reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson that said an unlocked door was like an invitation to come in? I think it was Dahmer. People absolutely do test doors to see if they're locked.

Home invasions are extraordinarily rare. They happen but the odds of it happening to YOU, in suburbia are comically low. It is winning the bad lottery uncommon.

And yet it happens and the consequences can be catastrophic. Seems like locking the door is a very low level of effort to lower the odds even more. Furthermore, there's a difference between a home invasion and a burglary. Most burglars won't enter a house if they believe it is occupied but the ones who do are far more likely to be violent. Finally, the police in my area constantly admonish residents to lock their homes and cars and point to the many incidents in the local crime reports of unlocked cars being ransacked and the odd burglary that occurs when front doors are left unlocked.

Are OP? I got into more details below. Your husband is bad at locking the door. I have ADD and while locking up at night doesn't cause me problems, I do have chronic issues that come up. I lose my phone constantly for instance. I frequently leave things in stores and have to painstakingly retrace my steps to find things.

You have set up a situation in your house where your husband is in charge of a thing he is clearly bad at. And instead of trying to rework the structure of the evening (you could take the dog out before going up and he could take the morning walk) you set him up for failure and then start a fight every time he forgets. Over something that is extremely unlikely to happen to you.

In our house we don't put the person who is bad at xx task in charge of xx task just so everyone can be perpetually unhappy about the situation. If your husband is generally a good contributor, then find a way to make it so he's not the one in charge of locking the doors every night. It is demoralizing to have a task that you are crappy at and get yelled at for when you are expectedly crappy at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeezus, a lot of people are neurotic on here. He forgets to lock the door - BFD. OP, if you're so obsessed over it, why don't you do it? Obviously he doesn't think it's a huge deal and forgets to do it at times. Unless you're in the city or in a bad area, there's really little reason to get upset over this as the odds of a break in by testing out the front door are incredibly rate.

+11! Everyone knows bad stuff only happens to other people. Usually icky people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson that said an unlocked door was like an invitation to come in? I think it was Dahmer. People absolutely do test doors to see if they're locked.

Home invasions are extraordinarily rare. They happen but the odds of it happening to YOU, in suburbia are comically low. It is winning the bad lottery uncommon.

And yet it happens and the consequences can be catastrophic. Seems like locking the door is a very low level of effort to lower the odds even more. Furthermore, there's a difference between a home invasion and a burglary. Most burglars won't enter a house if they believe it is occupied but the ones who do are far more likely to be violent. Finally, the police in my area constantly admonish residents to lock their homes and cars and point to the many incidents in the local crime reports of unlocked cars being ransacked and the odd burglary that occurs when front doors are left unlocked.

Are OP? I got into more details below. Your husband is bad at locking the door. I have ADD and while locking up at night doesn't cause me problems, I do have chronic issues that come up. I lose my phone constantly for instance. I frequently leave things in stores and have to painstakingly retrace my steps to find things.

You have set up a situation in your house where your husband is in charge of a thing he is clearly bad at. And instead of trying to rework the structure of the evening (you could take the dog out before going up and he could take the morning walk) you set him up for failure and then start a fight every time he forgets. Over something that is extremely unlikely to happen to you.

In our house we don't put the person who is bad at xx task in charge of xx task just so everyone can be perpetually unhappy about the situation. If your husband is generally a good contributor, then find a way to make it so he's not the one in charge of locking the doors every night. It is demoralizing to have a task that you are crappy at and get yelled at for when you are expectedly crappy at it.

Nope, not OP. And I agree she should take charge of locking up at night since her DH is incapable of it and at this point it's clear he's never going to be. But you can spout statistics all day and it still doesn't negate the need to take basic common sense measures for home security.

[Anonymous]

Omg my DH got so frustrated with me. I try soooo hard. Lists and reminders everywhere. Alarms set on phone, etc. adhd diagnosed at 40. Now we have some hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson that said an unlocked door was like an invitation to come in? I think it was Dahmer. People absolutely do test doors to see if they're locked.

