Wife is upset that I'm not reacting strongly enough to the Kavanaugh hearings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could try a little empathy:

You're right. I can't know what it's like to be a woman.
I'm sorry for all the negative things you've experienced.
I've never gone through that, but I'm hear to listen.
Do you want to make plans with friends this weekend, and I'll watch the kids.
I can see that this is intense for you, how can I support you.

Don't say this. It implies it doesn't affect you. That you're not involved. It also sounds like placating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could try a little empathy:

You're right. I can't know what it's like to be a woman.
I'm sorry for all the negative things you've experienced.
I've never gone through that, but I'm hear to listen.
Do you want to make plans with friends this weekend, and I'll watch the kids.
I can see that this is intense for you, how can I support you.

OP’s DW could try a little sympathy..

You know, I realize you agree that it’s deplorable that happens to this woman.
I also know that you may not be aware what it’s like living as a woman facing the threat of sexual assault.
Let me share with you how you feel so that you truly understand.
I hope you now understand why I feel so strongly about this.
I am thankful how you love and support me.

Oh, FFS. It isn't her job to educate him in a way that makes him feel comfortable.

Oh cmon now - it's not her job to educate him? Is it her job to chew him out for something he has no control over? Get real.

She told him he didn't care and he yelled at her. You've turned that into she "chewed him out" because ... ?

He doesn't care as much as she does. But he does yell at her when she points it out.

LOL, if that's how you read the OP then it's almost pointless to discuss this issue. Stop twisting words around, much less the OPs. He admitted he "raised his voice a little" and that was AFTER she chewed him out.

So to summarize:

DW: Chews OP out
DH: Raises his voice a little
DW: Chews OP out
DH: apologizes

You keep saying "chewed him out" based on her saying he didn't care. He admitted in the OP he doesn't care as much as she does and he wasn't even watching the hearings. It's not chewing someone out to point out that they have less investment in an outcome than you do.

Yes, he said he was really upset and "raised his voice" and later had to apologize. That's yelling at her, exactly as I said. After that she said he doesn't know what it's like for a woman, which he says he agrees with in the OP, but which you characterize, again, as "chewing out" (hmm, twisting words?). I'm sure you're the victim when you yell at people, but even in OP's telling he's the one who lost his cool, not his wife.

I see reading comprehension is just not a strong suit of yours. He never said he doesn't care and he never admitted in the OP that "he doesnt care as much as she does" as she put it. In fact, he said to her, "My wife felt that since I'm a man, I don't care about those issues, since I hadn't been vocal about them." that's a far cry from him telling her that he doesn't care as much as he does. OP's DW is leaping to all these conclusions and then giving him grief for something she perceives when according to OP, it's simply not the case.

And OP admitted to "raising my voice a little". If that constitutes "yelling" in your book, fine. You are just creating your own strawman in this debate. Pointless to debate someone who can't even get the facts straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has she been sexually assaulted? Someone very close to her sexually assaulted?

Her reaction seems over the top, and out of character otherwise.

The number of women who could not answer yes to at least the second question is infinitesimally small. That women being upset about this farce is framed as "over the top," "off the deep end," etc. by people who don't recognize that obvious truth is just evidence of the experience gap that is upsetting OP's wife (and millions more).

Yes. Thank you. This Kavanaugh sh*t has geen triggering for many of my friends and family members. My sil, who I had no idea had a metoo story, called me last night and shared her story from 24 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Some of you have no idea how often this harassment happens. I come from a country where we usually keep to ourselves, but even I counted ca 49 incidents between the ages of 15-18 when I was still a virgin. They ranged from "nice legs" to my neighbor standing in my bedroom 2 am in his underwear.
As I see it, white men are all powerful and they can change the way women are treated, but
"Can't change something you don't knowledge" (Dr. Phil maybe). You just tell us how much you care, but you don't act like it or even talk about the extent of it.
This "boys will be boys" might get my own boys in trouble. This is cultural and I' m afraid for my boys who grow up in this culture. I'm sure they "want to be men", but would they know where the line is. So many don't know and I don't know other than "no".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could try a little empathy:

You're right. I can't know what it's like to be a woman.
I'm sorry for all the negative things you've experienced.
I've never gone through that, but I'm hear to listen.
Do you want to make plans with friends this weekend, and I'll watch the kids.
I can see that this is intense for you, how can I support you.

Don't say this. It implies it doesn't affect you. That you're not involved. It also sounds like placating.

I also can see a lot of these lines backfiring. That same line can be interpreted by the OP's DW as "oh, so you think I have an issue?..that I have a problem?" You know how it goes...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This one is easy.

Just stop discussing politics.
Now.

If she cannot do this, then she obviously has some deep-rooted emotional issues that she needs to talk out w/a professional therapist.

No way should all this arguing be going on over politics.

If you think this is about politics, you don't get it.

[Anonymous]

I'm just over here wondering if it had been Merrick Garland's confirmation hearing and these same allegations were brought against him, how many of you would be so triggered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could try a little empathy:

You're right. I can't know what it's like to be a woman.
I'm sorry for all the negative things you've experienced.
I've never gone through that, but I'm hear to listen.
Do you want to make plans with friends this weekend, and I'll watch the kids.
I can see that this is intense for you, how can I support you.

OP’s DW could try a little sympathy..

