reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson that said an unlocked door was like an invitation to come in? I think it was Dahmer. People absolutely do test doors to see if they're locked.

Home invasions are extraordinarily rare. They happen but the odds of it happening to YOU, in suburbia are comically low. It is winning the bad lottery uncommon.

COnstant BS excuses in order not to do something that is common sense, is what drives me crazy. Please tell me you do not have kids.

I have two! They have reasonable reactions to minor failings that they encounter in other people (actually that is a lie, my one year old melted down over a box of cheez-its being empty today but it is the long term goal).

As I said above, my argument isn't that locking doors is pointless and stupid. Its that it shouldn't be a marriage killer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson that said an unlocked door was like an invitation to come in? I think it was Dahmer. People absolutely do test doors to see if they're locked.

Home invasions are extraordinarily rare. They happen but the odds of it happening to YOU, in suburbia are comically low. It is winning the bad lottery uncommon.

COnstant BS excuses in order not to do something that is common sense, is what drives me crazy. Please tell me you do not have kids.

I have two! They have reasonable reactions to minor failings that they encounter in other people (actually that is a lie, my one year old melted down over a box of cheez-its being empty today but it is the long term goal).

As I said above, my argument isn't that locking doors is pointless and stupid. Its that it shouldn't be a marriage killer.

OP's DH seems to be on a power trip and passive aggressively never locking the door at night after he walks the dog. He literally says "Get over it, not going to do it."

So now what's the underlying issue here? He is incapable of locking the front door? He doesn't want to do what his spouse is asking? He doesn't care what is important to his spouse? He is incapable of remembering to do things? All of the above?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t see the big deal here. Do you really think people are roaming your neighborhood checking front door locks?

Yes.

It's called situational awareness. If you have a wife and young children in the house, you want to take EVERY precaution to keep them safe. End of f-ing story. No debate on this one.

Don't let your family out of the house. Maybe put them in bubble wrap. ABSOLUTELY don't let them get in a car. End of f-ing story. No debate on this one.

No, just take a simple step every night to ensure that you are not making any easier for someone who wants to do you harm to have access to your family.

[Anonymous]

Ripped from today's headlines: If you don't lock your door, Shane will come to visit!

Unknown Man Invades Woman's Apartment In Ashburn: LCSO
By Skip Wood, Patch Staff | Oct 22, 2018 3:08 pm ET
A woman found an unknown man sitting on her couch early Sunday morning in Ashburn, according to the Loudoun County Sheriff's Office.

ASHBURN, VA—A woman found an unknown man sitting on her couch early Sunday morning in the 20000 block of Coltsfoot Terrace, according to the Loudoun County Sheriff's Office. Shane D. Hale, 24, of Ashburn, was charged with unlawful entry.

Shortly before 4 a.m., the woman said she was roused out of her sleep by her barking dog. When she walked through her apartment to the living room, she saw an unknown man on the couch. Police say he entered the residence through an unlocked door.

[Anonymous]

We can’t live in a bubble but we *can* do easy things like wear set belts and LOCK THE DOOR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t see the big deal here. Do you really think people are roaming your neighborhood checking front door locks?

Yes.

It's called situational awareness. If you have a wife and young children in the house, you want to take EVERY precaution to keep them safe. End of f-ing story. No debate on this one.

Don't let your family out of the house. Maybe put them in bubble wrap. ABSOLUTELY don't let them get in a car. End of f-ing story. No debate on this one.

Serious question, where did you grow up? What part of the country? City or rural? Why do you think this is so absurd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeezus, a lot of people are neurotic on here. He forgets to lock the door - BFD. OP, if you're so obsessed over it, why don't you do it? Obviously he doesn't think it's a huge deal and forgets to do it at times. Unless you're in the city or in a bad area, there's really little reason to get upset over this as the odds of a break in by testing out the front door are incredibly rate.

We are in a city. And he walks the dog after I go to bed (he usually works till the wee hours of the morning). I feel like it would be preposterously neurotic - and pretty unfair - for me to have to get up again after he's back from walking our dog to check the locks that he can very easily lock himself. Basically I am asking him to show me the consideration of taking my safety concern seriously enough to just check the f*cking lock before he turns in for the night.

[Anonymous]

If you leave your door unlocked, you never know when an NFL backup QB will invite himself in for a visit...

Denver Broncos quarterback Chad Kelly was arrested early Tuesday morning and charged with first-degree criminal trespassing, the Englewood (Colorado) Police Department said in a news release.

Kelly was taken into custody after police responded to a call about "a male standing outside a residence" around 1 a.m. According to court records, a man and woman told police a man came into their home uninvited after 1 a.m. Tuesday and sat down on the couch "mumbling incoherently."

The records say the man chased the intruder out, striking him in the back with a vacuum tube.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t see the big deal here. Do you really think people are roaming your neighborhood checking front door locks?

Yes.

It's called situational awareness. If you have a wife and young children in the house, you want to take EVERY precaution to keep them safe. End of f-ing story. No debate on this one.

Don't let your family out of the house. Maybe put them in bubble wrap. ABSOLUTELY don't let them get in a car. End of f-ing story. No debate on this one.

Serious question, where did you grow up? What part of the country? City or rural? Why do you think this is so absurd?

