Why do people have to use the phrase “ we don’t do...”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We served organic juice boxes and water at five year old’s Birthday. I’ll never forget the mom who awkwardly tried to take the juice out of her kid’s hand and repeated, three times, “it’s just that we don’t do juice.” So strange.

I know a mom who doesn't let her kids eat grain or sugar. They're keto kids or something, which actually seems unhealthy for children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because people love to make themselves feel better by passive aggressively putting other people down.

This. When I read the title, I thought it was referring to talking with children, telling the child, “we don’t ... stand on couches.” But in the context you are referring to, it is just another way for a judge individual to feel superior. At least you know what king of person you’re dealing with!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real issue is that you, the parent, should take some ownership of your decisions. "I do not allow soda." Not "we don't do". You're trying to dilute it, but it is awkward, incorrect, try-hard and a misuse of the collective pronoun.

NP who hasn't read this whole thread so sorry if I'm missing something.

In life you should take ownership of your decisions, but perhaps not in every conversation. We don't watch a lot of tv on weekdays--that statement is literally correct; and I think it's less awkward than, say, "Their dad don't like the kids to watch a lot of tv on weekdays," or "I personally don't like the kids to watch a lot of tv at all, but their dad lets them watch more on the weekends, " etc. You just don't need to provide that much information in a simple conversation about this afternoon's agenda. Likewise, look, if I'm being totally honest, I would say, "My kid doesn't need an afternoon snack because he will fight to the death to keep playing instead of eating, and he'll eat his dinner better if he skips it anyway. I on the other hand, love afternoon snacks to my own detriment." But if what you really want to know is whether we all should plan for my kid to want to snack (which is the only time I can imagine offering this sort of info), then, "we don't usually do snacks" is sufficient!

And if you have the energy to muster a care about whether people say, "We don't eat an afternoon snack" vs. "We don't do afternoon snacks," vs. "Larla doesn't eat an afternoon snack," then kudos to you.

I feel like you missed the point. The real answer is: "I don't allow after school snacks." That is not hard to say, it is true, it is not cutes-y, and it does not avoid any decision-accepting rather than deflect it onto the child. And I don't really care, other than thinking its dumb, but plenty of people do, obviously.

I just say: "I don't let em have two juice boxes." No further explanation needed. Nobody really cares. But, "oh, we don't do another juice box!" See how that is worse? Its annoying and makes people who do in fact do another juice box feel weird. Also, never say 'I'm mean" about this stuff because that is the most annoying try-hardism ever.

Yes, I know this is pedantic. The question begs it.

But see, this is the problem. There are two phrases with an identical meaning: "We don't do after school snacks," and "I don't allow after school snacks." Both statements are (1) clear that your kid can't have a snack; and (2) open to the interpretation that you have made a determination that after school snacks are not a good idea, maybe just for your kid, or maybe for all kids and maybe that you are secretly judging everyone who allows their kid to have a snack!! In any event, two similar sentences. And based on three words, you would choose to judge that parent. Can we please stop this? Can we please just give each other the benefit of the doubt? Please?

I don't think they DO have an identical meaning, though. There are some things my kids don't do, not because I explicitly "don't allow them," but because we don't do them. In some cases, the most accurate word or phrase might be "eat" or "play with" or "use" or whatever, but there's a difference between that and disallowing a thing. My kid doesn't watch TV because we don't get any channels here. My kid doesn't eat celery because I don't like it, so I don't buy it. I don't disallow either of those things.

And all of you who think language/slang and connotations are static and unchanging need to get the pesky kids off your lawn before you post here.

[Anonymous]

Not re parenting, but this reminds me of meeting my in-laws. It was like they were trying to teach me what my then future-husband liked and disliked. DROVE ME CRAZY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh. To me it sounds a little less pretentious than saying, "I don't allow juice", which IMO implies that juice is bad. "We don't do..." sounds a little more casual and less passive-aggressively judgemental.

This. I tell my daughter “we don’t” because I’d rather not say “juice is bad for your teeth” since she’s totally going to repeat whatever I say in school and I don’t want it to sound judgy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh. To me it sounds a little less pretentious than saying, "I don't allow juice", which IMO implies that juice is bad. "We don't do..." sounds a little more casual and less passive-aggressively judgemental.