You know, I realize you agree that it’s deplorable that happens to this woman.
I also know that you may not be aware what it’s like living as a woman facing the threat of sexual assault.
Let me share with you how you feel so that you truly understand.
I hope you now understand why I feel so strongly about this.
I am thankful how you love and support me.

Oh, FFS. It isn't her job to educate him in a way that makes him feel comfortable.

Oh cmon now - it's not her job to educate him? Is it her job to chew him out for something he has no control over? Get real.

She told him he didn't care and he yelled at her. You've turned that into she "chewed him out" because ... ?

He doesn't care as much as she does. But he does yell at her when she points it out.

LOL, if that's how you read the OP then it's almost pointless to discuss this issue. Stop twisting words around, much less the OPs. He admitted he "raised his voice a little" and that was AFTER she chewed him out.

So to summarize:

DW: Chews OP out
DH: Raises his voice a little
DW: Chews OP out
DH: apologizes

You keep saying "chewed him out" based on her saying he didn't care. He admitted in the OP he doesn't care as much as she does and he wasn't even watching the hearings. It's not chewing someone out to point out that they have less investment in an outcome than you do.

Yes, he said he was really upset and "raised his voice" and later had to apologize. That's yelling at her, exactly as I said. After that she said he doesn't know what it's like for a woman, which he says he agrees with in the OP, but which you characterize, again, as "chewing out" (hmm, twisting words?). I'm sure you're the victim when you yell at people, but even in OP's telling he's the one who lost his cool, not his wife.

I see reading comprehension is just not a strong suit of yours. He never said he doesn't care and he never admitted in the OP that "he doesnt care as much as she does" as she put it. In fact, he said to her, "My wife felt that since I'm a man, I don't care about those issues, since I hadn't been vocal about them." that's a far cry from him telling her that he doesn't care as much as he does. OP's DW is leaping to all these conclusions and then giving him grief for something she perceives when according to OP, it's simply not the case.

And OP admitted to "raising my voice a little". If that constitutes "yelling" in your book, fine. You are just creating your own strawman in this debate. Pointless to debate someone who can't even get the facts straight.

He admits he wasn't following the hearings, she was watching them. That shows clearly that she cares more than he does. He also said point blank that immigration issues affect him personally, unlike women's issues that affect his wife. This is a story about attempted rape, not immigration. He admits he was "really upset" and raised his voice, and later had to apologize, and that she left saying she wouldn't be yelled at anymore. That is yelling, in all books. You keep misusing the term strawman and you still haven't defended your use of "chewing out" and now have retreated into the DCUM standby of "reading comprehension" when you're misrepresenting the OP. Agreed it's pointless to debate because you don't seem to know how.

[Anonymous]

It’s possible that your wife has been a victim of sexual assault and she hasn’t told you about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s possible that your wife has been a victim of sexual assault and she hasn’t told you about it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could try a little empathy:

You're right. I can't know what it's like to be a woman.
I'm sorry for all the negative things you've experienced.
I've never gone through that, but I'm hear to listen.
Do you want to make plans with friends this weekend, and I'll watch the kids.
I can see that this is intense for you, how can I support you.

lol and had over your b@lls while you’re at it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just over here wondering if it had been Merrick Garland's confirmation hearing and these same allegations were brought against him, how many of you would be so triggered?

Yes, we'd be outraged, and I believe the Dems would have pulled him. Witness broad liberal support for getting rid of Judge Kozinski when those allegations came out.

I'm not talking about acting on an anonymous phone call, but by the time you've got a named accuser going public with a credible story and it's become a he said / she said -- it's time for a new candidate or nominee. Yes Dems have failed to do that in the past and it's not excusable, but it is changing with the MeToo efforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just over here wondering if it had been Merrick Garland's confirmation hearing and these same allegations were brought against him, how many of you would be so triggered?

Yes, we'd be outraged, and I believe the Dems would have pulled him. Witness broad liberal support for getting rid of Judge Kozinski when those allegations came out.

I'm not talking about acting on an anonymous phone call, but by the time you've got a named accuser going public with a credible story and it's become a he said / she said -- it's time for a new candidate or nominee. Yes Dems have failed to do that in the past and it's not excusable, but it is changing with the MeToo efforts.

Sure, just like Democrats are falling all over themselves to hold Keith Ellison accountable. Wink, wink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just over here wondering if it had been Merrick Garland's confirmation hearing and these same allegations were brought against him, how many of you would be so triggered?

Yes, we'd be outraged, and I believe the Dems would have pulled him. Witness broad liberal support for getting rid of Judge Kozinski when those allegations came out.

I'm not talking about acting on an anonymous phone call, but by the time you've got a named accuser going public with a credible story and it's become a he said / she said -- it's time for a new candidate or nominee. Yes Dems have failed to do that in the past and it's not excusable, but it is changing with the MeToo efforts.

+1

And Al Franken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could try a little empathy:

You're right. I can't know what it's like to be a woman.
I'm sorry for all the negative things you've experienced.
I've never gone through that, but I'm hear to listen.
Do you want to make plans with friends this weekend, and I'll watch the kids.
I can see that this is intense for you, how can I support you.

lol and had over your b@lls while you’re at it

Pretty much. I think the lessons for all the good DHs out there whose DWs are keenly following these hearings...don't say much, nod your head in agreement, be genuinely sympathetic and supportive and call it a day.

The hearings will be over soon enough and we'll go back to watching a train wreck of a president embroiled in another issue.