Why do people have to use the phrase “ we don’t do...”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh. To me it sounds a little less pretentious than saying, "I don't allow juice", which IMO implies that juice is bad. "We don't do..." sounds a little more casual and less passive-aggressively judgemental.

This. I tell my daughter “we don’t” because I’d rather not say “juice is bad for your teeth” since she’s totally going to repeat whatever I say in school and I don’t want it to sound judgy

Huh, I take the exact opposite approach. If I limit something I tell my kid exactly why. I don’t serve juice at home and limit sweets, and she’s knows it’s because sweets are delicious but bad for our health and teeth so we eat them in moderation. Why would it be bad for your kid to state that factual message?

I allow only a few minutes of TV a day while we brush teeth, only some old school claymation stuff. I don’t buy juice, don’t allow artificial dyes, organic only, all the annoying health clichés.

I allow my kid to watch or eat whatever when we are out of the house or at someone else’s. I view it as harm reduction, not some binary control thing. The social costs to your family and kids of being the judgmental weirdos are too high. If you generally eat healthy at home and are honest with your kids about why you make your choices but that other families make different ones for many reasons, I think it will all turn out ok.

Because she will state that factual message to every other four year old in her class and likely at every playdate and birthday party and then kids and adults will feel like they’re being judged. When her social awareness grows in a bit I’ll tell her the factual reason we don’t do juice. Until then I think it’s kinder on everyone to let them speculate that “we don’t do juice” means our family has a specific juice-related concern that isn’t a universal.

Why is is "kinder" to have other families think she has "a specific juice-related concern that isn’t a universal." Other parents who give their kids juice KNOW that juice has sugar in it; they have just taken different approaches to when and how much sugar their kids can have. It is kind of condescending to think that a parent who gives their kids juice thinks you are judging them.

Yeah I’m sure when your kid gets told in PreK that juice gives you cavities you’re going to respond to your kid that you know that and the kid who told them that is just telling them the truth, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this? At a 3yr old birthday today my friend had on a Batman shirt, and was pretending to be Batman and I mentioned how my son is obsessed with Batman right now and one of the moms quickly said “oh we don’t do super heroes, we stick to pbs, I hope this doesn’t limit his play with the other children.”

I can relate to this, since the entire premise of so-called superheroes is they “fight” others.

At a minimum, this sends the message that violence is an acceptable response.

It is never the right response.

I'm sure you're trolling, but in any event, violence in defense of oneself or another is acceptable, both morally and legally.

I hope that PP is joking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this? At a 3yr old birthday today my friend had on a Batman shirt, and was pretending to be Batman and I mentioned how my son is obsessed with Batman right now and one of the moms quickly said “oh we don’t do super heroes, we stick to pbs, I hope this doesn’t limit his play with the other children.”

Ahem.

Super Grover.

Cough. Cough.

Grover is super, but he ain't no hero

Oh it’s on. I will not tolerate any slander against Grover. Not even on this necromanced thread.

+1 Super Grover for President

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because people love to make themselves feel better by passive aggressively putting other people down.

Are you referring to the "we don't do" moms or the original post?

The “we don’t do” moms, of course, but then, you already knew that and just thought you were being precious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh. To me it sounds a little less pretentious than saying, "I don't allow juice", which IMO implies that juice is bad. "We don't do..." sounds a little more casual and less passive-aggressively judgemental.

We don’t do is the height of passive aggressiveness.

Also insecurity on behalf of these women. Just use the declarative "I"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh. To me it sounds a little less pretentious than saying, "I don't allow juice", which IMO implies that juice is bad. "We don't do..." sounds a little more casual and less passive-aggressively judgemental.

This. I tell my daughter “we don’t” because I’d rather not say “juice is bad for your teeth” since she’s totally going to repeat whatever I say in school and I don’t want it to sound judgy

Huh, I take the exact opposite approach. If I limit something I tell my kid exactly why. I don’t serve juice at home and limit sweets, and she’s knows it’s because sweets are delicious but bad for our health and teeth so we eat them in moderation. Why would it be bad for your kid to state that factual message?

I allow only a few minutes of TV a day while we brush teeth, only some old school claymation stuff. I don’t buy juice, don’t allow artificial dyes, organic only, all the annoying health clichés.

I allow my kid to watch or eat whatever when we are out of the house or at someone else’s. I view it as harm reduction, not some binary control thing. The social costs to your family and kids of being the judgmental weirdos are too high. If you generally eat healthy at home and are honest with your kids about why you make your choices but that other families make different ones for many reasons, I think it will all turn out ok.

Because she will state that factual message to every other four year old in her class and likely at every playdate and birthday party and then kids and adults will feel like they’re being judged. When her social awareness grows in a bit I’ll tell her the factual reason we don’t do juice. Until then I think it’s kinder on everyone to let them speculate that “we don’t do juice” means our family has a specific juice-related concern that isn’t a universal.

