Dad gets angry when our daughter doesn't eat
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Anonymous
Yes- this!!! You decide what to cook and she decides how much to eat. I can’t imagine the level of control you are exercising over her. I feel really sad for your DD. |
Anonymous
+1 I trust my kids can feel their level of hunger much better than I can. You both have a lot of control issues you need to stop dumping on your daughter. |
Anonymous
Do you honestly think she will just starve herself to death? No likely (and if it is likely, she needs more help than DCUM can offer). Don’t offer dessert. Offer only healthy options - no junk. She will eat when she is hungry. But tell your DH to knock it off. He sounds like he has an anger problem. |
Anonymous
That’s exactly right. We have seen food therapists and read all the literature and yes. Your daughter is in charge of how much she eats. If she gets hungry, she will eat. As you have conceded multiple times. You don’t get to decide what her appetite should be. She does. Please get professional help. Honestly the most useful thing from the food therapy was getting me and DH on the same page about letting our kid decide how much to eat and realizing that the most ilportant thing is to have a good atmosphere around the table. |
Anonymous
I amend my statement saying your husband needs help - you need help, too. I feel sorry for your child. |
Anonymous
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I'm 19:39. Contrary to popular opinion, yes, there are children who will go into FAILURE TO THRIVE, through not eating enough. The idea that no child will allow himself to starve is a damageable myth. My son was in failure to thrive as a toddler, and put on a high calorie diet, and is now again in the 2nd percentile as a tween, which is of great concern to his pediatrician. |
Anonymous
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Op, what liquids does she drink, ever?
How much of each on average each day? |
Anonymous
| Some kids are naturally really thin. I was. Feed her what she wants to eat and don't make it an eat this or you're not eating. We did that with my child and he eventually put on the weight. Agree to supplement. We did toddler formula till about 4.5. |
Anonymous
There are FTT kids, but yelling at them to eat is not the solution. |
Anonymous
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I had an underweight 4 and 5 year old. He gradually became less underweight as he grew older, and he is now slim but not underweight at 11. He ate so little it alarmed friends and family. Doctors were concerned, and so what they told me
Was to feed him favored foods. As much as he wanted of whatever he would eat. We still offered a balanced, normal dinner but there were snacks offered many times a day, and always a big bowl of ice cream for dessert. We were advised not to push, not to force, and never get angry. Meal times were to be fun and caring, whether or not kid ate. That set the stage for kid someday wanting to eat a family meal. Because he knew he would get ice cream no matter what the stress of dinner fell for all of us - no more bribing and threatening. He now isn’t a big eater, but he eats when he is hungry. He eats a wide-enough variety of healthy food, and is able to eat and be polite when out. It’s all fine now. OP, stop forcing your child to eat. Make dinner relaxed. Get calories into her at other times. Get the yelling under control. That’s your job. Your daughter’s job is to eat when she is hungry. |
Anonymous
| We were struggling with the same problem and were going crazy. I went to a class on eating struggles given by Dr Dan Shapiro of Bethesda and it helped immensely. Try to see if he has similar classes coming up soon in the DC area. Some of the rules given were to avoid drama at the table and try instead to talk about something else (not food/eating related) so that you don’t enforce negative attention, avoiding too many snacks in between meals, offering a reward after eating the meal properly (short screen time or a small dessert), offering a variety of foods and even if not eaten try again the same food type over and over, giving water and limit milk or juice (sugary and fatty drinks give the kid a feeling of full stomach), don’t make a big fuss if the child doesn’t eat and goes to bed hungry for one day. |
Anonymous
There are indeed kids like this, but not sure if this is OP's kid. OP, I am/have been in your shoes. When our kids don't want to eat what's put in front of them, they eat sloooowly, and just a few bites, my DH yells at them. I, too, get upset at them, but like you, yell less. We get upset because we don't want them to be picky eaters, and only eat what they like. We want them to learn that sometimes you will be served something you don't like, and you just have to deal with it. We had a rule where whatever you didn't eat for dinner it was your breakfast or lunch the next day, and you don't get any dessert or treat until that meal is finished. We don't like to waste food either. It's happened a few times over the years. My kids are older than your's now, and while they still at times hem and haw when they are served what they don't like, they will still eat it. The older one has learned to eat whatever he doesn't like first to get it over with. I have toned it down, but DH still at times gets very stern with our younger one over this. I have told him to stop it because I don't want DC to have an eating disorder later in life. Just calmly tell your DC that she can have that for breakfast the next day. Again, if she doesn't have a case of failure to thrive, hopefully she will get the message. I agree with you.. you shouldn't always just cook your DC's favorite. I try to cook a variety of things.. sometimes my favorite, sometimes one of the kid's favorites, and they both have different favorites. I'm not a short order cook. I don't cook things on demand. I can make allowances for a 5 year old, but when a 12 year old is over my house for dinner and doesn't like what's for dinner, I'm not making something else for that kid. Having a dinner party can be a pia when there are picky eaters. Your DC is still young, so you will struggle with this. Be patient, and calm (I know.. it's hard. I can say this in hindsight). |
Anonymous
| Are you guys from another culture? |
Anonymous
That sounds borderline abusive to make them eat it for breakfast or lunch the next day and have huge power struggles. Why not make a meal that makes everyone happy where everyone has at least one thing they will eat and if they don't eat it they can have a sandwich or cereal or something simple. |
Anonymous
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Your kid falls in to one of two categories:
1. Normal light eater who will not let herself starve. In this case, you just need to provide the food and let her eat or not. OR 2. Has a medical issue and needs intervention by medical professionals which may include a gtube or other invasive thing. In either case, screaming at her isn't helpful and you need help. |