My ILs want to throw me a party with their friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pp who replied on first page that you say thanks, what a nice thing and go with the flow. I can't believe this has evolved into some ethnic dispute. I am from Eastern Europe and my family does something very similar, sure not with DH's childhood friends, as he is American, but they will have me visit and have family visit us non stop and throw a party maybe. I honestly wish they would just make it into one big party rather than non stop parade, so I know why I said to just be positive. My DH's family will do the same, CO family, non stop and a party and dinners, also with mostly friends and family. This is clearly a custom in many part of US and parts of the world. So, yes, I understand what a hassle it is, but hey, everything is better with a smile and a nice attitude.

Of course women are supposed to smile and have a nice attitude. Lol. That’s what we’ve been doing for centuries, so why stop now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've also married into a South Asian family that would totally pull this on me. At first I tried to be accommodating but it just got worse and worse and worse.

For those who haven't been in this situation, it feels like you're being displayed as a lamb for butchering. It's absolutely horrible. It's very much an opportunity for the in laws to "show off" OP and their children.

First, decide how much you can take before it's totally miserable (one or two other couples?) and then have your DH express that to them. CLEARLY AND FIRMLY.

South Asian here and this is typical of someone from that culture. In that they do things in the name of the “family” without any consideration of what DIL/SIL may want or be comfortable with. And they tend to double down when it comes to “American” (white) IL’s because they know you will be more tolerant.

But keep telling OP that this is a kind and considerate thing for the in-laws to be doing, ignoring us, who actually have BTDT.

Oh brother. What "butchering?" OP has been married for 9 years and if this is the first time it has come up, the ILs have shown great restraint. I am South Asian. We don't do this type of things (family of complete introverts). However, my husband's white Catholic once threw a similar party for me. It was fine. Really. Let the grandparents show off the grandkids and her. It's for a couple hours. Some of you really have issues.

+1 million. Stop trying to turn this into a white vs. South Asian thread. I'm also South Asian and my parents never throw parties--they are shy. It's not a monolithic culture. OP is an introvert, and parties can be torture for introverts. But for extroverts, the biggest compliment they can throw you is to provide a party because they love parties.

It's a compliment if they do something they love to do even after you asked them not to?

People love people the way they want to be loved. I'm guessing introverted OP has not articulated her dislike strongly, and her party animal in-laws have the mindset of "who wouldn't want to meet my awesome friends and eat yummy food."

Ah so as long as we read in the fact that OP asking them not to do this was not "strongly articulated" they aren't being self-serving here got it

OP's post says: I told them "I'd (a) rather spend my time just focusing on seeing them and the kids, and (b) rather wait until DH could be there." That is not the same as telling them: "I am an introvert and don't like meeting new people."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pp who replied on first page that you say thanks, what a nice thing and go with the flow. I can't believe this has evolved into some ethnic dispute. I am from Eastern Europe and my family does something very similar, sure not with DH's childhood friends, as he is American, but they will have me visit and have family visit us non stop and throw a party maybe. I honestly wish they would just make it into one big party rather than non stop parade, so I know why I said to just be positive. My DH's family will do the same, CO family, non stop and a party and dinners, also with mostly friends and family. This is clearly a custom in many part of US and parts of the world. So, yes, I understand what a hassle it is, but hey, everything is better with a smile and a nice attitude.

Of course women are supposed to smile and have a nice attitude. Lol. That’s what we’ve been doing for centuries, so why stop now?

Whatever, nowhere did I suggest that male children and ILS shouldn't do the same. And they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pp who replied on first page that you say thanks, what a nice thing and go with the flow. I can't believe this has evolved into some ethnic dispute. I am from Eastern Europe and my family does something very similar, sure not with DH's childhood friends, as he is American, but they will have me visit and have family visit us non stop and throw a party maybe. I honestly wish they would just make it into one big party rather than non stop parade, so I know why I said to just be positive. My DH's family will do the same, CO family, non stop and a party and dinners, also with mostly friends and family. This is clearly a custom in many part of US and parts of the world. So, yes, I understand what a hassle it is, but hey, everything is better with a smile and a nice attitude.

Of course women are supposed to smile and have a nice attitude. Lol. That’s what we’ve been doing for centuries, so why stop now?

