44 year old woman, never married, no kids. Am I a red flag??

[Anonymous]

No, you aren't a red flag because you have a reason (the weight issue). And you have resolved the issue that was holding you back, so this is a plus!

A red flag is a single person who wants to be married, but truly can't figure out why it never worked out for them.

[Anonymous]

Just say you like your freedom and independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest opinion - probably yes, but not a waving red flag. I think a waving red flag is someone who is on the third divorce, has kids from multiple partners or is a complete loner. It’s outside the norm so people automatically assume that you also have to be outsude the norm as an individual.

That being said, I think there are more women our age who find themselves in this position than previously. Many were raised with strong female role models, encouraged with ‘the world is your oyster’ go be independent and do what you want. Plus, we have independent financial security so many had relationships but never one strong enough to feel the need to get married and they didn’t have the financial need to settle. (I know some people’s expectations are crazy high, but not everyone’s).

So, hold your chin up high. You’ve done more in your lifetime as a single woman than many married individuals have done. You sound like a person who has really worked through some great personal struggles and have come out stronger and more comfortable with yourself.

Stay open to meeting new people!

I agree. Also many women don't 'need' a man so they get self centered and unwilling to compromise. The older perpetually single women get the more difficult it is to stay in a relationship in which they have to compromise, then their waning sex drive makes them need a man even less. Yes, you are a walking red flag that makes men think you don't have what it takes for marriage or a long term relationship.

[Anonymous]

Singlehood is a red flag like divorce is a red flag. DAMAGED.

[Anonymous]

Just say you used to be fat. It is not a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest opinion - probably yes, but not a waving red flag. I think a waving red flag is someone who is on the third divorce, has kids from multiple partners or is a complete loner. It’s outside the norm so people automatically assume that you also have to be outsude the norm as an individual.

That being said, I think there are more women our age who find themselves in this position than previously. Many were raised with strong female role models, encouraged with ‘the world is your oyster’ go be independent and do what you want. Plus, we have independent financial security so many had relationships but never one strong enough to feel the need to get married and they didn’t have the financial need to settle. (I know some people’s expectations are crazy high, but not everyone’s).

So, hold your chin up high. You’ve done more in your lifetime as a single woman than many married individuals have done. You sound like a person who has really worked through some great personal struggles and have come out stronger and more comfortable with yourself.

Stay open to meeting new people!

I agree. Also many women don't 'need' a man so they get self centered and unwilling to compromise. The older perpetually single women get the more difficult it is to stay in a relationship in which they have to compromise, then their waning sex drive makes them need a man even less. Yes, you are a walking red flag that makes men think you don't have what it takes for marriage or a long term relationship.

This is a stereotype born of the spinster era. Divorced guys cherish older women with no custody schedules, or drama from a divorce. Plus, you are fit. You are already ahead of the rest of the women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say you used to be fat. It is not a red flag.

Sure it is. Used to be fat once = likely to be fat again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Singlehood is a red flag like divorce is a red flag. DAMAGED.

Then keep dating married people. You won't have to worry about those damaged single/divorced folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say you used to be fat. It is not a red flag.

Yeah, this. I'm a guy, and I don't understand your reluctance to say this in the first place.

I might think that there was something if you gave no reason - but you have a reason.

[Anonymous]

I would be honest and tell them you were overweight. I think you over thinking this too much and looking for excuses. Just go out there, date, and have fun. I married when I was 40, because I have not met the right person until then. There are tons of single 40yo women in DC area and you're not a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a reasonably attractive woman hasn’t been married and no children by 40 I would assume she has issues of some sort. But once you get to know the person it’s possible to change your mind.

This is nothing but a stereotype. As a single, fit, attractive, high earner, African American woman in her late 40s, people often ask me the same thing. I am a Mom, so I have been down that road. There is nothing wrong with you based upon your marital status.

Repeat, there is nothing wrong with you based upon your marital status.

P.S. Plus, you do not bring the additional elements to a relationship that can make dating very hard. Newly divorced people often do not want to interact when wit you when they have their kids, the alimony, and child support considerations as just a few of the things they have to contend with.

YOU ARE GOLDEN MATERIAL FOR A DIVORCED MAN!

And you, PP, are golden!!! But I suspect you know this, deeply.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to be very easy going. Most men I know would prefer a 44 year old easy going woman than a 35 year old complicated one. You need to be relaxed. At 44 you may have a lot of preconceived ideas of what a partner is supposed to do, what you are supposed to do, behave, etc.
Also, at 44 men will probably not think that you want to get married right away and have kids (that shiphas probably sailed, right?), this will play in your favor. When my DH was single he told me that women between 30-40 were in most cases looking to settle down and get married so anything below or above that decade is probably better

[Anonymous]

What’s the longest relationship you’ve ever had? Have you had significant relationships?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the longest relationship you’ve ever had? Have you had significant relationships?

+1
If you've never had a long term relationship that could be a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask Condoleezza Rice.

I thought the rumor was she was closeted?