Why do people have to use the phrase “ we don’t do...”

[Anonymous]

I object to the never giving kids juice/screens/whatever, not the method of expression. My family doesn’t do Santa and I always phrase it that way.

[Anonymous]

I think the only time it’s appropriate to use the phrase “we don’t do” is when it’s a religious or cultural reason for not doing whatever. “We don’t do Santa.” Sounds fine “We don’t do goldfish.” Sounds snooty as hell.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds so pretentious. “We don’t do juice.” “We don’t do malls.” “We don’t do tablets.” It’s always said by parents with kids 5 and under too. For example if someone asked me if my kids liked pop tarts I would just respond “oh they haven’t tried them yet.” Instead of saying “We don’t do pop tarts.”

It’s less pretentious than “I don’t give my kids juice” or “I don’t take my kids to malls.”[/quote

No, it sounds much MORE pretentious.

I don't give my kid's X means you made a choice not to give them X.

We (almost like the royal "we") don't do X is a statement that not only means you don't give your child X, but it implies that X is distasteful and you don't agree with others giving X either. The height of pretension. Not only a statement, but a judgment of others who do.

"We don't do tablets" means that not only do these parents not allow their children tablets but they disagree with screen time for children. It's a judgmental and boorish phrase.

I'm looking for alternative statements. Should I just say, "We are trying our best not to expose our child to games on phones or other devices"? Then, should I pick different friends if they don't put them away?

Make a statement that doesn't imply looking down your nose on other's who don't make the same choice as you.

You can say "We're limiting screen time." or "We're holding off on electronics until she's older" or "No electronics, please" Or "No thank you"

I'm a NP and this is ridiculous. "We don't do tablets" means the family doesn't use tablets. It's literally a statement of fact-- you're just defensive. There is nothing a person could say that would have a 100% success rate of being understood AND not offending others, so please don't act like there is. If I say "She doesn't use tablets," people think she just hasn't YET, and it's okay to offer. If I say "we don't allow tablets," (in a context where one isn't being offered, but as a response to "what's her favorite iPad game?" or something), that's kind of inaccurate, because I don't so much "disallow" them as, yes, simply "not do" them. I'm not saying "No," it's just not something we "do." I could go on and on. Even saying, "No, thank you," to an offer tends to invite more questions. We're all doing the best we can when forced to make these (usually apologetic) declarations. The idea that you have the One True Correct Way to Say It is laughable.

[Anonymous]

I mean, really, "We don't do X" = Looking down your nose at people who do? Sure, if making literally any choice and acknowledging that fact = thinking everyone who makes a different choice is an idiot. Makes perfect sense.

[Anonymous]

If you say, "We're holding off on electronics until she's older," you're totally just saying that anyone who DOESN'T do that is a TERRIBLE parent. QED

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We served organic juice boxes and water at five year old’s Birthday. I’ll never forget the mom who awkwardly tried to take the juice out of her kid’s hand and repeated, three times, “it’s just that we don’t do juice.” So strange.

Sounds to me like the kid DOES do juice! The kid is thinking, "Who's 'we,' lady?!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this? At a 3yr old birthday today my friend had on a Batman shirt, and was pretending to be Batman and I mentioned how my son is obsessed with Batman right now and one of the moms quickly said “oh we don’t do super heroes, we stick to pbs, I hope this doesn’t limit his play with the other children.”

We "don't do" TV other than old school Mr. Rogers but our 2.5yo recognizes Spider Man and Elmo from toys at daycare. Now I'm looking for books that feature Spider Man, as I like the idea of super heroes, just not the flashing lights of the cartoons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds so pretentious. “We don’t do juice.” “We don’t do malls.” “We don’t do tablets.” It’s always said by parents with kids 5 and under too. For example if someone asked me if my kids liked pop tarts I would just respond “oh they haven’t tried them yet.” Instead of saying “We don’t do pop tarts.”

It’s less pretentious than “I don’t give my kids juice” or “I don’t take my kids to malls.”[/quote

No, it sounds much MORE pretentious.

I don't give my kid's X means you made a choice not to give them X.

We (almost like the royal "we") don't do X is a statement that not only means you don't give your child X, but it implies that X is distasteful and you don't agree with others giving X either. The height of pretension. Not only a statement, but a judgment of others who do.

"We don't do tablets" means that not only do these parents not allow their children tablets but they disagree with screen time for children. It's a judgmental and boorish phrase.

