Why do people have to use the phrase “ we don’t do...”

[Anonymous]

The real issue is that you, the parent, should take some ownership of your decisions. "I do not allow soda." Not "we don't do". You're trying to dilute it, but it is awkward, incorrect, try-hard and a misuse of the collective pronoun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The real issue is that you, the parent, should take some ownership of your decisions. "I do not allow soda." Not "we don't do". You're trying to dilute it, but it is awkward, incorrect, try-hard and a misuse of the collective pronoun.

NP who hasn't read this whole thread so sorry if I'm missing something.

In life you should take ownership of your decisions, but perhaps not in every conversation. We don't watch a lot of tv on weekdays--that statement is literally correct; and I think it's less awkward than, say, "Their dad don't like the kids to watch a lot of tv on weekdays," or "I personally don't like the kids to watch a lot of tv at all, but their dad lets them watch more on the weekends, " etc. You just don't need to provide that much information in a simple conversation about this afternoon's agenda. Likewise, look, if I'm being totally honest, I would say, "My kid doesn't need an afternoon snack because he will fight to the death to keep playing instead of eating, and he'll eat his dinner better if he skips it anyway. I on the other hand, love afternoon snacks to my own detriment." But if what you really want to know is whether we all should plan for my kid to want to snack (which is the only time I can imagine offering this sort of info), then, "we don't usually do snacks" is sufficient!

And if you have the energy to muster a care about whether people say, "We don't eat an afternoon snack" vs. "We don't do afternoon snacks," vs. "Larla doesn't eat an afternoon snack," then kudos to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real issue is that you, the parent, should take some ownership of your decisions. "I do not allow soda." Not "we don't do". You're trying to dilute it, but it is awkward, incorrect, try-hard and a misuse of the collective pronoun.

NP who hasn't read this whole thread so sorry if I'm missing something.

In life you should take ownership of your decisions, but perhaps not in every conversation. We don't watch a lot of tv on weekdays--that statement is literally correct; and I think it's less awkward than, say, "Their dad don't like the kids to watch a lot of tv on weekdays," or "I personally don't like the kids to watch a lot of tv at all, but their dad lets them watch more on the weekends, " etc. You just don't need to provide that much information in a simple conversation about this afternoon's agenda. Likewise, look, if I'm being totally honest, I would say, "My kid doesn't need an afternoon snack because he will fight to the death to keep playing instead of eating, and he'll eat his dinner better if he skips it anyway. I on the other hand, love afternoon snacks to my own detriment." But if what you really want to know is whether we all should plan for my kid to want to snack (which is the only time I can imagine offering this sort of info), then, "we don't usually do snacks" is sufficient!

And if you have the energy to muster a care about whether people say, "We don't eat an afternoon snack" vs. "We don't do afternoon snacks," vs. "Larla doesn't eat an afternoon snack," then kudos to you.

I feel like you missed the point. The real answer is: "I don't allow after school snacks." That is not hard to say, it is true, it is not cutes-y, and it does not avoid any decision-accepting rather than deflect it onto the child. And I don't really care, other than thinking its dumb, but plenty of people do, obviously.

I just say: "I don't let em have two juice boxes." No further explanation needed. Nobody really cares. But, "oh, we don't do another juice box!" See how that is worse? Its annoying and makes people who do in fact do another juice box feel weird. Also, never say 'I'm mean" about this stuff because that is the most annoying try-hardism ever.

Yes, I know this is pedantic. The question begs it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real issue is that you, the parent, should take some ownership of your decisions. "I do not allow soda." Not "we don't do". You're trying to dilute it, but it is awkward, incorrect, try-hard and a misuse of the collective pronoun.

NP who hasn't read this whole thread so sorry if I'm missing something.

In life you should take ownership of your decisions, but perhaps not in every conversation. We don't watch a lot of tv on weekdays--that statement is literally correct; and I think it's less awkward than, say, "Their dad don't like the kids to watch a lot of tv on weekdays," or "I personally don't like the kids to watch a lot of tv at all, but their dad lets them watch more on the weekends, " etc. You just don't need to provide that much information in a simple conversation about this afternoon's agenda. Likewise, look, if I'm being totally honest, I would say, "My kid doesn't need an afternoon snack because he will fight to the death to keep playing instead of eating, and he'll eat his dinner better if he skips it anyway. I on the other hand, love afternoon snacks to my own detriment." But if what you really want to know is whether we all should plan for my kid to want to snack (which is the only time I can imagine offering this sort of info), then, "we don't usually do snacks" is sufficient!

