Widower with three kids - am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

Another fake “I am single woman and can’t make good relationship decisions “ troll post. Can we stop allowing the misogyny on this board folks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do get involved with him don’t accept being last place. His kids will be a priority but you need to be one too. The relationship between the two of you needs to be nurtured or it will be a disaster if he, the kids, in laws view you as last place.

Um no you have to accept that you will be last place. No decent parent puts the new romantic partner in front of their kid. Ever. If you go into a relationship like this you shouldn’t be with someone who has kids.

You will be last place, always, and you will need to be ok hearing about the deceased wife and showing compassion. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but going into it with an attitude that you will someone ever be equal to his kids is ridiculous. You can still have a wonderful relationship and lots of love without being first.

My DH knows that our young kids are my #1 priority and he's fine with it as he feels the same way. We still have a very active love life and have quiet time together and it all works out.

BS ! If your kids were your # 1 priority you wouldn’t have husband # 2 your actual priority is yourself and everyone else is just a pawn for how they benefit you and your image your kids included.

Wow- which of your bitch pills did you take this morning?

Truth hurts

[Anonymous]

It could be a wonderful thing, like with the Joe and Jill Biden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do get involved with him don’t accept being last place. His kids will be a priority but you need to be one too. The relationship between the two of you needs to be nurtured or it will be a disaster if he, the kids, in laws view you as last place.

Um no you have to accept that you will be last place. No decent parent puts the new romantic partner in front of their kid. Ever. If you go into a relationship like this you shouldn’t be with someone who has kids.

You will be last place, always, and you will need to be ok hearing about the deceased wife and showing compassion. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but going into it with an attitude that you will someone ever be equal to his kids is ridiculous. You can still have a wonderful relationship and lots of love without being first.

My DH knows that our young kids are my #1 priority and he's fine with it as he feels the same way. We still have a very active love life and have quiet time together and it all works out.

Define priority. I find people scream “ kids first!” but have little idea what that means in life?

Pretty easy - my little ones can't feed or clothe themselves and my DH is reasonably competent doing those things.

Your not being genuine , pp in you know it. You feeding your kid has nothing to do with your personals relationship so screaming my kids my priority is false bravado

I adore my husband and he knows it. There is no false bravado involved we just have a very good relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be a wonderful thing, like with the Joe and Jill Biden.

What a wonderful example! I hope OP see this!

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read through. I agree that meeting the kids is a big deal, but it sounds like OP already knew him for a couple years. Not the same as meeting someone onMatxh and then their kids the same week.

[Anonymous]

OP here - we had a wonderful dinner last night and we've decided to see what it could lead to. We agreed that involvement with his kids should take place down the road after we see where we are. He did say that his children really liked me which made my evening. I did see the comment about Joe and Jill Biden and I will see if they have ever written about the early part of their relationship. It is a great story. I spoke with my mother this morning and told her about this for the first time. I was hesitant because she has always been too judgmental about my prior relationships. She surprised me by being very supportive! Go figure!

[Anonymous]

You have to love the kids as well as him to make this work. He would have to respect that you are now their mom. Blended family next door is breaking up because dad overrides his new wife's perfectly reasonable household rules. Shoes off, wash hands, no jumping on sofa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we had a wonderful dinner last night and we've decided to see what it could lead to. We agreed that involvement with his kids should take place down the road after we see where we are. He did say that his children really liked me which made my evening. I did see the comment about Joe and Jill Biden and I will see if they have ever written about the early part of their relationship. It is a great story. I spoke with my mother this morning and told her about this for the first time. I was hesitant because she has always been too judgmental about my prior relationships. She surprised me by being very supportive! Go figure!

Your 38 she realizes your time is running out for grandchildren

[Anonymous]

This sounds like the beginning of a beautiful life together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to love the kids as well as him to make this work. He would have to respect that you are now their mom. Blended family next door is breaking up because dad overrides his new wife's perfectly reasonable household rules. Shoes off, wash hands, no jumping on sofa.

Yup this. I married into a similar situation OP. I loved the man. I loved the kids. But I was always relegated to second place. I don’t mean trivial things like Valentines dates vs school plays. Or stuff like sex being interrupted by a nightmare or sick kid. No I mean stuff like pp mentioned , I mean that when my aunt who raised me became ill and passed away it was an actual argument if he would go to the funeral and support me or skip it for the first day of school.

Yes his kids are important but this doesn’t mean you deserve to be treated like an afterthought.

Looking back I believed I went to fast with my ex because I was late 30s .

This could be a great thing, but take your time and really get to know him and what he expects your role to be.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update, OP! Keep us posted!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we had a wonderful dinner last night and we've decided to see what it could lead to. We agreed that involvement with his kids should take place down the road after we see where we are. He did say that his children really liked me which made my evening. I did see the comment about Joe and Jill Biden and I will see if they have ever written about the early part of their relationship. It is a great story. I spoke with my mother this morning and told her about this for the first time. I was hesitant because she has always been too judgmental about my prior relationships. She surprised me by being very supportive! Go figure!

Yay! I’m a step mom to three kids. Different because they were with their mom half the time. They are grown now. But if the guy seems like a good match, it’s worth exploring. I’m glad you both had a wonderful time.

[Anonymous]

After all the angst on DCum this has been really nice to read. It's hard not to care for a Dad raising three children but at the same time getting involved with someone in that situation is daunting. You are so lucky that you've known him for awhile as a business friend. If I were you I would be both thrilled and scared about this but if you feel you could fall in love with him then I would go for it.

[Anonymous]

OP, please keep us posted! We're excited for you.