I'm looking for alternative statements. Should I just say, "We are trying our best not to expose our child to games on phones or other devices"? Then, should I pick different friends if they don't put them away?

Make a statement that doesn't imply looking down your nose on other's who don't make the same choice as you.

You can say "We're limiting screen time." or "We're holding off on electronics until she's older" or "No electronics, please" Or "No thank you"

I'm a NP and this is ridiculous. "We don't do tablets" means the family doesn't use tablets. It's literally a statement of fact-- you're just defensive. There is nothing a person could say that would have a 100% success rate of being understood AND not offending others, so please don't act like there is. If I say "She doesn't use tablets," people think she just hasn't YET, and it's okay to offer. If I say "we don't allow tablets," (in a context where one isn't being offered, but as a response to "what's her favorite iPad game?" or something), that's kind of inaccurate, because I don't so much "disallow" them as, yes, simply "not do" them. I'm not saying "No," it's just not something we "do." I could go on and on. Even saying, "No, thank you," to an offer tends to invite more questions. We're all doing the best we can when forced to make these (usually apologetic) declarations. The idea that you have the One True Correct Way to Say It is laughable.

Saying you don't use tablets doesn't mean yet. It means you don't use them and it makes you sound less insufferable than if you say you don't do them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, really, "We don't do X" = Looking down your nose at people who do? Sure, if making literally any choice and acknowledging that fact = thinking everyone who makes a different choice is an idiot. Makes perfect sense.

It's the "we don't DO" that's annoying. If someone offered my four-year old a soda I'd say, she doesn't drink soda. Because she doesn't. But we don't do soda just sounds obnoxious. If you don't think it does, fine, but plenty of people here are telling you that it does. And I'm someone whose family doesn't "do" a lot of things and have never used that phrase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this? At a 3yr old birthday today my friend had on a Batman shirt, and was pretending to be Batman and I mentioned how my son is obsessed with Batman right now and one of the moms quickly said “oh we don’t do super heroes, we stick to pbs, I hope this doesn’t limit his play with the other children.”

We "don't do" TV other than old school Mr. Rogers but our 2.5yo recognizes Spider Man and Elmo from toys at daycare. Now I'm looking for books that feature Spider Man, as I like the idea of super heroes, just not the flashing lights of the cartoons.

“We” meaning you and whoever else in addition to the kid? The only tv you all watch is “old school” Mr. Rogers?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine and the OP sounds insecure. Why do you care if other people set limits? I’m certain OP has limits and doesn’t “do” stuff as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this? At a 3yr old birthday today my friend had on a Batman shirt, and was pretending to be Batman and I mentioned how my son is obsessed with Batman right now and one of the moms quickly said “oh we don’t do super heroes, we stick to pbs, I hope this doesn’t limit his play with the other children.”

We "don't do" TV other than old school Mr. Rogers but our 2.5yo recognizes Spider Man and Elmo from toys at daycare. Now I'm looking for books that feature Spider Man, as I like the idea of super heroes, just not the flashing lights of the cartoons.

“We” meaning you and whoever else in addition to the kid? The only tv you all watch is “old school” Mr. Rogers?

Yes, the only TV ever on in our house when our child is awake is the occasional throwback Mr. Rogers episode (Amazon Prime video). Saying "we don't do" something strikes me as an appropriate way to explain that our child is not exposed to other TV shows. We also "don't do" juice at home or daycare (where it is not allowed), but we do let our kid have juice on rare occasions when out with a friend (when it makes him act like a drunken fool). Later, when our child asks for juice at home, I explain that we "don't do" that in our house. Just like we "don't do" the carousel at the zoo unless we are visiting with friends (because a carousel habit would get expensive). I think that the phrase "we don't do" describes the rules of your own house as applied to your children. I wouldn't use the phrase when there are different rules applicable to, say, DS1 and DS2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I post this? At a 3yr old birthday today my friend had on a Batman shirt, and was pretending to be Batman and I mentioned how my son is obsessed with Batman right now and one of the moms quickly said “oh we don’t do super heroes, we stick to pbs, I hope this doesn’t limit his play with the other children.”

We "don't do" TV other than old school Mr. Rogers but our 2.5yo recognizes Spider Man and Elmo from toys at daycare. Now I'm looking for books that feature Spider Man, as I like the idea of super heroes, just not the flashing lights of the cartoons.

“We” meaning you and whoever else in addition to the kid? The only tv you all watch is “old school” Mr. Rogers?

