Sexless Marriage Question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone ever recharge their sex life? Wife complains I do not initiate enough, but every time I do I am shot done. Less than once a month here and never on birthdays and not on our last anniversary. I plan dates and put the time in, but don't see any movement from her. We have had the sex talk for a number of years, but it is always the same result. She says she is interested and wants more, but we never click anymore. sex was great when dating and died even before we had kids.

I don't know why but the expectation of sex on birthdays and anniversaries annoys me.

Eventually you'll reach the all-too-common attitude that "my husband's expectation of sex at any time annoys me".

[Anonymous]

PP here. There is no expectation of sex on birthdays or anniversaries, but it is just super sad when I plan awesome dates after not having sex for over a month and try to be intimate with no reciprocation. It leaves me feel total rejected, because I have again put myself out there and had no response. The worst part is that DW says she is interested, but I never see any actionable efforts. Maybe once a quarter she closes her laptop and ask me to come in for sex. Sometimes it is still passionate, mostly it isn't. Regardless, it still stings a little to prep for sex and end up hiding somewhere to masturbate. And if it is your birthday and DW doesn't even get you a present, it is even a little sadder. But in her defense, she buys shitty presents so I don't care or ask for presents anymore. I assume I am not having sex, but still hold out hope just in case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone ever recharge their sex life? Wife complains I do not initiate enough, but every time I do I am shot done. Less than once a month here and never on birthdays and not on our last anniversary. I plan dates and put the time in, but don't see any movement from her. We have had the sex talk for a number of years, but it is always the same result. She says she is interested and wants more, but we never click anymore. sex was great when dating and died even before we had kids.

I don't know why but the expectation of sex on birthdays and anniversaries annoys me.

Probably you just resent the expectation. This happens to me with non-sexual things reasonably often -- like, say, I was going to take the trash out, barely even thinking about it; but if, before I do it, my wife says "don't forget the trash." Now, suddenly, I resent the trash a little bit.

Yes, you are right, that is exactly why. Being expected to have and want sex is the issue. Regardless of whether I want it or enjoy it or love it or hate it or don't want it or just would rather have had sex yesterday and tomorrow but not today.

Taking out the trash is not an appropriate analogy. Nobody (ever!) enjoys taking out the trash. It's not supposed to be a mutually fun/pleasurable activity, even at the start of a brand new relationship.

A more fitting analogy would be "talking" or "being nice" or "showing respect" since these are the kinds of things that people who love each other do with ease and pleasure at the start of a relationship. To put this all together then: I resent the expectation of being nice to my wife on birthdays and anniversaries. That is a fair comparison to what PP said.

Nah. "Talking" or "being nice" or "showing respect" are too broad and vague. Maybe a specific topic of conversation - "talking about cars." When we were dating, we both liked talking about cars. Twenty years later, I haven't talked about cars with anyone but my spouse -- and we've been talking about them 2 or 3 times a week every week. That's like 2,600 car conversations.