reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could be your DH and I am the wife. I grew up somewhere rural where we never locked doors and kept our keys in the car all the time. It is hard to break a habit of decades especially when tired. It annoys my dH who grew up in NY.

I don’t have a good solution for you. The self locking door is a good idea (as is hiding a key for the spouse who WILL forget theirs! A lot at first!)

Me, too. DH used to and still does lock me out when he leaves and I'm out with the dog or something. We got a door with a code on it.

[Anonymous]

OP I know you don't want to give out your address but if you had to circle a neighborhood closest to your own what would it be?

Petworth
Capital Hill
Cleveland Park
Chevy Chase
South Arlington
McLean
Centreville
Dumfries

For half of those I would say you're being ridiculous so I think the context of the neighborhood is somewhat important.

[Anonymous]

We got a new electric door knob / lock that automatically locks

[Anonymous]

OP, my dh grew up in a "safe" area and has this issue too. I've had to be the one to make sure everything is locked. He only became more concerned when our trail cam picked up an image of guys sneaking around our cars, in the early am hours. Now he's a little more concerned, but still can't remember when he's tired. I've accepted it's my responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Easy solution -- automatically locking door. All the keypad locks have a setting to do this.

Other solution: alarm system. I'm less concerned about a door being unlocked since opening a door when the system is armed will trigger the alarm anyway.

[Anonymous]

Schlage makes a programmable electronic lock. No key required, and it can be programmed to lock itself at certain times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Easy solution -- automatically locking door. All the keypad locks have a setting to do this.

Other solution: alarm system. I'm less concerned about a door being unlocked since opening a door when the system is armed will trigger the alarm anyway.

This is OP - and I think this is what we're going to do.

(To the PP who asked which neighborhood we live in - we actually left DC and are living in a small city in Florida now. We live in a very safe neighborhood overall, though our neighborhood message boards are, at the same time, filled with stories about people seeing prowlers around.)

[Anonymous]

Keypad that is controlled with an app on your iPhone.

[Anonymous]

I’m so confused as to why this is even an issue. We walk around last thing at night, and ensure all doors are locked, oven, etc. is off, and all indoor stuff is off. It takes but a minute, and our house is 3500 sq ft.

[Anonymous]

You've got a dog. What's your actual risk here? More or less than your risk from traveling to and from work every day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband - whom I love - sometimes forgets to lock our front door. He forgets to do it when he goes out, he forgets to do it at night. (He goes to bed after I do, most nights.) He used to forget to lock the door a lot - after many arguments, it's less often. But he gets so f*cking defensive about it when it happens - and basically just says: well, sorry, but it's going to happen every now and then. Deal with it.

Knock wood a million times, we haven't experienced any negative repercussions so far, other than me getting very stressed out and angry and us having a fight. We live in a pretty safe area (again, knock wood a million times).

We aren't having a marital crisis over this. We aren't going to divorce. It is in some ways emblematic of other issues - I think he's needlessly reckless about certain things; he thinks I get angry with him too much - but we have a good marriage.

I don't know what my question is exactly. I guess - have you figured out either a behavioral or technological trick that gets a spouse who doesn't lock the door to do it? And/or how upset would you be in this situation? I'm not crazy to feel upset about this, am I?

And no I won't give you our address.

Leave a note in front of door. My dh does this too but now i go to sleep after him so it hasnt been a problem. It is annoying i agree

[Anonymous]

I honestly don’t see the big deal here. Do you really think people are roaming your neighborhood checking front door locks?

[Anonymous]

Get a door knob that locks automatically and has a keypad combination or fingerprint to get back in. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've got a dog. What's your actual risk here? More or less than your risk from traveling to and from work every day?

I work from home - but to answer the thrust of your question: I would say it's a different risk. When I am out and about, I am alert and conscious. When I am home and asleep, I am obviously not. So that means I'm less able to avoid certain risks at that time, being unconscious and all.

[Anonymous]

OP, get a self-locking door. Other than that, despite the fact that he's getting defensive, your husband is spot on when he says, "well, sorry, but it's going to happen every now and then. Deal with it." Really, what are your alternatives?