And if you have the energy to muster a care about whether people say, "We don't eat an afternoon snack" vs. "We don't do afternoon snacks," vs. "Larla doesn't eat an afternoon snack," then kudos to you.

I feel like you missed the point. The real answer is: "I don't allow after school snacks." That is not hard to say, it is true, it is not cutes-y, and it does not avoid any decision-accepting rather than deflect it onto the child. And I don't really care, other than thinking its dumb, but plenty of people do, obviously.

I just say: "I don't let em have two juice boxes." No further explanation needed. Nobody really cares. But, "oh, we don't do another juice box!" See how that is worse? Its annoying and makes people who do in fact do another juice box feel weird. Also, never say 'I'm mean" about this stuff because that is the most annoying try-hardism ever.

Yes, I know this is pedantic. The question begs it.

But see, this is the problem. There are two phrases with an identical meaning: "We don't do after school snacks," and "I don't allow after school snacks." Both statements are (1) clear that your kid can't have a snack; and (2) open to the interpretation that you have made a determination that after school snacks are not a good idea, maybe just for your kid, or maybe for all kids and maybe that you are secretly judging everyone who allows their kid to have a snack!! In any event, two similar sentences. And based on three words, you would choose to judge that parent. Can we please stop this? Can we please just give each other the benefit of the doubt? Please?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real issue is that you, the parent, should take some ownership of your decisions. "I do not allow soda." Not "we don't do". You're trying to dilute it, but it is awkward, incorrect, try-hard and a misuse of the collective pronoun.

NP who hasn't read this whole thread so sorry if I'm missing something.

In life you should take ownership of your decisions, but perhaps not in every conversation. We don't watch a lot of tv on weekdays--that statement is literally correct; and I think it's less awkward than, say, "Their dad don't like the kids to watch a lot of tv on weekdays," or "I personally don't like the kids to watch a lot of tv at all, but their dad lets them watch more on the weekends, " etc. You just don't need to provide that much information in a simple conversation about this afternoon's agenda. Likewise, look, if I'm being totally honest, I would say, "My kid doesn't need an afternoon snack because he will fight to the death to keep playing instead of eating, and he'll eat his dinner better if he skips it anyway. I on the other hand, love afternoon snacks to my own detriment." But if what you really want to know is whether we all should plan for my kid to want to snack (which is the only time I can imagine offering this sort of info), then, "we don't usually do snacks" is sufficient!

And if you have the energy to muster a care about whether people say, "We don't eat an afternoon snack" vs. "We don't do afternoon snacks," vs. "Larla doesn't eat an afternoon snack," then kudos to you.

I feel like you missed the point. The real answer is: "I don't allow after school snacks." That is not hard to say, it is true, it is not cutes-y, and it does not avoid any decision-accepting rather than deflect it onto the child. And I don't really care, other than thinking its dumb, but plenty of people do, obviously.

I just say: "I don't let em have two juice boxes." No further explanation needed. Nobody really cares. But, "oh, we don't do another juice box!" See how that is worse? Its annoying and makes people who do in fact do another juice box feel weird. Also, never say 'I'm mean" about this stuff because that is the most annoying try-hardism ever.

Yes, I know this is pedantic. The question begs it.

But see, this is the problem. There are two phrases with an identical meaning: "We don't do after school snacks," and "I don't allow after school snacks." Both statements are (1) clear that your kid can't have a snack; and (2) open to the interpretation that you have made a determination that after school snacks are not a good idea, maybe just for your kid, or maybe for all kids and maybe that you are secretly judging everyone who allows their kid to have a snack!! In any event, two similar sentences. And based on three words, you would choose to judge that parent. Can we please stop this? Can we please just give each other the benefit of the doubt? Please?

No, one is made up and cutes-y and grating to many, as evidenced on here. The other is correctly worded and simple, so if it bothers others, that is their issue. The words we use do matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real issue is that you, the parent, should take some ownership of your decisions. "I do not allow soda." Not "we don't do". You're trying to dilute it, but it is awkward, incorrect, try-hard and a misuse of the collective pronoun.