Yes, the only TV ever on in our house when our child is awake is the occasional throwback Mr. Rogers episode (Amazon Prime video). Saying "we don't do" something strikes me as an appropriate way to explain that our child is not exposed to other TV shows. We also "don't do" juice at home or daycare (where it is not allowed), but we do let our kid have juice on rare occasions when out with a friend (when it makes him act like a drunken fool). Later, when our child asks for juice at home, I explain that we "don't do" that in our house. Just like we "don't do" the carousel at the zoo unless we are visiting with friends (because a carousel habit would get expensive). I think that the phrase "we don't do" describes the rules of your own house as applied to your children. I wouldn't use the phrase when there are different rules applicable to, say, DS1 and DS2.

But if you wouldn't use the phrase if the rules are different for DS1 and DS2, why would you not discriminate the phrase when it applies to the rules you (the adult) live by vs DS1 or DS2? It's the Royal We that drives me crazy in adults who obviously "do" more tv than, say, Mr. Rodgers, just not with the kid. Just own up to whatever rules you've set for your kid -- it's OK to admit that you don't hold yourself up to the same high standard. My husband and I openly eat candy in front of our 2 year old, who "doesn't do candy" because it's "grown up food", much the way the coffee or wine she sees us drinking is. Nothing wrong with those boundaries!

[Anonymous]

It also implies that there's this binary way of parenting and that child rearing is a series of extreme decisions -- and that what position you take someone puts you in one parenting camp or another. You "do tv" or you don't "do tv". Or, even earlier, you "do CIO" or you don't, do "do baby led weaning" or you "do purees". There's no room for flexibility, compromise, exceptions.

The only phrase I'll tolerate is you either "do drugs" or you "don't do drugs" -- and even there I'll readily accept some nuance!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds so pretentious. “We don’t do juice.” “We don’t do malls.” “We don’t do tablets.” It’s always said by parents with kids 5 and under too. For example if someone asked me if my kids liked pop tarts I would just respond “oh they haven’t tried them yet.” Instead of saying “We don’t do pop tarts.”

It’s less pretentious than “I don’t give my kids juice” or “I don’t take my kids to malls.”[/quote

No, it sounds much MORE pretentious.

I don't give my kid's X means you made a choice not to give them X.

We (almost like the royal "we") don't do X is a statement that not only means you don't give your child X, but it implies that X is distasteful and you don't agree with others giving X either. The height of pretension. Not only a statement, but a judgment of others who do.

"We don't do tablets" means that not only do these parents not allow their children tablets but they disagree with screen time for children. It's a judgmental and boorish phrase.

I'm looking for alternative statements. Should I just say, "We are trying our best not to expose our child to games on phones or other devices"? Then, should I pick different friends if they don't put them away?

Make a statement that doesn't imply looking down your nose on other's who don't make the same choice as you.

You can say "We're limiting screen time." or "We're holding off on electronics until she's older" or "No electronics, please" Or "No thank you"

I'm a NP and this is ridiculous. "We don't do tablets" means the family doesn't use tablets. It's literally a statement of fact-- you're just defensive. There is nothing a person could say that would have a 100% success rate of being understood AND not offending others, so please don't act like there is. If I say "She doesn't use tablets," people think she just hasn't YET, and it's okay to offer. If I say "we don't allow tablets," (in a context where one isn't being offered, but as a response to "what's her favorite iPad game?" or something), that's kind of inaccurate, because I don't so much "disallow" them as, yes, simply "not do" them. I'm not saying "No," it's just not something we "do." I could go on and on. Even saying, "No, thank you," to an offer tends to invite more questions. We're all doing the best we can when forced to make these (usually apologetic) declarations. The idea that you have the One True Correct Way to Say It is laughable.

I'm the PP that you are responding to. I think you're being obtuse. I think you don't know what the colloquialism "We don't do..." means.

In response to your comment above, then say "We don't use tablets." There's a difference between "use" and "do".

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=I%20don%27t%20do

Urban Dictionary wrote:i don't do
When you're too good to do something. Refusing to do a certain task, or wear a certain type of clothing because it is beneath you.
I don't do flats. They're trashy.

I don't do garbage. Save it for someone else.
#refuse#i dont do#hate#garbgage#refusal

The implication is that whatever you are describing is beneath you, and so are the people who allow their children to "do" that.

So, use proper English and avoid the stupid phrase "We don't do..." and use the correct phrase "We don't use...", "We don't eat/drink..." etc.