Wife is upset that I'm not reacting strongly enough to the Kavanaugh hearings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has she been sexually assaulted? Someone very close to her sexually assaulted?

Her reaction seems over the top, and out of character otherwise.

The number of women who could not answer yes to at least the second question is infinitesimally small. That women being upset about this farce is framed as "over the top," "off the deep end," etc. by people who don't recognize that obvious truth is just evidence of the experience gap that is upsetting OP's wife (and millions more).

Was she affected by a SA indirectly or directly? Possibly and I would understand why she feels strongly about the issue. However, it does not excuse her taking it out on her DH who is doing his best to be a supportive DH.

The idea that you just jumped from "maybe I'd care if she was raped" to "but she should still watch her tone when talking to her husband about it" is incredible. The entire debacle played out in small theater.

[Anonymous]

She obviously has too much time on her hands. Next time tell her to make you a sammich.

[Anonymous]

Yeah. My husband doesn't get it either. We have a daughter and my anxiety about this is definitely coming out as a projection of my fears for what she will have to deal with as a young woman in this climate. What I have been trying to do is let him in on the stuff he doesn't really know about. I was followed last week by a man out at store. I confronted him, as I always do when this happens in a public place, and I went on with my day. This time I let my husband know it happened and that this is a regular happening for me and for many women. He was really surprised. I am not particularly angry at him. How could he know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just don't have as much skin in the game. It's great that you say you recognize that you don't know what it's like for her as a woman to watch her fundamental rights being stripped away, but it's strange that you jump straight from that to "how dare you generalize about me being a man!"

Additionally constantly belittling her level of upset by repeating that she "wears her feelings on her sleeve" instead of acknowledging that, actually, she just does feel more strongly about this than you do, you're not just being stoic about your same level of investment, is not a good sign. You wish Trump would have lost but you don't actually suffer with him at the helm so you're not viscerally upset. You don't want Kavanaugh confirmed but in a going-about-your day, "that's terrible, can't believe it" when she brings it up, while she is actually watching the hearings. She's not more volatile than you, she's more upset. And she's acknowledging that it upsets her more, but you keep trying to frame it as her just not handling her emotions in the same way she does rather than admit that it's not as important to you.

+1

OP, do you know how often women's opinions and experiences are dismissed because of the charge that we are 'too emotional'? Women/girls are told from a very young age by society that being emotional is a defect. At the core of empathy is emotion. Try not making this about yourself, and how you feel maligned as a white male for the first time in your life--women have been treated that way their entire lives.

[Anonymous]

If she starts becoming constantly irritable and stressed, she might be hyper-thyroid. She would just need to get bloodwork done to check for thyroid imbalances. It happened to me, so I know.

[Anonymous]

Wut? Your wife is behaving like most sane women. They are feeling upset because this administration is misogynistic and anti-women. You are behaving like a sane man. You are trying to stay positive. Your situation is not unique. Let her vent and you can just nod and agree with her. If you do not want this to be an ongoing thing for next 6 years...then vote to get the sonofawhores out of political offices. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just don't have as much skin in the game. It's great that you say you recognize that you don't know what it's like for her as a woman to watch her fundamental rights being stripped away, but it's strange that you jump straight from that to "how dare you generalize about me being a man!"

Additionally constantly belittling her level of upset by repeating that she "wears her feelings on her sleeve" instead of acknowledging that, actually, she just does feel more strongly about this than you do, you're not just being stoic about your same level of investment, is not a good sign. You wish Trump would have lost but you don't actually suffer with him at the helm so you're not viscerally upset. You don't want Kavanaugh confirmed but in a going-about-your day, "that's terrible, can't believe it" when she brings it up, while she is actually watching the hearings. She's not more volatile than you, she's more upset. And she's acknowledging that it upsets her more, but you keep trying to frame it as her just not handling her emotions in the same way she does rather than admit that it's not as important to you.