This. I tell my daughter “we don’t” because I’d rather not say “juice is bad for your teeth” since she’s totally going to repeat whatever I say in school and I don’t want it to sound judgy

Huh, I take the exact opposite approach. If I limit something I tell my kid exactly why. I don’t serve juice at home and limit sweets, and she’s knows it’s because sweets are delicious but bad for our health and teeth so we eat them in moderation. Why would it be bad for your kid to state that factual message?

I allow only a few minutes of TV a day while we brush teeth, only some old school claymation stuff. I don’t buy juice, don’t allow artificial dyes, organic only, all the annoying health clichés.

I allow my kid to watch or eat whatever when we are out of the house or at someone else’s. I view it as harm reduction, not some binary control thing. The social costs to your family and kids of being the judgmental weirdos are too high. If you generally eat healthy at home and are honest with your kids about why you make your choices but that other families make different ones for many reasons, I think it will all turn out ok.

[Anonymous]

My kids were playing with squirt guns one summer and our neighbor told me they “don’t do guns” and call them “water squirters” with their son. Their son wasn’t present so I wasn’t sure what she intended for me to do? I just nodded and said okay. The next week their kid saw ours playing and the mom kept saying “oh how fun, would you like to play with a water squirter too, Larlo?” so I guess she wanted us to go along with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because people love to make themselves feel better by passive aggressively putting other people down.

Are you referring to the "we don't do" moms or the original post?

[Anonymous]

It's incredibly ironic that so many posters are judging other parents for being judgmental because they voiced a choice they have made for their own families. I don't use the phrase, but when I've heard others use it, its been in an almost apologetic way to explain something without getting into a bunch of details. Which is fine by me because I may not be interested in why you "don't do" soda, sleepovers, or video games. Perhaps if parents weren't so damn insecure about their own choices, they wouldn't feel judged by a parent stating that they "don't do" something as opposed to their kid doesn't "use" or "eat" it. People really need to get a life, LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this? At a 3yr old birthday today my friend had on a Batman shirt, and was pretending to be Batman and I mentioned how my son is obsessed with Batman right now and one of the moms quickly said “oh we don’t do super heroes, we stick to pbs, I hope this doesn’t limit his play with the other children.”

Ahem.

Super Grover.

Cough. Cough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this? At a 3yr old birthday today my friend had on a Batman shirt, and was pretending to be Batman and I mentioned how my son is obsessed with Batman right now and one of the moms quickly said “oh we don’t do super heroes, we stick to pbs, I hope this doesn’t limit his play with the other children.”

Ahem.

Super Grover.

Cough. Cough.

Grover is super, but he ain't no hero

[Anonymous]

We don't do judgy witches and the inferiority complexes.

Next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this? At a 3yr old birthday today my friend had on a Batman shirt, and was pretending to be Batman and I mentioned how my son is obsessed with Batman right now and one of the moms quickly said “oh we don’t do super heroes, we stick to pbs, I hope this doesn’t limit his play with the other children.”

Haha, this mom will lose her mind when her kid goes to school. My kid has never played fortnite, but he knows ALL about it from friends. He's learned all about things he's never been exposed to at home. Some wouldn't be my choice, but that's life. She needs to loosen the reins a bit.

Saaaaame. We don't do video games, but my 3rd grade daughter sure as hell knows everything about Minecraft.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We served organic juice boxes and water at five year old’s Birthday. I’ll never forget the mom who awkwardly tried to take the juice out of her kid’s hand and repeated, three times, “it’s just that we don’t do juice.” So strange.

I love that you had to include that the juice was organic. Never stop giving, DCUM. Never stop.

LOL, I make it a point to serve as much crap as possible at my children's parties so those kids get some of the good stuff. Capri Sun and frosting that will turn your poop blue for dayssssss!!!

[Anonymous]

It's just faster to say "we don't do TikTok" than to say "My husband and I don't use TikTok, nor would we allow Ellie to watch TikTok videos even if we did have it on our phones"