the training facility with him.

You haven't done your research then.

Where are you reading that male hockey players are sexually assaulted more than female athletes? I have seen the studies that speak to all male athletes saying they are sexually assaulted more than female athletes. But when you remove peer to peer sexual assault, then female athletes are more often sexually assualted by adults.

I’m curious what makes hockey player sexual assault more prevelant than female athletes across all sports.

No where did I say "all" female sports.

I was responding to the statement that you should be far less concerned about your teen boy hockey player being sexually abused than your teen gurl figure skater.

Youth elite and travel hockey has been rocked by multiple sex abuse scandals of players by coaches in the past few years. New Jersey, Massachusetts, Delaware, Pennsylvania and Vermont have all had institutionalized sexual abuse of players some to light recently, including one that was discovered when an NHL player who played at very high levels of youth hockey (probably similar to what that poster describes) went public with the abuse he and other players suffered.

You are hiding your head in the sand to think that figure skating girls are more at risk than hockey playing boys. Is it because one wears rhinestones and the others carry sticks?

Frankly, I would worry more about my son than my daughter. There is far less support and way more stigma for a teen boy to speak up about abuse, particularly at the hands of other male teammates (like Damascus football) or by trusted coaches (like Sandusky and countless others).

[Anonymous]

Does something like this get a kid into college? No. So my answer would be no. I value education more than sports glory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who’s son is traveling the world with the u.s.national under 18 hockey team. Maybe it’s different because he is with an entire team but when they are at the training facility the kids all live with host families. He committed to a D1 school (as much as it is allowed) as a fresh and will be drafted in the 1st round of the NHL draft this year. So for him it’s a dream come true.

[/b]I would be less worried about my hockey player son being assaulted. I also think teens still need some parental guidance. In this case, the traveling makes the situation harder for a parent. As much as possible I would want to travel with him, and would certainly live near the training facility with him.

You haven't done your research then.

Where are you reading that male hockey players are sexually assaulted more than female athletes? I have seen the studies that speak to all male athletes saying they are sexually assaulted more than female athletes. But when you remove peer to peer sexual assault, then female athletes are more often sexually assualted by adults.

I’m curious what makes hockey player sexual assault more prevelant than female athletes across all sports.

No where did I say "all" female sports.

I was responding to the statement that you should be far less concerned about your teen boy hockey player being sexually abused than your teen gurl figure skater.

Youth elite and travel hockey has been rocked by multiple sex abuse scandals of players by coaches in the past few years. New Jersey, Massachusetts, Delaware, Pennsylvania and Vermont have all had institutionalized sexual abuse of players some to light recently, including one that was discovered when an NHL player who played at very high levels of youth hockey (probably similar to what that poster describes) went public with the abuse he and other players suffered.[b]

You are hiding your head in the sand to think that figure skating girls are more at risk than hockey playing boys. Is it because one wears rhinestones and the others carry sticks?

Frankly, I would worry more about my son than my daughter. There is far less support and way more stigma for a teen boy to speak up about abuse, particularly at the hands of other male teammates (like Damascus football) or by trusted coaches (like Sandusky and countless others).

Again. What studies support your claims that male hockey players are more abused?

Your hysteria must be coming from actual facts. Educate us.

[Anonymous]

A person I went to high school with did just this. They both had to relocate. He went to one Olympics, his then partner went every chance until she retired a few years ago.

If it was a possibility I would say yes.

[Anonymous]

RE: molestation.

With the awareness now this wouldn't be any more of a concern for me than if she was training at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who’s son is traveling the world with the u.s.national under 18 hockey team. Maybe it’s different because he is with an entire team but when they are at the training facility the kids all live with host families. He committed to a D1 school (as much as it is allowed) as a fresh and will be drafted in the 1st round of the NHL draft this year. So for him it’s a dream come true.

[/b]I would be less worried about my hockey player son being assaulted. I also think teens still need some parental guidance. In this case, the traveling makes the situation harder for a parent. As much as possible I would want to travel with him, and would certainly live near the training facility with him.

You haven't done your research then.

Where are you reading that male hockey players are sexually assaulted more than female athletes? I have seen the studies that speak to all male athletes saying they are sexually assaulted more than female athletes. But when you remove peer to peer sexual assault, then female athletes are more often sexually assualted by adults.

I’m curious what makes hockey player sexual assault more prevelant than female athletes across all sports.

No where did I say "all" female sports.

I was responding to the statement that you should be far less concerned about your teen boy hockey player being sexually abused than your teen gurl figure skater.

Youth elite and travel hockey has been rocked by multiple sex abuse scandals of players by coaches in the past few years. New Jersey, Massachusetts, Delaware, Pennsylvania and Vermont have all had institutionalized sexual abuse of players some to light recently, including one that was discovered when an NHL player who played at very high levels of youth hockey (probably similar to what that poster describes) went public with the abuse he and other players suffered.[b]

You are hiding your head in the sand to think that figure skating girls are more at risk than hockey playing boys. Is it because one wears rhinestones and the others carry sticks?

Frankly, I would worry more about my son than my daughter. There is far less support and way more stigma for a teen boy to speak up about abuse, particularly at the hands of other male teammates (like Damascus football) or by trusted coaches (like Sandusky and countless others).

Again. What studies support your claims that male hockey players are more abused?

Your hysteria must be coming from actual facts. Educate us.

DP. Don't be stupid. It's well known that sexual abuse of boys is thought to be significantly underreported. But if you don't care about your male children, finding the voluminous discussion about the underreporting of abuse of boys isn't going to help your poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does something like this get a kid into college? No. So my answer would be no. I value education more than sports glory.

It does get them into college. But query whether once you get there, you could study at all.