Wait - we are supposed to suppress facts because of how you might "feel?"


Sorry, not sorry. Facts matter.

And freedom of expression is ultimately more important than your feelings.

Oh. I didn’t realize you were an 11-year-old girl. No wonder you have no idea what “freedom of expression” means and doesn’t mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh. To me it sounds a little less pretentious than saying, "I don't allow juice", which IMO implies that juice is bad. "We don't do..." sounds a little more casual and less passive-aggressively judgemental.

We don’t do is the height of passive aggressiveness.

Also insecurity on behalf of these women. Just use the declarative "I"

+1. You never hear the dads say this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds so pretentious. “We don’t do juice.” “We don’t do malls.” “We don’t do tablets.” It’s always said by parents with kids 5 and under too. For example if someone asked me if my kids liked pop tarts I would just respond “oh they haven’t tried them yet.” Instead of saying “We don’t do pop tarts.”

It’s less pretentious than “I don’t give my kids juice” or “I don’t take my kids to malls.”[/quote

No, it sounds much MORE pretentious.

I don't give my kid's X means you made a choice not to give them X.

We (almost like the royal "we") don't do X is a statement that not only means you don't give your child X, but it implies that X is distasteful and you don't agree with others giving X either. The height of pretension. Not only a statement, but a judgment of others who do.

"We don't do tablets" means that not only do these parents not allow their children tablets but they disagree with screen time for children. It's a judgmental and boorish phrase.

I'm looking for alternative statements. Should I just say, "We are trying our best not to expose our child to games on phones or other devices"? Then, should I pick different friends if they don't put them away?

Make a statement that doesn't imply looking down your nose on other's who don't make the same choice as you.

You can say "We're limiting screen time." or "We're holding off on electronics until she's older" or "No electronics, please" Or "No thank you"

I'm a NP and this is ridiculous. "We don't do tablets" means the family doesn't use tablets. It's literally a statement of fact-- you're just defensive. There is nothing a person could say that would have a 100% success rate of being understood AND not offending others, so please don't act like there is. If I say "She doesn't use tablets," people think she just hasn't YET, and it's okay to offer. If I say "we don't allow tablets," (in a context where one isn't being offered, but as a response to "what's her favorite iPad game?" or something), that's kind of inaccurate, because I don't so much "disallow" them as, yes, simply "not do" them. I'm not saying "No," it's just not something we "do." I could go on and on. Even saying, "No, thank you," to an offer tends to invite more questions. We're all doing the best we can when forced to make these (usually apologetic) declarations. The idea that you have the One True Correct Way to Say It is laughable.

Well if someone says "does Larlo have a tablet" I think it's ok to say "we don't do tablets", although it sounds snootier than just saying "we don't have tablets/ we didnt want to get the kids tablets/ none of us really use tablets". But what's eye roll worthy is someone asking if your kid wants to join into their kid's tablet game and you intervene and say "oh, we don't do tablets". Because that makes it clear that you annoying and holier than thou, to disallow your kid to do something one time because "we don't do that".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh. To me it sounds a little less pretentious than saying, "I don't allow juice", which IMO implies that juice is bad. "We don't do..." sounds a little more casual and less passive-aggressively judgemental.

This. I tell my daughter “we don’t” because I’d rather not say “juice is bad for your teeth” since she’s totally going to repeat whatever I say in school and I don’t want it to sound judgy

Huh, I take the exact opposite approach. If I limit something I tell my kid exactly why. I don’t serve juice at home and limit sweets, and she’s knows it’s because sweets are delicious but bad for our health and teeth so we eat them in moderation. Why would it be bad for your kid to state that factual message?

I allow only a few minutes of TV a day while we brush teeth, only some old school claymation stuff. I don’t buy juice, don’t allow artificial dyes, organic only, all the annoying health clichés.

I allow my kid to watch or eat whatever when we are out of the house or at someone else’s. I view it as harm reduction, not some binary control thing. The social costs to your family and kids of being the judgmental weirdos are too high. If you generally eat healthy at home and are honest with your kids about why you make your choices but that other families make different ones for many reasons, I think it will all turn out ok.

Because she will state that factual message to every other four year old in her class and likely at every playdate and birthday party and then kids and adults will feel like they’re being judged. When her social awareness grows in a bit I’ll tell her the factual reason we don’t do juice. Until then I think it’s kinder on everyone to let them speculate that “we don’t do juice” means our family has a specific juice-related concern that isn’t a universal.

Why is is "kinder" to have other families think she has "a specific juice-related concern that isn’t a universal." Other parents who give their kids juice KNOW that juice has sugar in it; they have just taken different approaches to when and how much sugar their kids can have. It is kind of condescending to think that a parent who gives their kids juice thinks you are judging them.

