Dad gets angry when our daughter doesn't eat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm 19:39.

Contrary to popular opinion, yes, there are children who will go into FAILURE TO THRIVE, through not eating enough.

The idea that no child will allow himself to starve is a damageable myth.

My son was in failure to thrive as a toddler, and put on a high calorie diet, and is now again in the 2nd percentile as a tween, which is of great concern to his pediatrician.

There are FTT kids, but yelling at them to eat is not the solution.

There are indeed kids like this, but not sure if this is OP's kid.

OP, I am/have been in your shoes. When our kids don't want to eat what's put in front of them, they eat sloooowly, and just a few bites, my DH yells at them. I, too, get upset at them, but like you, yell less. We get upset because we don't want them to be picky eaters, and only eat what they like. We want them to learn that sometimes you will be served something you don't like, and you just have to deal with it.

We had a rule where whatever you didn't eat for dinner it was your breakfast or lunch the next day, and you don't get any dessert or treat until that meal is finished. We don't like to waste food either. It's happened a few times over the years. My kids are older than your's now, and while they still at times hem and haw when they are served what they don't like, they will still eat it. The older one has learned to eat whatever he doesn't like first to get it over with. I have toned it down, but DH still at times gets very stern with our younger one over this. I have told him to stop it because I don't want DC to have an eating disorder later in life. Just calmly tell your DC that she can have that for breakfast the next day. Again, if she doesn't have a case of failure to thrive, hopefully she will get the message.

I agree with you.. you shouldn't always just cook your DC's favorite. I try to cook a variety of things.. sometimes my favorite, sometimes one of the kid's favorites, and they both have different favorites. I'm not a short order cook. I don't cook things on demand. I can make allowances for a 5 year old, but when a 12 year old is over my house for dinner and doesn't like what's for dinner, I'm not making something else for that kid. Having a dinner party can be a pia when there are picky eaters.

Your DC is still young, so you will struggle with this. Be patient, and calm (I know.. it's hard. I can say this in hindsight).

You have to be a troll too, or just incredibly abusive parent. If you are for real you are creating eating disorders in your kids. You are a terrible parent, and not just garden kind terrible, but insane control freak who is emotionally abusing children.

My kids are fine. Thanks for your concern. When they go to people's homes, they are very polite and try to eat what's put in front of them, unlike many kids I know. They have also learned to try new things, and broaden their palettes. They eat (and like) things that most kids wouldn't touch. It's great to see them eat such variety of foods.

My DH grew up this way, and has no eating issues. My mother let me be a picky eater, and I had a really hard time as an adult being picky. It took me a long time to break that habit. I make my children eat their vegetables. I'm fine if you want to call me abusive for making them eat their vegetables.

You are truly insane. Of course, you don't see it, most people can't see their own insanity.

[Anonymous]

I agree with all other commentators above that yelling is not healthy at all and counterproductive. She is now associating eating with anger and upset, is that what you want?

I also wanted to say that my DD was 34 lbs at age 4 (I just looked at my records) and she is somewhere around 40-42 at age 7. It is a perfectly healthy weight. Her pediatrician is not concerned in the least, and we are not either. She has a small, fine-boned frame and this has become even more apparent as she has grown. It was tempting to try to get her to eat more when she was younger, because I was concerned like you are, but I resisted and she doesn't have any eating issues. She eats a wide variety of foods and is willing to try new things. Sometimes she eats a small amount, sometimes she packs in a lot of food and above all, she trusts her body to tell her when she is hungry or not.

[Anonymous]

It seems to me there are two issues here:

1) Your DD not eating very much
2) Your DH's reaction (and to some extent, yours too)

For 1: Have you spoke with the pediatrician in regard to this specific issue? What exactly did they say, and did they provide a plan? My son is very small, he's actually about 35 pounds and almost 6. But his growth curve is normal so the doctor is not concerned. However, when he was younger, we visited a nutritionist about him gaining weight at the suggestion of the pediatrician. The nutritionist provided a lot of helpful suggestions, like: when offering a pancake, put butter and syrup on it. Or, put olive oil on vegetables. The goal is to have more calories per bite. Maybe something for you to look into.

For 2: I agree with some PP about counseling for you, the parents, on how to react better. The goal here is to create for your daughter a healthy relationship with food and have her grow and eat healthily. So maybe go into counseling to figure out how you guys can achieve that (the nutritionist may have some suggestions too).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm 19:39.

