Sexless Marriage Question

[Anonymous]

DW in an unexpectedly low sex marriage here.

Honestly, I know it sounds sad but option 2 (masturbation) has been my route. I have an extremely active and vibrant sex like...with myself. Is it ideal? I guess not. But it works well enough - i certainly know how to get it done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW in an unexpectedly low sex marriage here.

Honestly, I know it sounds sad but option 2 (masturbation) has been my route. I have an extremely active and vibrant sex like...with myself. Is it ideal? I guess not. But it works well enough - i certainly know how to get it done!

Because you don’t want to have sex with your husband, or he won’t have sex with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yup, most marriages did not last as long because most people did not live well into their 70s, 80s, and 90s nevermind 40s and 50s. Most people were way past having kids by the time they were in their 30s.... Yes, it's normal not to want/desire sex as we age. Nature - once you are past reproductive age - does not require you to have sex. You have done your biological imperative and are disposable at this point.

Most people aren't getting divorced in their 70s, 80s, and 90s. They are getting divorced in their 30s because they are bored. "Living longer" has nothing to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've got an odd one to continue this thread...DW tells me "I'm attracted to you but am not into wanting sex right now." She cites fatigue, some depression and some self image issues. I get it and try to help her as much as I can but I can see this leading to months of no sex.

Not that odd. I've had my DW say similar things. Insists, with heartfelt and sincere tone, even some tears, that she still finds me attractive and sexy...but still has very little interest in sex beyond once a week (or less) duty sex. I'd bet a large sum of money other guys will chime in with similar stories soon enough.

Yup. I've heard essentially this. "I want to want to have sex" is something I hear.

Make it interesting and different. Trust she would have sex with a new person if that was an option on the table. Women get bored way faster than men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've got an odd one to continue this thread...DW tells me "I'm attracted to you but am not into wanting sex right now." She cites fatigue, some depression and some self image issues. I get it and try to help her as much as I can but I can see this leading to months of no sex.

Not that odd. I've had my DW say similar things. Insists, with heartfelt and sincere tone, even some tears, that she still finds me attractive and sexy...but still has very little interest in sex beyond once a week (or less) duty sex. I'd bet a large sum of money other guys will chime in with similar stories soon enough.

Yup. I've heard essentially this. "I want to want to have sex" is something I hear.

Make it interesting and different. Trust she would have sex with a new person if that was an option on the table. Women get bored way faster than men

Most married women who are bored aren't bored with the same old sex, they're bored with the same old husband. My DW, I'm certain, would be swinging from the chandeliers and doing all sorts of things she's not interested in doing with me if I were a new guy.

With me? She just wants the same old thing and to get it over with quickly so she can go back to Facebook. Mind you, I'm a certified expert at giving her the big O at this point. I know EXACTLY what to do and if I wanted to I COULD get it done in about two minutes or less (not counting the 10-20 minutes of warming up she requires) but I make it last longer so I can enjoy the experience. Who knows when the next time will be? I do change things up, but I do it slowly over time because otherwise she'll shut me down. There are things I do to her now that drive her over the top that previously she would never even let me try that are key to the intensity of her pleasure.

Doesn't matter though, nothing I do, NOTHING I DO, makes her want it more than once a week. And that's everything from doing the lion's share of the housework, 90% of the cooking, and all of the yardwork, being a great dad, being in great shape with abs and everything and being good in bed. None of it makes up for the fact that I'm the same old boring husband with the same old boring penis she has seen every day for the last 17 years.

[Anonymous]

Lots of depressed people here.

[Anonymous]

It is sxless because the marriage and life partner are vastly under expectations.

Now, were one's expectations of life wrong or was one's partner considerably below themselves or average?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is sxless because the marriage and life partner are vastly under expectations.

Now, were one's expectations of life wrong or was one's partner considerably below themselves or average?

Wut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've got an odd one to continue this thread...DW tells me "I'm attracted to you but am not into wanting sex right now." She cites fatigue, some depression and some self image issues. I get it and try to help her as much as I can but I can see this leading to months of no sex.

Not that odd. I've had my DW say similar things. Insists, with heartfelt and sincere tone, even some tears, that she still finds me attractive and sexy...but still has very little interest in sex beyond once a week (or less) duty sex. I'd bet a large sum of money other guys will chime in with similar stories soon enough.

Yup. I've heard essentially this. "I want to want to have sex" is something I hear.

Make it interesting and different. Trust she would have sex with a new person if that was an option on the table. Women get bored way faster than men

Most married women who are bored aren't bored with the same old sex, they're bored with the same old husband. My DW, I'm certain, would be swinging from the chandeliers and doing all sorts of things she's not interested in doing with me if I were a new guy.

Same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've got an odd one to continue this thread...DW tells me "I'm attracted to you but am not into wanting sex right now." She cites fatigue, some depression and some self image issues. I get it and try to help her as much as I can but I can see this leading to months of no sex.

Not that odd. I've had my DW say similar things. Insists, with heartfelt and sincere tone, even some tears, that she still finds me attractive and sexy...but still has very little interest in sex beyond once a week (or less) duty sex. I'd bet a large sum of money other guys will chime in with similar stories soon enough.

Yup. I've heard essentially this. "I want to want to have sex" is something I hear.

Make it interesting and different. Trust she would have sex with a new person if that was an option on the table. Women get bored way faster than men

Most married women who are bored aren't bored with the same old sex, they're bored with the same old husband. My DW, I'm certain, would be swinging from the chandeliers and doing all sorts of things she's not interested in doing with me if I were a new guy.

