44 year old woman, never married, no kids. Am I a red flag??

[Anonymous]

Man here: OP, you didn't get married because you were fat. You didn't get married because you hated yourself for being fat. I see a lot of fat married women. They actually make wedding dresses for large women.

Be honest with yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP, the fact that you are stable with a paid off home and job and no baggage is a huge plus. I bet a lot of men will be drawn to that. Don't underestimate yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I feel like saying you used to be fat is like saying you used to Hebrew a felon.

Um... whut?

* used to be a felon.

Huh. I thought it was going to be “harbor a felon.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look at the bright side- it's better to be a fat woman than a short man!

Unless you're a short man who's rich.

Nah. The entertainment industry is full of short men. Tons of them in the corporate board rooms too. I'm not a short man or a fat woman but if I had a choice, short man would win in a landslide. I'd rather have people tease me for being short (while still being successful) than being invisible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the fact that you are stable with a paid off home and job and no baggage is a huge plus. I bet a lot of men will be drawn to that. Don't underestimate yourself.

That's not really a selling point to men age 40+. Most already have a home and would expect their future wife to either move in or buy one together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the fact that you are stable with a paid off home and job and no baggage is a huge plus. I bet a lot of men will be drawn to that. Don't underestimate yourself.

That's not really a selling point to men age 40+. Most already have a home and would expect their future wife to either move in or buy one together.

It's a huge selling point because it's an indicator of financial stabiliyt and bringing something to the marriage. If a man had a nice home and she moved in, presumably she would sell her home, giving them a nice amount of money for their life together to do things or for retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the fact that you are stable with a paid off home and job and no baggage is a huge plus. I bet a lot of men will be drawn to that. Don't underestimate yourself.

That's not really a selling point to men age 40+. Most already have a home and would expect their future wife to either move in or buy one together.

It means they can buy a lot more house if they bought one together and she sold hers, or she could sell hers and they'd have extra cash, both of which are good. His lifestyle would improve (versus it would likely decline if she was a single mom with no assets or debt).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the fact that you are stable with a paid off home and job and no baggage is a huge plus. I bet a lot of men will be drawn to that. Don't underestimate yourself.

That's not really a selling point to men age 40+. Most already have a home and would expect their future wife to either move in or buy one together.

It's a huge selling point because it's an indicator of financial stabiliyt and bringing something to the marriage. If a man had a nice home and she moved in, presumably she would sell her home, giving them a nice amount of money for their life together to do things or for retirement.

I assume you're not a man. Her financial stability would be a (beyond) tertiary consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the fact that you are stable with a paid off home and job and no baggage is a huge plus. I bet a lot of men will be drawn to that. Don't underestimate yourself.

That's not really a selling point to men age 40+. Most already have a home and would expect their future wife to either move in or buy one together.

It's a huge selling point because it's an indicator of financial stabiliyt and bringing something to the marriage. If a man had a nice home and she moved in, presumably she would sell her home, giving them a nice amount of money for their life together to do things or for retirement.

I assume you're not a man. Her financial stability would be a (beyond) tertiary consideration.

Yep. Plus, finances are not something that come up early in a courtship situation anyway. (Ladies, do not assume because he has a fancy car and/or house he's got a lot of money or is financially stable - it's often not the case).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here: OP, you didn't get married because you were fat. You didn't get married because you hated yourself for being fat. I see a lot of fat married women. They actually make wedding dresses for large women.

Be honest with yourself.

+1

You tend to get what you think you deserve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on the weight loss Op! Way to go! Not a red flag, but work on that self esteem a little. Sometimes when you have such a big life change (losing the weight) you need to readjust how you see yourself from the inside. A good therapist or life coach might help with this. Good luck!

[b]

Wonderful advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here: OP, you didn't get married because you were fat. You didn't get married because you hated yourself for being fat. I see a lot of fat married women. They actually make wedding dresses for large women.

Be honest with yourself.

[b]

Yeah and look who those women married. Sometimes it’s better to be alone or wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here: OP, you didn't get married because you were fat. You didn't get married because you hated yourself for being fat. I see a lot of fat married women. They actually make wedding dresses for large women.

Be honest with yourself.

This. I was 270 lbs when I got married. Lost a lot of weight; kept the wonderful husband. When I see someone in their 40s who has never been married, I typically think they don't want to be, nevermind what they actually say. If you had wanted to date, you would have dated. If you had wanted to be married, you would have been, and don't think it would have been to a loser either--plenty of devoted husbands out there to big women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if I’m a walking red flag? I’ve never been married and don’t have kids. Own my own home, have an average career but can support myself (home paid off). I love to travel and I’m independent, but haven’t had a ton of relationships. Looks wise I’m about a 6 or 7. I used to weigh 270 pounds but now I’m 135 (lost with weight watchers). When I was overweight I was invisible to to men and now I get a lot of attention, but people always ask why I’m still single and obviously I don’t say because I used to be fat but that’s the truth! I don’t really know how to respond to those questions and just wonder if men are put off that I’m this age and haven’t been married or have kids. Thanks in advance for your honest opinions!

Any 44 year old person (regardless of gender, regardless of previous weight history, regardless of any other possible issues) who has never been married is more or less of a walking red flag. Or, let's say, has never been in a long term live in relationship, even if the formalities of marriage were never pursued.

Even when grossly obese, you weren't actually invisible to (all) men. I'm sure you could have found a similarly grossly obese man or men to have relationship(s) with. In fact, there are some men who are not grossly obese who seek relationships with grossly obese women.

You are probably NOT a "6 or 7" now because if you were, and were financially and professionally as competent as you claim, you would need a large stick to fend off all the eager male suitors who would be chasing you.

But it sounds like even with the weight loss you still haven't been able to make the connection you apparently seek.

Something far deeper is involved, and it's your job to figure out what that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be honest and tell them you were overweight. I think you over thinking this too much and looking for excuses. Just go out there, date, and have fun. I married when I was 40, because I have not met the right person until then. There are tons of single 40yo women in DC area and you're not a red flag.

No one's going to buy that as the real reason though.

Plenty of overweight gals (and men) find partners.

There may be a correlation between the overweight and the lifetime of loneliness, but it's too simplistic to say that the loneliness was caused by the overweight. Most likely, the overweight condition and the loneliness condition/isolation are both themselves symptoms of some other causative factor, which undoubtedly is deeply-psychologically rooted.