Contrary to popular opinion, yes, there are children who will go into FAILURE TO THRIVE, through not eating enough.

The idea that no child will allow himself to starve is a damageable myth.

My son was in failure to thrive as a toddler, and put on a high calorie diet, and is now again in the 2nd percentile as a tween, which is of great concern to his pediatrician.

There are FTT kids, but yelling at them to eat is not the solution.

There are indeed kids like this, but not sure if this is OP's kid.

OP, I am/have been in your shoes. When our kids don't want to eat what's put in front of them, they eat sloooowly, and just a few bites, my DH yells at them. I, too, get upset at them, but like you, yell less. We get upset because we don't want them to be picky eaters, and only eat what they like. We want them to learn that sometimes you will be served something you don't like, and you just have to deal with it.

We had a rule where whatever you didn't eat for dinner it was your breakfast or lunch the next day, and you don't get any dessert or treat until that meal is finished. We don't like to waste food either. It's happened a few times over the years. My kids are older than your's now, and while they still at times hem and haw when they are served what they don't like, they will still eat it. The older one has learned to eat whatever he doesn't like first to get it over with. I have toned it down, but DH still at times gets very stern with our younger one over this. I have told him to stop it because I don't want DC to have an eating disorder later in life. Just calmly tell your DC that she can have that for breakfast the next day. Again, if she doesn't have a case of failure to thrive, hopefully she will get the message.

I agree with you.. you shouldn't always just cook your DC's favorite. I try to cook a variety of things.. sometimes my favorite, sometimes one of the kid's favorites, and they both have different favorites. I'm not a short order cook. I don't cook things on demand. I can make allowances for a 5 year old, but when a 12 year old is over my house for dinner and doesn't like what's for dinner, I'm not making something else for that kid. Having a dinner party can be a pia when there are picky eaters.

Your DC is still young, so you will struggle with this. Be patient, and calm (I know.. it's hard. I can say this in hindsight).

You have to be a troll too, or just incredibly abusive parent. If you are for real you are creating eating disorders in your kids. You are a terrible parent, and not just garden kind terrible, but insane control freak who is emotionally abusing children.

My kids are fine. Thanks for your concern. When they go to people's homes, they are very polite and try to eat what's put in front of them, unlike many kids I know. They have also learned to try new things, and broaden their palettes. They eat (and like) things that most kids wouldn't touch. It's great to see them eat such variety of foods.

My DH grew up this way, and has no eating issues. My mother let me be a picky eater, and I had a really hard time as an adult being picky. It took me a long time to break that habit. I make my children eat their vegetables. I'm fine if you want to call me abusive for making them eat their vegetables.

You are truly insane. Of course, you don't see it, most people can't see their own insanity.

Do you cook only foods your kids want? If not, then you are controlling what your kids eat.

yep, I control what they eat at home in terms of what I cook, they eat. I don't let them raid the pantry if they don't like what I'm cooking for dinner. When we go out to eat, they can pick whatever they want, but some times, I make them have a bit of salad if they order something devoid of vegetables, like chicken tenders and fries. Yes, call me abusive for making them eat some vegetables.

I also make them do their chores, make their bed, take out the trash, limit their electronic time, make them go to bed at a time that some people might consider too early, make them do physical activity, learn a musical instrument, do a bit of math at home, etc.. My kids would never do most of these things on their won. So, I guess I'm controlling, abusive and insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm 19:39.

Contrary to popular opinion, yes, there are children who will go into FAILURE TO THRIVE, through not eating enough.

The idea that no child will allow himself to starve is a damageable myth.

My son was in failure to thrive as a toddler, and put on a high calorie diet, and is now again in the 2nd percentile as a tween, which is of great concern to his pediatrician.

There are FTT kids, but yelling at them to eat is not the solution.

There are indeed kids like this, but not sure if this is OP's kid.

OP, I am/have been in your shoes. When our kids don't want to eat what's put in front of them, they eat sloooowly, and just a few bites, my DH yells at them. I, too, get upset at them, but like you, yell less. We get upset because we don't want them to be picky eaters, and only eat what they like. We want them to learn that sometimes you will be served something you don't like, and you just have to deal with it.