Whatever, nowhere did I suggest that male children and ILS shouldn't do the same. And they do.

Perhaps you didn’t read OP’s post. Her DH is too busy to attend his family’s party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pp who replied on first page that you say thanks, what a nice thing and go with the flow. I can't believe this has evolved into some ethnic dispute. I am from Eastern Europe and my family does something very similar, sure not with DH's childhood friends, as he is American, but they will have me visit and have family visit us non stop and throw a party maybe. I honestly wish they would just make it into one big party rather than non stop parade, so I know why I said to just be positive. My DH's family will do the same, CO family, non stop and a party and dinners, also with mostly friends and family. This is clearly a custom in many part of US and parts of the world. So, yes, I understand what a hassle it is, but hey, everything is better with a smile and a nice attitude.

Of course women are supposed to smile and have a nice attitude. Lol. That’s what we’ve been doing for centuries, so why stop now?

Whatever, nowhere did I suggest that male children and ILS shouldn't do the same. And they do.

Perhaps you didn’t read OP’s post. Her DH is too busy to attend his family’s party.

I read her OP. My comment goes that in many countries custom is done for male and female children. She choose to go, right? Meaning, they must have somewhat decent relationship. If he was going, he would attend the party, and if they were visiting her parents and her parents threw the party, and he was going and would go to the party even without her most likely. A lot of rather dense people here. Is there a point in our society or any society that we just become engulfed in out own desires and to heck with the world? I am really tired of Christmas dinners and presents, as I am sure many parents are, do we just all stop doing holidays because we don't feel like it? Do we stop celebrating our kids' birthdays even though we have done it for years and it is a custom? Do we always put our own needs above needs of our families and friends? Do you? Do you put your needs above your kids' needs all the time? Sure, here and there, but quite frankly this is one party for a couple of hours. She is not forced to attend a 10 day wedding of people she doesn't know at all. I had to attend a 4th of July party in a small town where I didn't know, at the time, any of DH's cousins and family, none. Was a weird Eastern European embraced by extended family? Heck no. But it was just a few hours. I grew to like DH's grandparents so much, and they embraced me later. My advice to all people is that if your first reaction to something is negative, stop before you refuse it in that moment. Then think of something positive and reevaluate. I honestly can't believe that you are having me, an Eastern European, telling you this. We are world known for our negativity, often rudeness and just plain lack of manners. I mean, if that isn't just sad, I don't know what is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pp who replied on first page that you say thanks, what a nice thing and go with the flow. I can't believe this has evolved into some ethnic dispute. I am from Eastern Europe and my family does something very similar, sure not with DH's childhood friends, as he is American, but they will have me visit and have family visit us non stop and throw a party maybe. I honestly wish they would just make it into one big party rather than non stop parade, so I know why I said to just be positive. My DH's family will do the same, CO family, non stop and a party and dinners, also with mostly friends and family. This is clearly a custom in many part of US and parts of the world. So, yes, I understand what a hassle it is, but hey, everything is better with a smile and a nice attitude.

Of course women are supposed to smile and have a nice attitude. Lol. That’s what we’ve been doing for centuries, so why stop now?

Whatever, nowhere did I suggest that male children and ILS shouldn't do the same. And they do.

Perhaps you didn’t read OP’s post. Her DH is too busy to attend his family’s party.

I read her OP. My comment goes that in many countries custom is done for male and female children. She choose to go, right? Meaning, they must have somewhat decent relationship. If he was going, he would attend the party, and if they were visiting her parents and her parents threw the party, and he was going and would go to the party even without her most likely. A lot of rather dense people here. Is there a point in our society or any society that we just become engulfed in out own desires and to heck with the world? I am really tired of Christmas dinners and presents, as I am sure many parents are, do we just all stop doing holidays because we don't feel like it? Do we stop celebrating our kids' birthdays even though we have done it for years and it is a custom? Do we always put our own needs above needs of our families and friends? Do you? Do you put your needs above your kids' needs all the time? Sure, here and there, but quite frankly this is one party for a couple of hours. She is not forced to attend a 10 day wedding of people she doesn't know at all. I had to attend a 4th of July party in a small town where I didn't know, at the time, any of DH's cousins and family, none. Was a weird Eastern European embraced by extended family? Heck no. But it was just a few hours. I grew to like DH's grandparents so much, and they embraced me later. My advice to all people is that if your first reaction to something is negative, stop before you refuse it in that moment. Then think of something positive and reevaluate. I honestly can't believe that you are having me, an Eastern European, telling you this. We are world known for our negativity, often rudeness and just plain lack of manners. I mean, if that isn't just sad, I don't know what is.

