Allow your almost 15 year old daughter to move away for skating with her partner?

[Anonymous]

My friend’s son was invited to play soccer at 14 yo to a world famous youth team in Barcelona. They live in Germany. She left one son in Germany with her husband and a nanny, and rented an apartment with her older son in Barcelona, next to his sports school. She didn’t want to take this opportunity from him to play professional soccer. If money is not an issue, there are many options

[Anonymous]

I was a skater who moved away from home to train, except at age 11. it was overwhelming for me and way too much, and I burned out. It sounds like your daughter and her partner are much more mature. If it were my kid and we could afford it, I would allow it but would try to find a way to live there part time, or at least travel there frequently.

[Anonymous]

I would only do it if I could agree to move out with her and she would live with me. It would be hard for 2+ years, but I can't imagine sending her alone.

[Anonymous]

I saw this article today. I don't know. It would make me hesitant unless you could supervise yourself: https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2019/03/04/figure-skating-culture-grooming-abuse-probe-safesport/3053528002/

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who’s son is traveling the world with the u.s.national under 18 hockey team. Maybe it’s different because he is with an entire team but when they are at the training facility the kids all live with host families. He committed to a D1 school (as much as it is allowed) as a fresh and will be drafted in the 1st round of the NHL draft this year. So for him it’s a dream come true.

[/b]I would be less worried about my hockey player son being assaulted. I also think teens still need some parental guidance. In this case, the traveling makes the situation harder for a parent. As much as possible I would want to travel with him, and would certainly live near the training facility with him.

You haven't done your research then.

Where are you reading that male hockey players are sexually assaulted more than female athletes? I have seen the studies that speak to all male athletes saying they are sexually assaulted more than female athletes. But when you remove peer to peer sexual assault, then female athletes are more often sexually assualted by adults.

I’m curious what makes hockey player sexual assault more prevelant than female athletes across all sports.

No where did I say "all" female sports.

I was responding to the statement that you should be far less concerned about your teen boy hockey player being sexually abused than your teen gurl figure skater.

Youth elite and travel hockey has been rocked by multiple sex abuse scandals of players by coaches in the past few years. New Jersey, Massachusetts, Delaware, Pennsylvania and Vermont have all had institutionalized sexual abuse of players some to light recently, including one that was discovered when an NHL player who played at very high levels of youth hockey (probably similar to what that poster describes) went public with the abuse he and other players suffered.[b]

You are hiding your head in the sand to think that figure skating girls are more at risk than hockey playing boys. Is it because one wears rhinestones and the others carry sticks?

Frankly, I would worry more about my son than my daughter. There is far less support and way more stigma for a teen boy to speak up about abuse, particularly at the hands of other male teammates (like Damascus football) or by trusted coaches (like Sandusky and countless others).

Again. What studies support your claims that male hockey players are more abused?

Your hysteria must be coming from actual facts. Educate us.

DP. Don't be stupid. It's well known that sexual abuse of boys is thought to be significantly underreported. But if you don't care about your male children, finding the voluminous discussion about the underreporting of abuse of boys isn't going to help your poor kid.

I think its ironic that the parents arguing this are probably the ones who drop off their kids for sports practice starting at 6-7-8 and leave them for an hour or two and come back not at all concerned about kids in the locker rooms or bathrooms where incidents have and do happen. At least these kids are teens and you teach them to protect or tell a parent. I wouldn't agree to it but I'd also be willing to move if money was not an issue for a few years.

My kids don't do any sports where they are ever by themselves with adults or in any sort of locker rooms. And they've done a wide variety of sports.

Mine do. Yours probably are doing rec and not team sports.

Nope. Highly competitive team sports.

PP here. Specifically: travel soccer including DA, dance team, basketball, gymnastics, lacrosse, and track. Kids are not alone with coaches and not in locker rooms. The closest thing to a locker room would be a crowded bathroom at gymnastics meets.

I don't know what sketchy sports you are talking about, but most good coaches these days don't want to have unsupervised time with kids and are careful to keep appropriate boundaries.

You're absolutely an IMBECILE if you believe your children have/will never be in "ANY SORT OF LOCKER ROOM" and have played years and levels of basketball, lacrosse and track..... you're an IDIOT. Jesus christ.

[Anonymous]

I would never do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does something like this get a kid into college? No. So my answer would be no. I value education more than sports glory.

I'm not sure how much you value education when you can't answer the actual question and are intolerant of another person's choice.

[Anonymous]

I think you should do it. They can always move back home if it doesn't work out. Seriously. Let them follow their dreams.
I am so curious about how people are terrified of molestation. I know it happens and is awful. I'm not denying it, but it is not something I'm particularly worried about. Make sure your kids know how to be safe and advocate for themselves.
I say go for it.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read this whole thread. But, I would do it to support my child's dreams. Ideally I would hire a female to look after their moral character. I would have a long talk with the male partner about his responsibilities toward her and with her about how much I loved her and would help her out of any strange situation.

[Anonymous]

Move. At least one of you.

I would never send my kids away to be raised by someone else on the 1 in XX chance they would one day be an Olympian. I would, however, move to be in a better situation with them if it was a realistic option.

[Anonymous]

Would you allow her to participate in a student exchange program if that was where her interest was best served? Say, to move to France with a host family? If so, then why would this be different?