This, especially the bolded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could try a little empathy:

You're right. I can't know what it's like to be a woman.
I'm sorry for all the negative things you've experienced.
I've never gone through that, but I'm hear to listen.
Do you want to make plans with friends this weekend, and I'll watch the kids.
I can see that this is intense for you, how can I support you.

+1000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has she been sexually assaulted? Someone very close to her sexually assaulted?

Her reaction seems over the top, and out of character otherwise.

The number of women who could not answer yes to at least the second question is infinitesimally small. That women being upset about this farce is framed as "over the top," "off the deep end," etc. by people who don't recognize that obvious truth is just evidence of the experience gap that is upsetting OP's wife (and millions more).

Was she affected by a SA indirectly or directly? Possibly and I would understand why she feels strongly about the issue. However, it does not excuse her taking it out on her DH who is doing his best to be a supportive DH.

The idea that you just jumped from "maybe I'd care if she was raped" to "but she should still watch her tone when talking to her husband about it" is incredible. The entire debacle played out in small theater.

Nice strawman and good job twisting my words around and misrepresent what i said.

Does the OP know what it’s like to be a woman and be assaulted? Of course not. Is he sympathetic to his DW about this topic in general - sounds like he is.

Does the OP emote the same way as his DW about this? Of course not - he’s a different gender. It’s impossible. His DW can approach this very differently with her DH rather than lump him into the same category as Kavanaugh (giving him grief for being a white male). Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could try a little empathy:

You're right. I can't know what it's like to be a woman.
I'm sorry for all the negative things you've experienced.
I've never gone through that, but I'm hear to listen.
Do you want to make plans with friends this weekend, and I'll watch the kids.
I can see that this is intense for you, how can I support you.

OP’s DW could try a little sympathy..

You know, I realize you agree that it’s deplorable that happens to this woman.
I also know that you may not be aware what it’s like living as a woman facing the threat of sexual assault.
Let me share with you how you feel so that you truly understand.
I hope you now understand why I feel so strongly about this.
I am thankful how you love and support me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wut? Your wife is behaving like most sane women. They are feeling upset because this administration is misogynistic and anti-women. You are behaving like a sane man. You are trying to stay positive. Your situation is not unique. Let her vent and you can just nod and agree with her. If you do not want this to be an ongoing thing for next 6 years...then vote to get the sonofawhores out of political offices. Simple.

Some women are always angry; Trump may as well pay them per angry monologue because they motivate people to vote for Trump. If you’re angry, have a point. Plan to change things, not merely protest.

There was a woman writing on Jezebel who did some research on the guy who murdered those sorority girls out West a couple years ago. After reading a lot of nasty stuff on the internet, she bragged about then yelling at her boyfriend. I would have dumped her right then and there. She was yelling at someone who hadn’t done anything; she was being an obnoxious moron.

[Anonymous]

Dr. Ford was heartbreaking yesterday. It just shows this country still has a loooooooong way to go and, as long as, WMs are in charge, society will never change.

- guy (but not white)

[Anonymous]

You are now part of the witch hunt. You are welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has she been sexually assaulted? Someone very close to her sexually assaulted?

Her reaction seems over the top, and out of character otherwise.

The number of women who could not answer yes to at least the second question is infinitesimally small. That women being upset about this farce is framed as "over the top," "off the deep end," etc. by people who don't recognize that obvious truth is just evidence of the experience gap that is upsetting OP's wife (and millions more).

I know 0 women who would answer no to the question. For many of us, it's been very intense not just to think about whatever trauma we may have experienced, but also to see so many of our female friends and relatives suffering.

True. It is leaving a lot of women shaky and a lot more convinced that they were right to never speak up. Nothing has changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dr. Ford was heartbreaking yesterday. It just shows this country still has a loooooooong way to go and, as long as, WMs are in charge, society will never change.

- guy (but not white)

This is not just a country thing - this is a global thing.0