Dad gets angry when our daughter doesn't eat

[Anonymous]

With all the yelling and negativity surrounding meal time, do you think she has a positive association with food? I'd want to avoid food too if it meant I was going to be screamed at. I'd be reluctant to even come to the table.

You job at this time is to serve her healthy calorie dense food & drinks, and create a positive pressure free meal environment.

[Anonymous]

You are creating a power struggle. My guess is that she will eat more if you let her decide whether she wants to eat. I have a picky eater and a normal eater (2 children).
I recommend reading the book Helping Your Child with Extreme Picky Eating by Dr. Katja Rowell.
You might also want to schedule an appointment with a gastroenterologist to rule out anything obvious like celiac disease.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t get feeding advice from DCUM. So many disordered eaters here.

[Anonymous]

How tall is she? Does she typically not eat much at every meal or just at dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t get feeding advice from DCUM. So many disordered eaters here.

OP and her husband included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should not eat with her. Seriously. Being screamed at to eat is not a pleasant way to go through life for your daughter, and his blood pressure must be shooting up each time too.

Can you sit with her when she eats dinner and then you and DH eat the meal?

My 4 and 6 yr olds eat the prior night's leftovers each night for dinner, and DH and I eat dinner after they go to bed.

OP here. Doesn't matter who sits with her. I don't think you folks are understanding the situation. Our daughter doesn't eat regardless of who's around. That's the problem. I scream at her also, just not as often. I'm a SAHM. I can understand when he comes home and then has to deal with our daughter not eating it drives him nuts. What's with all the hate on him? Honestly, I feel the same way. I just don't scream "as much".

You have to be a troll. What is causing you to post like this? Maybe try getting a life? Did you teen boyfriend break up with you? Stop wasting our time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm 19:39.

Contrary to popular opinion, yes, there are children who will go into FAILURE TO THRIVE, through not eating enough.

The idea that no child will allow himself to starve is a damageable myth.

My son was in failure to thrive as a toddler, and put on a high calorie diet, and is now again in the 2nd percentile as a tween, which is of great concern to his pediatrician.

There are FTT kids, but yelling at them to eat is not the solution.

There are indeed kids like this, but not sure if this is OP's kid.

OP, I am/have been in your shoes. When our kids don't want to eat what's put in front of them, they eat sloooowly, and just a few bites, my DH yells at them. I, too, get upset at them, but like you, yell less. We get upset because we don't want them to be picky eaters, and only eat what they like. We want them to learn that sometimes you will be served something you don't like, and you just have to deal with it.

We had a rule where whatever you didn't eat for dinner it was your breakfast or lunch the next day, and you don't get any dessert or treat until that meal is finished. We don't like to waste food either. It's happened a few times over the years. My kids are older than your's now, and while they still at times hem and haw when they are served what they don't like, they will still eat it. The older one has learned to eat whatever he doesn't like first to get it over with. I have toned it down, but DH still at times gets very stern with our younger one over this. I have told him to stop it because I don't want DC to have an eating disorder later in life. Just calmly tell your DC that she can have that for breakfast the next day. Again, if she doesn't have a case of failure to thrive, hopefully she will get the message.

I agree with you.. you shouldn't always just cook your DC's favorite. I try to cook a variety of things.. sometimes my favorite, sometimes one of the kid's favorites, and they both have different favorites. I'm not a short order cook. I don't cook things on demand. I can make allowances for a 5 year old, but when a 12 year old is over my house for dinner and doesn't like what's for dinner, I'm not making something else for that kid. Having a dinner party can be a pia when there are picky eaters.

Your DC is still young, so you will struggle with this. Be patient, and calm (I know.. it's hard. I can say this in hindsight).

You have to be a troll too, or just incredibly abusive parent. If you are for real you are creating eating disorders in your kids. You are a terrible parent, and not just garden kind terrible, but insane control freak who is emotionally abusing children.

[Anonymous]

Parent of a skinny picky eater also with a frustrated husband. I was a picky eater and I got it; he wasn't and did not. What finally worked was a promise of ice cream if he ate a sufficient dinner. He had to try what we served and if he still didn't like it, choose from two easy alternates like a sandwich or cheese. Offering a choice shifts some control to your child which is a big part of her refusal to eat (of course ruling out anything medical). Mine would still get ice cream if he ate a vegetable and a protein, the goal was eating a meal first.
It may seem cruel to deny her snacks, but she needs to come to the table hungry.

Sounds like the hardest part will be getting your spouse on the same page. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, feed the kid before dad gets home. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

OP, bottom line is nobody should have to endure being screamed at to eat whether it's during a meal or a snack or whenever. Refusing to eat is not "bad behavior" for which a child should be corrected.

Figuring out what and when your child can and will eat is a complex puzzle, apparently, but one you and she together can solve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to a therapist with your husband. What you are doing is causing eating disorders.

This. I'm kinda horrified just reading this. Have you looked at any Ellyn Satter books, I think they could help you. You guys are acting in a very controlling way towards her eating habits, and it's already backfiring. This will only get worse without intervention.

OP here. So, we should just let her not eat? Go to bed eating two spoonfuls of pasta? Really???

Wow, the replies here are so bad. It's ridiculous. Wow, just wow...

Wow you are ridicoulous. You keep screaming at your DD yet that hasn't solved the problem. You and DH are not helping your daughter and now think DCUM will support you on this? Yes if she isn't hungry let her go to bed. Poor kid associates meal time with tension and screaming. I'd lose my appetite also. From your attitude it's clear how this became a problem in the first place. You and DH need parenting classes and your DD needs a supportive therapist.

[Anonymous]

OP, we went through 10 years of this, complete with yelling and tears. 39 pounds at age 10. We finally got a feeding tube. Sometimes you can't beat this cycle. And my daughter was relieved. She still eats even with the tube, but she is relieved and so much healthier now that the bulk of her calories come in an overnight feeding and she can eat simply for pleasure and not to cram calories in and be screamed at to eat more. I wish we had done this years ago.

I know it's hard to feel like you can't feed your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, we went through 10 years of this, complete with yelling and tears. 39 pounds at age 10. We finally got a feeding tube. Sometimes you can't beat this cycle. And my daughter was relieved. She still eats even with the tube, but she is relieved and so much healthier now that the bulk of her calories come in an overnight feeding and she can eat simply for pleasure and not to cram calories in and be screamed at to eat more. I wish we had done this years ago.

I know it's hard to feel like you can't feed your child.

OP’s daughter is 34 lbs and 4...doesn’t seem the same situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, feed the kid before dad gets home. Problem solved.

This won’t solve it, as OP also yells at her, just she “yells less” than her DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to a therapist with your husband. What you are doing is causing eating disorders.

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