Dad gets angry when our daughter doesn't eat

[Anonymous]

A 5 year old girl that is 34 lbs is in the 10th percentile. I don't see the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to a therapist with your husband. What you are doing is causing eating disorders.

This. I'm kinda horrified just reading this. Have you looked at any Ellyn Satter books, I think they could help you. You guys are acting in a very controlling way towards her eating habits, and it's already backfiring. This will only get worse without intervention.

OP here. So, we should just let her not eat? Go to bed eating two spoonfuls of pasta? Really???

Wow, the replies here are so bad. It's ridiculous. Wow, just wow...

As the mother of a 32lb 4yr old boy, yes. Yes you should let her not eat unless your pediatrician thinks there is an issue and she needs feeding therapy. You should read Ifs Not About the abroccoli or Ellen Stter. You decide what and when to eat. The kid decides how much to eat - including none. You could also try working with your daughter to find things she likes to eat and let her have unlimited amounts of those. My son likes unsweetened apple sauce and whole milk. If he doesn’t like what we have for dinner, he can have that or a bowl of cereal. If you are yelling also, I think you need therapy yourself. I feel bad for your daughter and hope she doesn’t have lifelong issues with food and her weight.

In short, you are letting your child pick what they want to eat. What happens if you cook something your DC doesn't like for a week? You'd be ok with your child eating cereal for a week?

NP but yes I would. If I was really stupid enough to cook a week's worth of meals that I know my kid hated or my kid was so picky or adverse to eating that he would choose to skip it, then cereal it is.

I don't see healthy eating as some kind of parenting win or fail. It just is.
I do not have a picky eater. I have a kid who eats just about anything that he comes across. But I was a rather picky eater as a kid and now I'm the most adventurous adult eater I know.

Taste evolve and change over time so I'm not going to make every meal, which is family time, some kind of stupid freaking battle over stupid green beans or what have you.

You, Op anyone else who feels like food should be about a really needs to met that this is a control issue for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 5 year old girl that is 34 lbs is in the 10th percentile. I don't see the issue.

The problem is the parents. Pure and simple.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP tell your pediatrician that you and DH yell at your daughter to get her to eat and see what he says.

[Anonymous]

Remove the battle & emotions surrounding this.

Pick a breakfast time. Set out what you wish to offer for breakfast. Simply invite her "Breakfast time." 20-30 minutes later breakfast is cleared up, without any parental fuss & tantrums because you didn't get things to go your way.

Approx. 2.5 hours later. Repeat with snack.

Noontime. Repeat with lunch.

Another 2.5 hours. Snack.

At least 2.5 hours after snack, repeat with dinner.

No foods offered in between these times.

*Optional: a small bedtime snack

When there is no battle of the wills, pressure, disappointment or screaming she will come around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to a therapist with your husband. What you are doing is causing eating disorders.

This. I'm kinda horrified just reading this. Have you looked at any Ellyn Satter books, I think they could help you. You guys are acting in a very controlling way towards her eating habits, and it's already backfiring. This will only get worse without intervention.

OP here. So, we should just let her not eat? Go to bed eating two spoonfuls of pasta? Really???

Wow, the replies here are so bad. It's ridiculous. Wow, just wow...

As the mother of a 32lb 4yr old boy, yes. Yes you should let her not eat unless your pediatrician thinks there is an issue and she needs feeding therapy. You should read Ifs Not About the abroccoli or Ellen Stter. You decide what and when to eat. The kid decides how much to eat - including none. You could also try working with your daughter to find things she likes to eat and let her have unlimited amounts of those. My son likes unsweetened apple sauce and whole milk. If he doesn’t like what we have for dinner, he can have that or a bowl of cereal. If you are yelling also, I think you need therapy yourself. I feel bad for your daughter and hope she doesn’t have lifelong issues with food and her weight.

In short, you are letting your child pick what they want to eat. What happens if you cook something your DC doesn't like for a week? You'd be ok with your child eating cereal for a week?

NP but yes I would. If I was really stupid enough to cook a week's worth of meals that I know my kid hated or my kid was so picky or adverse to eating that he would choose to skip it, then cereal it is.

