just realized my DH is probably asexual: so sad and angry. It is hopeless right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Well, OP,

for what it's worth, my husband has a low sex drive and doesn't need to ejaculate very often, and certainly less than once a week. It's been like this for years, we lived in a one bedroom apartment and a tiny house and spend days on end together with every minute accounted for: so it IS physically possible.

However I am happy with the low sex drive because mine is even lower.

I am very sorry you are not well-matched in that regard, and I hope you can explore other ways to regain intimacy in your marriage. It doesn't need to come from sex, and all the people telling you that sex is necessary for a happy marriage clearly haven't given it much thought.

No offense, but anyone with a normal sex drive doesn't really care what a low sex drive person thinks about sex. Just because you are content in a sexless marriage doesn't mean that others should settle for that. Most people need sex. Period. If your partner can't or won't engage, then you'll need to get it elsewhere. Coparent and have an open marriage? Once you find a real lover you can plan your escape.

I am a normal drive person, and I absolutely care what a low drive person thinks. What is wrong with you?

Are you a normal drive 35 year old woman in a sexless marriage? How is it helpful to hear from a low drive person who isn't interested in sex and is relieved that her husband isn't either? She doesn't want to have sex with her husband, while the op does. Apples and watermelons.

The bottom line is that you really can't sustain a truly happy marriage if one person isn't satisfied.

So low drive people have to shut up and be quiet? Yes, because your diatribes against low drive people add so much to the thread...

You seem angry. Maybe go jerk off or something

No, you sound angry. Stop making this about you. Telling the op that she should just throw in the towel and hope that she doesn't miss sex or intimacy a few decades down the road is absurd. It's normal to want to have sex with your husband. The op has every right to be concerned and upset. This forum is filled with miserable people whose spouses have disengaged. Why? Because you can't have a happy marriage is one partner is unhappy.

God. Invest in a flashlight dude. I am not the OP you responded to. But you really, really need to chill, and stop spewing venom over the thread.

NP here. It's great that two low drive people were able to find each other. But how does that help the OP who is not low drive?

Who are the two low drive people? Are you referring to yourself?

Um, read the passage you quoted. See the first post? It's from a low drive woman who is relieved that her husband has an even lower drive than she does. That's nice that two people who don't want to have sex found each other, but it's not relevant to the OP's situation at all since she actually likes sex and wants to have a normal marriage that includes regular sex.

I get that. Who is the second low drive person? You? OP's DH? It seems like a bizarre thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It will make Op even more resentful, IMHO, to "work" for it when he's not interested AT ALL. It's humiliating.

Yes! Women should not put any effort into something like that...I mean the man should be ready to go anytime I want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Well, OP,

for what it's worth, my husband has a low sex drive and doesn't need to ejaculate very often, and certainly less than once a week. It's been like this for years, we lived in a one bedroom apartment and a tiny house and spend days on end together with every minute accounted for: so it IS physically possible.

However I am happy with the low sex drive because mine is even lower.

I am very sorry you are not well-matched in that regard, and I hope you can explore other ways to regain intimacy in your marriage. It doesn't need to come from sex, and all the people telling you that sex is necessary for a happy marriage clearly haven't given it much thought.

I posted the above.

My point is that in the event OP's husband is unable to augment his drive to match hers, which any doctor will tell you is very difficult, they can both explore ways to fulfill OP in non-traditional ways. There are books and therapists who can advise both of them, and they will likely make it work since they love each other. Or, OP can choose to leave.

There are so many families with issues in the world. Some people are paralyzed, some people have diseases, physical or mental, that affect their drive. And yet they make it work. What's hard is not making it work. What's hard is grieving the loss of what you thought you had, and letting go. Meditation can help with that. You're going to figure it out, OP. Don't despair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's a closeted gay in heavy denial, forcing himself to be heterosexual, and it just isn't working.

I think I have an ok gaydare. I can see why you would say that, for sure, but really in his case I believe more in asexual than gay. He did have some moments of real intense desire for me.

Eh…anyone can fake it, especially when they truly love someone. I would start monitoring for this.

[Anonymous]

Have him get his T checked. Seriously.

I'll bet dollars to doughnuts it's low. If he's not into sex ask him for an open marriage. See if the fact he has to compete with other men rules him up.

[Anonymous]

Th first non-traditional option is to suggest the option for you to get sex elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have him get his T checked. Seriously.

I'll bet dollars to doughnuts it's low. If he's not into sex ask him for an open marriage. See if the fact he has to compete with other men rules him up.

This seems manipulative.

[Anonymous]

And ladies, this is EXACTLY why you don't get married.

They promise you a foot long and deliver a cocktail weenie.

[Anonymous]

Meh, step out but be very careful.

[Anonymous]

Low testosterone..get him checked. Trust me on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Well, OP,

for what it's worth, my husband has a low sex drive and doesn't need to ejaculate very often, and certainly less than once a week. It's been like this for years, we lived in a one bedroom apartment and a tiny house and spend days on end together with every minute accounted for: so it IS physically possible.

However I am happy with the low sex drive because mine is even lower.

I am very sorry you are not well-matched in that regard, and I hope you can explore other ways to regain intimacy in your marriage. It doesn't need to come from sex, and all the people telling you that sex is necessary for a happy marriage clearly haven't given it much thought.

I posted the above.

My point is that in the event OP's husband is unable to augment his drive to match hers, which any doctor will tell you is very difficult, they can both explore ways to fulfill OP in non-traditional ways. There are books and therapists who can advise both of them, and they will likely make it work since they love each other. Or, OP can choose to leave.

There are so many families with issues in the world. Some people are paralyzed, some people have diseases, physical or mental, that affect their drive. And yet they make it work. What's hard is not making it work. What's hard is grieving the loss of what you thought you had, and letting go. Meditation can help with that. You're going to figure it out, OP. Don't despair.

There you go, OP, just think of your husband's libido as paralyzed, at least as it comes to you.

Meditate on it if you have having difficulty with the concept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And ladies, this is EXACTLY why you don't get married.

They promise you a foot long and deliver a cocktail weenie.

Yeah..instead be the bitter, dried up single woman in her forties no one wants - like half of DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And ladies, this is EXACTLY why you don't get married.

They promise you a foot long and deliver a cocktail weenie.

Yeah..instead be the bitter, dried up single woman in her forties no one wants - like half of DCUM.

Sounds better than being deceived. Anyway, they have lube for being dry. Nothing fixes a cocktail weenie.

[Anonymous]

Man here. OP you're getting a lot of bad advice. At 35 he should still have a drive. This is likely due to the following:
Depression
Anxiety due to stress as work or home
Low T

Sometimes medication can kill it. I know veterans on drugs for PTSD that kill sex drive. Is he on mess?

If not, seriously schedule a physical for him and they can check T levels, among other things. If he tells his doc he has no sex drive they'll do it for him. Anything below 250 is really low. Anything below 400 some doctors will consider low for a 35 year old.

If he's fat and out of shape - this can contribute to low T and thus low drive. Oh yeah...and diabetes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And ladies, this is EXACTLY why you don't get married.

They promise you a foot long and deliver a cocktail weenie.

Yeah..instead be the bitter, dried up single woman in her forties no one wants - like half of DCUM.

Sounds better than being deceived. Anyway, they have lube for being dry. Nothing fixes a cocktail weenie.

Nothing fixes up bitter single women either...except for a good night in the sack. Problem is no one wants them but they're cats.