Sexless Marriage Question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Men can live without sex, and they do it all the time. Men are not entitled to sex. Men go to war -- for months or years at a time. No sex there unless they are cheaters. Wives get cancer, and instead of "opening the marriage" they fulfill their wedding vows of "in sickness or in health."

Yeah well women initiate 70% of divorces, so GTFO with your idea they are more faithful to their vows than men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've got an odd one to continue this thread...DW tells me "I'm attracted to you but am not into wanting sex right now." She cites fatigue, some depression and some self image issues. I get it and try to help her as much as I can but I can see this leading to months of no sex.

Not that odd. I've had my DW say similar things. Insists, with heartfelt and sincere tone, even some tears, that she still finds me attractive and sexy...but still has very little interest in sex beyond once a week (or less) duty sex. I'd bet a large sum of money other guys will chime in with similar stories soon enough.

Yup. I've heard essentially this. "I want to want to have sex" is something I hear.

The unspoken addendum is "but not with you".

[Anonymous]

Have to agree. I have zero interest in having sex with H. On the other hand, I could stay in bed with AP for days. Monogamy is a b1tch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have to agree. I have zero interest in having sex with H. On the other hand, I could stay in bed with AP for days. Monogamy is a b1tch.

I appreciate the input from the cheating DWs on this board because at least they are honest. Makes me paranoid as hell about my own DW, but I appreciate it just the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like you have it about right.

In my experience, sexless marriages where it is not mutual (and that certainly happens), or if it is not caused by medical issues (and the left in the cold partner is actually being a decent person and taking care of their ill spouse) the marriage usually ends. It is not, and cannot be, a permanent end state.

The reduced enthusiasm for sex in my marriage coincided with her emotional and then physical affair with a colleague. It is clear she lost the attraction to me first after ten years of marriage and kids, etc., then rekindled her sexual feelings for someone else.

I believe it is usually something like this that is happening.

Disagree. Sexless marriages have been common for centuries, including 21st century.
Talk to your friends who are older.

True. Lack of role models, only TV ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have to agree. I have zero interest in having sex with H. On the other hand, I could stay in bed with AP for days. Monogamy is a b1tch.

I appreciate the input from the cheating DWs on this board because at least they are honest. Makes me paranoid as hell about my own DW, but I appreciate it just the same.

For me, it's not that monogamy is a bitch. It's that my husband treats me like he hates me. I can't feel attraction to someone who twists my every word into an attack.

He does much better with the kids, so I stay.


I could have sex with my AP non-stop for a week and want more. It's such a relief not to see myself through a depressed person's warped lens.

If you're not a jerk and you're decent in bed you shouldn't be paranoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're not a jerk and you're decent in bed you shouldn't be paranoid.

Alas, when she gets attracted to someone else, she will rewrite the entire history of your marriage, and henceforth, in her mind, you were always a jerk and always lousy in bed.

Therefore, not being a jerk and not being bad in bed won't necessarily protect you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have to agree. I have zero interest in having sex with H. On the other hand, I could stay in bed with AP for days. Monogamy is a b1tch.

I appreciate the input from the cheating DWs on this board because at least they are honest. Makes me paranoid as hell about my own DW, but I appreciate it just the same.

For me, it's not that monogamy is a bitch. It's that my husband treats me like he hates me. I can't feel attraction to someone who twists my every word into an attack.

He does much better with the kids, so I stay.


I could have sex with my AP non-stop for a week and want more. It's such a relief not to see myself through a depressed person's warped lens.

If you're not a jerk and you're decent in bed you shouldn't be paranoid.

Obviously your lens is skewed but this is a bunch of bullshit.

There;s a HUGE gap b/w jerk/bad lay/divorce and nice guy/good lay/no divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're not a jerk and you're decent in bed you shouldn't be paranoid.

Alas, when she gets attracted to someone else, she will rewrite the entire history of your marriage, and henceforth, in her mind, you were always a jerk and always lousy in bed.

Therefore, not being a jerk and not being bad in bed won't necessarily protect you.

Sadly, yet consistently, true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're not a jerk and you're decent in bed you shouldn't be paranoid.

Alas, when she gets attracted to someone else, she will rewrite the entire history of your marriage, and henceforth, in her mind, you were always a jerk and always lousy in bed.

Therefore, not being a jerk and not being bad in bed won't necessarily protect you.

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have to agree. I have zero interest in having sex with H. On the other hand, I could stay in bed with AP for days. Monogamy is a b1tch.

I appreciate the input from the cheating DWs on this board because at least they are honest. Makes me paranoid as hell about my own DW, but I appreciate it just the same.

DH here, I don't worry about these things. It's not personal, monogamy is hard on everyone, we are all tempted. I would be pissed if she cheated only because if she gets to sleep around, I better have the same chance!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have to agree. I have zero interest in having sex with H. On the other hand, I could stay in bed with AP for days. Monogamy is a b1tch.

I appreciate the input from the cheating DWs on this board because at least they are honest. Makes me paranoid as hell about my own DW, but I appreciate it just the same.

DH here, I don't worry about these things. It's not personal, monogamy is hard on everyone, we are all tempted. I would be pissed if she cheated only because if she gets to sleep around, I better have the same chance!

Cue the open relationship poster that always comes in these threads!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like you have it about right.

In my experience, sexless marriages where it is not mutual (and that certainly happens), or if it is not caused by medical issues (and the left in the cold partner is actually being a decent person and taking care of their ill spouse) the marriage usually ends. It is not, and cannot be, a permanent end state.

The reduced enthusiasm for sex in my marriage coincided with her emotional and then physical affair with a colleague. It is clear she lost the attraction to me first after ten years of marriage and kids, etc., then rekindled her sexual feelings for someone else.

I believe it is usually something like this that is happening.

Disagree. Sexless marriages have been common for centuries, including 21st century.
Talk to your friends who are older.

True. Lack of role models, only TV ones.

Yup, most marriages did not last as long because most people did not live well into their 70s, 80s, and 90s nevermind 40s and 50s. Most people were way past having kids by the time they were in their 30s.... Yes, it's normal not to want/desire sex as we age. Nature - once you are past reproductive age - does not require you to have sex. You have done your biological imperative and are disposable at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have to agree. I have zero interest in having sex with H. On the other hand, I could stay in bed with AP for days. Monogamy is a b1tch.

I appreciate the input from the cheating DWs on this board because at least they are honest. Makes me paranoid as hell about my own DW, but I appreciate it just the same.

DH here, I don't worry about these things. It's not personal, monogamy is hard on everyone, we are all tempted. I would be pissed if she cheated only because if she gets to sleep around, I better have the same chance!

Part of me would be relieved if she stepped out.

[Anonymous]

I’m a np ^^