44 year old woman, never married, no kids. Am I a red flag??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who has been fat as well as average, I think OP is putting too much emphasis on "oh well it's because i was fat".

+1. I have plenty of friends who are overweight yet got married in their early 30's or even late 20's (yes, despite being overweight) and are still happily married. Not sure why everyone is emphasizing weight so much. Plenty of thin people are also single in their 40's. OP, you didn't find the right person you wanted to marry, and I would leave it at that.

Because OP apparently doesn't have the kind of personality to put herself out there and shine when she's overweight. Plenty of women do, but others don't, and they are very often ignored if all they are doing is waiting for a man to approach them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who has been fat as well as average, I think OP is putting too much emphasis on "oh well it's because i was fat".

+1. I have plenty of friends who are overweight yet got married in their early 30's or even late 20's (yes, despite being overweight) and are still happily married. Not sure why everyone is emphasizing weight so much. Plenty of thin people are also single in their 40's. OP, you didn't find the right person you wanted to marry, and I would leave it at that.

I think the weight thing significantly limited Op's dating pool. Back when I was dating I would go out with a group of friends to a club and, invariably, the chubby girls were almost always the ones left sitting at the table while the rest of us were asked to dance.

I got hit on all the time when I was at my ideal weight. If I put on only 10 or 15 pounds on my fairly small frame, I would notice a decline in interest from the opposite sex. The weight thing is real and wasn't just an excuse. I can see how Op perceived that she was having a harder time meeting guys.

Chubby girls do get married all the time but they generally didn't meet their husbands in love at first sight scenarios. They often met when a friendship blossomed into something else. I think that's true of "normal weight" women, too, but thinner women also attract more attention from strangers across a crowded room.

[Anonymous]

Unless you’ve been morbidly obese, not just overweight or obese (and I have), I don’t think people understand what it means to truly be invisible to the opposite sex. It’s like you’re not even in the room. It’s not just men who don’t see you- Sales people treat you differently. Waiters, the valet, the dog groomer. Everyone. When you’re big like that, you just get used to (and comfortable) not existing. 270 pounds on a woman is very big. What kind of men are going to pursue a woman that size? Do you even want the kind of guy who does? The dating pool isn’t just small, it’s like 2 or 3 people big. Imagine you at normal size only had 2-3 people as possible partners. Totally understandable why marriage wasn’t in the cards or even a date. But, I would hesitate mention being fat since people are so judgemental many men would be afraid of the woman getting fat again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who has been fat as well as average, I think OP is putting too much emphasis on "oh well it's because i was fat".

+1. I have plenty of friends who are overweight yet got married in their early 30's or even late 20's (yes, despite being overweight) and are still happily married. Not sure why everyone is emphasizing weight so much. Plenty of thin people are also single in their 40's. OP, you didn't find the right person you wanted to marry, and I would leave it at that.

I think the weight thing significantly limited Op's dating pool. Back when I was dating I would go out with a group of friends to a club and, invariably, the chubby girls were almost always the ones left sitting at the table while the rest of us were asked to dance.

I got hit on all the time when I was at my ideal weight. If I put on only 10 or 15 pounds on my fairly small frame, I would notice a decline in interest from the opposite sex. The weight thing is real and wasn't just an excuse. I can see how Op perceived that she was having a harder time meeting guys.

Chubby girls do get married all the time [b] but they generally didn't meet their husbands in love at first sight scenarios. They often met when a friendship blossomed into something else. I think that's true of "normal weight" women, too, but thinner women also attract more attention from strangers across a crowded room.

There’s a big difference between chubby and 270 pounds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who has been fat as well as average, I think OP is putting too much emphasis on "oh well it's because i was fat".

+1. I have plenty of friends who are overweight yet got married in their early 30's or even late 20's (yes, despite being overweight) and are still happily married. Not sure why everyone is emphasizing weight so much. Plenty of thin people are also single in their 40's. OP, you didn't find the right person you wanted to marry, and I would leave it at that.

I think the weight thing significantly limited Op's dating pool. Back when I was dating I would go out with a group of friends to a club and, invariably, the chubby girls were almost always the ones left sitting at the table while the rest of us were asked to dance.

I got hit on all the time when I was at my ideal weight. If I put on only 10 or 15 pounds on my fairly small frame, I would notice a decline in interest from the opposite sex. The weight thing is real and wasn't just an excuse. I can see how Op perceived that she was having a harder time meeting guys.

Chubby girls do get married all the time [b] but they generally didn't meet their husbands in love at first sight scenarios. They often met when a friendship blossomed into something else. I think that's true of "normal weight" women, too, but thinner women also attract more attention from strangers across a crowded room.

There’s a big difference between chubby and 270 pounds

Yes, there is. And if Op spent most of her young adult life that overweight that would have been really hard.

My point was to validate Op's impression that her weight played a role in men not being interested in her. It absolutely, most certainly did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I feel like saying you used to be fat is like saying you used to Hebrew a felon.

Um... whut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do not want casual relationships, do not compromise.Remember, you are golden material for a divorced man. The fact that you do not have a custody schedules to work out is also golden.

--Single, mom by choice, fit, attractive woman

I disagree. Good divorced men want women with older children. Women who can understand being a mom, having kids, etc.

Nah. If she's got kids, that means extra aggravation and (potentially) expense for me, plus she's less available.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations on the weight loss Op! Way to go! Not a red flag, but work on that self esteem a little. Sometimes when you have such a big life change (losing the weight) you need to readjust how you see yourself from the inside. A good therapist or life coach might help with this. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Have you guys read the threads about dating single moms? No one wants a woman with drama/baggage so I don't know why OP is seen as problematic. Stop projecting people!

[Anonymous]

Look at the bright side- it's better to be a fat woman than a short man!

[Anonymous]

Being 44 and never married is better than being 44 and divorced with a horrible ex and lots of baggage or kids

But it's not better than being 27 and never married

[Anonymous]

Op, I think the best thing you have going for you is that you are interested in dating now and not angry that people didn't notice you at your highest weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I’m you but 30. I was overweight most of my 20’s and didn’t date due to being very self-conscious. I’ve lost all of the weight, but I feel embarrassed to say I was overweight. I was a skinny kid and teen, but unhealthy eating and PCOS caused me to gain weight in my early 20’s. I feel like saying you used to be fat is like saying you used to Hebrew a felon. Most people won’t even look twice at you once you say it. I want to marry and have kids but have pretty much accepted that it likely won’t happen for me. I am too old and having kids because of my PCOS is unlikely. No man is going to want to deal with a former fat woman with possible fertility issues.

When is being fat like a felon? Your logic is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look at the bright side- it's better to be a fat woman than a short man!

Unless you're a short man who's rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I feel like saying you used to be fat is like saying you used to Hebrew a felon.

Um... whut?

* used to be a felon.