We had a rule where whatever you didn't eat for dinner it was your breakfast or lunch the next day, and you don't get any dessert or treat until that meal is finished. We don't like to waste food either. It's happened a few times over the years. My kids are older than your's now, and while they still at times hem and haw when they are served what they don't like, they will still eat it. The older one has learned to eat whatever he doesn't like first to get it over with. I have toned it down, but DH still at times gets very stern with our younger one over this. I have told him to stop it because I don't want DC to have an eating disorder later in life. Just calmly tell your DC that she can have that for breakfast the next day. Again, if she doesn't have a case of failure to thrive, hopefully she will get the message.

I agree with you.. you shouldn't always just cook your DC's favorite. I try to cook a variety of things.. sometimes my favorite, sometimes one of the kid's favorites, and they both have different favorites. I'm not a short order cook. I don't cook things on demand. I can make allowances for a 5 year old, but when a 12 year old is over my house for dinner and doesn't like what's for dinner, I'm not making something else for that kid. Having a dinner party can be a pia when there are picky eaters.

Your DC is still young, so you will struggle with this. Be patient, and calm (I know.. it's hard. I can say this in hindsight).

You have to be a troll too, or just incredibly abusive parent. If you are for real you are creating eating disorders in your kids. You are a terrible parent, and not just garden kind terrible, but insane control freak who is emotionally abusing children.

My kids are fine. Thanks for your concern. When they go to people's homes, they are very polite and try to eat what's put in front of them, unlike many kids I know. They have also learned to try new things, and broaden their palettes. They eat (and like) things that most kids wouldn't touch. It's great to see them eat such variety of foods.

My DH grew up this way, and has no eating issues. My mother let me be a picky eater, and I had a really hard time as an adult being picky. It took me a long time to break that habit. I make my children eat their vegetables. I'm fine if you want to call me abusive for making them eat their vegetables.

You are truly insane. Of course, you don't see it, most people can't see their own insanity.

Do you cook only foods your kids want? If not, then you are controlling what your kids eat.

yep, I control what they eat at home in terms of what I cook, they eat. I don't let them raid the pantry if they don't like what I'm cooking for dinner. When we go out to eat, they can pick whatever they want, but some times, I make them have a bit of salad if they order something devoid of vegetables, like chicken tenders and fries. Yes, call me abusive for making them eat some vegetables.

I also make them do their chores, make their bed, take out the trash, limit their electronic time, make them go to bed at a time that some people might consider too early, make them do physical activity, learn a musical instrument, do a bit of math at home, etc.. My kids would never do most of these things on their won. So, I guess I'm controlling, abusive and insane.

There is a difference between making your kids eat some vegetables and making them eat the same meal over and over again (at breakfast and lunch the next day) until they finish it. Are they really not allowed to like something, or decline a particular dish? I'm not a short-order cook, either, and my kid has to try one bite of everything, but if she doesn't want broiled salmon that night, I'm not going to offer her broiled salmon at all subsequent meals until she eats it. She can just fill up on one of the other dishes, or be hungry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with all other commentators above that yelling is not healthy at all and counterproductive. She is now associating eating with anger and upset, is that what you want?

I also wanted to say that my DD was 34 lbs at age 4 (I just looked at my records) and she is somewhere around 40-42 at age 7. It is a perfectly healthy weight. Her pediatrician is not concerned in the least, and we are not either. She has a small, fine-boned frame and this has become even more apparent as she has grown. It was tempting to try to get her to eat more when she was younger, because I was concerned like you are, but I resisted and she doesn't have any eating issues. She eats a wide variety of foods and is willing to try new things. Sometimes she eats a small amount, sometimes she packs in a lot of food and above all, she trusts her body to tell her when she is hungry or not.

Kids are not thin boned or thick boned. That is a made up thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm 19:39.

Contrary to popular opinion, yes, there are children who will go into FAILURE TO THRIVE, through not eating enough.

The idea that no child will allow himself to starve is a damageable myth.

My son was in failure to thrive as a toddler, and put on a high calorie diet, and is now again in the 2nd percentile as a tween, which is of great concern to his pediatrician.

There are FTT kids, but yelling at them to eat is not the solution.

There are indeed kids like this, but not sure if this is OP's kid.

OP, I am/have been in your shoes. When our kids don't want to eat what's put in front of them, they eat sloooowly, and just a few bites, my DH yells at them. I, too, get upset at them, but like you, yell less. We get upset because we don't want them to be picky eaters, and only eat what they like. We want them to learn that sometimes you will be served something you don't like, and you just have to deal with it.

