Teen party - drop off etiquette!

[Anonymous]

I've had some parents call to confirm that an adult will be home. One calls every time even just to hang out.

For the most part though we've known the kids for a few years. There's never been an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You email the parent to ask if you can bring something.

But no, I really don't want to turn a basement party with 6 girls into 5-6 helicopters coming in to talk and ruin my weekend night of Netflixing and wine with my husband

Same.

Cheers to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had some parents call to confirm that an adult will be home. One calls every time even just to hang out.

For the most part though we've known the kids for a few years. There's never been an issue.

Same poster.

My son lets me know a parent will call. He also lets the other parent know that he gives me a heads up since I don't answer random calls.

I get these calls for girls and boys. It isn't a big deal either if someone comes to introduce themselves in person. As long as they don't expect to stay. I usually have a book or PVR'd shows waiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We make a phone call to the parents before accepting the invitation, and if it was well in advance, we might make another phone call the day of or the day before the party. We just introduce ourselves, confirm our kid is coming, and say, "just wanted to make sure adults would be in the house, thanks again for hosting, blah, blah, blah." You know, trust but verify. Oh, and our kids are mortified that we would do this, but they know the alternative is that we are walking them to the door!

At pick up, the standard MO these days is a text from the driveway.

For a teen drop off party??? Good Lord.

I'm more in line with top PP. I think it depends a little on where you live. We are in Los Angeles (Westside). We just had a 9th grade parent meeting where this was brought up, and yes, the parents tend to walk to the door, or in the house, whatever it takes, to meet the parents. Many parents call ahead to touch base too. There is a lot of folks in the entertainment industry here and the culture is influenced by that (i.e. party culture imbedded in the entertainment subculture) and it's sort of a three-pronged approach: inoculating your kids, checking things out for yourself, and giving them a fast, face-saving way out if things get uncomfortable for them.

Oh, and yes, the teen is often mortified that the parent walks in but that is the price of the party. And honestly I think they are both outwardly mortified and secretly glad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You email the parent to ask if you can bring something.

But no, I really don't want to turn a basement party with 6 girls into 5-6 helicopters coming in to talk and ruin my weekend night of Netflixing and wine with my husband

Most parents what to know what is going on in a home and if their kids are safe. No reason not to reach out before the party or at drop off. Your netflix and getting drunk can wait till all the kids arrive. If I knew you were too busy to check in on the kids every once in a while as getting drunk was your priority I would not want my kid over there.

Are you serious PP? You would walk up to the door of a young teen party and expect to come in and talk to the host parents? That is not helicoptering, that is psychotic coddling. Your child would be mortified. The person said to reach out prior to party. No need to invite yourself, or ask how often they will check, or make sure the mom isn't having a glass of wine and equating that with a drunk. Just wow!

Not the PP, but I agree. if I haven’t met you and my teen will be under your care for the next 4-5 hours I want to put a face with a name. Your opinion about my decision to do so is irrelevant. I don’t base my parenting decisions on scoring cool points with my teen or other parents.

Sadly your child is missing out. Parents don't want high maintenance helicopters around so she isn't on many invite lists. You need to cut the umbilical cord. Knowing everyone of your child's friends parents is not normal.

Nope but nice try. If only you knew what parents are saying about YOU!

[Anonymous]

OP, it is fine to know the parents, but don't linger. Go to the door, introduce yourself, and ask pick up time. If you get into gossip, or start cornering parents or blaming other parents/children, it will make you and your child look bad. Ditto for the parent who claims that (when they were that age) they were "such a good kid, never did anything wrong" - or otherwise come across as very naive or try to come across as "perfect" - that is prime for drama, so watch it there.

[Anonymous]

When we call a new acquaintance to ask about whether parents will be home, we're usually told some version of, "Wow, thanks for calling...I'm always surprised that so many parents will drop their kid off at the home of a total stranger without any thought or concern whatsoever!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You email the parent to ask if you can bring something.

But no, I really don't want to turn a basement party with 6 girls into 5-6 helicopters coming in to talk and ruin my weekend night of Netflixing and wine with my husband

Most parents what to know what is going on in a home and if their kids are safe. No reason not to reach out before the party or at drop off. Your netflix and getting drunk can wait till all the kids arrive. If I knew you were too busy to check in on the kids every once in a while as getting drunk was your priority I would not want my kid over there.

Are you serious PP? You would walk up to the door of a young teen party and expect to come in and talk to the host parents? That is not helicoptering, that is psychotic coddling. Your child would be mortified. The person said to reach out prior to party. No need to invite yourself, or ask how often they will check, or make sure the mom isn't having a glass of wine and equating that with a drunk. Just wow!

Not the PP, but I agree. if I haven’t met you and my teen will be under your care for the next 4-5 hours I want to put a face with a name. Your opinion about my decision to do so is irrelevant. I don’t base my parenting decisions on scoring cool points with my teen or other parents.

Sadly your child is missing out. Parents don't want high maintenance helicopters around so she isn't on many invite lists. You need to cut the umbilical cord. Knowing everyone of your child's friends parents is not normal.

Nope but nice try. If only you knew what parents are saying about YOU!

