Reply to Teen party - drop off etiquette!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why doesn't anyone trust their teens. I have a junior and she is perfectly capable of judging whether a situation is safe, legal, and smart, and knows how to deal accordingly. At what age are you all going to finally start expecting your kids to be responsible and allowing them to do so. [/quote]

Kinda this.   Ya’ll are like the Hatfields and the McCoys. There is not one right answer for all kids age 13-18. In issues of helicoptering, I try to look at where my kid is now, and where I want them to be. OP says 13/14 year old. That’s 8th grade. Not the same thing as a high school junior. I say a quick hello at the door for my 13 year old 8th grader if I don’t know the parents.  She is super responsible, but has ADHD  lacks situational awareness. People I know I drop her off in the driveway. I ask her to stick here head inside, make sure things are on the up and up, and wave before she leaves. Less because I need reassurance, and more because I want her to start paying attention before she wanders into situations.  My high school sophomore, I usually text with parents I don’t know well.  Lot of his friends parents I know well enough that there is no need.  My goal is to have a high school junior who can drive themselves to a party, as long as the driving at night conditions are safe for a new driver.  And a kid who goes to college able to safely manage a college party.

You don’t throw a kid in the deep end. Not when they are in MS or early HS and could get in over their head if there is alcohol or making out and and no parents in the house.  Not by protecting them so much that they can’t navigate a college party.  That means rather than making one decision, you look at where your kid is, and where you want them to be, and make 200 judgment calls from age 13-18.

Also—

It’s a PITA, but it is great if you can become a place your kids friends want to hang out. A finished basement or nice Rec room for kids to hang out in, a mini fridge stocked with drinks and snacks, a small microwave to make popcorn, and a willingness to spring for pizza will get you far.

It’s great if you know your kids friends and parents IRL. For one kid, the parent supervising teen hanging is the parent who lead the Girl Scout troop or. the Science Olympiad Team. So, I’ve known them for years. For the second kid in HS, he hangs out with the marching band crew.  I know his friends because I run band carpools. I talk to other parents and drop off and football games and competitions with these parents and kids, there is usually no need to check behind them.

PP is right.  Give your kid a way to get out safely and while saving face. An SOS they can text you so you can call or text them and “tell them”you need to pick them up.  So they can blame you and say you are making them leave.  An always stress that you will be there without losing it if they do the right thing and call you, rather then having a drink and driving, or getting into a car with a kid.

My HS student also has Uber on his phone, tied to my account. He knows how to use it, even though he hasn’t ever had to.  He goes to school half and hour away, and has some friends in a different part of the county. If there is a problem, and I am not nearby, I do not want him to be stranded for an hour while I leave wherever I am and get there to pick him up. 
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