Teen party - drop off etiquette!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly someone on this thread is touchy because your hyperbole about parents Judging/gossiping about you or making you parent a certain type of way is coming from left field.

It is an example, not hyperbole. Calm down.

And be glad if it doesn't happen to you. Clearly people dismiss your concerns as hyperbole, but not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly someone on this thread is touchy because your hyperbole about parents Judging/gossiping about you or making you parent a certain type of way is coming from left field.

It is an example, not hyperbole. Calm down.

And be glad if it doesn't happen to you. Clearly people dismiss your concerns as hyperbole, but not mine.

Wow project much?

[Anonymous]

you must understand that there were no parents home. Additionally, since you asked, they will get into some bad things. I have had 4 kids go through high school and its happened with every one. Alcohol and drugs are less common since the DCMD private schools are pretty affluent, but sex is another thing. I promise you it will happen no matter what. All 4 of my kids are well behaved smart and nice but each one of them has experienced it before the end of high school. Although you know you're kid better than anyone else, I promise you it will happen without a doubt, I was just as surprised as you will be. Just thought I would give you a heads up -Best wishes, Thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly someone on this thread is touchy because your hyperbole about parents Judging/gossiping about you or making you parent a certain type of way is coming from left field.

It is an example, not hyperbole. Calm down.

And be glad if it doesn't happen to you. Clearly people dismiss your concerns as hyperbole, but not mine.

Wow project much?

Exactly. The person who labeled it hyperbole is definitely projecting.

[Anonymous]

I definitely like to meet the parents. My kid is in 10th grade.
Kid doesn’t seem to mind me doing it and gets plenty of invitations so no big issues there. Some of you parents need to be more involved. No need to give up parenting just yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely like to meet the parents. My kid is in 10th grade.
Kid doesn’t seem to mind me doing it and gets plenty of invitations so no big issues there. Some of you parents need to be more involved. No need to give up parenting just yet.

Now THAT is hyperbole!

[Anonymous]

No 13 year old of mine is attending a teen party alone without me knowing all about it. Most of you have no idea what goes on here. Liquor is smuggle in, couples make out and more, and pot is consumed.

I'm probably staying upstairs talking to the parents or bringing my Ipad or a book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't anyone trust their teens. I have a junior and she is perfectly capable of judging whether a situation is safe, legal, and smart, and knows how to deal accordingly. At what age are you all going to finally start expecting your kids to be responsible and allowing them to do so.

Kinda this. Ya’ll are like the Hatfields and the McCoys. There is not one right answer for all kids age 13-18. In issues of helicoptering, I try to look at where my kid is now, and where I want them to be. OP says 13/14 year old. That’s 8th grade. Not the same thing as a high school junior. I say a quick hello at the door for my 13 year old 8th grader if I don’t know the parents. She is super responsible, but has ADHD lacks situational awareness. People I know I drop her off in the driveway. I ask her to stick here head inside, make sure things are on the up and up, and wave before she leaves. Less because I need reassurance, and more because I want her to start paying attention before she wanders into situations. My high school sophomore, I usually text with parents I don’t know well. Lot of his friends parents I know well enough that there is no need. My goal is to have a high school junior who can drive themselves to a party, as long as the driving at night conditions are safe for a new driver. And a kid who goes to college able to safely manage a college party.

You don’t throw a kid in the deep end. Not when they are in MS or early HS and could get in over their head if there is alcohol or making out and and no parents in the house. Not by protecting them so much that they can’t navigate a college party. That means rather than making one decision, you look at where your kid is, and where you want them to be, and make 200 judgment calls from age 13-18.

Also—

It’s a PITA, but it is great if you can become a place your kids friends want to hang out. A finished basement or nice Rec room for kids to hang out in, a mini fridge stocked with drinks and snacks, a small microwave to make popcorn, and a willingness to spring for pizza will get you far.

It’s great if you know your kids friends and parents IRL. For one kid, the parent supervising teen hanging is the parent who lead the Girl Scout troop or. the Science Olympiad Team. So, I’ve known them for years. For the second kid in HS, he hangs out with the marching band crew. I know his friends because I run band carpools. I talk to other parents and drop off and football games and competitions with these parents and kids, there is usually no need to check behind them.

PP is right. Give your kid a way to get out safely and while saving face. An SOS they can text you so you can call or text them and “tell them”you need to pick them up. So they can blame you and say you are making them leave. An always stress that you will be there without losing it if they do the right thing and call you, rather then having a drink and driving, or getting into a car with a kid.