Wow, just so you know, no one read that rant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds nice of them! Why not frame it as a party for the kids and that takes the pressure off of you. Who knows, maybe no one can make it. But if they can, your kids will have buddies for a few weeks.

Yes. I agree this may not be the most fun party of your life, but I think the party means "Hey there - we love our wonderful daughter-in-law and want to show she is one of us. Please come to our house and celebrate her."

+1

Plenty of MILs wouldn't have any friends to invite - be grateful, OP - your MIL is a kind, warm, selfless, welcoming MIL (not some smug, cold, control freak, antisocial byotch).

Did you miss that these are not the Mils friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pp who replied on first page that you say thanks, what a nice thing and go with the flow. I can't believe this has evolved into some ethnic dispute. I am from Eastern Europe and my family does something very similar, sure not with DH's childhood friends, as he is American, but they will have me visit and have family visit us non stop and throw a party maybe. I honestly wish they would just make it into one big party rather than non stop parade, so I know why I said to just be positive. My DH's family will do the same, CO family, non stop and a party and dinners, also with mostly friends and family. This is clearly a custom in many part of US and parts of the world. So, yes, I understand what a hassle it is, but hey, everything is better with a smile and a nice attitude.

Of course women are supposed to smile and have a nice attitude. Lol. That’s what we’ve been doing for centuries, so why stop now?

Whatever, nowhere did I suggest that male children and ILS shouldn't do the same. And they do.

Perhaps you didn’t read OP’s post. Her DH is too busy to attend his family’s party.

I read her OP. My comment goes that in many countries custom is done for male and female children. She choose to go, right? Meaning, they must have somewhat decent relationship. If he was going, he would attend the party, and if they were visiting her parents and her parents threw the party, and he was going and would go to the party even without her most likely. A lot of rather dense people here. Is there a point in our society or any society that we just become engulfed in out own desires and to heck with the world? I am really tired of Christmas dinners and presents, as I am sure many parents are, do we just all stop doing holidays because we don't feel like it? Do we stop celebrating our kids' birthdays even though we have done it for years and it is a custom? Do we always put our own needs above needs of our families and friends? Do you? Do you put your needs above your kids' needs all the time? Sure, here and there, but quite frankly this is one party for a couple of hours. She is not forced to attend a 10 day wedding of people she doesn't know at all. I had to attend a 4th of July party in a small town where I didn't know, at the time, any of DH's cousins and family, none. Was a weird Eastern European embraced by extended family? Heck no. But it was just a few hours. I grew to like DH's grandparents so much, and they embraced me later. My advice to all people is that if your first reaction to something is negative, stop before you refuse it in that moment. Then think of something positive and reevaluate. I honestly can't believe that you are having me, an Eastern European, telling you this. We are world known for our negativity, often rudeness and just plain lack of manners. I mean, if that isn't just sad, I don't know what is.

Wow, just so you know, no one read that rant.

Dp. I did. And appreciated the insights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds nice of them! Why not frame it as a party for the kids and that takes the pressure off of you. Who knows, maybe no one can make it. But if they can, your kids will have buddies for a few weeks.

Yes. I agree this may not be the most fun party of your life, but I think the party means "Hey there - we love our wonderful daughter-in-law and want to show she is one of us. Please come to our house and celebrate her."

It's not to celebrate the DIL. It's to show off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pp who replied on first page that you say thanks, what a nice thing and go with the flow. I can't believe this has evolved into some ethnic dispute. I am from Eastern Europe and my family does something very similar, sure not with DH's childhood friends, as he is American, but they will have me visit and have family visit us non stop and throw a party maybe. I honestly wish they would just make it into one big party rather than non stop parade, so I know why I said to just be positive. My DH's family will do the same, CO family, non stop and a party and dinners, also with mostly friends and family. This is clearly a custom in many part of US and parts of the world. So, yes, I understand what a hassle it is, but hey, everything is better with a smile and a nice attitude.

