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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The real issue is that you, the parent, should take some ownership of your decisions. "I do not allow soda." Not "we don't do". You're trying to dilute it, but it is awkward, incorrect, try-hard and a misuse of the collective pronoun. [/quote]

NP who hasn't read this whole thread so sorry if I'm missing something.

In life you should take ownership of your decisions, but perhaps not in every conversation.  We don't watch a lot of tv on weekdays--that statement is literally correct; and I think it's less awkward than, say, "Their dad don't like the kids to watch a lot of tv on weekdays," or "I personally don't like the kids to watch a lot of tv at all, but their dad lets them watch more on the weekends, " etc.  You just don't need to provide that much information in a simple conversation about this afternoon's agenda.  Likewise, look, if I'm being totally honest, I would say, "My kid doesn't need an afternoon snack because he will fight to the death to keep playing instead of eating, and he'll eat his dinner better if he skips it anyway.  I on the other hand, love afternoon snacks to my own detriment."  But if what you really want to know is whether we all should plan for my kid to want to snack (which is the only time I can imagine offering this sort of info), then, "we don't usually do snacks" is sufficient!

And if you have the energy to muster a care about whether people say, "We don't eat an afternoon snack" vs. "We don't do afternoon snacks," vs. "Larla doesn't eat an afternoon snack," then kudos to you.[/quote]

I feel like you missed the point. The real answer is: "I don't allow after school snacks."  That is not hard to say, it is true, it is not cutes-y, and it does not avoid any decision-accepting rather than deflect it onto the child. And I don't really care, other than thinking its dumb, but plenty of people do, obviously.

I just say: "I don't let em have two juice boxes." No further explanation needed. Nobody really cares. But, "oh, we don't do another juice box!" See how that is worse? Its annoying and makes people who do in fact do another juice box feel weird. Also, never say 'I'm mean" about this stuff because that is the most annoying try-hardism ever.

Yes, I know this is pedantic. The question begs it. [/quote]

But see, this is the problem.  [b]There are two phrases with an identical meaning[/b]: "We don't do after school snacks," and "I don't allow after school snacks."  Both statements are (1) clear that your kid can't have a snack; and (2) open to the interpretation that you have made a determination that after school snacks are not a good idea, maybe just for your kid, or maybe for all kids and maybe that you are secretly judging everyone who allows their kid to have a snack!! In any event, two similar sentences.  And based on three words, you would choose to judge that parent.  Can we please stop this?  Can we please just give each other the benefit of the doubt?  Please?[/quote]

No, one is made up and cutes-y and grating to many, as evidenced on here. The other is correctly worded and simple, so if it bothers others, that is their issue. [b]The words we use do matter.[/b] [/quote]

Agreed.  As does the kindness and empathy we show others.[/quote]

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