We had a rule where whatever you didn't eat for dinner it was your breakfast or lunch the next day, and you don't get any dessert or treat until that meal is finished. We don't like to waste food either. It's happened a few times over the years. My kids are older than your's now, and while they still at times hem and haw when they are served what they don't like, they will still eat it. The older one has learned to eat whatever he doesn't like first to get it over with. I have toned it down, but DH still at times gets very stern with our younger one over this. I have told him to stop it because I don't want DC to have an eating disorder later in life. Just calmly tell your DC that she can have that for breakfast the next day. Again, if she doesn't have a case of failure to thrive, hopefully she will get the message.

I agree with you.. you shouldn't always just cook your DC's favorite. I try to cook a variety of things.. sometimes my favorite, sometimes one of the kid's favorites, and they both have different favorites. I'm not a short order cook. I don't cook things on demand. I can make allowances for a 5 year old, but when a 12 year old is over my house for dinner and doesn't like what's for dinner, I'm not making something else for that kid. Having a dinner party can be a pia when there are picky eaters.

Your DC is still young, so you will struggle with this. Be patient, and calm (I know.. it's hard. I can say this in hindsight).

You have to be a troll too, or just incredibly abusive parent. If you are for real you are creating eating disorders in your kids. You are a terrible parent, and not just garden kind terrible, but insane control freak who is emotionally abusing children.

My kids are fine. Thanks for your concern. When they go to people's homes, they are very polite and try to eat what's put in front of them, unlike many kids I know. They have also learned to try new things, and broaden their palettes. They eat (and like) things that most kids wouldn't touch. It's great to see them eat such variety of foods.

My DH grew up this way, and has no eating issues. My mother let me be a picky eater, and I had a really hard time as an adult being picky. It took me a long time to break that habit. I make my children eat their vegetables. I'm fine if you want to call me abusive for making them eat their vegetables.

You are truly insane. Of course, you don't see it, most people can't see their own insanity.

Do you cook only foods your kids want? If not, then you are controlling what your kids eat.

yep, I control what they eat at home in terms of what I cook, they eat. I don't let them raid the pantry if they don't like what I'm cooking for dinner. When we go out to eat, they can pick whatever they want, but some times, I make them have a bit of salad if they order something devoid of vegetables, like chicken tenders and fries. Yes, call me abusive for making them eat some vegetables.

I also make them do their chores, make their bed, take out the trash, limit their electronic time, make them go to bed at a time that some people might consider too early, make them do physical activity, learn a musical instrument, do a bit of math at home, etc.. My kids would never do most of these things on their won. So, I guess I'm controlling, abusive and insane.

There is a difference from having them eat a vegetable and not eating at all. My kid will only eat raw vegetables. I don't care. Loves them so I always keep some cut up in the fridge for snacks. Maybe you should do physical activities or stuff together vs. making them. If you are just concerned about french fries, don't give it to them. Simple. Give them chicken tenders and veggies. Seems simple to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm 19:39.

Contrary to popular opinion, yes, there are children who will go into FAILURE TO THRIVE, through not eating enough.

The idea that no child will allow himself to starve is a damageable myth.

My son was in failure to thrive as a toddler, and put on a high calorie diet, and is now again in the 2nd percentile as a tween, which is of great concern to his pediatrician.

There are FTT kids, but yelling at them to eat is not the solution.

There are indeed kids like this, but not sure if this is OP's kid.

OP, I am/have been in your shoes. When our kids don't want to eat what's put in front of them, they eat sloooowly, and just a few bites, my DH yells at them. I, too, get upset at them, but like you, yell less. We get upset because we don't want them to be picky eaters, and only eat what they like. We want them to learn that sometimes you will be served something you don't like, and you just have to deal with it.

We had a rule where whatever you didn't eat for dinner it was your breakfast or lunch the next day, and you don't get any dessert or treat until that meal is finished. We don't like to waste food either. It's happened a few times over the years. My kids are older than your's now, and while they still at times hem and haw when they are served what they don't like, they will still eat it. The older one has learned to eat whatever he doesn't like first to get it over with. I have toned it down, but DH still at times gets very stern with our younger one over this. I have told him to stop it because I don't want DC to have an eating disorder later in life. Just calmly tell your DC that she can have that for breakfast the next day. Again, if she doesn't have a case of failure to thrive, hopefully she will get the message.

