Widower with three kids - am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

As a single woman near OP's age I'd be scared to death to get involved with a guy with three kids. But at the same time I'm incredibly envious about the opportunity to completely change ones life. I can't fathom all of the things that OP must be considering but it must be exciting to have to consider them.

[Anonymous]

When my mom died, my dad was left with 3 kids - ages 8, 4, and 2. He remarried about 18 months later, and the family evolved pretty seamlessly. I’d pursue it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to love the kids as well as him to make this work. He would have to respect that you are now their mom. Blended family next door is breaking up because dad overrides his new wife's perfectly reasonable household rules. Shoes off, wash hands, no jumping on sofa.

OP here - you are so right about loving the kids and him to make it work. First I have to love him but i don't think that's too far away. I know it is a package deal! While it's well down the road....don't let me get ahead of myself...I will have to earn the children's respect and love and not assume it will be there. But I am happy that our first time together went to well. Regardless, there is so much on the horizon that I am clueless about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to love the kids as well as him to make this work. He would have to respect that you are now their mom. Blended family next door is breaking up because dad overrides his new wife's perfectly reasonable household rules. Shoes off, wash hands, no jumping on sofa.

OP here - you are so right about loving the kids and him to make it work. First I have to love him but i don't think that's too far away. I know it is a package deal! While it's well down the road....don't let me get ahead of myself...I will have to earn the children's respect and love and not assume it will be there. But I am happy that our first time together went to well. Regardless, there is so much on the horizon that I am clueless about.

He has to support you in that endeavor and not sabatoge your efforts.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any experience with kids at all? Teacher? Nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any experience with kids at all? Teacher? Nanny?

Why does this matter? She’s not applying for a job. She’s getting to know a family!

[Anonymous]

A widower sounds 100% better than a divorced guy. You're never dealing with an ex wife.

[Anonymous]

This is a Hallmark movie plot. Were there pumpkins involved? And..he is a widower, not a divorced guy which is always Hallmark. Oh yeah, the algorithm is right, so go for it, or send them the screenplay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my mom died, my dad was left with 3 kids - ages 8, 4, and 2. He remarried about 18 months later, and the family evolved pretty seamlessly. I’d pursue it.

I’m guessing that you weren’t the 8 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a Hallmark movie plot. Were there pumpkins involved? And..he is a widower, not a divorced guy which is always Hallmark. Oh yeah, the algorithm is right, so go for it, or send them the screenplay.

Haha, totally!! Pumpkins and fall festivals. OP bakes delicious fall treats with the kids for their bake sale, and they win hands-down; those kids really want IP and their dad to be together. The handsome widower gently wipes away frosting from OP’s cheek. They are about to kiss, but kids come in at that exact moment so it has to wait. They finally kiss, and happily ever after. yeah, I’ve watched one too many!!

OP, I’d go for it. It sounds like he’s a great guy and you feel a strong connection. Just take it one day at a time. My mom was divorced with three kids when she met my stepdad, who had no kids. I’m so grateful he took us on. They were married for 30+ years when he passed away, and I miss him every.single.day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A widower sounds 100% better than a divorced guy. You're never dealing with an ex wife.

Oh yes you are and it’s even worse because the wife/ Mom is a saint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my mom died, my dad was left with 3 kids - ages 8, 4, and 2. He remarried about 18 months later, and the family evolved pretty seamlessly. I’d pursue it.

I’m guessing that you weren’t the 8 year old.

Wrong, I was. My stepmother never made the mistake of trying to replace my mother or keep us from my mom’s family (holidays, random days with an aunt, cousins). My dad passed a few years ago and I’m still close to my stepmom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to love the kids as well as him to make this work. He would have to respect that you are now their mom. Blended family next door is breaking up because dad overrides his new wife's perfectly reasonable household rules. Shoes off, wash hands, no jumping on sofa.

OP here - you are so right about loving the kids and him to make it work. First I have to love him but i don't think that's too far away. I know it is a package deal! While it's well down the road....don't let me get ahead of myself...I will have to earn the children's respect and love and not assume it will be there. But I am happy that our first time together went to well. Regardless, there is so much on the horizon that I am clueless about.

Did you grow up in a big family or were you an only child? If you were an only child you might find the family dynamics overwhelming. My assumption is that you like kids otherwise you wouldn't date the guy, but do you ever spend time with kids? If you have a sibling with kids offer to take care of them for a few days solo and that will be a good test of your sanity! Also keep in mind he will be viewing you as a potential mother and not just a wife. Whatever, I'd take things very slowly.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, no, I don't think you should do it.

First, at 38 you still have a chance to find and marry someone without kids. All things equal, a guy without kids is better than the one with kids.

Second, and this is particularly important, you are at a point where if you want a bio child, you'll need to put a high priority on it due to your age. A guy with 3 kids may not want a #4, and if he does, it won't be for a looooooong time. Do not pass a chance at having children for anything; nothing is THAT important. If you do, eventually time will come when you think, "I gave up having kids for THIS?"

Widowers with three children are for women who have no other options at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no, I don't think you should do it.

First, at 38 you still have a chance to find and marry someone without kids. All things equal, a guy without kids is better than the one with kids.

Second, and this is particularly important, you are at a point where if you want a bio child, you'll need to put a high priority on it due to your age. A guy with 3 kids may not want a #4, and if he does, it won't be for a looooooong time. Do not pass a chance at having children for anything; nothing is THAT important. If you do, eventually time will come when you think, "I gave up having kids for THIS?"

Widowers with three children are for women who have no other options at all.

No other options at all? That would be virtually all single, 38 year old women who want kids.

Exceptions at that age might have been, say, J.Lo.