My ILs want to throw me a party with their friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them it sounds great, and that they should invite their own friends as well. I am sure everyone will be very lovely and nice. You know, rather than argue, think of why not, when you are presented with something, how about saying, "Oh, thank you for thinking of me," or, "How thoughtful of you," or "let's invite your older friends too." Often life is so much more pleasant when your first thought isn't no, no way, all negativity all around. Sadly, in this area people are just immediately looking for reasons to hate something rather than be positive and embrace people and situations. It sounds like they see you are their daughter, and are treating you just as they would their son. Sadly, here most white Americans don't accept SILs, DILS, BILS, etc... as their family. You are just someone they have to put up with and fake a smile, if they are seeing you as their daughter, that is great, sure they might be sometimes overbearing, but that is how parents usually are.

+1 on this. Unless you have real proof otherwise, I would interpret this as them trying to be nice and welcoming. It may not be exactly what you would like, but it is only a few hours.
Since you mention you are introverted, have some stock questions you ask everyone to keep the conversation going.

[Anonymous]

Think positive! It's summertime and many people will be away or have other plans. I think your in laws are trying to make YOU feel welcome. Go with it and have a glass of wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds nice of them! Why not frame it as a party for the kids and that takes the pressure off of you. Who knows, maybe no one can make it. But if they can, your kids will have buddies for a few weeks.

Did you read OPs post?

None of these people have kids.

[Anonymous]

There’s a reason your DH doesn’t know when he will be able to visit his own parents. I highly doubt he is that busy . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think positive! It's summertime and many people will be away or have other plans. I think your in laws are trying to make YOU feel welcome. Go with it and have a glass of wine.

Another person that didn’t read OP’s post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think positive! It's summertime and many people will be away or have other plans. I think your in laws are trying to make YOU feel welcome. Go with it and have a glass of wine.

Another person that didn’t read OP’s post.

NP but even though her inlaws don't drink does that mean OP can't have wine? My parents don't drink but we still get wine and beer there, but it's not a religious thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think positive! It's summertime and many people will be away or have other plans. I think your in laws are trying to make YOU feel welcome. Go with it and have a glass of wine.

Another person that didn’t read OP’s post.

NP but even though her inlaws don't drink does that mean OP can't have wine? My parents don't drink but we still get wine and beer there, but it's not a religious thing.

That’s the difference. Are you really that ignorant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a reason your DH doesn’t know when he will be able to visit his own parents. I highly doubt he is that busy . . .

+1 I'm pretty sure your husband could join you if he made it more a priority. Maybe this is your in-laws' attempt to try to get you to bring DH?

[Anonymous]

They have a close-knit community of highly successful people (duh! South Asians immigrants). If you also were a South Asian and lived close to your ILs, these people would have been your friends too.

The party allows your ILs to get you included into this community and by extension your DH and kids too. A way to connect to their heritage as well as network for the benefit of opportunities for your DH, you and kids. In today's world, the more connections you have the better it is.

All you have to do is be pleasant, ask people how they know your ILs, be humble, smile a lot, be helpful, be friendly. This could be great triumph for you and would raise the stock of you (and your family) in the eyes of this community.

This community is important to your ILs because this is their support system. If they are without a support system - guess who will be doing things for them? Be smart and not short sighted. Play nice and win these people over by being sweet to them, inquiring about them and showing an interest.

You are in a marriage with a person from another culture. This means that your kids can be lucky to be exposed to the culture, cuisine, worldview and network from two different cultures and be enriched. Otherwise, they will be isolated from both cultures because they cannot truly fit.

[Anonymous]

I’m south Asian American . These family friends we grew up with are closer than family. They we’re there for our parents when they were struggling immigrants and their children are closer than most of my cousins. They are important part of our identity and introducing you to them is an important part of making you part of the family. These people probably grew up in the us too right? They’re Americans and I think you may find something in common with many of them. Be open and friendly. I don’t blame you for being nervous, but I think it’ll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think positive! It's summertime and many people will be away or have other plans. I think your in laws are trying to make YOU feel welcome. Go with it and have a glass of wine.

Another person that didn’t read OP’s post.

NP but even though her inlaws don't drink does that mean OP can't have wine? My parents don't drink but we still get wine and beer there, but it's not a religious thing.

If rd for religious reasons it’s not appropriate to bring alcohol into their home.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it. I am a painfully shy introvert, I don't enjoy meeting new people and making small talk, and I would absolutely hate it too. But your in laws clearly love you and are trying to include you in their community, and I'd suffer through a few hours of forced socialization for that in your place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have a close-knit community of highly successful people (duh! South Asians immigrants). If you also were a South Asian and lived close to your ILs, these people would have been your friends too.

The party allows your ILs to get you included into this community and by extension your DH and kids too. A way to connect to their heritage as well as network for the benefit of opportunities for your DH, you and kids. In today's world, the more connections you have the better it is.

All you have to do is be pleasant, ask people how they know your ILs, be humble, smile a lot, be helpful, be friendly. This could be great triumph for you and would raise the stock of you (and your family) in the eyes of this community.

This community is important to your ILs because this is their support system. If they are without a support system - guess who will be doing things for them? Be smart and not short sighted. Play nice and win these people over by being sweet to them, inquiring about them and showing an interest.

You are in a marriage with a person from another culture. This means that your kids can be lucky to be exposed to the culture, cuisine, worldview and network from two different cultures and be enriched. Otherwise, they will be isolated from both cultures because they cannot truly fit.

This X1,000,000. It's only a few hours.

[Anonymous]

^^ I also meant to add that you may see your ILs in a different light - looser, having fun, laughing with their own crowd. You might be pleasantly surprised.

[Anonymous]

Plus, imagine all of the delicious food!