Of course women are supposed to smile and have a nice attitude. Lol. That’s what we’ve been doing for centuries, so why stop now?

Whatever, nowhere did I suggest that male children and ILS shouldn't do the same. And they do.

Perhaps you didn’t read OP’s post. Her DH is too busy to attend his family’s party.

I read her OP. My comment goes that in many countries custom is done for male and female children. She choose to go, right? Meaning, they must have somewhat decent relationship. If he was going, he would attend the party, and if they were visiting her parents and her parents threw the party, and he was going and would go to the party even without her most likely. A lot of rather dense people here. Is there a point in our society or any society that we just become engulfed in out own desires and to heck with the world? I am really tired of Christmas dinners and presents, as I am sure many parents are, do we just all stop doing holidays because we don't feel like it? Do we stop celebrating our kids' birthdays even though we have done it for years and it is a custom? Do we always put our own needs above needs of our families and friends? Do you? Do you put your needs above your kids' needs all the time? Sure, here and there, but quite frankly this is one party for a couple of hours. She is not forced to attend a 10 day wedding of people she doesn't know at all. I had to attend a 4th of July party in a small town where I didn't know, at the time, any of DH's cousins and family, none. Was a weird Eastern European embraced by extended family? Heck no. But it was just a few hours. I grew to like DH's grandparents so much, and they embraced me later. My advice to all people is that if your first reaction to something is negative, stop before you refuse it in that moment. Then think of something positive and reevaluate. I honestly can't believe that you are having me, an Eastern European, telling you this. We are world known for our negativity, often rudeness and just plain lack of manners. I mean, if that isn't just sad, I don't know what is.

Wow, just so you know, no one read that rant.

Well you did because you replied. And I did and I agree with the “rant”. oP already said she would go a few pages ago as it’s just a few hours, even though it’s not her preference. That’s what family is about-it’s spending time at the dance recital/bar mitzvah/hospital/funeral/nursing home even though you’d rather be reading a book and eating potato chips in your own home. And one day when OP is older, her kids will take her cue as to how their grandparents were treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pp who replied on first page that you say thanks, what a nice thing and go with the flow. I can't believe this has evolved into some ethnic dispute. I am from Eastern Europe and my family does something very similar, sure not with DH's childhood friends, as he is American, but they will have me visit and have family visit us non stop and throw a party maybe. I honestly wish they would just make it into one big party rather than non stop parade, so I know why I said to just be positive. My DH's family will do the same, CO family, non stop and a party and dinners, also with mostly friends and family. This is clearly a custom in many part of US and parts of the world. So, yes, I understand what a hassle it is, but hey, everything is better with a smile and a nice attitude.

Of course women are supposed to smile and have a nice attitude. Lol. That’s what we’ve been doing for centuries, so why stop now?

Whatever, nowhere did I suggest that male children and ILS shouldn't do the same. And they do.

Perhaps you didn’t read OP’s post. Her DH is too busy to attend his family’s party.

I read her OP. My comment goes that in many countries custom is done for male and female children. She choose to go, right? Meaning, they must have somewhat decent relationship. If he was going, he would attend the party, and if they were visiting her parents and her parents threw the party, and he was going and would go to the party even without her most likely. A lot of rather dense people here. Is there a point in our society or any society that we just become engulfed in out own desires and to heck with the world? I am really tired of Christmas dinners and presents, as I am sure many parents are, do we just all stop doing holidays because we don't feel like it? Do we stop celebrating our kids' birthdays even though we have done it for years and it is a custom? Do we always put our own needs above needs of our families and friends? Do you? Do you put your needs above your kids' needs all the time? Sure, here and there, but quite frankly this is one party for a couple of hours. She is not forced to attend a 10 day wedding of people she doesn't know at all. I had to attend a 4th of July party in a small town where I didn't know, at the time, any of DH's cousins and family, none. Was a weird Eastern European embraced by extended family? Heck no. But it was just a few hours. I grew to like DH's grandparents so much, and they embraced me later. My advice to all people is that if your first reaction to something is negative, stop before you refuse it in that moment. Then think of something positive and reevaluate. I honestly can't believe that you are having me, an Eastern European, telling you this. We are world known for our negativity, often rudeness and just plain lack of manners. I mean, if that isn't just sad, I don't know what is.

