Dad gets angry when our daughter doesn't eat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest that you provide food for your daughter that you want her to have--fruits, vegetables, meats. I would take out any junk food or desserts or empty calories. You have her eat her meals in the time frame allowed, and if she chooses not to eat, you can give her the same food for the next meal. If she still chooses not to eat it, save it for the next meal. I make sure I refrigerate it between meals, and after 24 hours, I discard it. I have daughters who will skip meals all day if they don't like what we are having, but I am trying to train the to make good, healthy choices with food. And I don't want eating to be a place where I want them to fight for control. I set the boundaries, and if they choose to follow them, then that is awesome. If they don't choose to follow them, then they get the same food for the next meal. No battle of wills that way, just this is the way it is going to be. My daughters are all healthy even though the youngest is small for her age. You could even take her to your pediatrician to make sure she is healthy. Also, they make Ensure as a meal replacement for people who need extra nutrients. That might be an option to add to her diet. I hope you find what works for you so that your daughter is as healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally as she can be.

You are absolutely fighting your kids for control over food. Good lord. This is a complete power struggle and a screwed up dynamic. Stop. You are not teaching them to "make good, healthy choices." You're inviting disordered eating, unhealthy relationships with food, and fracturing their trust in you.

+1

And FWIW, I find it interesting that you used the word “train”. Children aren’t dogs; they should be guided so that eventually they can make actual choices in life, not just choose between obeying you now and obeying you later.

This is exactly the kind of thing that leads to weight gain and eating disorders later in life. These children have never been allowed a single choice over what they put into their bodies.

Threads like this are always eye opening to me, because I see the desperate need for control so many people have. No wonder there are so many people who hate their ILs, bosses, and coworkers - they’re all autonomous people they have no control over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think picky eaters are annoying. My DS has a good friend whose mother is convinced he has all kinds of allergies. I like him very much but I've learned to bite my tongue when i say he can stay for lunch or dinner as I do with DS' other friends. We are a cooking household, we use lots of spices and sauces. But that kid is always like...what is this on your chicken? I don't want this. I want plain chicken without skin. What is that brown stuff in the rice? I just want plain rice. I don't want broccoli, I only eat green beans. I'm like, jesus, kid. Eat the damn food or go to your house, I'm not making a special meal for you. This is what we eat in this house.

What a weird, out of place rant.

Not to mention--the problem with the kid isn't really that he's picky, it's that he's rude. A polite kid would take a bite to try it, would eat the things he did like, or would claim not to be hungry. Picky eaters are only annoying if they make their food issues your issues. If they don't--who really cares that the kid only like plain rice and green beans?