NP who hasn't read this whole thread so sorry if I'm missing something.

In life you should take ownership of your decisions, but perhaps not in every conversation. We don't watch a lot of tv on weekdays--that statement is literally correct; and I think it's less awkward than, say, "Their dad don't like the kids to watch a lot of tv on weekdays," or "I personally don't like the kids to watch a lot of tv at all, but their dad lets them watch more on the weekends, " etc. You just don't need to provide that much information in a simple conversation about this afternoon's agenda. Likewise, look, if I'm being totally honest, I would say, "My kid doesn't need an afternoon snack because he will fight to the death to keep playing instead of eating, and he'll eat his dinner better if he skips it anyway. I on the other hand, love afternoon snacks to my own detriment." But if what you really want to know is whether we all should plan for my kid to want to snack (which is the only time I can imagine offering this sort of info), then, "we don't usually do snacks" is sufficient!

And if you have the energy to muster a care about whether people say, "We don't eat an afternoon snack" vs. "We don't do afternoon snacks," vs. "Larla doesn't eat an afternoon snack," then kudos to you.

I feel like you missed the point. The real answer is: "I don't allow after school snacks." That is not hard to say, it is true, it is not cutes-y, and it does not avoid any decision-accepting rather than deflect it onto the child. And I don't really care, other than thinking its dumb, but plenty of people do, obviously.

I just say: "I don't let em have two juice boxes." No further explanation needed. Nobody really cares. But, "oh, we don't do another juice box!" See how that is worse? Its annoying and makes people who do in fact do another juice box feel weird. Also, never say 'I'm mean" about this stuff because that is the most annoying try-hardism ever.

Yes, I know this is pedantic. The question begs it.

But see, this is the problem. There are two phrases with an identical meaning: "We don't do after school snacks," and "I don't allow after school snacks." Both statements are (1) clear that your kid can't have a snack; and (2) open to the interpretation that you have made a determination that after school snacks are not a good idea, maybe just for your kid, or maybe for all kids and maybe that you are secretly judging everyone who allows their kid to have a snack!! In any event, two similar sentences. And based on three words, you would choose to judge that parent. Can we please stop this? Can we please just give each other the benefit of the doubt? Please?

No, one is made up and cutes-y and grating to many, as evidenced on here. The other is correctly worded and simple, so if it bothers others, that is their issue. The words we use do matter.

Agreed. As does the kindness and empathy we show others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this? At a 3yr old birthday today my friend had on a Batman shirt, and was pretending to be Batman and I mentioned how my son is obsessed with Batman right now and one of the moms quickly said “oh we don’t do super heroes, we stick to pbs, I hope this doesn’t limit his play with the other children.”

Haha, this mom will lose her mind when her kid goes to school. My kid has never played fortnite, but he knows ALL about it from friends. He's learned all about things he's never been exposed to at home. Some wouldn't be my choice, but that's life. She needs to loosen the reins a bit.

It starts before elementary school. My DD came home from her 2 day a week preschool asking for paw patrol shirts and we never watched it at home. I actually didn’t know what it was! They start picking up things from friends VERY early, it’s a loosing battle to try to stop it.

Whaaaaat parent of a toddler/preschool age child has never heard of paw patrol? Do you live in a cave?

[Anonymous]

This whole thread proves that the worst part of parenting is other parents! It’s ok if you “don’t do” something but don’t be so rigid all the time. Birthday parties are typically good places to let some stuff slide. I don’t “do juice” either but I don’t give a crap if my kid is mainlining juice at a birthday party. It’s a marathon folks, not a sprint.
My mom gave us kool aid for breakfast in the 80s and I’m not fat and doing just fine in a well paying job. It will be OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this? At a 3yr old birthday today my friend had on a Batman shirt, and was pretending to be Batman and I mentioned how my son is obsessed with Batman right now and one of the moms quickly said “oh we don’t do super heroes, we stick to pbs, I hope this doesn’t limit his play with the other children.”

I was going to say "Because they're a$$holes.". The exclusive PBS -watching" mom proves that I'm correct!

[Anonymous]

It is a ridiculous thing to say and sometimes truly inappropriate and hurtful as in when a family member died, I was told she and her husband did not do funerals

[Anonymous]

I will say we don’t hit, bite, kick or whatever to whichever child did it in front of the other child, as a reminder that retaliation is not acceptable.

