Teen party - drop off etiquette!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one kid in public school and one in private. The general MO among parents at the private school is as described above, multiple phone calls, requests for background checks and finger printing, and embarrassing amounts of hovering. In public school, parents seem to trust their kids and the other parents and a text invite among kids and a request to know if parents will be there is sufficient. Guess which crowd has resulted in more tween dishonesty and experimentation issues...yup. The private school kids.

Is there some research you can pull up on that or is that your one sided opinion based on your child going to one school?

Did I state that my experience applies to all private or public schools?
Reading comprehension.

[Anonymous]

My son (attends Wilson) was invited to a Super Bowl party earlier this year. We emailed with the parents, but there was some confusion as to which parent was going to be at the party. Neither parent was home at first, but then one parent would just be arriving from a business trip when the party was starting.

I went to the door to introduce myself to the parent. I had never met them and wanted to make sure an adult was actually home.

One parent was home. Our interaction lasted no more than a minute and my son survived any possible embarrassment.

If you've never met the parents. it's perfectly fine to stop in to introduce yourself and then quickly move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one kid in public school and one in private. The general MO among parents at the private school is as described above, multiple phone calls, requests for background checks and finger printing, and embarrassing amounts of hovering. In public school, parents seem to trust their kids and the other parents and a text invite among kids and a request to know if parents will be there is sufficient. Guess which crowd has resulted in more tween dishonesty and experimentation issues...yup. The private school kids.

Is there some research you can pull up on that or is that your one sided opinion based on your child going to one school?

DP, but I agree with him/her. I also have a child in private and a child in public, and this has definitely been our experience too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You email the parent to ask if you can bring something.

But no, I really don't want to turn a basement party with 6 girls into 5-6 helicopters coming in to talk and ruin my weekend night of Netflixing and wine with my husband

Most parents what to know what is going on in a home and if their kids are safe. No reason not to reach out before the party or at drop off. Your netflix and getting drunk can wait till all the kids arrive. If I knew you were too busy to check in on the kids every once in a while as getting drunk was your priority I would not want my kid over there.

Are you serious PP? You would walk up to the door of a young teen party and expect to come in and talk to the host parents? That is not helicoptering, that is psychotic coddling. Your child would be mortified. The person said to reach out prior to party. No need to invite yourself, or ask how often they will check, or make sure the mom isn't having a glass of wine and equating that with a drunk. Just wow!

Not the PP, but I agree. if I haven’t met you and my teen will be under your care for the next 4-5 hours I want to put a face with a name. Your opinion about my decision to do so is irrelevant. I don’t base my parenting decisions on scoring cool points with my teen or other parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We make a phone call to the parents before accepting the invitation, and if it was well in advance, we might make another phone call the day of or the day before the party. We just introduce ourselves, confirm our kid is coming, and say, "just wanted to make sure adults would be in the house, thanks again for hosting, blah, blah, blah." You know, trust but verify. Oh, and our kids are mortified that we would do this, but they know the alternative is that we are walking them to the door!

At pick up, the standard MO these days is a text from the driveway.

For a teen drop off party??? Good Lord.

Yes, for a first time invite to a home of someone we do not know. I am not dropping my 13 her old daughter at a boy/girl party hosted by total strangers without at least some introduction and assurance of parental supervision. This was exactly the scenario we faced on Saturday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We make a phone call to the parents before accepting the invitation, and if it was well in advance, we might make another phone call the day of or the day before the party. We just introduce ourselves, confirm our kid is coming, and say, "just wanted to make sure adults would be in the house, thanks again for hosting, blah, blah, blah." You know, trust but verify. Oh, and our kids are mortified that we would do this, but they know the alternative is that we are walking them to the door!

At pick up, the standard MO these days is a text from the driveway.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You email the parent to ask if you can bring something.

But no, I really don't want to turn a basement party with 6 girls into 5-6 helicopters coming in to talk and ruin my weekend night of Netflixing and wine with my husband

Most parents what to know what is going on in a home and if their kids are safe. No reason not to reach out before the party or at drop off. Your netflix and getting drunk can wait till all the kids arrive. If I knew you were too busy to check in on the kids every once in a while as getting drunk was your priority I would not want my kid over there.

Are you serious PP? You would walk up to the door of a young teen party and expect to come in and talk to the host parents? That is not helicoptering, that is psychotic coddling. Your child would be mortified. The person said to reach out prior to party. No need to invite yourself, or ask how often they will check, or make sure the mom isn't having a glass of wine and equating that with a drunk. Just wow!

Not the PP, but I agree. if I haven’t met you and my teen will be under your care for the next 4-5 hours I want to put a face with a name. Your opinion about my decision to do so is irrelevant. I don’t base my parenting decisions on scoring cool points with my teen or other parents.

