Wife is upset that I'm not reacting strongly enough to the Kavanaugh hearings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could try a little empathy:

You're right. I can't know what it's like to be a woman.
I'm sorry for all the negative things you've experienced.
I've never gone through that, but I'm hear to listen.
Do you want to make plans with friends this weekend, and I'll watch the kids.
I can see that this is intense for you, how can I support you.

OP’s DW could try a little sympathy..

You know, I realize you agree that it’s deplorable that happens to this woman.
I also know that you may not be aware what it’s like living as a woman facing the threat of sexual assault.
Let me share with you how you feel so that you truly understand.
I hope you now understand why I feel so strongly about this.
I am thankful how you love and support me.

Oh, FFS. It isn't her job to educate him in a way that makes him feel comfortable.

Sure. But it's also not her "job" to micromanage how he reacts to situations. Which is what happened. You're attacking the counterfactual, without addressing what actually happened.

[Anonymous]

What with all the white people hate posts lately?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What with all the white people hate posts lately?

It's not all white people... just the white males who dominate our society, and hold all the power.

[Anonymous]

I remember back in the 90s when the wives in my social circle all got worried about the younger interns schtupping their husbands. OP, this will psd also.

[Anonymous]

I have this issue with a few of my friends, not my spouse. If I'm not losing weight/overeating from stress, talking about it constantly, following every single detail of every twist and turn obsessively, and in a constant state of panic, then it must be that I'm checked out and don't care as much as they do.

No, not really. I'm a woman, for what it's worth.

For some people, nothing but a very visceral and emotional reaction shows you're really dedicated to the cause. Which is fine. But that's just not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could try a little empathy:

You're right. I can't know what it's like to be a woman.
I'm sorry for all the negative things you've experienced.
I've never gone through that, but I'm hear to listen.
Do you want to make plans with friends this weekend, and I'll watch the kids.
I can see that this is intense for you, how can I support you.

OP’s DW could try a little sympathy..

You know, I realize you agree that it’s deplorable that happens to this woman.
I also know that you may not be aware what it’s like living as a woman facing the threat of sexual assault.
Let me share with you how you feel so that you truly understand.
I hope you now understand why I feel so strongly about this.
I am thankful how you love and support me.

Oh, FFS. It isn't her job to educate him in a way that makes him feel comfortable.

Oh cmon now - it's not her job to educate him? Is it her job to chew him out for something he has no control over? Get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could try a little empathy:

You're right. I can't know what it's like to be a woman.
I'm sorry for all the negative things you've experienced.
I've never gone through that, but I'm hear to listen.
Do you want to make plans with friends this weekend, and I'll watch the kids.
I can see that this is intense for you, how can I support you.

OP’s DW could try a little sympathy..

You know, I realize you agree that it’s deplorable that happens to this woman.
I also know that you may not be aware what it’s like living as a woman facing the threat of sexual assault.
Let me share with you how you feel so that you truly understand.
I hope you now understand why I feel so strongly about this.
I am thankful how you love and support me.

Oh, FFS. It isn't her job to educate him in a way that makes him feel comfortable.

Oh cmon now - it's not her job to educate him? Is it her job to chew him out for something he has no control over? Get real.

She told him he didn't care and he yelled at her. You've turned that into she "chewed him out" because ... ?

He doesn't care as much as she does. But he does yell at her when she points it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This one is easy.

Just stop discussing politics.
Now.

If she cannot do this, then she obviously has some deep-rooted emotional issues that she needs to talk out w/a professional therapist.

No way should all this arguing be going on over politics.

You sound like a man.

PP sounds like a man because...making too much sense?

DP.. no .. because that PP doesn't get it.

Only a man would think that not talking about politics will somehow make women's rights less salient in someone's mind, lol. She's not thinking about it because of politics - she's thinking about it because she has to live it every day!!

[Anonymous]

Put on your big boy pants. Don't be a pussy. No wonder she's walking all over you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could try a little empathy:

You're right. I can't know what it's like to be a woman.
I'm sorry for all the negative things you've experienced.
I've never gone through that, but I'm hear to listen.
Do you want to make plans with friends this weekend, and I'll watch the kids.
I can see that this is intense for you, how can I support you.

OP’s DW could try a little sympathy..

You know, I realize you agree that it’s deplorable that happens to this woman.
I also know that you may not be aware what it’s like living as a woman facing the threat of sexual assault.
Let me share with you how you feel so that you truly understand.
I hope you now understand why I feel so strongly about this.
I am thankful how you love and support me.

Oh, FFS. It isn't her job to educate him in a way that makes him feel comfortable.

Oh cmon now - it's not her job to educate him? Is it her job to chew him out for something he has no control over? Get real.

She told him he didn't care and he yelled at her. You've turned that into she "chewed him out" because ... ?

He doesn't care as much as she does. But he does yell at her when she points it out.

LOL, if that's how you read the OP then it's almost pointless to discuss this issue. Stop twisting words around, much less the OPs. He admitted he "raised his voice a little" and that was AFTER she chewed him out.