We don’t spit, curse, use those words, prop arms on the table (etc) reminds all of us to use our manners (and sometimes they say it back to me).

We don’t treat each other like that, to remind all of us that no matter our differences at home, in public we are one unit, and I expect them to stop (and not join in with) friends who aren’t kind to their siblings.

Overall, I’m more likely to phrase things in a positive manner. We use our manners. We treat each other with respect. We clean up after ourselves.

While I would never take something from a child’s hand unless an allergy or behavior consequence was involved, kids and I Haagen discussed why nutrition is important, and what happens with blood sugar spikes. One has severe ADHD, and even when medicated, there are days where impulse control is almost non-existent. So, while walking in to a party and just before food I might quietly say “We need to limit sugar, so choose what’s most important to you.” But I wouldn’t take anything away, and the reminders would be whispers for only one child to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds so pretentious. “We don’t do juice.” “We don’t do malls.” “We don’t do tablets.” It’s always said by parents with kids 5 and under too. For example if someone asked me if my kids liked pop tarts I would just respond “oh they haven’t tried them yet.” Instead of saying “We don’t do pop tarts.”

It’s less pretentious than “I don’t give my kids juice” or “I don’t take my kids to malls.”[/quote

No, it sounds much MORE pretentious.

I don't give my kid's X means you made a choice not to give them X.

We (almost like the royal "we") don't do X is a statement that not only means you don't give your child X, but it implies that X is distasteful and you don't agree with others giving X either. The height of pretension. Not only a statement, but a judgment of others who do.

"We don't do tablets" means that not only do these parents not allow their children tablets but they disagree with screen time for children. It's a judgmental and boorish phrase.

I'm looking for alternative statements. Should I just say, "We are trying our best not to expose our child to games on phones or other devices"? Then, should I pick different friends if they don't put them away?

Make a statement that doesn't imply looking down your nose on other's who don't make the same choice as you.

You can say "We're limiting screen time." or "We're holding off on electronics until she's older" or "No electronics, please" Or "No thank you"

I'm a NP and this is ridiculous. "We don't do tablets" means the family doesn't use tablets. It's literally a statement of fact-- you're just defensive. There is nothing a person could say that would have a 100% success rate of being understood AND not offending others, so please don't act like there is. If I say "She doesn't use tablets," people think she just hasn't YET, and it's okay to offer. If I say "we don't allow tablets," (in a context where one isn't being offered, but as a response to "what's her favorite iPad game?" or something), that's kind of inaccurate, because I don't so much "disallow" them as, yes, simply "not do" them. I'm not saying "No," it's just not something we "do." I could go on and on. Even saying, "No, thank you," to an offer tends to invite more questions. We're all doing the best we can when forced to make these (usually apologetic) declarations. The idea that you have the One True Correct Way to Say It is laughable.

I'm the PP that you are responding to. I think you're being obtuse. I think you don't know what the colloquialism "We don't do..." means.

In response to your comment above, then say "We don't use tablets." There's a difference between "use" and "do".

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=I%20don%27t%20do

Urban Dictionary wrote:i don't do
When you're too good to do something. Refusing to do a certain task, or wear a certain type of clothing because it is beneath you.
I don't do flats. They're trashy.

I don't do garbage. Save it for someone else.
#refuse#i dont do#hate#garbgage#refusal

The implication is that whatever you are describing is beneath you, and so are the people who allow their children to "do" that.

So, use proper English and avoid the stupid phrase "We don't do..." and use the correct phrase "We don't use...", "We don't eat/drink..." etc.

And now I understand why I felt I was missing something. I don’t like urban dictionary, and I don’t use slang/keep up-to-date on hip language trends, so I was unaware of the connotation.

[Anonymous]

What they really mean is, "We're better than you."

Steer clear of those mommies...they are clueless and toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this? At a 3yr old birthday today my friend had on a Batman shirt, and was pretending to be Batman and I mentioned how my son is obsessed with Batman right now and one of the moms quickly said “oh we don’t do super heroes, we stick to pbs, I hope this doesn’t limit his play with the other children.”

"We don't do super heroes" mom will soon be on DCUM asking why she doesn't have any friends since becoming a mom, why her kid doesn't get invited to bday parties and playdates etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because parents of young children are nuts. Be patient, it often passes when the children get older.

This exactly!