Sadly your child is missing out. Parents don't want high maintenance helicopters around so she isn't on many invite lists. You need to cut the umbilical cord. Knowing everyone of your child's friends parents is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You email the parent to ask if you can bring something.

But no, I really don't want to turn a basement party with 6 girls into 5-6 helicopters coming in to talk and ruin my weekend night of Netflixing and wine with my husband

Most parents what to know what is going on in a home and if their kids are safe. No reason not to reach out before the party or at drop off. Your netflix and getting drunk can wait till all the kids arrive. If I knew you were too busy to check in on the kids every once in a while as getting drunk was your priority I would not want my kid over there.

Exactly this.

Come on OP. You know how to parent. Which is why you were uncomfortable. And you can stand up to a 13 year old. You look her in the eye. You say “Hi! I’m Larla’s mom. You must be Larla2. It’s nice to meet you. Can I talk to your mom for a minute?” Then you take 2 minutes and repeat the whole spiel with Larla2’s Mom. Say you just wanted to put a name to a face. Tell her how nice it was of her her to host. Confirm pickup time. Gracefully depart.

Now, is Larla2’s mom is too drunk and checked out in the basement to be bothered to meet you, you take your 13 year old and leave. Because who wants to leave their young teen in that type of situation? She may hate you. No one said parents are always popular with their kids.

Now pickup? Sure, text from the driveway unless you get a sense there is a problem. Once you have met Larla’s mom and a party has gone well? Sure, text or email and confirm the details with the mom and drop off. But new kid, new parents? Meet face to face and make sure there is a parent, and everything seems okay. New invite? Confirm the parents know. Anyone that you want supervising teenagers gets this and respects this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You go to the door with your kid. If only the kid shows up at the door, say hi and ask to see the parent.

"Hi Larla. So nice to meet you. Can you go ask your mom or dad to come to the door? Thanks!"

You meet the parent, introduce yourself and ask for the pick-up time. Then you leave.

I've done it with my son (age 16) and will have no problem doing it with his younger sister when she starts going to parties.

This is exactly what I do too (DS is 14).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ask if a parent will be there before giving permission and then insist on meeting the parent when I drop my child off.

np. I do the first, not the second. That's too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask if a parent will be there before giving permission and then insist on meeting the parent when I drop my child off.

np. I do the first, not the second. That's too much.

Too much what?

[Anonymous]

I walk my dd up to the door. I say hello briefly and introduce myself if it's the parent when they open the door and then leave. Not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask if a parent will be there before giving permission and then insist on meeting the parent when I drop my child off.

Btw, my son is 13. There is no way I’d allow him to attend a party at the house of someone I’ve never met without an introduction.

I agree. I'm surprised when people drop their kids off at my house without coming to the door to meet me. I always go to the door to at least say hello and they know that an adult is present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I walk my dd up to the door. I say hello briefly and introduce myself if it's the parent when they open the door and then leave. Not a big deal.

That’s sounds right

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You email the parent to ask if you can bring something.

But no, I really don't want to turn a basement party with 6 girls into 5-6 helicopters coming in to talk and ruin my weekend night of Netflixing and wine with my husband

Most parents what to know what is going on in a home and if their kids are safe. No reason not to reach out before the party or at drop off. Your netflix and getting drunk can wait till all the kids arrive. If I knew you were too busy to check in on the kids every once in a while as getting drunk was your priority I would not want my kid over there.

Exactly this.

Come on OP. You know how to parent. Which is why you were uncomfortable. And you can stand up to a 13 year old. You look her in the eye. You say “Hi! I’m Larla’s mom. You must be Larla2. It’s nice to meet you. Can I talk to your mom for a minute?” Then you take 2 minutes and repeat the whole spiel with Larla2’s Mom. Say you just wanted to put a name to a face. Tell her how nice it was of her her to host. Confirm pickup time. Gracefully depart.

Now, is Larla2’s mom is too drunk and checked out in the basement to be bothered to meet you, you take your 13 year old and leave. Because who wants to leave their young teen in that type of situation? She may hate you. No one said parents are always popular with their kids.

Now pickup? Sure, text from the driveway unless you get a sense there is a problem. Once you have met Larla’s mom and a party has gone well? Sure, text or email and confirm the details with the mom and drop off. But new kid, new parents? Meet face to face and make sure there is a parent, and everything seems okay. New invite? Confirm the parents know. Anyone that you want supervising teenagers gets this and respects this.

Yes this! You should want to know with whom your 13 year old is spending time. If your teen never hates you then you aren't doing your job.