just realized my DH is probably asexual: so sad and angry. It is hopeless right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a closeted gay in heavy denial, forcing himself to be heterosexual, and it just isn't working.

Bingo.

[Anonymous]

May be that he has very low testosterone.

See a M.D. and see if that is the case.

It could be.

[Anonymous]

Enough with the low T. It's not that.

Men...and especially young men...need to ejaculate. They can't go six months or a year without ejaculating. Period.

Your husband IS ejaculating...but not with you. So you need to find out if he's masturbating to porn or cheating. It's one or the other...even if it's not happening regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Enough with the low T. It's not that.

Men...and especially young men...need to ejaculate. They can't go six months or a year without ejaculating. Period.

Your husband IS ejaculating...but not with you. So you need to find out if he's masturbating to porn or cheating. It's one or the other...even if it's not happening regularly.

This is accurate. Low drive men still want to have sex a few times a month. If he was only initiating once a week, I would say he is bored or low drive but within the range of normal. None in a year, he is probably gay or has some weird issues with women. I bet he is gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: He's not asexual. If he was asexual he wouldn't want sex, at all, ever.

Please don't pathologies your husbands low drive so that you can feel better about trying to coerce him into sex.

Hu? Trying to feel better about coercing him into sex ?? Where in the world does that come from? I am not coercing him into sex obviously as we had zero sexual relations in 2016 and one in 2015. I think that level of desire is not normal, or at least certainly not average. I don't think the definition of asexual is 100% clear but whatever, it it makes you happy you can call him low drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enough with the low T. It's not that.

Men...and especially young men...need to ejaculate. They can't go six months or a year without ejaculating. Period.

Your husband IS ejaculating...but not with you. So you need to find out if he's masturbating to porn or cheating. It's one or the other...even if it's not happening regularly.

This is accurate. Low drive men still want to have sex a few times a month. If he was only initiating once a week, I would say he is bored or low drive but within the range of normal. None in a year, he is probably gay or has some weird issues with women. I bet he is gay.

OP here, sorry guys but no i think you are wrong. No porn, I checked is history, I tried to surprise him when he was watching something late at night. Nothing. And we talked about it , I have nothing against porn but he is not particularly into it. Maybe he does masturbate in the shower, I hope so actually, but I would be very very surprised if it was frequent (with 2 young kids as all parents know we have very few minutes unaccounted for).

And again I don't think he is gay, i am not a naive innocent girl, i know a lot of gay people, I have a lot of bisexual friends, I consider myself boredline bisexual, but my husband is not attracted to men. He doesn't come from type of background or family where it would make sense to be closeted to that level. we talked openly about bisexual tendency, he clearly expressed zero interest and I believe him. Believe it or not He is a very honest, transparent person (yeah I know, but he didn't lie about his low libido he just didn't mention it, when confronted he couldn't lie)

Asexuality (or low libido as I am not supposed to pathologise according to PP..) is a real thing. Some men really have no need to have sex or very little needs https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enough with the low T. It's not that.

Men...and especially young men...need to ejaculate. They can't go six months or a year without ejaculating. Period.

Your husband IS ejaculating...but not with you. So you need to find out if he's masturbating to porn or cheating. It's one or the other...even if it's not happening regularly.

This is accurate. Low drive men still want to have sex a few times a month. If he was only initiating once a week, I would say he is bored or low drive but within the range of normal. None in a year, he is probably gay or has some weird issues with women. I bet he is gay.

OP here, sorry guys but no i think you are wrong. No porn, I checked is history, I tried to surprise him when he was watching something late at night. Nothing. And we talked about it , I have nothing against porn but he is not particularly into it. Maybe he does masturbate in the shower, I hope so actually, but I would be very very surprised if it was frequent (with 2 young kids as all parents know we have very few minutes unaccounted for).

And again I don't think he is gay, i am not a naive innocent girl, i know a lot of gay people, I have a lot of bisexual friends, I consider myself boredline bisexual, but my husband is not attracted to men. He doesn't come from type of background or family where it would make sense to be closeted to that level. we talked openly about bisexual tendency, he clearly expressed zero interest and I believe him. Believe it or not He is a very honest, transparent person (yeah I know, but he didn't lie about his low libido he just didn't mention it, when confronted he couldn't lie)

Asexuality (or low libido as I am not supposed to pathologise according to PP..) is a real thing. Some men really have no need to have sex or very little needs https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality

Asexuality is not "low libido". Those are two separate things. Please educate yourself, for the love of all that's good

[Anonymous]

OP, I know you think he doesn't masturbate, but I have a hard time believing it. This is where men differ from women. There isn't a mental reason. Men just need the physical release. If I go two days, three days, by day four it becomes such an intense desire, I can't concentrate. Even if he is lower drive than most men, which he clearly is, he is still emptying the gun at least a couple times a week. Just has to be.

