reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night

[Anonymous]

My husband - whom I love - sometimes forgets to lock our front door. He forgets to do it when he goes out, he forgets to do it at night. (He goes to bed after I do, most nights.) He used to forget to lock the door a lot - after many arguments, it's less often. But he gets so f*cking defensive about it when it happens - and basically just says: well, sorry, but it's going to happen every now and then. Deal with it.

Knock wood a million times, we haven't experienced any negative repercussions so far, other than me getting very stressed out and angry and us having a fight. We live in a pretty safe area (again, knock wood a million times).

We aren't having a marital crisis over this. We aren't going to divorce. It is in some ways emblematic of other issues - I think he's needlessly reckless about certain things; he thinks I get angry with him too much - but we have a good marriage.

I don't know what my question is exactly. I guess - have you figured out either a behavioral or technological trick that gets a spouse who doesn't lock the door to do it? And/or how upset would you be in this situation? I'm not crazy to feel upset about this, am I?

And no I won't give you our address.

[Anonymous]

It's part of our nightly routine to check the doors before we go to bed. If your husband going in and out after you go to sleep? If not, you could check it before you go up.

I wouldn't feel comfortable with the door being left unlocked either.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you lock the door before you go to bed?
Is he going out after you go to bed?

[Anonymous]

As the father and man of the house, it is most certainly HIS obligation to secure house to protect his family. Can't believe he blows it off like that.

[Anonymous]

Is he going outside after you go to bed? If not, then you check the doors.

[Anonymous]

There are some types of doorknobs/locks where the default is locked, so they just always lock behind you. Seems like marital harmony would be worth the cost of replacing the doorknob (or even door, depending on what you've got currently). Of course, it might introduce new problems if your husband is forgetful enough that he starts locking himself out.

[Anonymous]

I have a post it note taped to the front door with a list of what I need to bring in the mornings because my brain doesn't turn on before 7 am. Could he try something similar? A note taped to something he always looks at before bed? An alarm on his phone that goes off at 9:30 each night?

[Anonymous]

DH forgets too, I do it before I go to bed.

[Anonymous]

DH often leaves the door wide open (just the storm door closed). I've come home to find the *refrigerator* wide open. Also, he leaves every light one. One of my routines is to go downstairs and close everything and turn off lights. Sucks, but no matter how many times I ask or remind him, he cannot seem to it.

[Anonymous]

I'm laughing because I'm your husband and my husband gets so frustrated. He's rabid about the locks, it drives me crazy. He might lock the door if I'm getting the mail or putting out the trash cans. I had to break him of the habit of locking the car that is in the garage and then the door leading from the house to the garage.

I do think your locking at night before bed should do the trick. Or if he has a regular bedtime maybe a nightly phone reminder for him.

I just can't imagine that someone is testing all the locks to people's houses at night in order to break in. I can see someone doing that to break into a car in a lot or even during the day on the assumption that people are at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some types of doorknobs/locks where the default is locked, so they just always lock behind you. Seems like marital harmony would be worth the cost of replacing the doorknob (or even door, depending on what you've got currently). Of course, it might introduce new problems if your husband is forgetful enough that he starts locking himself out.

This right here! Change your doorknob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you lock the door before you go to bed?
Is he going out after you go to bed?

Yes - he walks the dog before he goes to bed. I usually go to bed while they are still out walking. (I walk the dog in the morning and after work.)

[Anonymous]

One way to solve this would be to get those knobs that auto-lock. It'll close money but solve a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the father and man of the house, it is most certainly HIS obligation to secure house to protect his family. Can't believe he blows it off like that.

I think men experience the world differently than women and, therefore, have a different perception of what safety means. If I were op, I'd pull my @ss out of bed after dh is in for the night and go round and lock the house up. She can't be sleeping that soundly with his late night gallivanting anyhow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some types of doorknobs/locks where the default is locked, so they just always lock behind you. Seems like marital harmony would be worth the cost of replacing the doorknob (or even door, depending on what you've got currently). Of course, it might introduce new problems if your husband is forgetful enough that he starts locking himself out.

Ha - we actually have a push button lock on the front door, so we don't need a key. (This was one of our attempts to get him locking the door more! Also I hate carrying a key.) I am going to look into finding something that locks the door automatically. We have an old house - 1950s - with original doors, so the hardware isn't easy to convert. But I will see what I can find.

Argh. Thanks for listening to my vent, all. He's such a good dude overall, but kind of an absentminded professor type; brilliant and idiotic all at once. Like he leaves the house with his fly down pretty regularly - I have to check it for him but at the same time he has acolytes who hang on his every word. I love the guy but I really wish he'd apply some of that brainpower to remembering to lock the door.