Why do people have to use the phrase “ we don’t do...”

[Anonymous]

It is very passive aggressive. The child most certainly WOULD do most of the things you’re talking about. Probably Dad would allow most of the things you’re talking about. Just own your parenting decision and say, “I don’t let Larla have juice.” Period. Not this wishy washy “we don’t do” which isn’t even true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this? At a 3yr old birthday today my friend had on a Batman shirt, and was pretending to be Batman and I mentioned how my son is obsessed with Batman right now and one of the moms quickly said “oh we don’t do super heroes, we stick to pbs, I hope this doesn’t limit his play with the other children.”

That is awesomely classic dcum!

Did her non Irish kids also have some pretentious Gaelic spelled names, with special diets consisting of no treats ever?

I bet his name is Henry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this? At a 3yr old birthday today my friend had on a Batman shirt, and was pretending to be Batman and I mentioned how my son is obsessed with Batman right now and one of the moms quickly said “oh we don’t do super heroes, we stick to pbs, I hope this doesn’t limit his play with the other children.”

We "don't do" TV other than old school Mr. Rogers but our 2.5yo recognizes Spider Man and Elmo from toys at daycare. Now I'm looking for books that feature Spider Man, as I like the idea of super heroes, just not the flashing lights of the cartoons.

You are literaly the definition of this post. Someone with a kid under 5 who thinks they have it all figure it out and are clearly way better parents than the rest of us with Nickelodeon watching, juice box drinking kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, really, "We don't do X" = Looking down your nose at people who do? Sure, if making literally any choice and acknowledging that fact = thinking everyone who makes a different choice is an idiot. Makes perfect sense.

It's the "we don't DO" that's annoying. If someone offered my four-year old a soda I'd say, she doesn't drink soda. Because she doesn't. But we don't do soda just sounds obnoxious. If you don't think it does, fine, but plenty of people here are telling you that it does. And I'm someone whose family doesn't "do" a lot of things and have never used that phrase.

Surely your child can drink soda, though. If you're not letting her drink soda, that's different from "she doesn't drink soda." And there's really no way to push back against someone who's offering something without it being able to be interpreted as snooty.

I don't do high heels.
When my children were little, we didn't do screens. We still don't have a TV. OTOH, we eat more sugar than we should, and there are plenty of families who don't do refined sugar and do do screens. If you're taking offense, I think you're looking for something to be offended about.

[Anonymous]

We don't jump on the furniture.
But we also don't do feet on the furniture.
We don't cuss.
And we also don't do disrespectful language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds so pretentious. “We don’t do juice.” “We don’t do malls.” “We don’t do tablets.” It’s always said by parents with kids 5 and under too. For example if someone asked me if my kids liked pop tarts I would just respond “oh they haven’t tried them yet.” Instead of saying “We don’t do pop tarts.”

It’s less pretentious than “I don’t give my kids juice” or “I don’t take my kids to malls.”[/quote

No, it sounds much MORE pretentious.

I don't give my kid's X means you made a choice not to give them X.

We (almost like the royal "we") don't do X is a statement that not only means you don't give your child X, but it implies that X is distasteful and you don't agree with others giving X either. The height of pretension. Not only a statement, but a judgment of others who do.

"We don't do tablets" means that not only do these parents not allow their children tablets but they disagree with screen time for children. It's a judgmental and boorish phrase.

I'm looking for alternative statements. Should I just say, "We are trying our best not to expose our child to games on phones or other devices"? Then, should I pick different friends if they don't put them away?

So, your comment is intended to get the other person to comply with your preference? I mean, if someone is looking at their phone, and you tell them that you are trying not to expose your kid to phones, you expect them to put their phone away? Then yes, you need different friends, because you are very presumptuous.

I don't look down on adults using their phones judiciously. I DO look down on parents entertaining their toddlers in random elevators and in Target with phone games. This can get very addictive. Plus, elevators and Target are entertaining for children on their own.

By the way, I have a much older DC also (teen). I have never regretted any of my screen limitations.

[Anonymous]

I hate the phrase, "we don't do ..." Would not say that.

But we didn't do Disney Movies. Now my older teens say occasionally there are essay topic questions where they are clueless. They don't know the stories, can't contrast or compare.

Cultural references are important

[Anonymous]

A friend didn't "do" a lot of things. Her kids were fairly clueless with groups of kids.

I personally try not to use snotty, pretentious phrases.

If someone offered ds a soda for example, I said "he doesn't get soda."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend didn't "do" a lot of things. Her kids were fairly clueless with groups of kids.

I personally try not to use snotty, pretentious phrases.

If someone offered ds a soda for example, I said "he doesn't get soda."

It's kind of hilarious that I grew up drinking soda with my friends--our parents used to bring coolers full of orange Crush and Mountain Dew as part of post-soccer game snacks, but the thought of soda even being offered to a child sounds so absurd today. What would y'all do if I rolled onto a soccer field with some Coca Cola? lol, just kidding I'm not rude. Sometimes it's not just the person who says "we don't do..." but it's also the person who presumes that someone else's kid would eat/drink/play the way their kids do. If one parent offers and another says, "no thank you," don't take it as an indictment against your own parenting.

Now I'm craving an Orange Crush (and it's been years!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds so pretentious. “We don’t do juice.” “We don’t do malls.” “We don’t do tablets.” It’s always said by parents with kids 5 and under too. For example if someone asked me if my kids liked pop tarts I would just respond “oh they haven’t tried them yet.” Instead of saying “We don’t do pop tarts.”