Yeah I’m sure when your kid gets told in PreK that juice gives you cavities you’re going to respond to your kid that you know that and the kid who told them that is just telling them the truth, right?

Well no, because juice doesn't give you cavities. Poor dental hygiene gives you cavities. And slowly sipping juice out of a bottle or sippy cup all day long is poor dental hygiene because the teeth are constantly being washed in sugar and not brushed off. Having a juice box with lunch, which is drank in 10min and then thrown away, is the same "gives you cavities" risk as eating a dessert after your lunch. Quickly washed in sugar, then stopped. Which is fine. Your kid slowly munching on strawberries all day, one strawberry every 5 minutes, will also give them cavities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh. To me it sounds a little less pretentious than saying, "I don't allow juice", which IMO implies that juice is bad. "We don't do..." sounds a little more casual and less passive-aggressively judgemental.

This. I tell my daughter “we don’t” because I’d rather not say “juice is bad for your teeth” since she’s totally going to repeat whatever I say in school and I don’t want it to sound judgy

Huh, I take the exact opposite approach. If I limit something I tell my kid exactly why. I don’t serve juice at home and limit sweets, and she’s knows it’s because sweets are delicious but bad for our health and teeth so we eat them in moderation. Why would it be bad for your kid to state that factual message?

I allow only a few minutes of TV a day while we brush teeth, only some old school claymation stuff. I don’t buy juice, don’t allow artificial dyes, organic only, all the annoying health clichés.

I allow my kid to watch or eat whatever when we are out of the house or at someone else’s. I view it as harm reduction, not some binary control thing. The social costs to your family and kids of being the judgmental weirdos are too high. If you generally eat healthy at home and are honest with your kids about why you make your choices but that other families make different ones for many reasons, I think it will all turn out ok.

Because she will state that factual message to every other four year old in her class and likely at every playdate and birthday party and then kids and adults will feel like they’re being judged. When her social awareness grows in a bit I’ll tell her the factual reason we don’t do juice. Until then I think it’s kinder on everyone to let them speculate that “we don’t do juice” means our family has a specific juice-related concern that isn’t a universal.

Why is is "kinder" to have other families think she has "a specific juice-related concern that isn’t a universal." Other parents who give their kids juice KNOW that juice has sugar in it; they have just taken different approaches to when and how much sugar their kids can have. It is kind of condescending to think that a parent who gives their kids juice thinks you are judging them.

Yeah I’m sure when your kid gets told in PreK that juice gives you cavities you’re going to respond to your kid that you know that and the kid who told them that is just telling them the truth, right?

Well no, because juice doesn't give you cavities. Poor dental hygiene gives you cavities. And slowly sipping juice out of a bottle or sippy cup all day long is poor dental hygiene because the teeth are constantly being washed in sugar and not brushed off. Having a juice box with lunch, which is drank in 10min and then thrown away, is the same "gives you cavities" risk as eating a dessert after your lunch. Quickly washed in sugar, then stopped. Which is fine. Your kid slowly munching on strawberries all day, one strawberry every 5 minutes, will also give them cavities.

Thank you for this excellent articulation of the value of “we don’t do juice”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just faster to say "we don't do TikTok" than to say "My husband and I don't use TikTok, nor would we allow Ellie to watch TikTok videos even if we did have it on our phones"

I think saying you "don't do" something makes you sound like you're holier than thou. I bet those people also say further when the correct word is farther because they think it makes them sound smarter.

We don't allow Tik Tok on any of our devices nor do we let our kids use it. But I'd never say "we don't DO Tik Tok." It makes you sound ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate "do" when people order too. "I'll do the Cobb salad."

YES

This is great because it shows how annoying it is to use "do"

[Anonymous]

I would be purposefully obtuse. "what does that mean - you don't DO ...." I dont understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds so pretentious. “We don’t do juice.” “We don’t do malls.” “We don’t do tablets.” It’s always said by parents with kids 5 and under too. For example if someone asked me if my kids liked pop tarts I would just respond “oh they haven’t tried them yet.” Instead of saying “We don’t do pop tarts.”

It’s less pretentious than “I don’t give my kids juice” or “I don’t take my kids to malls.”

You can just say nothing! Or if someone is offering your kid something and you can’t budge on your rules out of the house you can just say “no thanks”. Or if someone is telling you about fortnight and you don’t “do” video games you can say “oh I don’t know much about it, tell me about xyz”

Amazing how it’s possible to converse about things you don’t do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh. To me it sounds a little less pretentious than saying, "I don't allow juice", which IMO implies that juice is bad. "We don't do..." sounds a little more casual and less passive-aggressively judgemental.

No, it sounds stupid. "Do" implies an activity. Juice is not an activity, although drinking it is.

I don't do stupid. So much of it out there.