DP poster here. Last PP, you need to reel it in. I am not saying that you shouldn't know what YOUR child is doing and what YOUR rules are. But you come across as a know it all know nothing who not only helicopters, but tries to tell other parents how to run their house. Think about it: does that sound like a realistic expectation to you? That other parents run their houses the same as you? Just because someone doesn't hold their teens hand crossing the street (for example) doesn't mean they aren't parenting - they (listen carefully) have their own way of doing things in THEIR house. The worst behaved teens I knew when I was a teen, and the worst behaved teens I know now that I have teens - are the overbearing parents who think they know best for everyone. It is illogical. To top it off, those are the parents who are always looking for drama, calling up other parents, gossiping about things they know nothing about, accusing innocent people, and other desperate tactics to try to take focus away from their own problematic teen. Parents aren't stupid, they see through your type of parenting. You don't come across as a good parent, you come across as a menace to the community. Watch yourself before you get yourself into some serious trouble in the community. Your family is not perfect, and you are just drawing attention to that fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[The worst behaved teens I knew when I was a teen, and the worst behaved teens I know now that I have teens - are the overbearing parents who think they know best for everyone.

Not the PP, but the worst behaved teens I know have parents who could not tell you where their teenager is on most Friday or Saturday nights, or who go out of town and leave their kids home by themselves "because they're good kids," or who will by a cooler full of beer for the kids in the basement because "they're going to drink somewhere so it might as well be here where we know they'll be safe."

To each their own, but the old story of "my parents were so overbearing and that's why I'm always drunk, stoned, pregnant and out of control" is a tired, worn out old myth.

[Anonymous]

It's courteous, and preferable for a host parent to be visible when kids are dropped off. The host parent should plan that parents may come to the door and it's reasonable that some parents will want to see that there is an adult in the house. It's not social time for the adults. Parents dropping off shouldn't expect a social occasion for themselves, or expect to get-to-know the host parents very significantly - at that time. It's not the appropriate occasion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[The worst behaved teens I knew when I was a teen, and the worst behaved teens I know now that I have teens - are the overbearing parents who think they know best for everyone.

Not the PP, but the worst behaved teens I know have parents who could not tell you where their teenager is on most Friday or Saturday nights, or who go out of town and leave their kids home by themselves "because they're good kids," or who will by a cooler full of beer for the kids in the basement because "they're going to drink somewhere so it might as well be here where we know they'll be safe."

To each their own, but the old story of "my parents were so overbearing and that's why I'm always drunk, stoned, pregnant and out of control" is a tired, worn out old myth.

Exactly my point. It is not one or the other - there are many degrees in between. You declaring what YOU do does not make you any better. There are plenty of good parents who know the how/what/when/where of their own children, but aren't calling every parent in town gossiping and pointing fingers. How on earth is that kind of blatant crazy dysfunction productive? The crazy helicopters get "yesed" to their face, but all the parents know that those parents have no clue. Heck, their own kids "yes" the overbearing parents to their face. They are too much. It does no one any good. You can be a good parent without doing things your way, but you don't seem to want to accept that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's courteous, and preferable for a host parent to be visible when kids are dropped off. The host parent should plan that parents may come to the door and it's reasonable that some parents will want to see that there is an adult in the house. It's not social time for the adults. Parents dropping off shouldn't expect a social occasion for themselves, or expect to get-to-know the host parents very significantly - at that time. It's not the appropriate occasion.

+1

Helicopter on your own time.

[Anonymous]

We helicopter INSIDE OUR HOUSE - not outside our house. Our business is our business. We don't go around telling other parents what they should or should not be doing, and we certainly don't tell other children who they should and should not be hanging out with. That is just nuts.

[Anonymous]

The next post will be: Can we leave our 16 home alone for the weekend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You email the parent to ask if you can bring something.

But no, I really don't want to turn a basement party with 6 girls into 5-6 helicopters coming in to talk and ruin my weekend night of Netflixing and wine with my husband

Most parents what to know what is going on in a home and if their kids are safe. No reason not to reach out before the party or at drop off. Your netflix and getting drunk can wait till all the kids arrive. If I knew you were too busy to check in on the kids every once in a while as getting drunk was your priority I would not want my kid over there.

Are you serious PP? You would walk up to the door of a young teen party and expect to come in and talk to the host parents? That is not helicoptering, that is psychotic coddling. Your child would be mortified. The person said to reach out prior to party. No need to invite yourself, or ask how often they will check, or make sure the mom isn't having a glass of wine and equating that with a drunk. Just wow!

Not the PP, but I agree. if I haven’t met you and my teen will be under your care for the next 4-5 hours I want to put a face with a name. Your opinion about my decision to do so is irrelevant. I don’t base my parenting decisions on scoring cool points with my teen or other parents.

Sadly your child is missing out. Parents don't want high maintenance helicopters around so she isn't on many invite lists. You need to cut the umbilical cord. Knowing everyone of your child's friends parents is not normal.

Nope but nice try. If only you knew what parents are saying about YOU!

DP poster here. Last PP, you need to reel it in. I am not saying that you shouldn't know what YOUR child is doing and what YOUR rules are. But you come across as a know it all know nothing who not only helicopters, but tries to tell other parents how to run their house. Think about it: does that sound like a realistic expectation to you? That other parents run their houses the same as you? Just because someone doesn't hold their teens hand crossing the street (for example) doesn't mean they aren't parenting - they (listen carefully) have their own way of doing things in THEIR house. The worst behaved teens I knew when I was a teen, and the worst behaved teens I know now that I have teens - are the overbearing parents who think they know best for everyone. It is illogical. To top it off, those are the parents who are always looking for drama, calling up other parents, gossiping about things they know nothing about, accusing innocent people, and other desperate tactics to try to take focus away from their own problematic teen. Parents aren't stupid, they see through your type of parenting. You don't come across as a good parent, you come across as a menace to the community. Watch yourself before you get yourself into some serious trouble in the community. Your family is not perfect, and you are just drawing attention to that fact.

You are unhinged. Do me a favor, just keep referring to parents you haven’t met as helicopter parents for wanting a brief introduction, you can even add it to the invitation! I have no interest in staying or carrying on a dull conversation with you. How you parent your teen is your business, until it affects mine.