I agree with you.. you shouldn't always just cook your DC's favorite. I try to cook a variety of things.. sometimes my favorite, sometimes one of the kid's favorites, and they both have different favorites. I'm not a short order cook. I don't cook things on demand. I can make allowances for a 5 year old, but when a 12 year old is over my house for dinner and doesn't like what's for dinner, I'm not making something else for that kid. Having a dinner party can be a pia when there are picky eaters.

Your DC is still young, so you will struggle with this. Be patient, and calm (I know.. it's hard. I can say this in hindsight).

You have to be a troll too, or just incredibly abusive parent. If you are for real you are creating eating disorders in your kids. You are a terrible parent, and not just garden kind terrible, but insane control freak who is emotionally abusing children.

My kids are fine. Thanks for your concern. When they go to people's homes, they are very polite and try to eat what's put in front of them, unlike many kids I know. They have also learned to try new things, and broaden their palettes. They eat (and like) things that most kids wouldn't touch. It's great to see them eat such variety of foods.

My DH grew up this way, and has no eating issues. My mother let me be a picky eater, and I had a really hard time as an adult being picky. It took me a long time to break that habit. I make my children eat their vegetables. I'm fine if you want to call me abusive for making them eat their vegetables.

You are truly insane. Of course, you don't see it, most people can't see their own insanity.

Do you cook only foods your kids want? If not, then you are controlling what your kids eat.

yep, I control what they eat at home in terms of what I cook, they eat. I don't let them raid the pantry if they don't like what I'm cooking for dinner. When we go out to eat, they can pick whatever they want, but some times, I make them have a bit of salad if they order something devoid of vegetables, like chicken tenders and fries. Yes, call me abusive for making them eat some vegetables.

I also make them do their chores, make their bed, take out the trash, limit their electronic time, make them go to bed at a time that some people might consider too early, make them do physical activity, learn a musical instrument, do a bit of math at home, etc.. My kids would never do most of these things on their won. So, I guess I'm controlling, abusive and insane.

There is a difference between making your kids eat some vegetables and making them eat the same meal over and over again (at breakfast and lunch the next day) until they finish it. Are they really not allowed to like something, or decline a particular dish? I'm not a short-order cook, either, and my kid has to try one bite of everything, but if she doesn't want broiled salmon that night, I'm not going to offer her broiled salmon at all subsequent meals until she eats it. She can just fill up on one of the other dishes, or be hungry.

What's the difference between letting her go hungry and serving something at every meal that your child doesn't like such that she doesn't eat it?

I serve a variety of foods, and there are things on the plate they don't like. If I know they don't like something, I don't give them a heaping serving of it. They get a small serving of it, and yes, they still have to eat it. Typically, it tends to be a vegetable they don't like, but as you noted, it's important to make them eat their vegetables. I am not serving only one or two kinds of vegetables with every meal every day. No way. I know there are things they really do not like so I try not to give them too much of it, like onions, but the other vegetables that are in the dish with the onions, yep, they have to eat it even if they don't like it. And they know they might as well get used to it because I'm going to be serving that dish over and over again while they are living in the house. If I let them choose what vegetables they want all the time, I'd only be eating one or two kinds every day. No thanks. You can live that way, but we choose not to.

My DCs have learned how important it is to eat lots of vegetables/fruits. Older DC has been on campouts where they eat very unhealthy foods all weekends, with no fruit or vegetable. The minute DC gets home, DC wants an apple. When DC gets constipated, DC knows DC needs to eat more vegetables/fruits, and reaches for a fruit, and willingly eats a salad with dinner. If we had let our DCs be picky and avoid what they don't like (which again, tends to be most vegetables, and for this particular DC even most fruits), they'd have an unhealthy diet and health issues. I guess could just give them miralax with their dinner every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with all other commentators above that yelling is not healthy at all and counterproductive. She is now associating eating with anger and upset, is that what you want?

I also wanted to say that my DD was 34 lbs at age 4 (I just looked at my records) and she is somewhere around 40-42 at age 7. It is a perfectly healthy weight. Her pediatrician is not concerned in the least, and we are not either. She has a small, fine-boned frame and this has become even more apparent as she has grown. It was tempting to try to get her to eat more when she was younger, because I was concerned like you are, but I resisted and she doesn't have any eating issues. She eats a wide variety of foods and is willing to try new things. Sometimes she eats a small amount, sometimes she packs in a lot of food and above all, she trusts her body to tell her when she is hungry or not.