Home invasions are extraordinarily rare. They happen but the odds of it happening to YOU, in suburbia are comically low. It is winning the bad lottery uncommon.

And yet it happens and the consequences can be catastrophic. Seems like locking the door is a very low level of effort to lower the odds even more. Furthermore, there's a difference between a home invasion and a burglary. Most burglars won't enter a house if they believe it is occupied but the ones who do are far more likely to be violent. Finally, the police in my area constantly admonish residents to lock their homes and cars and point to the many incidents in the local crime reports of unlocked cars being ransacked and the odd burglary that occurs when front doors are left unlocked.

Are OP? I got into more details below. Your husband is bad at locking the door. I have ADD and while locking up at night doesn't cause me problems, I do have chronic issues that come up. I lose my phone constantly for instance. I frequently leave things in stores and have to painstakingly retrace my steps to find things.

You have set up a situation in your house where your husband is in charge of a thing he is clearly bad at. And instead of trying to rework the structure of the evening (you could take the dog out before going up and he could take the morning walk) you set him up for failure and then start a fight every time he forgets. Over something that is extremely unlikely to happen to you.

In our house we don't put the person who is bad at xx task in charge of xx task just so everyone can be perpetually unhappy about the situation. If your husband is generally a good contributor, then find a way to make it so he's not the one in charge of locking the doors every night. It is demoralizing to have a task that you are crappy at and get yelled at for when you are expectedly crappy at it.

Nope, not OP. And I agree she should take charge of locking up at night since her DH is incapable of it and at this point it's clear he's never going to be. But you can spout statistics all day and it still doesn't negate the need to take basic common sense measures for home security.

It is better to lock the doors, but the odds that something terrible happening if you forget are not so high that I would REGULARLY have big fights with my husband over it. My argument is not, 'don't lock your doors' or 'there is no benefit to locking your doors' or 'locking your doors is stupid and unnecessary'. I know everyone hates this but its more dangerous to get in our car everyday but we do that anyway because the benefits of being able to transport myself quickly in a car outweigh the potential dangers. The benefits of a happy marriage FAR outweigh the much lower risk of a home invasion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t see the big deal here. Do you really think people are roaming your neighborhood checking front door locks?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson that said an unlocked door was like an invitation to come in? I think it was Dahmer. People absolutely do test doors to see if they're locked.

Home invasions are extraordinarily rare. They happen but the odds of it happening to YOU, in suburbia are comically low. It is winning the bad lottery uncommon.

And yet it happens and the consequences can be catastrophic. Seems like locking the door is a very low level of effort to lower the odds even more. Furthermore, there's a difference between a home invasion and a burglary. Most burglars won't enter a house if they believe it is occupied but the ones who do are far more likely to be violent. Finally, the police in my area constantly admonish residents to lock their homes and cars and point to the many incidents in the local crime reports of unlocked cars being ransacked and the odd burglary that occurs when front doors are left unlocked.

Are OP? I got into more details below. Your husband is bad at locking the door. I have ADD and while locking up at night doesn't cause me problems, I do have chronic issues that come up. I lose my phone constantly for instance. I frequently leave things in stores and have to painstakingly retrace my steps to find things.

You have set up a situation in your house where your husband is in charge of a thing he is clearly bad at. And instead of trying to rework the structure of the evening (you could take the dog out before going up and he could take the morning walk) you set him up for failure and then start a fight every time he forgets. Over something that is extremely unlikely to happen to you.

In our house we don't put the person who is bad at xx task in charge of xx task just so everyone can be perpetually unhappy about the situation. If your husband is generally a good contributor, then find a way to make it so he's not the one in charge of locking the doors every night. It is demoralizing to have a task that you are crappy at and get yelled at for when you are expectedly crappy at it.

Nope, not OP. And I agree she should take charge of locking up at night since her DH is incapable of it and at this point it's clear he's never going to be. But you can spout statistics all day and it still doesn't negate the need to take basic common sense measures for home security.