Wow, just so you know, no one read that rant.

The bits I did get sounded like PP was giving some sanctimious holier than thou speech.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pp who replied on first page that you say thanks, what a nice thing and go with the flow. I can't believe this has evolved into some ethnic dispute. I am from Eastern Europe and my family does something very similar, sure not with DH's childhood friends, as he is American, but they will have me visit and have family visit us non stop and throw a party maybe. I honestly wish they would just make it into one big party rather than non stop parade, so I know why I said to just be positive. My DH's family will do the same, CO family, non stop and a party and dinners, also with mostly friends and family. This is clearly a custom in many part of US and parts of the world. So, yes, I understand what a hassle it is, but hey, everything is better with a smile and a nice attitude.

Of course women are supposed to smile and have a nice attitude. Lol. That’s what we’ve been doing for centuries, so why stop now?

Whatever, nowhere did I suggest that male children and ILS shouldn't do the same. And they do.

Perhaps you didn’t read OP’s post. Her DH is too busy to attend his family’s party.

I read her OP. My comment goes that in many countries custom is done for male and female children. She choose to go, right? Meaning, they must have somewhat decent relationship. If he was going, he would attend the party, and if they were visiting her parents and her parents threw the party, and he was going and would go to the party even without her most likely. A lot of rather dense people here. Is there a point in our society or any society that we just become engulfed in out own desires and to heck with the world? I am really tired of Christmas dinners and presents, as I am sure many parents are, do we just all stop doing holidays because we don't feel like it? Do we stop celebrating our kids' birthdays even though we have done it for years and it is a custom? Do we always put our own needs above needs of our families and friends? Do you? Do you put your needs above your kids' needs all the time? Sure, here and there, but quite frankly this is one party for a couple of hours. She is not forced to attend a 10 day wedding of people she doesn't know at all. I had to attend a 4th of July party in a small town where I didn't know, at the time, any of DH's cousins and family, none. Was a weird Eastern European embraced by extended family? Heck no. But it was just a few hours. I grew to like DH's grandparents so much, and they embraced me later. My advice to all people is that if your first reaction to something is negative, stop before you refuse it in that moment. Then think of something positive and reevaluate. I honestly can't believe that you are having me, an Eastern European, telling you this. We are world known for our negativity, often rudeness and just plain lack of manners. I mean, if that isn't just sad, I don't know what is.

Wow, just so you know, no one read that rant.

Well you did because you replied. And I did and I agree with the “rant”. oP already said she would go a few pages ago as it’s just a few hours, even though it’s not her preference. That’s what family is about-it’s spending time at the dance recital/bar mitzvah/hospital/funeral/nursing home even though you’d rather be reading a book and eating potato chips in your own home. And one day when OP is older, her kids will take her cue as to how their grandparents were treated.

They will also get a clue how her mother was treated. And how their father couldn’t bother to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pp who replied on first page that you say thanks, what a nice thing and go with the flow. I can't believe this has evolved into some ethnic dispute. I am from Eastern Europe and my family does something very similar, sure not with DH's childhood friends, as he is American, but they will have me visit and have family visit us non stop and throw a party maybe. I honestly wish they would just make it into one big party rather than non stop parade, so I know why I said to just be positive. My DH's family will do the same, CO family, non stop and a party and dinners, also with mostly friends and family. This is clearly a custom in many part of US and parts of the world. So, yes, I understand what a hassle it is, but hey, everything is better with a smile and a nice attitude.

Of course women are supposed to smile and have a nice attitude. Lol. That’s what we’ve been doing for centuries, so why stop now?

Whatever, nowhere did I suggest that male children and ILS shouldn't do the same. And they do.

Perhaps you didn’t read OP’s post. Her DH is too busy to attend his family’s party.