Kids are not thin boned or thick boned. That is a made up thing.

DP.. of course they can be. I'm thin boned, always have been. I see kids who are not thin boned. They are not fat, but they are solidly built, unlike my kids who get their frame from me.

[Anonymous]

I've heard children will eat more if they help to prepare the food. Get her interested in helping you to cook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to a therapist with your husband. What you are doing is causing eating disorders.

This. I'm kinda horrified just reading this. Have you looked at any Ellyn Satter books, I think they could help you. You guys are acting in a very controlling way towards her eating habits, and it's already backfiring. This will only get worse without intervention.

OP here. So, we should just let her not eat? Go to bed eating two spoonfuls of pasta? Really???

Wow, the replies here are so bad. It's ridiculous. Wow, just wow...

As the mother of a 32lb 4yr old boy, yes. Yes you should let her not eat unless your pediatrician thinks there is an issue and she needs feeding therapy. You should read Ifs Not About the abroccoli or Ellen Stter. You decide what and when to eat. The kid decides how much to eat - including none. You could also try working with your daughter to find things she likes to eat and let her have unlimited amounts of those. My son likes unsweetened apple sauce and whole milk. If he doesn’t like what we have for dinner, he can have that or a bowl of cereal. If you are yelling also, I think you need therapy yourself. I feel bad for your daughter and hope she doesn’t have lifelong issues with food and her weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should not eat with her. Seriously. Being screamed at to eat is not a pleasant way to go through life for your daughter, and his blood pressure must be shooting up each time too.

Can you sit with her when she eats dinner and then you and DH eat the meal?

My 4 and 6 yr olds eat the prior night's leftovers each night for dinner, and DH and I eat dinner after they go to bed.

OP here. Doesn't matter who sits with her. I don't think you folks are understanding the situation. Our daughter doesn't eat regardless of who's around. That's the problem. I scream at her also, just not as often. I'm a SAHM. I can understand when he comes home and then has to deal with our daughter not eating it drives him nuts. What's with all the hate on him? Honestly, I feel the same way. I just don't scream "as much".

DON'T SCREAM AT HER!!! JESUS! You guys are causing long term, life long damage. YOU are. HOW DO YOU LIKE BEING SCREAMED AT CYBERLY?

[Anonymous]

your daughter will likely develop an adult eating disorder with this sort of dynamic at age 5. and your husband clearly has rage issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to a therapist with your husband. What you are doing is causing eating disorders.

This. I'm kinda horrified just reading this. Have you looked at any Ellyn Satter books, I think they could help you. You guys are acting in a very controlling way towards her eating habits, and it's already backfiring. This will only get worse without intervention.

OP here. So, we should just let her not eat? Go to bed eating two spoonfuls of pasta? Really???

Wow, the replies here are so bad. It's ridiculous. Wow, just wow...

As the mother of a 32lb 4yr old boy, yes. Yes you should let her not eat unless your pediatrician thinks there is an issue and she needs feeding therapy. You should read Ifs Not About the abroccoli or Ellen Stter. You decide what and when to eat. The kid decides how much to eat - including none. You could also try working with your daughter to find things she likes to eat and let her have unlimited amounts of those. My son likes unsweetened apple sauce and whole milk. If he doesn’t like what we have for dinner, he can have that or a bowl of cereal. If you are yelling also, I think you need therapy yourself. I feel bad for your daughter and hope she doesn’t have lifelong issues with food and her weight.

In short, you are letting your child pick what they want to eat. What happens if you cook something your DC doesn't like for a week? You'd be ok with your child eating cereal for a week?

[Anonymous]

OP and at least one other poster have convinced themselves there's a moral or ethical aspect to being picky or to choosing not to eat.

People who get this wrapped up around food confuse me. It's just food. FFS.

As a frequent host with a wide palate myself, I don't get spun up if one of my guests doesn't like eggplant or the broccoli on the plate or the way I grilled the chicken. It doesn't hurt my feelings as long as they don't say something mean and I don't think that they are bad people because they don't want to eat a certain food

Really. People need to separate all these weird expectations and feelings they have around food. This is crazy.

Also, convincing yourself that your child is going to grow up to have scurvy rickets or whatever because he didn't eat vegetables often as a kid is a self-licking ice cream cone. Your solution is the problem.