I don't see healthy eating as some kind of parenting win or fail. It just is.
I do not have a picky eater. I have a kid who eats just about anything that he comes across. But I was a rather picky eater as a kid and now I'm the most adventurous adult eater I know.

Taste evolve and change over time so I'm not going to make every meal, which is family time, some kind of stupid freaking battle over stupid green beans or what have you.

You, Op anyone else who feels like food should be about a really needs to met that this is a control issue for you.

Again, as a parent we control most aspects of their lives, how much electronic time, bed time, what they can/cannot do. Why is what they get to pick to eat any different? Sometimes I cook things that I or DH likes but I know kids don't. They still have to eat it. They choose what they want when we go out to eat, but it's got to contain a vegetable/fruit.

Having your kids become picky eaters and have an unhealthy diet is a parenting failure for most parents. I grant you there are some children who have serious mental issues who refuse to eat, but for the most part, most kids will eat what they don't like if they are not given a choice. Guess what? In life, they have to do things they don't like.

I was a picky eater, and it was hard to overcome.

[Anonymous]

And what was the worst thing that would happen if you never overcame your picky eating? Come on. This is such a small issue in the grand scheme of things. You wouldn't have gotten into college? You wouldn't get your first job? You wouldn't be able to run for president? No one will ever marry or love you?

And sure. Yes we control many things for our children.

But I believe that we control what we will cook and serve and they get to control whether they're going to eat or not. There is no way that picky eating has as many lifelong adverse effects as disordered eating does from being forced to eat

The fact that you can't see that and keep making false analogies oh, well. I don't know what to tell you

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if OP is a troll, but if not, please try to stop with the yelling. My dad yelled and now DH does and it is really damaging and scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP tell your pediatrician that you and DH yell at your daughter to get her to eat and see what he says.

Obviously, yelling is not the best way to parent, period, as we all know but most of us fail at.

OP recognizes that yelling is not the best way to handle it. She is looking for alternatives. Most of you are just focusing on the yelling, and not being helpful by giving her alternatives. You just like to bash people who come on here seeking advice so that you can feel morally superior.

I am not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And what was the worst thing that would happen if you never overcame your picky eating? Come on. This is such a small issue in the grand scheme of things. You wouldn't have gotten into college? You wouldn't get your first job? You wouldn't be able to run for president? No one will ever marry or love you?

And sure. Yes we control many things for our children.

But I believe that we control what we will cook and serve and they get to control whether they're going to eat or not. There is no way that picky eating has as many lifelong adverse effects as disordered eating does from being forced to eat

The fact that you can't see that and keep making false analogies oh, well. I don't know what to tell you

You can choose to let your kids be picky. We choose not to raise our children that way. Picky eaters are annoying.

Some people choose to let their kids do things that others don't. It's called "parenting the way you think is right for you and your family".

[Anonymous]

Deliberately cooking foods your kids don't like, and then forcing them to eat it cold the next day if they don't finish? I'm sorry (wait, no, I'm not sorry), that's some seriously f*ucked up sh1t. My parents did that stuff. I've battled disordered eating and full blown eating disorders my whole life.

[Anonymous]

And there you have it. Most people on this thread, and I don't know, THE WORLD would agree that picky eating is not great but the methods and control freak ways some of your going about it. Well, two of you. Insane with a capital i

[Anonymous]

This is verbal abuse OP. And emotional abuse too.

Poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Why are you giving her dessert?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remove the battle & emotions surrounding this.

Pick a breakfast time. Set out what you wish to offer for breakfast. Simply invite her "Breakfast time." 20-30 minutes later breakfast is cleared up, without any parental fuss & tantrums because you didn't get things to go your way.

Approx. 2.5 hours later. Repeat with snack.

Noontime. Repeat with lunch.

Another 2.5 hours. Snack.

At least 2.5 hours after snack, repeat with dinner.

No foods offered in between these times.

*Optional: a small bedtime snack

When there is no battle of the wills, pressure, disappointment or screaming she will come around.

This sounds like good advice.