I read her OP. My comment goes that in many countries custom is done for male and female children. She choose to go, right? Meaning, they must have somewhat decent relationship. If he was going, he would attend the party, and if they were visiting her parents and her parents threw the party, and he was going and would go to the party even without her most likely. A lot of rather dense people here. Is there a point in our society or any society that we just become engulfed in out own desires and to heck with the world? I am really tired of Christmas dinners and presents, as I am sure many parents are, do we just all stop doing holidays because we don't feel like it? Do we stop celebrating our kids' birthdays even though we have done it for years and it is a custom? Do we always put our own needs above needs of our families and friends? Do you? Do you put your needs above your kids' needs all the time? Sure, here and there, but quite frankly this is one party for a couple of hours. She is not forced to attend a 10 day wedding of people she doesn't know at all. I had to attend a 4th of July party in a small town where I didn't know, at the time, any of DH's cousins and family, none. Was a weird Eastern European embraced by extended family? Heck no. But it was just a few hours. I grew to like DH's grandparents so much, and they embraced me later. My advice to all people is that if your first reaction to something is negative, stop before you refuse it in that moment. Then think of something positive and reevaluate. I honestly can't believe that you are having me, an Eastern European, telling you this. We are world known for our negativity, often rudeness and just plain lack of manners. I mean, if that isn't just sad, I don't know what is.

Wow, just so you know, no one read that rant.

Well you did because you replied. And I did and I agree with the “rant”. oP already said she would go a few pages ago as it’s just a few hours, even though it’s not her preference. That’s what family is about-it’s spending time at the dance recital/bar mitzvah/hospital/funeral/nursing home even though you’d rather be reading a book and eating potato chips in your own home. And one day when OP is older, her kids will take her cue as to how their grandparents were treated.

Oh yes. Poor victimized OP, having to attend a party in her own honor. One day she will tell the story of how she managed to get by despite the trauma.

They will also get a clue how her mother was treated. And how their father couldn’t bother to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds nice of them! Why not frame it as a party for the kids and that takes the pressure off of you. Who knows, maybe no one can make it. But if they can, your kids will have buddies for a few weeks.

Consider yourself lucky OP. With all the negative in law posts on DCUM you have ones that love you so much they want to bring you into theit world of friends. They're trying to make sure you have a good time and have some friends while you're there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pp who replied on first page that you say thanks, what a nice thing and go with the flow. I can't believe this has evolved into some ethnic dispute. I am from Eastern Europe and my family does something very similar, sure not with DH's childhood friends, as he is American, but they will have me visit and have family visit us non stop and throw a party maybe. I honestly wish they would just make it into one big party rather than non stop parade, so I know why I said to just be positive. My DH's family will do the same, CO family, non stop and a party and dinners, also with mostly friends and family. This is clearly a custom in many part of US and parts of the world. So, yes, I understand what a hassle it is, but hey, everything is better with a smile and a nice attitude.

Of course women are supposed to smile and have a nice attitude. Lol. That’s what we’ve been doing for centuries, so why stop now?

Whatever, nowhere did I suggest that male children and ILS shouldn't do the same. And they do.

Perhaps you didn’t read OP’s post. Her DH is too busy to attend his family’s party.

I read her OP. My comment goes that in many countries custom is done for male and female children. She choose to go, right? Meaning, they must have somewhat decent relationship. If he was going, he would attend the party, and if they were visiting her parents and her parents threw the party, and he was going and would go to the party even without her most likely. A lot of rather dense people here. Is there a point in our society or any society that we just become engulfed in out own desires and to heck with the world? I am really tired of Christmas dinners and presents, as I am sure many parents are, do we just all stop doing holidays because we don't feel like it? Do we stop celebrating our kids' birthdays even though we have done it for years and it is a custom? Do we always put our own needs above needs of our families and friends? Do you? Do you put your needs above your kids' needs all the time? Sure, here and there, but quite frankly this is one party for a couple of hours. She is not forced to attend a 10 day wedding of people she doesn't know at all. I had to attend a 4th of July party in a small town where I didn't know, at the time, any of DH's cousins and family, none. Was a weird Eastern European embraced by extended family? Heck no. But it was just a few hours. I grew to like DH's grandparents so much, and they embraced me later. My advice to all people is that if your first reaction to something is negative, stop before you refuse it in that moment. Then think of something positive and reevaluate. I honestly can't believe that you are having me, an Eastern European, telling you this. We are world known for our negativity, often rudeness and just plain lack of manners. I mean, if that isn't just sad, I don't know what is.

Wow, just so you know, no one read that rant.

Well you did because you replied.

You can actually reply without reading the previous post. I certainly didn't read that thesis.