With me? She just wants the same old thing and to get it over with quickly so she can go back to Facebook. Mind you, I'm a certified expert at giving her the big O at this point. I know EXACTLY what to do and if I wanted to I COULD get it done in about two minutes or less (not counting the 10-20 minutes of warming up she requires) but I make it last longer so I can enjoy the experience. Who knows when the next time will be? I do change things up, but I do it slowly over time because otherwise she'll shut me down. There are things I do to her now that drive her over the top that previously she would never even let me try that are key to the intensity of her pleasure.

Doesn't matter though, nothing I do, NOTHING I DO, makes her want it more than once a week. And that's everything from doing the lion's share of the housework, 90% of the cooking, and all of the yardwork, being a great dad, being in great shape with abs and everything and being good in bed. None of it makes up for the fact that I'm the same old boring husband with the same old boring penis she has seen every day for the last 17 years.

DW here. Your post cracked me up. You sound like a great guy and I feel for you. Why don’t you guys try pretending to be other people? Hell, I may try that with my own DH. And you guys are spot on- “I want to have sex.” ...But not with you!

[Anonymous]

why can't you married people open up the relationship a bit, mutual cheating with a disease-free individual

[Anonymous]

How do folks even raise the topic with your spouse? I asked for a vibrator for Xmas and by DH pouted and gave me one word answers for the rest of the night. He didn’t even say goodnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like you have it about right.

In my experience, sexless marriages where it is not mutual (and that certainly happens), or if it is not caused by medical issues (and the left in the cold partner is actually being a decent person and taking care of their ill spouse) the marriage usually ends. It is not, and cannot be, a permanent end state.

The reduced enthusiasm for sex in my marriage coincided with her emotional and then physical affair with a colleague. It is clear she lost the attraction to me first after ten years of marriage and kids, etc., then rekindled her sexual feelings for someone else.

I believe it is usually something like this that is happening.

I often wonder if this is what's going on with my DW. How did you find out?

My instincts were going over time and I could just tell something was up, so I did some snooping and found she had emails with him. I figured out how to review phone text message statement and it showed tons of communications. I confronted her, there were the initial denials, etc. The rest is for another thread! Good luck, five years later, I am re-coupled and life is good! "It gets better."

Unfortunately, in my case, her phone is provided through her employer so I don't have access to the bill. She's very close hold with it and doesn't sync her ipad with it so it would be harder for me to dig deeper.

Grab it when she puts it in the charger some time, before the screen lock sets in. Lock yourself in the bathroom and get reading. Forward emails to yourself then delete them from the sent folder.

[Anonymous]

I am probably in what you all would call a sexless marriage (maybe once a month). Married over 20 years, currently have 2 teens. Early in our marriage, I wanted it way more than DH. Now, we are reversed. Why? I am in peri-menapause, have gained 30 pounds this year (eat clean/healthy, work out 5 days / week, my body has just changed on me suddenly, and it sucks). This makes me self conscious, depressed, etc. I do not like my body, so I assume no one else would either. Not to mention the teens have issues that we are dealing with. Constantly. It's draining.

I love my DH, I am just not in a place (physically, emitionally) to want to have sex. Definitely no interest in sex with anyone else either (including myself).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've got an odd one to continue this thread...DW tells me "I'm attracted to you but am not into wanting sex right now." She cites fatigue, some depression and some self image issues. I get it and try to help her as much as I can but I can see this leading to months of no sex.

Not that odd. I've had my DW say similar things. Insists, with heartfelt and sincere tone, even some tears, that she still finds me attractive and sexy...but still has very little interest in sex beyond once a week (or less) duty sex. I'd bet a large sum of money other guys will chime in with similar stories soon enough.

Yup. I've heard essentially this. "I want to want to have sex" is something I hear.

Make it interesting and different. Trust she would have sex with a new person if that was an option on the table. Women get bored way faster than men

Most married women who are bored aren't bored with the same old sex, they're bored with the same old husband. My DW, I'm certain, would be swinging from the chandeliers and doing all sorts of things she's not interested in doing with me if I were a new guy.

With me? She just wants the same old thing and to get it over with quickly so she can go back to Facebook. Mind you, I'm a certified expert at giving her the big O at this point. I know EXACTLY what to do and if I wanted to I COULD get it done in about two minutes or less (not counting the 10-20 minutes of warming up she requires) but I make it last longer so I can enjoy the experience. Who knows when the next time will be? I do change things up, but I do it slowly over time because otherwise she'll shut me down. There are things I do to her now that drive her over the top that previously she would never even let me try that are key to the intensity of her pleasure.

Doesn't matter though, nothing I do, NOTHING I DO, makes her want it more than once a week. And that's everything from doing the lion's share of the housework, 90% of the cooking, and all of the yardwork, being a great dad, being in great shape with abs and everything and being good in bed. None of it makes up for the fact that I'm the same old boring husband with the same old boring penis she has seen every day for the last 17 years.

DW here. Your post cracked me up. You sound like a great guy and I feel for you. Why don’t you guys try pretending to be other people? Hell, I may try that with my own DH. And you guys are spot on- “I want to have sex.” ...But not with you!

Thanks for the advice and the vote of confidence, but she isn't interested in role playing or anything else that might be perceived as trying to spice things up.