It's like eating and drinking. You don't have to be a foodie to need food on occasion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know you think he doesn't masturbate, but I have a hard time believing it. This is where men differ from women. There isn't a mental reason. Men just need the physical release. If I go two days, three days, by day four it becomes such an intense desire, I can't concentrate. Even if he is lower drive than most men, which he clearly is, he is still emptying the gun at least a couple times a week. Just has to be.

It's like eating and drinking. You don't have to be a foodie to need food on occasion

Not true. If you don't use it, you lose it. After a few days, the urges becomes less frequent.

Hang in there, OP. Focus on work and your family. As your drive decreases with age, you may just find yourself on the same page.

[Anonymous]

A similar situation played out for my friend, turns out the DH is transgender and ended up transitioning (don't know if that is the correct term) and wanted to live fully as a woman and be with a man. so they divorced. This was before it was more mainstream, majorly messy for this nice family. Couple had been together 15 years with 3 kids. Friend tells me the only sign was the gradual death of their sex life, she had no idea he was transgender and interested in men, none.

It's a sign of something, what, don't know. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he see your vagina during childbirth? Some men can't come back from that

Probably this if the sex drive dipped right after both kids were born

It's certainly possible. It's funny when the woman come out in arms saying this can never happen. Some men are simply grossed out, no matter how "not gross" it is. Such is life. You can say it's not true until you're blue in the face...but there will still be at least one guy that wants nothing to do with childbirth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enough with the low T. It's not that.

Men...and especially young men...need to ejaculate. They can't go six months or a year without ejaculating. Period.

Your husband IS ejaculating...but not with you. So you need to find out if he's masturbating to porn or cheating. It's one or the other...even if it's not happening regularly.

This is accurate. Low drive men still want to have sex a few times a month. If he was only initiating once a week, I would say he is bored or low drive but within the range of normal. None in a year, he is probably gay or has some weird issues with women. I bet he is gay.

OP here, sorry guys but no i think you are wrong. No porn, I checked is history, I tried to surprise him when he was watching something late at night. Nothing. And we talked about it , I have nothing against porn but he is not particularly into it. Maybe he does masturbate in the shower, I hope so actually, but I would be very very surprised if it was frequent (with 2 young kids as all parents know we have very few minutes unaccounted for).

And again I don't think he is gay, i am not a naive innocent girl, i know a lot of gay people, I have a lot of bisexual friends, I consider myself boredline bisexual, but my husband is not attracted to men. He doesn't come from type of background or family where it would make sense to be closeted to that level. we talked openly about bisexual tendency, he clearly expressed zero interest and I believe him. Believe it or not He is a very honest, transparent person (yeah I know, but he didn't lie about his low libido he just didn't mention it, when confronted he couldn't lie)

Asexuality (or low libido as I am not supposed to pathologise according to PP..) is a real thing. Some men really have no need to have sex or very little needs https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality

OP, you're in denial. My ex used the private browsing tab for all the naughty things... including his activity on OK Cupid. Not saying yours is, but I, too, had an extremely sexless marriage (to a verbally/psychologically abusive asshole, at that!) and it sounds similar to yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he see your vagina during childbirth? Some men can't come back from that

Probably this if the sex drive dipped right after both kids were born

It's certainly possible. It's funny when the woman come out in arms saying this can never happen. Some men are simply grossed out, no matter how "not gross" it is. Such is life. You can say it's not true until you're blue in the face...but there will still be at least one guy that wants nothing to do with childbirth.

And that's fine, and that dude should not be having sex with women.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for gay or transgender, even after the update. Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here, sorry guys but no i think you are wrong. No porn, I checked is history, I tried to surprise him when he was watching something late at night. Nothing. And we talked about it , I have nothing against porn but he is not particularly into it. Maybe he does masturbate in the shower, I hope so actually, but I would be very very surprised if it was frequent (with 2 young kids as all parents know we have very few minutes unaccounted for).

Man here. Don't bet on it. He could very easily be furtively masturbating a lot. Only takes a couple of minutes. Maybe combine it with taking a poop. This is a skill you learn as a teenager and living in college dorms... how to get off quick without anyone knowing about it.