Sports, especially at this level, are not things you can just decide to do later in your life, unlike education or other things. You know your daughter - if she is driven AND talented, you would be causing her to lose what may be her only chance to do what she loves and is fortunate to have skills to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SafeSport has just published a statement accusing US Figure Skating of promoting a culture of "grooming and abuse." It sounds like they are headed for a Karolyi ranch/Larry Nassar-esque nightmare like USA Gymnastics is currently dealing with.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2019/03/04/figure-skating-culture-grooming-abuse-probe-safesport/3053528002/

The article specifically mentions pairs skating. I don't find this hard to believe--the gold medalists in Pyeongchang were highly unusual in that Aljona Savchenko was 5 years older than Bruno Massot. Usually it's an older guy and a younger girl, and there's a shortage of male pairs skaters so they can get away with more bad behavior. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

Katya Gordeeva by her own admission had sex with Sergei in the Olympic Village when she was 16 and he was in his 20s.

Oksana Baiul started drinking when she was a teen on the circuit with Stars on Ice and the other performers were adults or nearly drinking age.

Gracie Gold nearly lost her life; she was suicidal and has fought an eating disorder for years. Jenny Kirk has been open about how eating disorders are rampant in the sport.

All that being said, there's a lot of beauty, strength and prestige in the sport as well.

But let's be real. Unless your daughter is or will be capable of landing a throw *quad* jump, she doesn't have much of a chance of realizing her Olympic/World dreams. Do you get that that's where the levels are heading, that throw 3As and quads are now the standard?

American pairs were the first to land throw 3As and that quad Salchow, and don't have even World medals to show for it! It's insane.

Most teenage girls would have some sexual experimentation at 16, Olympic athletes or not.

Quads are not the standard in pair skating. They are not the standard in ladies' skating either. If OP's daughter or her partner were able to do quads, they'd be in singles skating. Not pairs.

And OP never said her daughter's in pairs, she could be an ice dancer for all you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How apropros. Read this article and tell me that's how you want your daughter to turn out in 15 years...

https://thewalrus.ca/the-olympics-are-over-but-tessa-virtue-is-just-getting-started/

Huh, that's an interesting article. I remember watching them at the olympics. I'm sure that working your whole life toward one thing for hours and hours on end and then suddenly not having that structure anymore must be a difficult transition. No wonder many olympic athletes wind up depressed.

I am related to an Olympic athlete. He didn’t have stardom, but he transitioned back to normal life just fine. He is an academic now.

I was friends in college with a woman who had retired from the ballet. She was a bit old for college and had great posture, but was otherwise just like the rest of us. We lost touch, but I’m sure her post-dance life was full and rich.

I’d say give this a shot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who’s son is traveling the world with the u.s.national under 18 hockey team. Maybe it’s different because he is with an entire team but when they are at the training facility the kids all live with host families. He committed to a D1 school (as much as it is allowed) as a fresh and will be drafted in the 1st round of the NHL draft this year. So for him it’s a dream come true.

[/b]I would be less worried about my hockey player son being assaulted. I also think teens still need some parental guidance. In this case, the traveling makes the situation harder for a parent. As much as possible I would want to travel with him, and would certainly live near the training facility with him.

You haven't done your research then.

Where are you reading that male hockey players are sexually assaulted more than female athletes? I have seen the studies that speak to all male athletes saying they are sexually assaulted more than female athletes. But when you remove peer to peer sexual assault, then female athletes are more often sexually assualted by adults.

I’m curious what makes hockey player sexual assault more prevelant than female athletes across all sports.

No where did I say "all" female sports.

I was responding to the statement that you should be far less concerned about your teen boy hockey player being sexually abused than your teen gurl figure skater.

Youth elite and travel hockey has been rocked by multiple sex abuse scandals of players by coaches in the past few years. New Jersey, Massachusetts, Delaware, Pennsylvania and Vermont have all had institutionalized sexual abuse of players some to light recently, including one that was discovered when an NHL player who played at very high levels of youth hockey (probably similar to what that poster describes) went public with the abuse he and other players suffered.[b]

You are hiding your head in the sand to think that figure skating girls are more at risk than hockey playing boys. Is it because one wears rhinestones and the others carry sticks?

Frankly, I would worry more about my son than my daughter. There is far less support and way more stigma for a teen boy to speak up about abuse, particularly at the hands of other male teammates (like Damascus football) or by trusted coaches (like Sandusky and countless others).

Again. What studies support your claims that male hockey players are more abused?

Your hysteria must be coming from actual facts. Educate us.

DP. Don't be stupid. It's well known that sexual abuse of boys is thought to be significantly underreported. But if you don't care about your male children, finding the voluminous discussion about the underreporting of abuse of boys isn't going to help your poor kid.

I think its ironic that the parents arguing this are probably the ones who drop off their kids for sports practice starting at 6-7-8 and leave them for an hour or two and come back not at all concerned about kids in the locker rooms or bathrooms where incidents have and do happen. At least these kids are teens and you teach them to protect or tell a parent. I wouldn't agree to it but I'd also be willing to move if money was not an issue for a few years.

My kids don't do any sports where they are ever by themselves with adults or in any sort of locker rooms. And they've done a wide variety of sports.

Mine do. Yours probably are doing rec and not team sports.

Nope. Highly competitive team sports.

PP here. Specifically: travel soccer including DA, dance team, basketball, gymnastics, lacrosse, and track. Kids are not alone with coaches and not in locker rooms. The closest thing to a locker room would be a crowded bathroom at gymnastics meets.

I don't know what sketchy sports you are talking about, but most good coaches these days don't want to have unsupervised time with kids and are careful to keep appropriate boundaries.

You're absolutely an IMBECILE if you believe your children have/will never be in "ANY SORT OF LOCKER ROOM" and have played years and levels of basketball, lacrosse and track..... you're an IDIOT. Jesus christ.

Calm down, Karen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does something like this get a kid into college? No. So my answer would be no. I value education more than sports glory.

Actually, "something like this" got Nathan Chen into Yale. But he is a world champion and an Olympic medalist, though.