Because I get in a car every day. I know the statistics on that. People have helpfully posted the statistics on locked doors. If you're locking the doors but still get into a car to go places, you're not taking "every" precaution. Sleeping in a house with an unlocked door just isn't a big threat. Go ahead and lock the door. I do it most nights because, why not? It makes me feel safe. But if I forget, it's a shrug of the shoulders, not a big deal. I think it's absurd because people are comically bad at risk assessment and because some of the rhetoric surrounding locking the doors on this thread is overblown.

To answer your question, I live in a smallish city of about 70,000. I grew up in a somewhat smaller city of about 40,000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson that said an unlocked door was like an invitation to come in? I think it was Dahmer. People absolutely do test doors to see if they're locked.

Home invasions are extraordinarily rare. They happen but the odds of it happening to YOU, in suburbia are comically low. It is winning the bad lottery uncommon.

COnstant BS excuses in order not to do something that is common sense, is what drives me crazy. Please tell me you do not have kids.

This is OP - we don't have kids. We also don't live in suburbia. We are in a city, albeit in a pretty safe part of the city. Not so safe that I would leave our doors unlocked, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson that said an unlocked door was like an invitation to come in? I think it was Dahmer. People absolutely do test doors to see if they're locked.

Home invasions are extraordinarily rare. They happen but the odds of it happening to YOU, in suburbia are comically low. It is winning the bad lottery uncommon.

COnstant BS excuses in order not to do something that is common sense, is what drives me crazy. Please tell me you do not have kids.

I have two! They have reasonable reactions to minor failings that they encounter in other people (actually that is a lie, my one year old melted down over a box of cheez-its being empty today but it is the long term goal).

As I said above, my argument isn't that locking doors is pointless and stupid. Its that it shouldn't be a marriage killer.

OP's DH seems to be on a power trip and passive aggressively never locking the door at night after he walks the dog. He literally says "Get over it, not going to do it."

So now what's the underlying issue here? He is incapable of locking the front door? He doesn't want to do what his spouse is asking? He doesn't care what is important to his spouse? He is incapable of remembering to do things? All of the above?

Please go back and reread. I can't tell if you're stupid or just hyperbolic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t see the big deal here. Do you really think people are roaming your neighborhood checking front door locks?

Yes.

It's called situational awareness. If you have a wife and young children in the house, you want to take EVERY precaution to keep them safe. End of f-ing story. No debate on this one.

Don't let your family out of the house. Maybe put them in bubble wrap. ABSOLUTELY don't let them get in a car. End of f-ing story. No debate on this one.

This is OP - and for those who are reading this, now you can see a little bit about how fun it is having this argument with someone who doesn't share your concerns about safety. I don't feel that locking the door is such a WILD AND CRAZY THING you should have to justify doing it. It's a simple, easy, commonsense way to try to protect yourself, your home, and those you love. But obviously - as you can see from PP - certain other people really dig in and probably leave their doors unlocked just to prove a point! Luckily my husband does not go that far, as to say that locking the door is basically irrelevant in this modern world. He acknowledges, at least, that it is better to lock the door - he just forgets to do it often enough that I think we will buy one of those smart locks and hopefully that'll solve the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some types of doorknobs/locks where the default is locked, so they just always lock behind you. Seems like marital harmony would be worth the cost of replacing the doorknob (or even door, depending on what you've got currently). Of course, it might introduce new problems if your husband is forgetful enough that he starts locking himself out.

If you’re getting a new doorknob anyways, get one with a combination. Then he can’t lock himself out because he will always know the combination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson that said an unlocked door was like an invitation to come in? I think it was Dahmer. People absolutely do test doors to see if they're locked.

Home invasions are extraordinarily rare. They happen but the odds of it happening to YOU, in suburbia are comically low. It is winning the bad lottery uncommon.

COnstant BS excuses in order not to do something that is common sense, is what drives me crazy. Please tell me you do not have kids.

I have two! They have reasonable reactions to minor failings that they encounter in other people (actually that is a lie, my one year old melted down over a box of cheez-its being empty today but it is the long term goal).

As I said above, my argument isn't that locking doors is pointless and stupid. Its that it shouldn't be a marriage killer.

No one said it is, except for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson that said an unlocked door was like an invitation to come in? I think it was Dahmer. People absolutely do test doors to see if they're locked.

Home invasions are extraordinarily rare. They happen but the odds of it happening to YOU, in suburbia are comically low. It is winning the bad lottery uncommon.

COnstant BS excuses in order not to do something that is common sense, is what drives me crazy. Please tell me you do not have kids.

I have two! They have reasonable reactions to minor failings that they encounter in other people (actually that is a lie, my one year old melted down over a box of cheez-its being empty today but it is the long term goal).

As I said above, my argument isn't that locking doors is pointless and stupid. Its that it shouldn't be a marriage killer.

OP's DH seems to be on a power trip and passive aggressively never locking the door at night after he walks the dog. He literally says "Get over it, not going to do it."

So now what's the underlying issue here? He is incapable of locking the front door? He doesn't want to do what his spouse is asking? He doesn't care what is important to his spouse? He is incapable of remembering to do things? All of the above?

This is OP - he's not doing it as a power trip (I don't think). He's really a good person, just absentminded sometimes. He works a lot and is tired, and sometimes normal life stuff- locking doors - just slips his mind. Then he gets defensive when I tell him that I'm bothered about the door. He's gotten much better about it than he used to be, but it still happens sometimes. So that's why I would like to get some technological fix here, so that it's something we don't have to count on him remembering to do if possible.