So to summarize:

DW: Chews OP out
DH: Raises his voice a little
DW: Chews OP out
DH: apologizes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This one is easy.

Just stop discussing politics.
Now.

If she cannot do this, then she obviously has some deep-rooted emotional issues that she needs to talk out w/a professional therapist.

No way should all this arguing be going on over politics.

You sound like a man.

PP sounds like a man because...making too much sense?

DP.. no .. because that PP doesn't get it.

Only a man would think that not talking about politics will somehow make women's rights less salient in someone's mind, lol. She's not thinking about it because of politics - she's thinking about it because she has to live it every day!!

+1 yes... that's why I said "that PP doesn't get it". Obviously, it had to be explained to these men because some of these men just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could try a little empathy:

You're right. I can't know what it's like to be a woman.
I'm sorry for all the negative things you've experienced.
I've never gone through that, but I'm hear to listen.
Do you want to make plans with friends this weekend, and I'll watch the kids.
I can see that this is intense for you, how can I support you.

OP’s DW could try a little sympathy..

You know, I realize you agree that it’s deplorable that happens to this woman.
I also know that you may not be aware what it’s like living as a woman facing the threat of sexual assault.
Let me share with you how you feel so that you truly understand.
I hope you now understand why I feel so strongly about this.
I am thankful how you love and support me.

Oh, FFS. It isn't her job to educate him in a way that makes him feel comfortable.

Oh cmon now - it's not her job to educate him? Is it her job to chew him out for something he has no control over? Get real.

She told him he didn't care and he yelled at her. You've turned that into she "chewed him out" because ... ?

He doesn't care as much as she does. But he does yell at her when she points it out.

LOL, if that's how you read the OP then it's almost pointless to discuss this issue. Stop twisting words around, much less the OPs. He admitted he "raised his voice a little" and that was AFTER she chewed him out.

So to summarize:

DW: Chews OP out
DH: Raises his voice a little
DW: Chews OP out
DH: apologizes

MISOGYNY!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could try a little empathy:

You're right. I can't know what it's like to be a woman.
I'm sorry for all the negative things you've experienced.
I've never gone through that, but I'm hear to listen.
Do you want to make plans with friends this weekend, and I'll watch the kids.
I can see that this is intense for you, how can I support you.

OP’s DW could try a little sympathy..

You know, I realize you agree that it’s deplorable that happens to this woman.
I also know that you may not be aware what it’s like living as a woman facing the threat of sexual assault.
Let me share with you how you feel so that you truly understand.
I hope you now understand why I feel so strongly about this.
I am thankful how you love and support me.

Oh, FFS. It isn't her job to educate him in a way that makes him feel comfortable.

Oh cmon now - it's not her job to educate him? Is it her job to chew him out for something he has no control over? Get real.

She told him he didn't care and he yelled at her. You've turned that into she "chewed him out" because ... ?

He doesn't care as much as she does. But he does yell at her when she points it out.

LOL, if that's how you read the OP then it's almost pointless to discuss this issue. Stop twisting words around, much less the OPs. He admitted he "raised his voice a little" and that was AFTER she chewed him out.

So to summarize:

DW: Chews OP out
DH: Raises his voice a little
DW: Chews OP out
DH: apologizes

You keep saying "chewed him out" based on her saying he didn't care. He admitted in the OP he doesn't care as much as she does and he wasn't even watching the hearings. It's not chewing someone out to point out that they have less investment in an outcome than you do.

Yes, he said he was really upset and "raised his voice" and later had to apologize. That's yelling at her, exactly as I said. After that she said he doesn't know what it's like for a woman, which he says he agrees with in the OP, but which you characterize, again, as "chewing out" (hmm, twisting words?). I'm sure you're the victim when you yell at people, but even in OP's telling he's the one who lost his cool, not his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I snapped at my husband yesterday, too, and he's as anti-Kavanaugh as you can be.

Many woman are just at the end of our tethers right now. Furious, scared - for those of us who've lived in privilege, we are maybe seeing for the first time how little men in power care about us, about our autonomy, our safety, our bodies, our daughters, our sisters, our lives.

It's even worse for women who have been through a sexual assault or rape.

Read a lot from women who are struggling through this. Try to be empathetic and patient. Your wife may be reliving things you don't even know about, or she might just be horrified and shocked and scared and fired up and angry/

It’s upsetting and overwhelming. People respond differently - Some get mad, some numb (more drinking). Some of us women or survivors of abuse respond with withdrawal.... at this time it is worth paying attendtion and checking in - maybe someone wants to talk maybe not.

And, talk with your teens of all.

Ugh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This one is easy.

Just stop discussing politics.
Now.

If she cannot do this, then she obviously has some deep-rooted emotional issues that she needs to talk out w/a professional therapist.

No way should all this arguing be going on over politics.

You sound like a man.

PP sounds like a man because...making too much sense?

I hope the OP looks at the kind of people jumping to his defense, and reevaluates both his own feelings and DW's in that light. She deals with their attitude every day, and if you're a good guy you don't want to be in their defensive circle.

- PP who suggested couples therapy.