It is better to lock the doors, but the odds that something terrible happening if you forget are not so high that I would REGULARLY have big fights with my husband over it. My argument is not, 'don't lock your doors' or 'there is no benefit to locking your doors' or 'locking your doors is stupid and unnecessary'. I know everyone hates this but its more dangerous to get in our car everyday but we do that anyway because the benefits of being able to transport myself quickly in a car outweigh the potential dangers. The benefits of a happy marriage FAR outweigh the much lower risk of a home invasion.

Agreed that driving is about the most dangerous thing most people will ever do in their lives and the risk of death/injury from driving is higher than just about anything else in American life. But the same people who are so cavalier about the need to lock their doors are probably just as blase about the dangers of driving. All I'm saying is, ADD husband and the benefits of a happy marriage notwithstanding, lock your GD doors!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeezus, a lot of people are neurotic on here. He forgets to lock the door - BFD. OP, if you're so obsessed over it, why don't you do it? Obviously he doesn't think it's a huge deal and forgets to do it at times. Unless you're in the city or in a bad area, there's really little reason to get upset over this as the odds of a break in by testing out the front door are incredibly rate.

+11! Everyone knows bad stuff only happens to other people. Usually icky people.

and at a time of all these Booo Halloween pranks. Hope you get Boo'd good OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson that said an unlocked door was like an invitation to come in? I think it was Dahmer. People absolutely do test doors to see if they're locked.

Home invasions are extraordinarily rare. They happen but the odds of it happening to YOU, in suburbia are comically low. It is winning the bad lottery uncommon.

COnstant BS excuses in order not to do something that is common sense, is what drives me crazy. Please tell me you do not have kids.

[Anonymous]

DH And I are both bad at remembering to do a couple of things. So the other person does them. It's NOT a big deal and it prevents issues. I don't see why you can't do that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t see the big deal here. Do you really think people are roaming your neighborhood checking front door locks?

Yes.

It's called situational awareness. If you have a wife and young children in the house, you want to take EVERY precaution to keep them safe. End of f-ing story. No debate on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson that said an unlocked door was like an invitation to come in? I think it was Dahmer. People absolutely do test doors to see if they're locked.

Home invasions are extraordinarily rare. They happen but the odds of it happening to YOU, in suburbia are comically low. It is winning the bad lottery uncommon.

COnstant BS excuses in order not to do something that is common sense, is what drives me crazy. Please tell me you do not have kids.

What drives me crazy is you thinking that uttering the phrase "common sense" somehow negates PP's arguments about the very low risk here. By all means, go ahead and lock doors. But when it doesn't get done, acknowledge that it's about as big a deal as forgetting to buy a lottery ticket -- which is to say, not at all a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson that said an unlocked door was like an invitation to come in? I think it was Dahmer. People absolutely do test doors to see if they're locked.

Home invasions are extraordinarily rare. They happen but the odds of it happening to YOU, in suburbia are comically low. It is winning the bad lottery uncommon.

Um, the odds become essentially zero if you just LOCK THE EFFING DOOR...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t see the big deal here. Do you really think people are roaming your neighborhood checking front door locks?

Yes.

It's called situational awareness. If you have a wife and young children in the house, you want to take EVERY precaution to keep them safe. End of f-ing story. No debate on this one.

Don't let your family out of the house. Maybe put them in bubble wrap. ABSOLUTELY don't let them get in a car. End of f-ing story. No debate on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson that said an unlocked door was like an invitation to come in? I think it was Dahmer. People absolutely do test doors to see if they're locked.

Home invasions are extraordinarily rare. They happen but the odds of it happening to YOU, in suburbia are comically low. It is winning the bad lottery uncommon.

Um, the odds become essentially zero if you just LOCK THE EFFING DOOR...

THE ODDS ARE ALREADY ESSENTIALLY ZERO.