Dad gets angry when our daughter doesn't eat
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Anonymous
If you read my post at 19:39, you'll see what we implemented. No one has ever said yelling was OK. But some kids will really challenge you in that regard, and it's very difficult for someone who hasn't gone through it do understand how bad it can be. |
Anonymous
I get it. My daughter is 7.5 and weighs 40lbs. It's stressful to have a kid who doesn't eat. But what your husband is doing is abusive, and could increase her issues around eating and really mess her up for the long run. If I were you, I would ask your DH not to eat with her until you can get her evaluated and have a professional have you develop a plan (and for my daughter the official plan is that she sits with the family during meals, eats what she chooses which includes at least one calorie dense food that she likes, and we don't freak out). |
Anonymous
Why did you post, OP? You knew you would get criticism of your husband with your post, right? His screaming at her to eat is not healthy for her, for him, for their relationship long term. The screaming doesn't help change her behavior if she just does the same thing day after day. I'm sorry. I really don't know what you should do to get her to eat more and it does sound like a serious and frustrating issue. But clearly you and your husbands' anger and yelling isn't working so please talk to her pediatrician and see if you can get a referral to someone who can help (maybe a therapist who specializes in eating issues? A dietician?) and maybe read some of the books recommended here. But I hope you will try a different approach. I do feel sad for your daughter, who is only five, to think of her growing up with parents yelling at her each meal. That must be so stressful and unpleasant and who knows how it is damaging her. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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My DD used to eat very slowly, and she was also very thin early in life (now she is tracking well). We actually resorted to purposely distracting her when she was like 3-5. We let her watch a show while she ate her veggies. Basically, as she watched, I would hand her a carrot and she would just eat it mindlessly. Process would continue throughout most of the meal. She is now 6 and eats a great, wide diet and eats efficiently, and will stop when she is full.
I totally understand how frustrating it can be, because I have been there. I also understand the temptation to yell, but it really doesn't work-- as you have found-- and it really will hamper a positive relationship between you daughter and you two. You need to brake the cycle. Take your husband away from the table. Distract yourself (maybe do dishes or prepare dinner for you and your husband to eat later, so your in the same vicinity as her but still not sitting there, overly invested in what she has or has not eaten. Get rid of snacks. If she gets hungry, feed her part of her dinner -- IE carrot sticks, green pepper slices, cucumber, apple slices, etc. Snacks are for after dinner in our house. I also find that my kids got overwhelmed if they had too much food on their plate, even if they ate that same amount of food every day. As she watches, hand her one type of food at a time. Use small portions and reasonable expectations. |
Anonymous
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break*
And I meant to add-- Good luck! |
Anonymous
Best response so far. |
Anonymous
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My grandmother was always terrified of the way I ate: omg, she ate one tomato. I had a plate of lemon slices at birthday parties made specifically for me. The reality was I didn't like most of the foods, they were not tasty for me. I started cooking very early and made food to my liking. I am still very finicky, but I cook. Have you tried making food with your daughter? I had so many rules (still have), like meat can't touch vegetables if you plan to eat them (destroys the taste of both). I could actually have my rules in place when I started to cook (I made meals for my parents separately).
No amount of screaming would have made me eat, though, I would have thrown up right there. |
Anonymous
I totally reminds me of my childhood friend's home. Her mom wanted her to eat (my parents were "she would not starve" type), so she would not let us from the table. I could not eat the food provided, so I pretended to eat, while waiting for her mom to get distracted, so I can run to the bathroom and throw away my food. I hated that food. |
Anonymous
OP, what on earth did you think we would say? To yell more? Beat her? It's rare parents agree on this board and yet we ALL do: the yelling is terrible and counter productive. You need professional help. Please follow one of the recommendations here for a clinic or specialist. |
Anonymous
| I don’t condone OP’s approach, obviously, but I can understand her frustration at everyone saying their kids are skinny/light eaters and just fine when she’s already said her 5 year old is only 34 lbs (for reference, my 18 month old is 31 or so) and the ped is concerned. |
Anonymous
| No snacks ever. And I always make one thing for dinner I know she will eat - whether its the main item or a side dish. Thats what helped our DD learn to eat dinner. |
Anonymous
Why no snacks? Starving a kid makes them cranky and uncomfortable. Why on earth would you do that. We always make one thing our child will eat or its a sandwich or cereal or something else easy depending on what we had. Patience and keep trying along with a drop of bribery helped. I still have a picky kid but no longer underweight. |
Anonymous
34 lbs is with the range of normal for a 4yo. The yelling is counterproductive, and probably part of the reason the child hasn't gained weight this year. I've got a skinny kid, and was a skinny/picky eater myself. Being frustrated/concerned is understandable, yelling at every meal is not. Op and her DH are on their way to creating a kid with an unhealthy relationship to food. This has to change. |
Anonymous
What do you think the outcome of this dynamic will be when she is a teenager and wants to prove to her dad that he is not the boss of her? |