44 year old woman, never married, no kids. Am I a red flag??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I think it could mean you were cautious. There are a ton of losers out there and good for you for dodging them. I think you were only a couple of years older than I was. I got married at 40 and had two kids after. I had to lie about my age originally because but, you do what you have to do.

But as an aside, ,a guy might have preconceived ideas about a 30-something vs a 40 something but really all they care about is that you are thin and attractive and take care of your self

OMG you lied about your age? THAT IS A MAJOR RED FLAG.

.

What? Why? My husband really did not care after he met me and thought I was awesome.

How would you feel about it if you learned your husband had lied about his age - say he'd knocked 5 or 10 years off in his profile so he could score younger women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to assume that anyone of either sex who states that he or she wants to be married, but has never found the right partner by his or her mid-30s, probably has some deal-breaker that makes no sense to rational people, prioritizes his or her career or hobby to a fanatical degree, or has a problem making any kind of compromises at all, even the dinner-at-7-rather-than-9 sort.

This is for people who WANTED to be married. Now, if you told me you'd been very overweight and avoided dating, that would seem like a reasonable explanation. If all I heard was, "It just never worked out," I'd be more cautious.

Whoa! BIG TYPO. Meant *mid-40s*.

+1 I think the thing that makes it a red flag is if you want(ed) marriage/kids. It's not a red flag if you never wanted to get married/like your independence. If anything, single guys 44 and over probably will breathe a sigh of relief because I think never-married and divorced men in their mid 40s and up aren't really looking to be pressured into marriage, etc.

The red flag is really if you seem like you really want(ed) marriage and are actively looking for it. IME, there usually is a reason why a woman or a man who actively wants to get married isn't able to by mid-40s. The reason isn't necessarily ominous, but there's usually a reason.

I can't emphasize enough that the above doesn't apply if the person very clearly never wanted (and likely still doesn't) want marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again- I’m so grateful for all these replies, thanks so much for the support guys! I’m trying to get out there (my goal for the new year) and you guys have given me the boost I needed. I’m not overly picky, I just want someone kind, honest and interesting. Someone with a good heart. Maybe someone like me, who was overlooked but is just waiting to be discovered. I just want to dip my toe in the dating pool- I know after all these years I can and would be happy alone, but it would be nice to find someone.

Thanks so much!

The most important thing is to not seem desperate for a relationship. That's why it's actually better to be open to casual dating. ALL dating starts off as casual. Otherwise, there's too much pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again- I’m so grateful for all these replies, thanks so much for the support guys! I’m trying to get out there (my goal for the new year) and you guys have given me the boost I needed. I’m not overly picky, I just want someone kind, honest and interesting. Someone with a good heart. Maybe someone like me, who was overlooked but is just waiting to be discovered. I just want to dip my toe in the dating pool- I know after all these years I can and would be happy alone, but it would be nice to find someone.

Thanks so much!

The most important thing is to not seem desperate for a relationship. That's why it's actually better to be open to casual dating. ALL dating starts off as casual. Otherwise, there's too much pressure.

[b]

Op again- Oh this makes sense, thanks so much! I really appreciate all this advice. I really don’t know how to date so maybe it’s good I’m a little cautious.

[Anonymous]

I think it's really important for men to have a woman who never had kids aka baggage/ scarred body. At least you're not like that Single mom OP in the other thread wondering why her BF dumped her after meeting his parents.

[Anonymous]

As someone who has been fat as well as average, I think OP is putting too much emphasis on "oh well it's because i was fat".

[Anonymous]

OP I’m you but 30. I was overweight most of my 20’s and didn’t date due to being very self-conscious. I’ve lost all of the weight, but I feel embarrassed to say I was overweight. I was a skinny kid and teen, but unhealthy eating and PCOS caused me to gain weight in my early 20’s. I feel like saying you used to be fat is like saying you used to Hebrew a felon. Most people won’t even look twice at you once you say it. I want to marry and have kids but have pretty much accepted that it likely won’t happen for me. I am too old and having kids because of my PCOS is unlikely. No man is going to want to deal with a former fat woman with possible fertility issues.

[Anonymous]

Another person here who lost a ton of weight in my mid-20s, and suddenly had all this attention from men. But the damage was done. I couldn’t believe that men were actually interested in ME, and I guess I developed an issue with intimacy. Never found “Mr. Right.” Eventually gave up, and got a kid another way. But I’ll always be the girl nobody wanted.

I probably should have gotten therapy. Maybe you should do what I didn't, OP.

[Anonymous]

How much loose skin do you have?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, yes. I'm a woman and I've never met a normal or healthy 44 year old woman who has never been married and has no kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do not want casual relationships, do not compromise.Remember, you are golden material for a divorced man. The fact that you do not have a custody schedules to work out is also golden.

--Single, mom by choice, fit, attractive woman

I disagree. Good divorced men want women with older children. Women who can understand being a mom, having kids, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much loose skin do you have?

[b]

Op here- Surprisingly I don’t have any, but I do have some stretch marks. I’m 5’9 so maybe the fat was spread out? I don’t know why I don’t have loose skin. While I was losing weight I wore a compression garment at night, maybe that helped?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, yes. I'm a woman and I've never met a normal or healthy 44 year old woman who has never been married and has no kids.

Never married and 44 means hard to get along with.

[Anonymous]

I think it indicates that you are independent, self sufficient and not too needy. If you had wanted to marry you would have but you haven't found a good enough reason to make a compromise like that. You know what you like, what you want and where you want to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who has been fat as well as average, I think OP is putting too much emphasis on "oh well it's because i was fat".

+1. I have plenty of friends who are overweight yet got married in their early 30's or even late 20's (yes, despite being overweight) and are still happily married. Not sure why everyone is emphasizing weight so much. Plenty of thin people are also single in their 40's. OP, you didn't find the right person you wanted to marry, and I would leave it at that.