It’s less pretentious than “I don’t give my kids juice” or “I don’t take my kids to malls.”[/quote

No, it sounds much MORE pretentious.

I don't give my kid's X means you made a choice not to give them X.

We (almost like the royal "we") don't do X is a statement that not only means you don't give your child X, but it implies that X is distasteful and you don't agree with others giving X either. The height of pretension. Not only a statement, but a judgment of others who do.

"We don't do tablets" means that not only do these parents not allow their children tablets but they disagree with screen time for children. It's a judgmental and boorish phrase.

I'm looking for alternative statements. Should I just say, "We are trying our best not to expose our child to games on phones or other devices"? Then, should I pick different friends if they don't put them away?

Make a statement that doesn't imply looking down your nose on other's who don't make the same choice as you.

You can say "We're limiting screen time." or "We're holding off on electronics until she's older" or "No electronics, please" Or "No thank you"

I'm a NP and this is ridiculous. "We don't do tablets" means the family doesn't use tablets. It's literally a statement of fact-- you're just defensive. There is nothing a person could say that would have a 100% success rate of being understood AND not offending others, so please don't act like there is. If I say "She doesn't use tablets," people think she just hasn't YET, and it's okay to offer. If I say "we don't allow tablets," (in a context where one isn't being offered, but as a response to "what's her favorite iPad game?" or something), that's kind of inaccurate, because I don't so much "disallow" them as, yes, simply "not do" them. I'm not saying "No," it's just not something we "do." I could go on and on. Even saying, "No, thank you," to an offer tends to invite more questions. We're all doing the best we can when forced to make these (usually apologetic) declarations. The idea that you have the One True Correct Way to Say It is laughable.

I'm the PP that you are responding to. I think you're being obtuse. I think you don't know what the colloquialism "We don't do..." means.

In response to your comment above, then say "We don't use tablets." There's a difference between "use" and "do".

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=I%20don%27t%20do

Urban Dictionary wrote:i don't do
When you're too good to do something. Refusing to do a certain task, or wear a certain type of clothing because it is beneath you.
I don't do flats. They're trashy.

I don't do garbage. Save it for someone else.
#refuse#i dont do#hate#garbgage#refusal

The implication is that whatever you are describing is beneath you, and so are the people who allow their children to "do" that.

So, use proper English and avoid the stupid phrase "We don't do..." and use the correct phrase "We don't use...", "We don't eat/drink..." etc.

Yikes, I have probably said that we “don’t do tv/screens” because I think “don’t allow” sounds judgey. Guess I was wrong.

[Anonymous]

Are these same parents on their phones while saying this? i am going to bet they are on their phones non stop. So judging parents who allow their kids screen time, or whatever, but being hypocrites of the worst kind themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds so pretentious. “We don’t do juice.” “We don’t do malls.” “We don’t do tablets.” It’s always said by parents with kids 5 and under too. For example if someone asked me if my kids liked pop tarts I would just respond “oh they haven’t tried them yet.” Instead of saying “We don’t do pop tarts.”

It’s less pretentious than “I don’t give my kids juice” or “I don’t take my kids to malls.”[/quote

No, it sounds much MORE pretentious.

I don't give my kid's X means you made a choice not to give them X.

We (almost like the royal "we") don't do X is a statement that not only means you don't give your child X, but it implies that X is distasteful and you don't agree with others giving X either. The height of pretension. Not only a statement, but a judgment of others who do.

"We don't do tablets" means that not only do these parents not allow their children tablets but they disagree with screen time for children. It's a judgmental and boorish phrase.

I'm looking for alternative statements. Should I just say, "We are trying our best not to expose our child to games on phones or other devices"? Then, should I pick different friends if they don't put them away?

Make a statement that doesn't imply looking down your nose on other's who don't make the same choice as you.

You can say "We're limiting screen time." or "We're holding off on electronics until she's older" or "No electronics, please" Or "No thank you"

I'm a NP and this is ridiculous. "We don't do tablets" means the family doesn't use tablets. It's literally a statement of fact-- you're just defensive. There is nothing a person could say that would have a 100% success rate of being understood AND not offending others, so please don't act like there is. If I say "She doesn't use tablets," people think she just hasn't YET, and it's okay to offer. If I say "we don't allow tablets," (in a context where one isn't being offered, but as a response to "what's her favorite iPad game?" or something), that's kind of inaccurate, because I don't so much "disallow" them as, yes, simply "not do" them. I'm not saying "No," it's just not something we "do." I could go on and on. Even saying, "No, thank you," to an offer tends to invite more questions. We're all doing the best we can when forced to make these (usually apologetic) declarations. The idea that you have the One True Correct Way to Say It is laughable.

English is not my native language, yet even I know the definition of "we don't do..."It is judgy and condescending and pointing out that you are above someone or some action. We don't allow tablets is much more accurate response to that question, than we don't do tablets. We don't do them is grammatically inaccurate, and hence grating on the ears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend didn't "do" a lot of things. Her kids were fairly clueless with groups of kids.

I personally try not to use snotty, pretentious phrases.

If someone offered ds a soda for example, I said "he doesn't get soda."

For years I said that my kids don't drink soda. But, if they were at a birthday party I never forbid it, yet they didn't like it. I never said, we don't do soda, it sounds wrong as a statement.

[Anonymous]

It’s a phrase of relatively recent vintage in terms of common usage among parents. Very common among pretentious whites (both hipsters and UMC) who breed. Intended to underscore that everything is a lifestyle choice and mine are best.

[Anonymous]

I'm looking forward to hearing people say this so we can judge them

I'll make sure my wife doesn't say it either. I agree it sounds douchey