My HS student also has Uber on his phone, tied to my account. He knows how to use it, even though he hasn’t ever had to. He goes to school half and hour away, and has some friends in a different part of the county. If there is a problem, and I am not nearby, I do not want him to be stranded for an hour while I leave wherever I am and get there to pick him up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why do I get the idea that all of you know each other

It's like some sort of helicopter cult

Haha! Ironically studies show that helicopter moms are more likely to be depressed, anxious, on medication, and have long term health issues. I guess they like to band together.

You realize this makes a lot of sense, right? Helicoptering doesn’t cause anxiety. Anxiety causes helicoptering. Mothers who have anxiety disorders worry more. Living with an anxiety disorder is tough, just like living with any medical condition. Making fun of someone struggling with anxiety that needs to be medicated is an asshat move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly someone on this thread is touchy because your hyperbole about parents Judging/gossiping about you or making you parent a certain type of way is coming from left field.

+1. This is wierd. Someone is really defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I trust my kids to make the right choices and to call me if anything feels uncomfortable or is off. In fact, I trust my kids more than I trust some parents.

That said, all teenagers will make poor descisions. I was once a teenager and I fully remember how easy it can be to go along with your freinds. So my kids know that if they make a bad decision (to get drunk lets say) but call me before they compound that bad decision further, the consequences will be relatively light.

+1

In some communities, people know who the alarmist whackadoo parents are, and those parents lose credibility by their own doing. Why trust people who gossip and fear monger? My teen knows better than that.

Since when was saying a quick hello to the host when you dropped a 13 year old off at a strange house gossiping? Or fearmongering? OP didn’t ask if she should poll the entire PTA and get dirt on the hosts and speculate about the parents with other people. She was dropping a kid off and something felt strange and seemed off. A middle school kid. Not a junior. She asked if she should have asked to say hello to the parents. I think she should have. If your intuition is telling you something is wrong, it could be that something is wrong. Would I leave a 13 year old girl in a situation where an older sibling might have boys and beer in the basement and the parents are out for the evening? No.

When my kids have friends over, I’m visible during drop off time. If kids are dropped off, I try to stick my head out and wave goodbye to them. It just isn’t that hard to stay near the door for 15-20 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I trust my kids to make the right choices and to call me if anything feels uncomfortable or is off. In fact, I trust my kids more than I trust some parents.

That said, all teenagers will make poor descisions. I was once a teenager and I fully remember how easy it can be to go along with your freinds. So my kids know that if they make a bad decision (to get drunk lets say) but call me before they compound that bad decision further, the consequences will be relatively light.

+1

In some communities, people know who the alarmist whackadoo parents are, and those parents lose credibility by their own doing. Why trust people who gossip and fear monger? My teen knows better than that.

Since when was saying a quick hello to the host when you dropped a 13 year old off at a strange house gossiping? Or fearmongering? OP didn’t ask if she should poll the entire PTA and get dirt on the hosts and speculate about the parents with other people. She was dropping a kid off and something felt strange and seemed off. A middle school kid. Not a junior. She asked if she should have asked to say hello to the parents. I think she should have. If your intuition is telling you something is wrong, it could be that something is wrong. Would I leave a 13 year old girl in a situation where an older sibling might have boys and beer in the basement and the parents are out for the evening? No.

When my kids have friends over, I’m visible during drop off time. If kids are dropped off, I try to stick my head out and wave goodbye to them. It just isn’t that hard to stay near the door for 15-20 minutes.

PP here. I agree. My kids are not that age (not going through it right now), but I have seen the drop off used as a lame gossiping opportunity, and some moms are severely anxiety ridden, as PPs stated. That's all, NBD. I totally would "pop my head in" and "listen to my intuition" - that includes to fellow moms. I know some people who have acted superior about their parenting (other PP) all along, then when something happens, they come tumbling down. As long as you are realistic, there should be no problem at all. I don't see what the outrage is against stating that some parents aren't realistic. As long as you concentrate on your own children, there should be no problem.

[Anonymous]

You do realize that meeting the parents means nothing? I have met parents and then found out they never went downstairs and there was drinking going on while they were home. The flip side is mine have gone to houses without parents and nothing has happened because of the group of kids that was there. Teach your kids to make good decisions because you can’t trust other kid's parents to watch your kid.

[Anonymous]

If something terrible happened, the first logical question would be "Was there any supervision?" You should know the answer to that if your child is there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If something terrible happened, the first logical question would be "Was there any supervision?" You should know the answer to that if your child is there.

There's the proverbial Washington Post headline no one ever wants to see. The (hopefully) fictional article goes something like this:

"The 14 year old victim was pronounced dead from alcohol poisoning after being transported to a local hospital. Officers questioned more than 20 teenagers at the home, where no adults were present. The parents of the deceased were overheard saying, "I wish we had walked to the door...then we would have known something wasn't right..."