reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One way to solve this would be to get those knobs that auto-lock. It'll close money but solve a problem.

This. Better yet, one of the digital locks. That way, it auto-locks AND he can't lock himself out.

Yes! We stayed in a vacation house that had a digital lock with a code we punched in to enter. You can reprogram the code. It was great. The door locked automatically and we punched in some numbers to enter -no key needed. This sounds perfect for op. I think op's peace of mind is worth the cost of a locksmith to install a digital lock. You may have to do all entry doors, though!

I have not read the whole thread, but I was going to recommend installing this type of lock.

[Anonymous]

Yeah because resetting codes and passwords every time he forgets then and then forgets to tell you the reset one is so fun.

[Anonymous]

My DH did this for years. No matter how upset I got or how much I explained how important it was for me to feel safe at night knowing the doors are locked, he couldn’t make the effort because it wasn’t important to him. We’re getting divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the father and man of the house, it is most certainly HIS obligation to secure house to protect his family. Can't believe he blows it off like that.

I’m the DW and I do all the locking up at night. Husband forgets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this for years. No matter how upset I got or how much I explained how important it was for me to feel safe at night knowing the doors are locked, he couldn’t make the effort because it wasn’t important to him. We’re getting divorced.

I feel like this is my life. Can you share more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happens here too. It means, among other things, that I am always the primary caretaker of all, that I can never rest, much less go to bed earlier than anyone, and I must think of everything at all hours since my spouse doesn't consider this, or most things, important.

Any why doesn't he? Here is the larger problem.

Unlocked door at night? We've had numerous home invasions over a period of time in my general area. Yes, and resulting in murder. Still makes no difference some people!

Wow. And a locked door was the difference?

I live in an area where we don't sweat it if the doors aren't locked. There have been no invasions like that in the 20 years we have lived here.

Our cars typically aren't locked, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happens here too. It means, among other things, that I am always the primary caretaker of all, that I can never rest, much less go to bed earlier than anyone, and I must think of everything at all hours since my spouse doesn't consider this, or most things, important.

Any why doesn't he? Here is the larger problem.

Unlocked door at night? We've had numerous home invasions over a period of time in my general area. Yes, and resulting in murder. Still makes no difference some people!

Wow. And a locked door was the difference?

I live in an area where we don't sweat it if the doors aren't locked. There have been no invasions like that in the 20 years we have lived here.

Our cars typically aren't locked, either.

Good for you. Crime and car and home break ins are increasingly common in Bethesda, potomac, Nw DC. And the ring cams plus police reports prove it. Nothing be done about it yet. And WaPO isn’t writing about the stats yet, might take someone getting seriously injured (kid, home worker, perpetrator) during a break in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the father and man of the house, it is most certainly HIS obligation to secure house to protect his family. Can't believe he blows it off like that.

I’m the DW and I do all the locking up at night. Husband forgets.

Same problem, same solution. The irony is that DH works in a very detail-oriented field. I guess he burns up that close attention during the day. We were burglarized once and I have never been the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this for years. No matter how upset I got or how much I explained how important it was for me to feel safe at night knowing the doors are locked, he couldn’t make the effort because it wasn’t important to him. We’re getting divorced.

I feel like this is my life. Can you share more?

Sure. It didn’t matter that his refusal to reliably lock the doors made me feel dismissed, not listened to, not valued, or like a nag for bringing it up when he failed to do it and I came down in the morning and found our doors unlocked and got upset. This was just one of many examples of this type of disregard. If something wasn’t important to him, it wasn’t important at all.

[Anonymous]

my wife forgets all the time. We have a hidden key. I lock it. If she's locked out, she gets the spare key. I have a backup spare key to tell her about for the inevitable time she has forgotten to return the spare. I'm the one who handles these checklists (kid's lunch, ordering, etc.). She still lives like a teenager. All her responsibility is directed toward her career and she pulls down serious $. So I check the doors and set the alarm. I get annoyed, but it's the situation and it ain't going to change. If I'm gone I am pretty clear about making sure they lock it and sometimes alert about attempted or real break ins in the area, to stir some diligence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this for years. No matter how upset I got or how much I explained how important it was for me to feel safe at night knowing the doors are locked, he couldn’t make the effort because it wasn’t important to him. We’re getting divorced.

I feel like this is my life. Can you share more?

Sure. It didn’t matter that his refusal to reliably lock the doors made me feel dismissed, not listened to, not valued, or like a nag for bringing it up when he failed to do it and I came down in the morning and found our doors unlocked and got upset. This was just one of many examples of this type of disregard. If something wasn’t important to him, it wasn’t important at all.

But if it was that Important to you, why didn’t YOU solve the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this for years. No matter how upset I got or how much I explained how important it was for me to feel safe at night knowing the doors are locked, he couldn’t make the effort because it wasn’t important to him. We’re getting divorced.

I feel like this is my life. Can you share more?

Sure. It didn’t matter that his refusal to reliably lock the doors made me feel dismissed, not listened to, not valued, or like a nag for bringing it up when he failed to do it and I came down in the morning and found our doors unlocked and got upset. This was just one of many examples of this type of disregard. If something wasn’t important to him, it wasn’t important at all.

But if it was that Important to you, why didn’t YOU solve the problem?

When your spouse repeatedly says you are doing/not doing something that is a really big issue for them and is causing them stress, do you say “that sounds like your problem to solve” or do you consider how your behavior is affecting them?

[Anonymous]

We have an electronic lock that locks itself after 5 minutes. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have an electronic lock that locks itself after 5 minutes. Problem solved.

We have an electronic system and we have it set to autolock the doors at 11pm. We're usually watching TV and hear the front and back doors locking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this for years. No matter how upset I got or how much I explained how important it was for me to feel safe at night knowing the doors are locked, he couldn’t make the effort because it wasn’t important to him. We’re getting divorced.

I feel like this is my life. Can you share more?

Sure. It didn’t matter that his refusal to reliably lock the doors made me feel dismissed, not listened to, not valued, or like a nag for bringing it up when he failed to do it and I came down in the morning and found our doors unlocked and got upset. This was just one of many examples of this type of disregard. If something wasn’t important to him, it wasn’t important at all.

Wow this really is my life too